Looking to Talk to Other Lifelong Wetters Like Me

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Hi Everyone,

First of all, let me say how grateful I am to have a website like this where those of us who have incontinence for whatever reason can share and support one another in a safe space. Although I'm basically completely healthy otherwise, I was born with an underdeveloped bladder. I'm a 50, soon to be 51-year-old male from New York and I've basically never been able to be reliably dry either day or night and have always worn diapers.

Growing up in the 1970s, I was a member of the first Pampers generation back when they came in the purple box and you had to separate them at the sides. I was able to wear the large size up until I was about 12 and then I graduated to Youth Attends and the early green Depends. Since then I've worn pratically every brand of disposable.

Obviously, being incontinent at any age--no matter how or when it starts--is hard. But dealing with it as a child and espeically a teenager is espeically rough (the teasing from other kids, frustration of parents and other adults, the humiliation of being in the drugstore or grocery store and having your mom pay for your diapers at the checkout line, etc. After that, being an adult with this carries a whole other set of issues (dating, work, etc.).

I would very much like to talk to others who have been dealing with wetting issues since childhood and still are to compare notes. Just FYI, I'm not and AB or anything like that, although the infantile feelings associated with this problem are always there. I hope to hear from you.

 

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tripp -- I'm not a lifelong wetter, but my heart goes out to you for all you've been through. All of your trails & travails, I feel for you!

 

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Thanks. How long have you had issues

 

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tripp -- Not long compared to you. Only since 2016. So, just six years. Not much, eh? Seems like a lifetime to me, though. Have Lymphedema in both legs; since 2010 in left leg, since 2018 in right leg.

 

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I’m not quite a life-long wetter, but close to it. I’m 79 years old, and my incontinence problem is the result if a surgical mishap when I was 14.

 

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Inconinmiss -- That must have made you very angry & hurt! Must have enraged your parents!! Changed your life forever!!! Made your teenage years almost unbearable to judge by what tripp wrote. I feel 4 u too!

 

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Tripp,
A story I've told before that you have probably missed: In my case, I'm a reliable leaker; I leak all day and to a lesser degree every night. I've solved my issue, not with any device that is presently on the market, but with a soft silicone device that my engineer partner and I have developed over the last five years and have filed a patent on. I would be happy to include you in our test group and forward one for you to try. I often wear mine up to 22 hours in a day, particularly if I have hydrated in the evening. Because it is of flexible material, it is to be used with a backup liner for the occasional moments of stress leakage. Let me know if you would like more info. Fynlee Send to: amhelp@comcast.net

 

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Hi Fynlee, I have been incontenence since prostatectomy 5 months ago. I am interested in what kind of device you have developed

 

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Grown up and lived a bedwetter. No need to go through all the years of shame and embarrassment. Also leaked regularly during the day and relied on training pants or layers of underwear and many times with plastic pants to control leakage. Know what it’s like to be incontinent.

 

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Pegasi, You’re certainly right that becoming incontinent at 14 was traumatic. Following the surgery, I bled excessively and then ended up contracting an infection that nearly killed me. I had the surgery in July, was in hospital for 3 months, and got out of hospital just in time for my first school days in high school. Going to school wearing a diaper caused a certain amount of scorn from my peers, but it wasn’t quite as bad as you may imagine because in a small town everyone knew about my almost dying. But it wasn’t fun. It was also a problem living in a dormitory at university. But there’s an old saying that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Dealing with incontinence issues and needing to wear diapers has made me more appreciative of the much more serious difficulties that other people have. Incontinence is an embarrassing nuisance, but it’s not nearly as serious as the disabilities that many other people have to deal with. It hasn’t prevented me from having a successful professional career or finding a life partner who loves me.

 

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I grew up in the 50s and 60s. I bed wet almost every night. If was dry 5 nights a year, I was lucky. Didn't wear any diapers or plastic pants as they were difficult to find. Woke up in morning soaked head to toe. Bedwetting briefly stopped in 1969 for a very short time. Returned again and continues to this day. Now I wear cloth diapers and plastic pants nightly. I am 70+ now. These diapers and plastic pants work great and keep bed dry.

 

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I am not quite a lifelong wetter but grew up a nightly bedwetter and wasn't reliably dry until I was in my 20s. I've had bouts of bedwetting all my life and have been incontinent since turning 50 and am in nappies 24/7

 

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Hi I have been dealing with wetting from the age of 10. Starting first with bed wetting at night so I was in diapers till thy did not fit. I remember going to the stores feeling the shame of needing diapers like you I remember the box of pampers and moving on the youth size diapers than to adult diapers. I still feel embarrassed when going to the medical supply to get diapers when I run out I’m 43 and wear diapers every day

 

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Hi Jay,

It's great to hear from you, but I'm so sorry you have this problem. I've also been in diapers since I was a kid, beginning with Pampers until I couldn't fit them, followed by youth diapers and then adult diapers. Now I wear Prevail and wear pretty much all the time.

As a kid, it was especially hard having to wear them and all the shame that goes along with it, not to mention needing help with them until I was in my mid-teens because I couldn't get the tapes on snug enough. I'd love to learn more about you. What age did you need help? Also, I live in New York so we're not far from each other .

 

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I need help with the pampers at 10 getting them taped on. I remember the other kids making fun of me do to diapers I had to wear. I live in New Jersey very close to New York. I wear the abena L4 diaper and wear the north shore mega max diaper. I also wear all the time. I really is normal for me to be in a diaper I’m not a embarrassed as I was. Even chat about it at a store that I buy diapers from with one of the female employees who also is in diapers

 

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Fellow lifer here. I'm 30 now. Wet the bed pretty much every night until I was 10 and then on and off until I was around 15. Daytime stuff wasn't much better. My daytime control (bladder and bowel) was practically non-existent until I was around 8 and even then regular bladder and bowel accidents were the norm. Don't think I had a day free from any significant accidents until I was around 13. On top of that, chronic after dribble meant that even if I had a 'dry' day my underwear and trousers would be wet anyway. Semi-regular accidents have followed ever since really, although did start to improve once I was in my early 20s, leading me to think it was partly a growth thing. However, since around 17 or so IBS has been an issue which got worse and I started having accidents due to that in my early-mid 20s.

Then, in 2020 I caught Covid and developed Long Covid which due to functional neurological issues resulted in my bladder and bowel control reverting to how it was before I was 8. Bedwetting didn't exactly return but ever since then I wet as soon as I get up.

In terms of protection, something that seems to be a big contrast to other people's experience is that I was never put back in nappies as a kid. I had to wear them until age 6/7 at night but then my father started getting embarrassed at having to buy them in the supermarket and so that was that bar staying over at family friends. I was threatened numerous times with them by my mother but she never followed through - probably figuring I'd get bullied. Around age 11 or so my parents stopped criticising me for accidents and became much more matter of fact about it and it was never brought up. I guess they just figured I'd grow out of it eventually. Plus, I was good at hiding it at school so it was never an issue per se. I do think it's miraculous how I managed it - was completely soaked on a school trip when I was 13 but no one noticed. I'd always get anxious about sleepovers (did wet the bed at one which was super-embarrassing but a friend covered for me). When I went on a German exchange age 14 I was going to ask my Mum about getting some DryNites/Goodnites but never plucked up the courage (I don't know if she knew I still wet the bed as I was good at hiding that and stopped telling them as a teen when it happened). Fortunately, I was dry at night all that trip.

The big, big issue really started when I started in the Sixth Form at school (age 16-18) and we had to wear suits. Previously, my parents had washed my trousers every night but they then dry-cleaned them once a week so by the end of the week I'd get super self-conscious about the smell. Once again, I wanted to broach the subject of protection with my parents and get them to make a doctor's appointment but a) I was too embarrassed and b) the thought of having to wear DryNites or something similar to school terrified me so thought I'd just ride it out.

I only started wearing protection in my mid-late 20s when my IBS issues started getting a lot worse and didn't really have a choice. I found it stopped the after dribble so have been in protection 24/7 ever since.

In terms of causes, I'm autistic (wasn't diagnosed until I was 24 though) and issues with interoceptive awareness explain my lifelong issues. It's really the Long Covid stuff that's really made things a great deal worse though as before protection was mainly that - protection from things going wrong, now it's more a necessity.

Think this is the first time I've actually talked about this at length and it was quite therapeutic getting it out there with other people who have had similar issues.

 

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Hi Jay. That's cool that the woman in the store where you buy your diapers also wears them. Any idea how your bedwetting started? Mine is the result of a small bladder and not getting the signals in time. Also, how long were you wetting the bed before you had to start wearing diapers and what age were you able to begin handling it yourself. I was in my mid-teens.

 

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Hi Tripp no idea how it started. I had to wear diapers when it’s was every night I wet the bed. I came home to find the pampers in my room. Around age 12 I tried pull ups and did not like them back to pampers and I could put them on myself at 12. The women at the store is very comfortable with diapers and Is very open about it. When did you start putting on your diaper. Did you go to get your diapers?

 

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Hi Jay. I was about 14 when I really started taking care of my own diapering and my mom did it regularly until then with all that goes along with it--wipes, lotion, powder, diaper checks, etc. I could never wear pull ups and still can't because I'm such a heavy wetter. I also went with mom to get my diapers and live across the street from a medical supply house. Would you ever be up for talking on the phone? Let me know.

 

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Hi Tripp that’s the one reason I did not like the pull ups had a lot of leaks the pampers did not leak. How did it feel at in your teens to get a box of pampers? Sure I would be up for chatting on the phone. I like to meet new friends even better when thy also wear diapers.