Trying to get wife to accept me wearing protection

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This thread is resonating with me more recently. My mum's attitude is much like @mhart82's wife in that the nappies solve an issue which will hopefully get resolved at some point in the near future. She's been supportive and when I was still at home was happy that I was more confident and she noticed an improvement in how I smelled! It probably helps that I had bedwetting issues as a kid, used protection and she was supportive then so whilst it's been a fair few years, it's not entirely new ground.

I am worried about how my dad would take it if he found out though and one of my big fears is that this is pretty much inevitable if I were to end up back in hospital (which is looking ever more likely as the muscular and cognitive symptoms appear to getting worse) as I'd inevitably need him to bring my supplies from my flat. Plus, I was always worried when the doctors would come to give updates/ask me questions when he was there that they'd mention the bladder/bowel stuff. He's always been embarrassed about my autism and past mental health issues so I don't figure this would be much different.

 

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My family around me that matter fully support my incontinence protection. But they know my medical team encourages wearing them day and night weather I have a Foley or self cathing. I will say this, I have transition, to the tape style day and night.

I do think if you confide to them what your medical team has told you, I do feel it will go much easier.

 

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I would summarize what others have said above. I think it is a bad idea to approach this with confrontation no matter how frustrated you may be. While you may make the point by soaking the bed, it is really not worth ruining a mattress to make the point. Protecting yourself is the responsible thing to do. If your wife is not comfortable talking about it, you could write a note explaining the risks of not wearing and telling her you understand her discomfort with the situation.

I too have a wife who hates the fact I need diapers. While we have managed to stay together, my sudden dependence on diapers 24/7 was a traumatic change for both of us. I accepted it faster that she did, but even though she has now grown to accepted it, she does not like it and tries to avoid the subject as much as possible. While frustrating when there are times you would like to confide it her, I do not push the issue. I do not think you can (or should) force someone to embrace your need for protection. Try to respect her point of view and you will likely be able to meet in the middle.

 

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@MaineSkier, I think that's a good point to not force the issue. You have laid out all the facts on the table as it were and they are there for your wife to think about. Hopefully she may eventually ask questions or have comments and that can open the way to discuss it. Because a situation like this between a man and a woman demands a discussion and that's what you need. You have feelings and so does she. Both of you have every right to air those feelings. You've done what you could. I know there are times when you want to talk about it with her, at least I would if I were married, and as you put it, "confide in her." After all that's what married people do, is confide in each other. If it were me, I think I would talk with a therapist, maybe a family counselor, and ask them for tips.
Let's face it, you need to put your trust in her and would like her to know just what you're feeling. And she needs to get her feelings out as well. It's like that 500-ound elephant in the room. It's there, we need to discuss it! I hope that helps as you need to feel that you can take your wife completely into your confidence on this. After all you'd do the same if it were her instead of you.