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Archives1
Staff member
Breaking out private rooms will likely make me post here less, not more. I will be less likely to get answers to questions I ask, and I will be less likely to see questions that I may be able to answer, both of which will reduce the utility of the forum for me.
As @Snow mentions, many of the men here have had prostate surgery, and I envision a men's group turning largely into a discussion of that surgery and its aftermath. Unfortunately, that is neither relevant nor helpful to those of us who suffer from other issues such as IC or OAB, and it ends up reducing the signal to noise ratio for users like me. I do not intend this as criticism of those who are struggling after RP - is simply an observation that many of the challenges faced by RP patients are quite different from the challenges faced by IC, OAB, SCI, and other patients, and a forum that is mostly about RP is not one that I will tend to use.
I will respectfully challenge @Snow's observation that the forum is 95% or more male. A very informal count I just did came up with about 70% male, with some of the most active posters being women. Perhaps @NAFC can give us better statistics.
Getting back to the point, though, some things that WOULD make this forum more useful to me include:
* Forum software that better shows what I've already read and which topics I've posted to
* A better system for reporting inappropriate or abusive content
* Better tools for hiding or ignoring threads that are not of interest to me
* Better ways of muting or ignoring individual posters whom I find objectionable or abusive
As @Snow mentions, many of the men here have had prostate surgery, and I envision a men's group turning largely into a discussion of that surgery and its aftermath. Unfortunately, that is neither relevant nor helpful to those of us who suffer from other issues such as IC or OAB, and it ends up reducing the signal to noise ratio for users like me. I do not intend this as criticism of those who are struggling after RP - is simply an observation that many of the challenges faced by RP patients are quite different from the challenges faced by IC, OAB, SCI, and other patients, and a forum that is mostly about RP is not one that I will tend to use.
I will respectfully challenge @Snow's observation that the forum is 95% or more male. A very informal count I just did came up with about 70% male, with some of the most active posters being women. Perhaps @NAFC can give us better statistics.
Getting back to the point, though, some things that WOULD make this forum more useful to me include:
* Forum software that better shows what I've already read and which topics I've posted to
* A better system for reporting inappropriate or abusive content
* Better tools for hiding or ignoring threads that are not of interest to me
* Better ways of muting or ignoring individual posters whom I find objectionable or abusive
Archives1
Staff member
Itapilot as a woman who has initially found great comfort in the group for a long time I've been active but there are things that I prefer to not share with men.
General good wishes to all but the old term private parts still holds some dignity and I will likely fall away for the same reason.
From time to time I just want to talk with women about products that work for women specifically and I don't want a gawking lurking group of men involved although positive good will comments are very kind that is beyond what I need. The men that are in here are very kind but sometimes one wants privacy. Personally I would stay in both groups.
I think offering this extra ability to do both groups will add members not detract.maybe even encourage participation and new members who would not initially be in the forum.
One doesn't have to join if one doesn't want to.
General good wishes to all but the old term private parts still holds some dignity and I will likely fall away for the same reason.
From time to time I just want to talk with women about products that work for women specifically and I don't want a gawking lurking group of men involved although positive good will comments are very kind that is beyond what I need. The men that are in here are very kind but sometimes one wants privacy. Personally I would stay in both groups.
I think offering this extra ability to do both groups will add members not detract.maybe even encourage participation and new members who would not initially be in the forum.
One doesn't have to join if one doesn't want to.
Archives1
Staff member
@snow Ya know snow, I rather agree. Yes, this forum does consist mostly of men. I will read stuff for the guys, because I am married and like the male information that I learn. I always had a sense that the guys generally were not shy sharing intimate details anyway given the presence of a very few females. - Still, what about the guys and gals who are uncomfortable sharing details, and what do we miss because of that? - So yeah, maybe let's give it a try. Three separate sections in this message board. - Pam
Archives1
Staff member
Maybe there is another way to subcategories it - there seems to be 3 types of issues here mostly. OAB, Prostate surgery related incon, and traumatic injury/nerve damage related issues. Maybe sub forums accessible to all members for each thing could help.
Maybe women may want to look at the prostate posts if a loved one is going thru that without making it “men only”
i understand where a ladies only space could make them more comfortable talking about things and that’s great but I don’t want to lose the interaction from both sexes in this forum as both viewpoints are valuable because of the different perspective of each.
Maybe women may want to look at the prostate posts if a loved one is going thru that without making it “men only”
i understand where a ladies only space could make them more comfortable talking about things and that’s great but I don’t want to lose the interaction from both sexes in this forum as both viewpoints are valuable because of the different perspective of each.
Archives1
Staff member
Quite frankly, I can apprciate the desire for more comfortable sharing environmane for those that would like their "space."
As for me, I am indifferent. As a man maybe I am a minority as my issues are not related to prostate surgery though prostate may be a slim part of my own concerns.
Open up new forums and see where it goes.
As for me, I am indifferent. As a man maybe I am a minority as my issues are not related to prostate surgery though prostate may be a slim part of my own concerns.
Open up new forums and see where it goes.
Archives1
Staff member
If the ladies would like to have their own space to share then they should have it. Men, for the most part, are pretty much open books anyway and hasn't stopped anyone that I see to this point from sharing but if some think the men should have a men only space then so be it. Doubt I would go there. I wonder how you will police it? I hope you can and do it well, for the sake of the ladies. They are too much under assault these days as it is by ... (nuff said on that point)
Archives1
Staff member
Snow, as usual you are articulate intelligent and I thank you for taking time to express all this.
I can't believe there are so many women that I've never heard of.
Another way of looking at it is why would women be better served in a secondary group?
Men some of you have expressed being uncomfortable undressing or bring seen in medical environments.
This is a public forum and women are very aware of this.
I can't believe there are so many women that I've never heard of.
Another way of looking at it is why would women be better served in a secondary group?
Men some of you have expressed being uncomfortable undressing or bring seen in medical environments.
This is a public forum and women are very aware of this.
Archives1
Staff member
@Kathylp I’m not sure if a tubal ligation would affect incontinence. I know a lack of estrogen contributes to incontinence and OAB, so if you’ve been through men-o-pause, then your estrogen vanished, there is likely a correlation.
I find it so strange how for most of us, particularly in modern times, as girls growing up most of us get well prepared by our family members and at school for what will happen when we’re about 10 to 12 and begin menstruating, and how careful we have to be once we can get pregnant. Yet not one person in my life - not one mentor, not one coworker, not one teacher, not one family member, not one friend, not one magazine article - educated me about how horrible, complex, and profound menopause is. Nobody explained to me that a “hot flash” is called a hot flash, not because it comes and goes in a flash, but rather because it comes in a flash, but stays around for hourssss, broiling you from the inside out. The only solution would be to stick your head in the freezer for an hour to cool down. Lately, I’ve been thinking I might take all the food out of my freezer so that when I get the next hot flash, I can literally open the doors in front of it without being worried that food will spoil. My menopause was worse than my mom’s or aunt’s because mine happened immediately thanks to surgery, rather than naturally over ten years. Nobody told me that menopause can give you a totally different personality and can make you more dumb. It did have a bad effect on my aunt in that way; she had been a successful lawyer with her own practice until the year she went through menopause pretty late in her life. Then, she suddenly couldn’t keep things from piling up on her desk, she couldn’t seem to get around to renewing her drivers license, all things that were totally not in line with her personality. So weird.
Menopause is a huge change, and I’ve worked hard to share that information with my friends my age before they also go through it. No longer having estrogen in the body has significant consequences for any woman. I was lucky to have an OB/GYN who told me how much important it is for me to go on hormone replacement therapy because it happened to me prematurely. But it doesn’t work the way having one’s own hormones naturally works. It’s very expensive and the applications are gross and increase the risk of more cancer.
Anyway, Kathy, if you have been through menopause, I think it would be worth your time to ask both your OB/GYN and Urologist if supplementing estrogen might help your incontinence, or even be the root cause of it.
I find it so strange how for most of us, particularly in modern times, as girls growing up most of us get well prepared by our family members and at school for what will happen when we’re about 10 to 12 and begin menstruating, and how careful we have to be once we can get pregnant. Yet not one person in my life - not one mentor, not one coworker, not one teacher, not one family member, not one friend, not one magazine article - educated me about how horrible, complex, and profound menopause is. Nobody explained to me that a “hot flash” is called a hot flash, not because it comes and goes in a flash, but rather because it comes in a flash, but stays around for hourssss, broiling you from the inside out. The only solution would be to stick your head in the freezer for an hour to cool down. Lately, I’ve been thinking I might take all the food out of my freezer so that when I get the next hot flash, I can literally open the doors in front of it without being worried that food will spoil. My menopause was worse than my mom’s or aunt’s because mine happened immediately thanks to surgery, rather than naturally over ten years. Nobody told me that menopause can give you a totally different personality and can make you more dumb. It did have a bad effect on my aunt in that way; she had been a successful lawyer with her own practice until the year she went through menopause pretty late in her life. Then, she suddenly couldn’t keep things from piling up on her desk, she couldn’t seem to get around to renewing her drivers license, all things that were totally not in line with her personality. So weird.
Menopause is a huge change, and I’ve worked hard to share that information with my friends my age before they also go through it. No longer having estrogen in the body has significant consequences for any woman. I was lucky to have an OB/GYN who told me how much important it is for me to go on hormone replacement therapy because it happened to me prematurely. But it doesn’t work the way having one’s own hormones naturally works. It’s very expensive and the applications are gross and increase the risk of more cancer.
Anyway, Kathy, if you have been through menopause, I think it would be worth your time to ask both your OB/GYN and Urologist if supplementing estrogen might help your incontinence, or even be the root cause of it.
Archives1
Staff member
I can see that a Woman Only forum would be useful to all those that feel they cannot use the forum the way it is. I think it should be no way for a male to get into the forum. I think this is the safest way of helping everyone. And yes I would be fine with a all male only forum too.
Archives1
Staff member
As being relatively new to this forum I thought quite a time if I should give my 2 ct to this quite sensitive subject or not.
I don't like the idea to split this forum into more "closed" sub-categories:
1. The traffic on this from is not very high; splitting it up, might lead to the fact that it's only worth one once a week or once a month to have a look if there is something new, interesting coming up. The forum could die in long term.
2. I'd rather discuss why the hell the female members cannot feel "safe" enough to post openly their specific issues here within the mixed community - all forum members (maybe especially us male ones?) should simply be so nice and respectful to each other that everyone can post freely his/her questions, thoughts and everything else. I fight and stand for real gender equality, and it cannot be that one gender does not feel well enough to post something as long as the other gender can also read. If this leads to bad comments, incredible, sexual private messages, this has to be stopped! Everywhere within this forums something like a "report" button should exist where inappropriate threads/users can be reported to the admins to be banned and excluded from the forum. This forum has to be a "safe space" for everyone - and we all together can work on that!
3. everyone, opening a thread, should use a good title for it, so that it is clearly visible what's the issue of the poster. If I see a thread title with "ED" or "prostatectomy" or maybe "problems with menopause" I know at once what the thread is about and if I'm interested in that or not. it's easy to ignore those which I'm not interested and concentrate on those I am.
4. Generally we all should learn from each other, no matter if male or female (or anything else...). Incontinence is such a wide issue with a big variety of causes behind, everyone has a different history, different ways to manage the condition, many treatment options are available, there are hundreds of different "tools" available on the market which can be discussed - I want to share this from and with everyone, not separated by gender!
I don't like the idea to split this forum into more "closed" sub-categories:
1. The traffic on this from is not very high; splitting it up, might lead to the fact that it's only worth one once a week or once a month to have a look if there is something new, interesting coming up. The forum could die in long term.
2. I'd rather discuss why the hell the female members cannot feel "safe" enough to post openly their specific issues here within the mixed community - all forum members (maybe especially us male ones?) should simply be so nice and respectful to each other that everyone can post freely his/her questions, thoughts and everything else. I fight and stand for real gender equality, and it cannot be that one gender does not feel well enough to post something as long as the other gender can also read. If this leads to bad comments, incredible, sexual private messages, this has to be stopped! Everywhere within this forums something like a "report" button should exist where inappropriate threads/users can be reported to the admins to be banned and excluded from the forum. This forum has to be a "safe space" for everyone - and we all together can work on that!
3. everyone, opening a thread, should use a good title for it, so that it is clearly visible what's the issue of the poster. If I see a thread title with "ED" or "prostatectomy" or maybe "problems with menopause" I know at once what the thread is about and if I'm interested in that or not. it's easy to ignore those which I'm not interested and concentrate on those I am.
4. Generally we all should learn from each other, no matter if male or female (or anything else...). Incontinence is such a wide issue with a big variety of causes behind, everyone has a different history, different ways to manage the condition, many treatment options are available, there are hundreds of different "tools" available on the market which can be discussed - I want to share this from and with everyone, not separated by gender!
Archives1
Staff member
Hbic60 the very fact there are countless people who joined and don't post reminds me that I don't like getting undressed in front of a lot of unseen strangers. Why heck even in a restaurant the wait staff say , Hello my name is X,I'll be your server today. I won't see a male doctor if I can help it i dont remember a medic office assistant saying Hello "my name is X I'll be all up in your body parts today" (perhaps they do somewhere).and they at least are cloaked in the garment of a set of scrubs so is supposed to be alright. But this is a public place.
Over time I've met many kind men here and appreciated the general support as incontinence stems from a myriad of reasons.
I've never met you before suddenly you are indignant that although woman are unrepresented here or fall away quietly although plentifully represented in the incontinent silent suffering public ?
What is so upsetting that we want a small corner to speak to one another about our bodies which have been complicated since we were ten or twelve years old (and the object of fascination by unseen men)as well as continue to participate in a general forum?
Why haven't you introduced yourself before?
Perhaps we need the forum to ask new members to introduce themselves as the join.
Over time I've met many kind men here and appreciated the general support as incontinence stems from a myriad of reasons.
I've never met you before suddenly you are indignant that although woman are unrepresented here or fall away quietly although plentifully represented in the incontinent silent suffering public ?
What is so upsetting that we want a small corner to speak to one another about our bodies which have been complicated since we were ten or twelve years old (and the object of fascination by unseen men)as well as continue to participate in a general forum?
Why haven't you introduced yourself before?
Perhaps we need the forum to ask new members to introduce themselves as the join.
Archives1
Staff member
Hello Maymay941,
sorry if my post above causes irritation for you.
I introduced myself about 5 months ago in post #82 in "*Introductions - New Members - Start here" pinned thread, I commented in about 25 threads since that time, but it seems I missed that I would have had to introduce myself personally to you before having the right to share my opinion here
For sure my post is only my opinion, feel free to have a different one, I'm absolutely not upset for anything! I think the purpose of a forum is also to share different opinions and openly discuss about it.
So, if a majority of people appreciates additional to the common board a closed, private female and a closed, private male group, and this is executed by the admins, it's fully OK, I won't blame anyone for that - I just dared to give my thoughts openly about that and tried to write polite and respectful - and in case it was not I apologize as English language is not my mother language!
sorry if my post above causes irritation for you.
I introduced myself about 5 months ago in post #82 in "*Introductions - New Members - Start here" pinned thread, I commented in about 25 threads since that time, but it seems I missed that I would have had to introduce myself personally to you before having the right to share my opinion here
For sure my post is only my opinion, feel free to have a different one, I'm absolutely not upset for anything! I think the purpose of a forum is also to share different opinions and openly discuss about it.
So, if a majority of people appreciates additional to the common board a closed, private female and a closed, private male group, and this is executed by the admins, it's fully OK, I won't blame anyone for that - I just dared to give my thoughts openly about that and tried to write polite and respectful - and in case it was not I apologize as English language is not my mother language!
Archives1
Staff member
Thank you for explaining. I must have missed your introduction.
What I said pertains to the fact occasionally people pop up who claim to have followed the forum with out having said a word.
Your English is excellent.
When looking for your introduction I saw a number of women who introduced themselves and have ot connected since.
What I said pertains to the fact occasionally people pop up who claim to have followed the forum with out having said a word.
Your English is excellent.
When looking for your introduction I saw a number of women who introduced themselves and have ot connected since.
Archives1
Staff member
Snow, My Urologist did put me on hormone meds, but like you said, it can cause cancer, so I stopped using it. Interstitial Cystitis is so painful at times, my Gynecologist can’t even examine me at my annual visit. I just had Botox again a week plus. I rely on this procedure to take my pain away. I do have an appointment with my Urologist this week and will talk to her about going back on the medicine or not.
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