@Bedwetter Thank you for your post. Yes, I took melatonin for years when I completed intensive sleep therapy with psychologists at a sleep center. I took 0.5mg-10mg. It affected me zero, except to give me fragmented sleep, which it does to everyone, wether you notice or not. It also causes dementia later in life, just like Ambien and benzodiazepines do. Ambien works best for me (see my post directly above this one).
Real CBD is still illegal here in UT. There’s fake stuff here, which does nothing. I’ve tried it in CA, though - gummies, several times. Just gave me horrid nightmares, didn’t stop me from waking up to pee. Marijuana makes me anxious. I can’t stand it. It’s my least favorite drug of legal, or illegal, drugs.
Diphenhydramine - the ingredient in all the OTC medications - makes me hyper. I have ADHD, so most consciousness-altering medications have an opposite effect on me. Adderall would make most people hyper and buzzy; it calms me down.
I’m trained in Transcendental Meditation (TM) and practiced it daily for two years; it did nothing for me but make me bored and fidgety, so my anxiety increased. I successfully use, and appreciate, the principles of Mindfulness Meditation (a.k.a. “The Power of Now”) countless times throughout each day and I benefit from those concepts. But sitting around doing nothing (like during meditation) is hell for someone with ADHD. If I watch T.V., I have to also be doing several other things at once to be able to sit there. I am unbelievably physically fidgety.
The best practice for me is meditation through physical movement, also known as YOGA! Oh, how I love yoga! I used to do Hatha or Vinyasa at least once a day, for 15 years. Then I fell down the cliff and demolished all of the disc material in my lumbar spine. Now I’m supposed to bend and twist as little as possible, for the rest of my life. There is basically no yoga that doesn’t involve bending and/or twisting of the lumbar spine.
A few weeks ago, I had my 18th surgery in five years (!!! stop and think about that!), this time open-knee surgery. The past five years have been one lonnnggggg recovery, from falling down a cliff, to five surgeries for a 3rd-degree burn 8”x8” on my ass, a fractured pelvis, surgery to remove a benign breast tumor, five surgeries (eventually a hysterectomy) for cervical cancer, five surgeries for melanoma on my arm, toenail surgery, two knee surgeries.
I had those two cancers simultaneously and they both took two years to get rid of. Now I’m 1.7 years free of cancer, 3.3 more years to go until I get the 5-years-free real clean bill of health.
So there’s been little yoga in my life in the past five years, which has been soul-crushing, because I really need it now more than ever. There won’t be much yoga in my future. I still snowboard, which is very meditative for me, but I can’t do it like I used to. Conquering the fear I now have of it after falling down the cliff, coupled with wearing wet diapers outside in a snowstorm, combined with severe back pain exacerbates is... A LOT. It’s just not that fun for me any more. Fortunately I have a full scholarship with Wasatch Adaptive Sports who help me get back to my sports. I do still love to ski and snowboard. I love snow sooooo much!
Eventually I’ll find some other activity that can do for me what fast snowboarding through deep powder at great speeds, or Vinyasa 3-4 yoga, can do for my spirit.
ADHD really is a super-power because I excel at complex multi-tasking and hyper-focus, which suits my overachieving nature very well. No regrets there! But it’s also really hard. My mind races, races, races. I’m always having conversations with 10 people in my head - future conversations. They don’t stop unless I’m in an extreme adrenaline, dopamine-fueled activity, usually involving steep terrain, where literally, one misstep would mean the end of my life. In those moments, I am so utterly, fully present, effortlessly - which is why I survive those very moments, and why they make me feel high (and literally, I usually am, high up on some mountain, in those “high” moments). For our honeymoon, my ex-husband and I climbed Denali in Alaska - that’s my idea of a good time.
I love backpacking (for months at a time, even), rock climbing, ice climbing, rappelling into glaciers and waterfalls, etc. My profession is filmmaking, a very physically demanding job with high stakes. Most people’s work isn’t seen and discussed by hundreds of millions, sometimes billions, of viewers; mine is.
You get my point. The common thread in my life is GO GO GO GO GO GO GO, fast fast, fast. I am sooooo not into sleep; it’s such a waste of time!
Most people who don’t have ADHD don’t even believe it’s real. It’s very real. You can’t begin to imagine the physical restlessness and anxiety. And there’s no Yoda mind-trick you can do to annihilate ADHD. One can certainly strive to learn to manage its symptoms. I’ve been in psychotherapy for most years of my life since I was 16 years old. I work very actively to manage it, as evidenced by my plethora of explorations with meditation, yoga, medications, sleep center cognitive-behavioral therapy, and counseling.
Until I hit 35, I slept 3-4 hours per night and won at everything. But now I’m damaged and need sleep like everyone else. I hate it. Needing sleep is a nightly nightmare for me. I’ve dreaded bedtime since I can remember. My parents first caught me staying up all night when I was four years old, and would sneak outside to watch airplanes fly overhead (I later went to flight school concurrently with film school). My sleep problems are deeeeeeepppp in my spirit and probably will be, for life.
And that was all before I had to piss all night long! So now it’s even worse! Even after five years, I’m still in shock that’s possible!
Next time I see my urologist, I’ll ask him again about a Foley catheter. Last time he refused to even talk about it because I’m “too young.” I’m willing to try it. He’s about to retire, so soon I’ll soon have a new urologist to consult.
I’m definitely a side-sleeper (I have to be, because of the damage in my lumbar spine), and Foleys leak for side-sleepers. Still, I’d try it.
Thanks for everyone’s suggestions! Good to know about all the options!
