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Staff member
I just wanted to start off this conversation by stating this is going to be a heavy topic for myself to discuss.
I came a long way to get to where i am now - and through years of therapy, mental rehab, and being put on the wrong medicine time after time again; i have come to the truth of my story. Its something i came to, more so than a year ago.
You guys know about my dad and step mom. But you guys a long time ago, may remember myself talking about an older woman who was a "daytime babysitter" for myself in my younger years. When my bladder issues worsened two years ago; i was put on a medicine called "Gabapentin" i dont know if youve heard of it. I was prescribed it in rehab.
It made me hallucinate and was something i was prescribed and eventually fell into a habit of taking until around November of 2020. A good six months at least. During those times; i was emotionally unstable. I was suffering from PTSD episodes and trying to piece together trauma from my past. Who could blame me, i was just starting out my journey to handling incontinence which was a bitter wound to my past.
But thats besides the point. What i bring to your attention today, is what is considered old fashioned and what is now considered emotional, mental, and physical abuse.
Neglect in a way.
You see, after the divorce. I was sent to a bsbysitters house out in the sticks of where i live. She lived in a big dark brown, blackish place - with a long blacktop driveway. I remember because i would constantly cry out for my mom on occasioks when she left on some days.
My mother would ask me why i hated going there, but she never got it out of me. As a babysitter or childcare provider, if a child never felt comfortable spending time at my house - i would alert the parents that maybe this isnt the right fit vs. taking the money.
I remember i didnt have a toothbrush at her house, and she would make me brush my teeth with my index finger after lunch. Since we are talking the crest of the mellenium; in the 2000s - times were different back then. They were the times when you had an accident, you were punished for them. You were made to feel infantile for something that was not your fault.
I remember when any of us kids lied; i remember on one occasion we all stood in a line while she went down the row asking who was lying until the kid who fessed up admited to it - sometimes in tears.
I remember because of my sporadic accidents as a child, being put in time out in the back den away from the other children. They always treated there blood relatives better than myself - and it was something i grew up with in my own family as well.
When your a child; you dont understand the feelings of being humiliated for things that are not your fault like enuresis episodes, speech issues, and not being able to swim.
I remember having to wear a bathing suit that felt not age appropriate but was more so for safety to ensure i didnt drown. But they should have known i didnt want to anything to do with it. But instead, because all the other kids were swimming, i had to go to. I had to grin and bear it.
When memories and physical ailments such as Bedwetting come back from the past; it reminds me of a book called "The Body Keeps the Score". Small bits and pieces came back, and i didnt understand them. But the rehab center that i went to as it was so new, pushed things on me and honestly it hyperbolated my entire life. The medicine even worsened it.
But those memories, piece by piece, came to a puzzle. The puzzle of my life. The puzzle where i can say; i am above this person! I am above the past!
That i can still recognize what is okay, and what is not okay. And to be honest; everything thus far from what i have on them vs the few false memories that came to myself during a time i was starting my journey of dealing with incontinence is minuscule in comparison.
I can say, i am still the bigger person. Because i spoke up. I said something. I put my foot forward and said - that those real memories were still not okay because of the feelings that existed inside my body during those times were still not okay. Because those feelings existed, i now know that i would never espouse those damaging feelings on another - i know what not to do.
For those who are my age or older, do you guys have any relatable memories of having to deal with non relatives who took care of you? Are old fashioned discipline to you considered abuse to you in todays society? What would you do if you were put in a situation where you had to contfront a person who emotionally traumatized and abused you?
The reason why i ask the last one; is even after all this time. Im still afraid of them. I would still feel the same humiliation i did all those years ago.
Its feels like being owned by another human being. Powerless.
Sincerely,
HC
I came a long way to get to where i am now - and through years of therapy, mental rehab, and being put on the wrong medicine time after time again; i have come to the truth of my story. Its something i came to, more so than a year ago.
You guys know about my dad and step mom. But you guys a long time ago, may remember myself talking about an older woman who was a "daytime babysitter" for myself in my younger years. When my bladder issues worsened two years ago; i was put on a medicine called "Gabapentin" i dont know if youve heard of it. I was prescribed it in rehab.
It made me hallucinate and was something i was prescribed and eventually fell into a habit of taking until around November of 2020. A good six months at least. During those times; i was emotionally unstable. I was suffering from PTSD episodes and trying to piece together trauma from my past. Who could blame me, i was just starting out my journey to handling incontinence which was a bitter wound to my past.
But thats besides the point. What i bring to your attention today, is what is considered old fashioned and what is now considered emotional, mental, and physical abuse.
Neglect in a way.
You see, after the divorce. I was sent to a bsbysitters house out in the sticks of where i live. She lived in a big dark brown, blackish place - with a long blacktop driveway. I remember because i would constantly cry out for my mom on occasioks when she left on some days.
My mother would ask me why i hated going there, but she never got it out of me. As a babysitter or childcare provider, if a child never felt comfortable spending time at my house - i would alert the parents that maybe this isnt the right fit vs. taking the money.
I remember i didnt have a toothbrush at her house, and she would make me brush my teeth with my index finger after lunch. Since we are talking the crest of the mellenium; in the 2000s - times were different back then. They were the times when you had an accident, you were punished for them. You were made to feel infantile for something that was not your fault.
I remember when any of us kids lied; i remember on one occasion we all stood in a line while she went down the row asking who was lying until the kid who fessed up admited to it - sometimes in tears.
I remember because of my sporadic accidents as a child, being put in time out in the back den away from the other children. They always treated there blood relatives better than myself - and it was something i grew up with in my own family as well.
When your a child; you dont understand the feelings of being humiliated for things that are not your fault like enuresis episodes, speech issues, and not being able to swim.
I remember having to wear a bathing suit that felt not age appropriate but was more so for safety to ensure i didnt drown. But they should have known i didnt want to anything to do with it. But instead, because all the other kids were swimming, i had to go to. I had to grin and bear it.
When memories and physical ailments such as Bedwetting come back from the past; it reminds me of a book called "The Body Keeps the Score". Small bits and pieces came back, and i didnt understand them. But the rehab center that i went to as it was so new, pushed things on me and honestly it hyperbolated my entire life. The medicine even worsened it.
But those memories, piece by piece, came to a puzzle. The puzzle of my life. The puzzle where i can say; i am above this person! I am above the past!
That i can still recognize what is okay, and what is not okay. And to be honest; everything thus far from what i have on them vs the few false memories that came to myself during a time i was starting my journey of dealing with incontinence is minuscule in comparison.
I can say, i am still the bigger person. Because i spoke up. I said something. I put my foot forward and said - that those real memories were still not okay because of the feelings that existed inside my body during those times were still not okay. Because those feelings existed, i now know that i would never espouse those damaging feelings on another - i know what not to do.
For those who are my age or older, do you guys have any relatable memories of having to deal with non relatives who took care of you? Are old fashioned discipline to you considered abuse to you in todays society? What would you do if you were put in a situation where you had to contfront a person who emotionally traumatized and abused you?
The reason why i ask the last one; is even after all this time. Im still afraid of them. I would still feel the same humiliation i did all those years ago.
Its feels like being owned by another human being. Powerless.
Sincerely,
HC