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Archives1
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@snow Well snow, to be honest I am not totally sure how long menopause lasted. With the beginning of peri menopaus (complete with pimples) to the really bad part it seemed to go on forever. I had to ask my husband. He said that he wasn't aware of the very beginning of peri menopause. It wasn't until my sex drive took a nose dive. - When I questioned my OBGYN about it, he was almost annoyed. - "I got into this career to deliver babies and all anyone wants to talk about is SEX,SEX,SEX!" His nurse and I laughed. I said, "Well doc, I wouldn't complain too loudly or you would be out of a job." - Anyway my husband said he thinks all in it was a little over 4 years with the horrible part lasting about 18 months. - Pam
Archives1
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@Pammy53 I’m sure it seemed like forever. I guess the perimenopause part that typically lasts 10 years is the part where the monthly Auntie Flow is irregular.
My mom said other than the lack of blood, she barely noticed anything. My dad, brother, and I noticed her memory change for the worse (which she never notices nor admits!) and we thought she became nicer and more even-keeled overall without PMS. It only took one year for her. She had no hot flashes, no daytime fatigue, no insomnia, no night sweats, no moodiness. She had the change in bleeding. In short, she had it easy. So @melanie , maybe yours will be easy like that, too. I really believe the reason mine was not smooth was because it was immediate.
My mom said other than the lack of blood, she barely noticed anything. My dad, brother, and I noticed her memory change for the worse (which she never notices nor admits!) and we thought she became nicer and more even-keeled overall without PMS. It only took one year for her. She had no hot flashes, no daytime fatigue, no insomnia, no night sweats, no moodiness. She had the change in bleeding. In short, she had it easy. So @melanie , maybe yours will be easy like that, too. I really believe the reason mine was not smooth was because it was immediate.
Archives1
Staff member
@snow Yeah snow I agree. Peri menopause is a rather long slow process, which is probably when and why my husband noticed a change in our sex life, and not any of the more subtle changes before. I actually think it all lasted much longer, including everything. I think the 4 years my husband (and probably our girls) thinks back on were the hardest. The one thing that helped him and me I guess was that a woman he worked with was going through the same thing. He told me listening to her was like talking to me. For a guy who was the oldest of 3 boys and never saw a Kotex box - he did very well swimming in a pool of estrogen - including the dog. Thanks for listening. - Pam
Archives1
Staff member
@melanie - Hi melanie. It is true that menopause carries with it a long history of horror stories that strikes fear in the heart of many a male and female - not to mention fodder for lots of joking between the guys and stand up comics. - Yes, we have always been told generally in a very soothing tone of voice that menopause is a "natural part of life" that I guess is supposed to somehow make us feel better. - But being a natural part of life includes so many other things that no one really wants to receive one of those "participation awards" that they hand out in schools now. I have met women that breezed through it with nary a hot flash. Some weren't sure that was the case, because they didn't have children or not.Who knows. Or like snows Mom who actually became nicer. As my husband says who is a below the knee amputee, has 6 stents in his heart and blood pressure all over the board - "Sometimes you have to go shopping for your optimism." - Mel, you could be one of the lucky ones that don't have a difficult menopause, or at least a manageable one. Just know that we have your back and wish you the best. - Pam
Archives1
Staff member
Sorry to enter this discussion late.
How would the private groups be policed?
Would private male/female groups mean all users have to authenticate their identity in some way? Or self-identify their sex/gender/pronoun? Or have some kind of authentication step as a condition of joining the group?
I see complexity and risks here.
It may make joining the forum harder, and extra identity information as part of sign up may put some people off joining at all.
Retro-fitting identity to existing profiles would also be difficult and probably not popular with most (male) users.
Also private spaces tend to be a magnet for people who get a kick out of invading privacy. It would be disappointing if private spaces led to a rise in trolling on this site.
It would also make the search function either more complex or confusing, or both.
Also, and most importantly for me, it would reduce the quantity and richness of posts in the general forum.
As an example: I'm a male with a female partner. I've never had perimenopause and I never will. But I found the discussion on perimenopause above really useful and insightful. It may even help me be more supportive of my partner in future (when the time comes). If I was barred from seeing this (and other similar off-topic discussions) in the future I would definitely miss out on something I value.
Frankly if a lot of the more interesting posts and the most articulate and supportive posters were hidden behind a door I wasn't allowed through it would feel like I was a second class member.
I don't want that.
How would the private groups be policed?
Would private male/female groups mean all users have to authenticate their identity in some way? Or self-identify their sex/gender/pronoun? Or have some kind of authentication step as a condition of joining the group?
I see complexity and risks here.
It may make joining the forum harder, and extra identity information as part of sign up may put some people off joining at all.
Retro-fitting identity to existing profiles would also be difficult and probably not popular with most (male) users.
Also private spaces tend to be a magnet for people who get a kick out of invading privacy. It would be disappointing if private spaces led to a rise in trolling on this site.
It would also make the search function either more complex or confusing, or both.
Also, and most importantly for me, it would reduce the quantity and richness of posts in the general forum.
As an example: I'm a male with a female partner. I've never had perimenopause and I never will. But I found the discussion on perimenopause above really useful and insightful. It may even help me be more supportive of my partner in future (when the time comes). If I was barred from seeing this (and other similar off-topic discussions) in the future I would definitely miss out on something I value.
Frankly if a lot of the more interesting posts and the most articulate and supportive posters were hidden behind a door I wasn't allowed through it would feel like I was a second class member.
I don't want that.
Archives1
Staff member
@melanie Oh melanie, I didn't want to make you feel bad. Not at all. You are younger than me and who knows, by the time you get to all things menopause - treatments could be improved for both menopause and incontinence. When snow said that her Mom did quite well with menopause, and actually became nicer - I thought dang don't we all need that pill! My husband always tells me, because I am stubborn and impatient. With all the frustrations that it takes to get through the day to try and
function on every level - "Just do the best you can and try to have a good attitude even if it doesn't always work" Wish I was more like him. - Pam
function on every level - "Just do the best you can and try to have a good attitude even if it doesn't always work" Wish I was more like him. - Pam
Archives1
Staff member
@Phil6003
You claim, “Retro-fitting identity to existing profiles would also be difficult and probably not popular with most (male) users.”
Right, just because it will be hard for men as you claim, which I don’t think is true, that means the women have to suffer and kowtow to the men instead? That’s exactly what we’re trying to prohibit!
You claim, “Retro-fitting identity to existing profiles would also be difficult and probably not popular with most (male) users.”
Right, just because it will be hard for men as you claim, which I don’t think is true, that means the women have to suffer and kowtow to the men instead? That’s exactly what we’re trying to prohibit!
Archives1
Staff member
Apologies for my poor punctuation. I should have added a comma after the word "difficult".
I agree with you that males are just as capable as females when it comes to typing their gender into a text field.
The point I was clumsily making was about how easy/hard it would be to motivate a user to add more personal identity data to their profile: a user who will gain something by taking an action (e.g. getting entry to a space) is likely to be more motivated to take the action than a user who will lose something (e.g. getting excluded from a space).
@snow I value your posts on this forum, and I can tell from your tone that this topic means a lot to you.
I am not trying to oppose you here. In fact I agree with you: a forum which is made up of 90% men all talking about their prostate problems has no appeal.
Honestly, it doesn't appeal to me any more than it does to you.
I agree with you that males are just as capable as females when it comes to typing their gender into a text field.
The point I was clumsily making was about how easy/hard it would be to motivate a user to add more personal identity data to their profile: a user who will gain something by taking an action (e.g. getting entry to a space) is likely to be more motivated to take the action than a user who will lose something (e.g. getting excluded from a space).
@snow I value your posts on this forum, and I can tell from your tone that this topic means a lot to you.
I am not trying to oppose you here. In fact I agree with you: a forum which is made up of 90% men all talking about their prostate problems has no appeal.
Honestly, it doesn't appeal to me any more than it does to you.
Archives1
Staff member
It will be interesting to see how NAFC handles gender authentication. Especially for new members. Security of private information is possibly at risk. Even the US government has had classified documents leaked multiple times.
The good news is that existing members, with let’s say 1000 likes (or pick some number) are obviously active posters and their gender is probably clearly already understood. They are okay for the subgroup of their choosing.
What do you think?
~Mel
The good news is that existing members, with let’s say 1000 likes (or pick some number) are obviously active posters and their gender is probably clearly already understood. They are okay for the subgroup of their choosing.
What do you think?
~Mel
Archives1
Staff member
I do not see what the big deal is about making other groups, privacy, male , female etc? After all this is an INTERNET group, like many thousands of others. It is not personal and it is very doubtful anyone will ever meet anyone else on the group. We are just a group of people with some similar issues. It is just like life, you meet some people you like, and some you don't. So lighten up. This is not your HOA. Correct me if I am wrong,please.
Archives1
Staff member
Is this good website drifting into a wilderness of "what-if's?" I came here, understanding that we have a common problem of continence vs incontinence. Interesting. Helpful.
I'm 88 and have been contesting cancer-driven incontinence for 14 years. It's wet. Male/female wetness is about the same. I'm not here to snatch away anyone's privacy. I'm not here for entertainment. I appreciate good ideas.
I have children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. When their problems appear, if they bring me a problem, I would like to give them good, dependable advice.
I wish everyone a good understanding and solutions for your problems. Thank all of you for your candid contributions to a very common problem. No doubt, we've all decided we prefer dry over wet and we would like to know the best way to go about it.
I'm 88 and have been contesting cancer-driven incontinence for 14 years. It's wet. Male/female wetness is about the same. I'm not here to snatch away anyone's privacy. I'm not here for entertainment. I appreciate good ideas.
I have children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. When their problems appear, if they bring me a problem, I would like to give them good, dependable advice.
I wish everyone a good understanding and solutions for your problems. Thank all of you for your candid contributions to a very common problem. No doubt, we've all decided we prefer dry over wet and we would like to know the best way to go about it.
Archives1
Staff member
Thank you DanCarr for your wonderful post. I like your use of the word "contesting". That is a great description of how I view, a lot of the time, my relationship to my overactive bladder and its symptoms. I have found this group to be very helpful about a variety of issues. People share their ideas and they probably don't realize how important what they have shared is to a single person or a group.
Archives1
Staff member
I’m so sick of this topic. Every active woman on the NAFC - all seven of us - has spoken up loud and clear, multiple times, to say we want our own group. Yet most of the dictatorial men refuse to give it to us. They think the decision is up to them! Wrong; the women get to decide what we want, and we want our own group! You men are not in charge of us! That’s exactly why we want our own group; women are so sick of men controlling everything in our lives!!! You’re trying to control the way we discuss our private parts and private affairs. NO! We women will do so in our own group, or likely leave like all the rest of the women quickly do when they realize this is basically a website for men to talk about their prostates.
The suggestion to create private groups based on gender was made to the @NAFC over six months ago, and it’s taken them this long to even ask us for our opinion about it. Now this topic has been active for two weeks, and they haven’t said or done anything about our replies to their question, so clearly nothing is going to get done about it because they take forever to do anything. Therefore this is all a moot topic; let’s move on.
Ladies, I think we need to find another website to try.
The suggestion to create private groups based on gender was made to the @NAFC over six months ago, and it’s taken them this long to even ask us for our opinion about it. Now this topic has been active for two weeks, and they haven’t said or done anything about our replies to their question, so clearly nothing is going to get done about it because they take forever to do anything. Therefore this is all a moot topic; let’s move on.
Ladies, I think we need to find another website to try.
Archives1
Staff member
Snow hmmmmm I made the mistake of cracking open my e mail half awake.....
You know, don't think I care anymore....
I hate this particular condition that has driven me to adjust life and expectations to doing a whole lot of things differently.
The fact this forum is open to discussion about any medical or mental health condition and there's always some kind supportive voces, I miss the company of many social experiences and men in general here so I'm staying on.
If on the rare occasion I want a woman's ear only I guess I will seek out members privately because I am me. I want to say certain things to women only.
This condition is isolating and treatments daunting so on we go.
Ay incontinence. The great equalizer.
You know, don't think I care anymore....
I hate this particular condition that has driven me to adjust life and expectations to doing a whole lot of things differently.
The fact this forum is open to discussion about any medical or mental health condition and there's always some kind supportive voces, I miss the company of many social experiences and men in general here so I'm staying on.
If on the rare occasion I want a woman's ear only I guess I will seek out members privately because I am me. I want to say certain things to women only.
This condition is isolating and treatments daunting so on we go.
Ay incontinence. The great equalizer.
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