Inconsistent bedwetting and partner response

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Hello, I am a pretty healthy male. No known health issues but I do wet the bed occasionally. I believe it's due to stress/anxiety. I will have weeks where I have 2 or 3 or more accidents in a week and I'll have weeks or months with no issues.

I started dating a lady and when I first told her about it and a need to wear protection for it she was ok with it when we spend some nights together. Recently she has become very opposed to diapers. She has said she rather me wet the bed than wear a diaper.

I tried to explain to her the last thing you want is a wet bed. And it's better to be safe than sorry. As growing up with this issue diapers have been the best solution.

Wondering if anyone has went through this and how you discussed it or came to an understanding and if anyone has went to the doctor for this type of intermittent wetting. Thanks for your ideas.

 

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I am sorry for your problem, and your partners reaction. I am a mature male who struggled with bedwetting through childhood, teenage years and adulthood. I have never known life without wearing a nappy (UK) at night. My first wife struggled with this as does your partner but after a ruined mattres (expensive) despite absorbant pads on bed she realised that a nappy was a better solution. Sadly that marriage did not last. When I met my now second wife with both of us in our mid 50’s I was open about my issue before we ever even slept together. As a caring person who had lost her first husband to bladder cancer and kidney failure, she said from the start that a wet nappy at night was nothing that worried her. She would rather I eear protection than have a ruined bed or both of us have a disturbed night. She’s an angel. It did feel strange at first letting her see me wearing a nappy but it’s something we both got used to and it really isn’t am issue for us now

 

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I’m 44 and had bedwetting come back after years of mostly dry nights.
Couple years ago I was diagnosed with OAB and urge incontinence during the day. I’m also diabetic, have a cpap etc so some other issues going on.
Anyway, I’ve been seeing urology all year for night wetting and just started pelvic floor therapy. My experience with Dr so far is there’s no quick cure for this. It’s lifestyle changes like no liquids couple hours before bed, no bladder irritant drinks, etc. but, it’s hard to live by all the time.
I asked about other options like condom caths etc other than pads. Dr nurse said if your pad is leaking try diapers. (Which I was already in). I am in OAB meds and recently they have me taking another pill before bed but it makes be get “backed up” so to speak and I quit taking them for now.
Anyway, I’ve been married for a while now and wife works in healthcare, she took the accidents well and prefers I wear a diaper at night vs peeing in the bed.
Can’t help much with what to tell girlfriend, maybe if she wakes up with her side wet a couple times she’ll change her mind lol.
I would see a dr, don’t expect an immediate cure but they can help.

 

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I highly recommend seeing a urologist ASAP. You could have cancer and have no other symptoms. Have you had any significant falls in your life, or a lumbar spine injury? If so, your bladder nerves may be severed from your spine. It doesn’t take much.

Regardless of the cause of your incontinence, I’d ditch the woman who refuses to accommodate your needs. She sounds uncaring and mean.

 

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I don't understand that. I wet the diaper every night and my wife would prefer that to a wet bed.

 

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I suppose I wear a diaper almost every night to avoid wet bedding.
I experienced spinal nerve problems and BPH that contributes to my OAB wetting.
25 years ago I had really increased daytime leaks more than at night. However, it became much more frequent at night when I hit my 50’s. My wife was understanding and didn’t mind my wearing pads and briefs during the day. At first she didn’t care for diapers on me at night, but after a few wet sheets she thought diapers were a good idea.
Being a great sewer, she even made some homemade diapers for me to save on the expenses of disposables.
On average, I wet probably 5 out of 7 nights of the week.
It doesn’t change our intimacy with one another.
Your friend should be more understanding.
J

 

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I agree with you my wife wants no wet sheets.

 

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Thanks for the great responses.

I'm pretty certain I don't have cancer as this issue didn't just start.

I feel like going to a doctor when I'm having a dry period is not going to be very productive. I've read about the different medications and their success rate and side effects. I'm on the side that says I'd rather wear a diaper than take those right now. Again I'm pretty healthy and this has been going on for much of my life.

As for my gf, she says the diapers make it seem like I'm a baby. She has called them baby diapers. I asked her why she thinks that because they're adult sized and her reply was that's what babies wear. I told her that she's acting like I sleep in a crib and drink from a bottle and she just doubled down on saying because she's a mom when she see's diapers like that she thinks of infants.

I think the way she takes a position on things in a relationship is flawed due to her previous relationships and this topic is one of the innocent bystanders. I'm just at a loss for how to get through to her.

 

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@snow thanks for the message. No real spine injuries. I'm able to stay dry throughout the day 99.999% of the time so I wouldn't think this would be a nerve issue.

 

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Hmmm. Have your gf go to the websites about adult ic and bed wetting.
Not the forum but the nafc.org to be more informed on the subject and millions of adults that experience nighttime incontinence.

 

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Paul,I would go to a urologist that specializes in incontinence. they can do many things. I have recently got a axonics put in my lower back the helps with OAP and urge incontience . It does not used for stress incontinence , I seems to be helping alot, but ive only had it in a week. they also can put bulking material in your uretha for stress incontince. its just good to talk it over with a Dr. tonhelp find out what he thinks.

 

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@JoeAK Now *that’s* a classy lady and an excellent example of a good, healthy partnership! Kudos to your wife!

 

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@PaulTx18 I think that it’s your body and your bed, so I would lay down the law with her. Don’t give her any room to have any input. If the situation was reversed and she needed and wanted to wear diapers, would you force her not to? No way!

I recommend saying, “I’ve taken your preferences into consideration. My incontinence is my business and a function of my body. I’m in charge of how I take care of my condition. Accordingly, I will continue to wear adult diapers. This is what works best for me so it’s what I’m going to do. When I don’t wear protection, I feel so anxious I can’t sleep.” Alternately, you could threaten to refuse to have sleepovers with her if she forbids your wearing diapers to bed. I bet she enjoys sleepovers, so she’ll put up with it.

I’m sorry she’s had bad past relationships, but so have all of us. It’s important that she realizes you’re not her past partners. Don’t let her control you; that’s very unhealthy.

Maybe you can also reinforce to her just how much fluid mess a bladder leak causes in a bed, like how it covers the entire bed, the sheets, and the comforter/bedspread, and how she’d wake up covered in pee. Maybe she’s into that kind of a fetish and she actually wants you to pee on her? If people are into that kind of thing, they usually want it done in a bathtub or a shower where they can rinse it off immediately. Emotionally healthy people do not enjoy being perd on by someone else. My guess is more that she thinks you’re faking it and that your choice to wear a diaper is a fetish or creepy in some way. She’s in denial and trying to make you into someone you’re not.

Maybe you can take her to a “big box” store to show her just how many adult diapers there are. Walmart has the most brands and carries the most quantity in stock. They carry as many, if not more, adult diapers as they have feminine menstrual protection products. That way she might realize just how common adult diapers really are.

Or, if you really want to get your point across, conscientiously pee on her and the bed in the middle of the night so she can realize what a real mess it makes when it happens, and how gross and disruptive it is to wake up drenched in cold pee! Sounds like she deserves that to me!

 

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That’s was I was thinking, go without and when she wakes up in pee and your still asleep a couple times, diaper won’t be such a bad idea after all

 

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@Itguy2928 @snow you guys are brutal. I have already wet her bed once. It was not a heavier accident.

One thing I forgot to mention is she believes diapers are increasing the likelihood of accidents. She thinks diapers are making me incontinent. I've explained to her that hypothesis doesn't hold up considering the times I've worn a diaper and not wet it which have been a significant number of times over the course of my life although limited with her.

I have explained to her how diapers do help me get a good night's sleep but she doesn't seem to worry much about that.

I am going to have a talk with her tonight about it.

 

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I once heard a saying that a baby in diapers is cute, but it is not the same for an adult. There is a certain amount of truth to that. That being said I have looked at myself in a mirror and saw some guy looking silly in a diaper. Surely not sexy. It is just a fact of life for some of us. If you need them, for any number of reasons, then use them. Getting older is not for sissys any way you look at it. And we certainly don't look like we use to. So do what makes you comfortable. But don't flaunt it. My wife is not pleased to see her husband wearing diapers, but has come to accept it. I still try to be as discrete as possible.

 

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So I think no one is thrilled to see his partner in diapers - so I can understand the reaction a little bit. If this happens to you in phases, then you can try it quietly without aids to sleep.
I have lately also more often the problem that it is no longer enough to the bed bottle - but because of maybe a wet bed in the week I definitely do not want to sleep every night with diapers. A bed pad under the sheet does it there fully.
When I'm with my partner (we have separate bedrooms) then I have there also no diapers on, because we both find that not so really sexy.
If there is really a malleur, then the bed sheet limits the disaster and if I do not feel like getting up, then I just put a new one on top and that's enough until the morning...

 

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I agree diapers are not sexy; that’s why I quit dating after needing one.

@PaulTx18 What if you wear boxers *over* the diaper so the visual is better? If it were me, I’d appreciate that look over a raw diaper look. I might even insist on it. Too bad there is no equivalent female panty that could ever hide the big scope of a diaper.

In terms of intimacy and sexiness, can you make sure those activities are accomplished before you put a diaper on? Or in the morning, take the diaper off and then cuddle up to her.

Your lady is sooooooo wrong that wearing a diaper makes you have more accidents. I actually had fewer accidents after I started wearing a diaper and using a bed pad because then I had less anxiety about ruining my bed and waking up all the way to a cold, wet bed!!!! Maybe you can explain that to her, also.

 

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@PaulTx18 Use the diapers when you're alone. When you are planning a romantic night with your friend, invest in urinary incontinence boxer briefs. They look just like regular boxer briefs, and they will give you some support. I also recommend you use bed pads to preserve your linen and mattress.

 

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Snow, There are many female garments that would cover a girls diaper. Just as boxers do for men. Especially today with boy shorts and tap pants etc. So don't give up on dating. We also all know that there are those that like diapers, just try and find one, lol.