Living with the title Bedwetter

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I don't know about you but over the past couple years I've had a hard time coping with the term bedwetter. Idk. Maybe its something that has been on the back of my mind because its constantly on the forefront of my mind every morning and every night before i go to sleep.

Idk, i feel less than as a person, and I know I shouldn't but whenever bedwetting is spoken about in media or the news, its discriminated against like the person is half of its worth. I don't want people to view me as im somehow trapped in diapers, and i hate discussing it with my family and people who i have opened up to about it.

Fml.

 

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we don't view you as that on here. I promise.

I am sorry that the term bothers you. I can see why, it's like a stigma. you say something (most things medical count), and people see you just for that

I mean for example: if someone said I don't know... I have depression, I have an eating disorder, I'm in a wheelchair, what ever... it all comes back to the fact that each of these things have a stigma, and people can't see past those

 

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Is it the specific term "bedwetter"? How do you deal with words like enuretic? It's true that bedwetter can be a derogatory term. I just looked on urban dictionary and found this: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bedwetting liberal Unforrtunately, it is still one of the derogatory words still acceptable in somewhat slight society. That can change, but it takes time and effort.

 

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I meant "somewhat polite society." Have to stop typing on my iPad.

 

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Hi @Honeeecombs, Please, please, please don't feel you're less of a person because of incontinence or bedwetting!!! It's a medical condition just like heart issues, diabetes, cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis and you name it! None of those conditions make anyone who has them less of a person. To us you are someone who's worth knowing and I'm sure you have some interesting things going on in your life that make you truly unique. I bet you would probably be a wonderful neighbor to someone or a terrific friend or mate. I do like to see the good in everyone (well, maybe except certain politicians, but we're not going there now!) I know bedwetting doesn't get good press in society and that really sucks rocks! But please know you're not the one with the problem. The problem lies with those who are doing the discriminating. They haven't bothered to find out the true facts and are quick to dismiss anyone without that so-called perfect body. I've known, and we all have known plenty of people like that and they have crappy personalities to boot! You, H-comb, are not of that ilk, thank the good Lord! I don't see you as some poor soul trapped in diapers! I wear pull-ons (pull-ups?) myself and I feel they are enabling to me. I can go do things without having to worry about accidents from an unreliable bladder or being away from a bathroom. You know we will help you find something that will "enable" you yet not have you feel like being trapped in diapers. We've got your back on that! For what it's worth, I and everyone else here, are glad you've come to us and have confided in us. Trust me, we'll do everything we can to help!
And Emily91, You are so right about all of this stigmatizing that people seem to love to do. That's sucky in and of itself! It compartmentalizes us. We are not a stigma but we are individuals who are empowered to make our mark in the world. We just need a bit of extra help to do it but what of it? Incontinence? Well so what? Every one of us here in this community is so above that stigma! We will prevail!

 

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Hi @Honeeecombs, Please, please, please don't feel you're less of a person because of incontinence or bedwetting!!! It's a medical condition just like heart issues, diabetes, cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis and you name it! None of those conditions make anyone who has them less of a person. To us you are someone who's worth knowing and I'm sure you have some interesting things going on in your life that make you truly unique. I bet you would probably be a wonderful neighbor to someone or a terrific friend or mate. I do like to see the good in everyone (well, maybe except certain politicians, but we're not going there now!) I know bedwetting doesn't get good press in society and that really sucks rocks! But please know you're not the one with the problem. The problem lies with those who are doing the discriminating. They haven't bothered to find out the true facts and are quick to dismiss anyone without that so-called perfect body. I've known, and we all have known plenty of people like that and they have crappy personalities to boot! You, H-comb, are not of that ilk, thank the good Lord! I don't see you as some poor soul trapped in diapers! I wear pull-ons (pull-ups?) myself and I feel they are enabling to me. I can go do things without having to worry about accidents from an unreliable bladder or being away from a bathroom. You know we will help you find something that will "enable" you yet not have you feel like being trapped in diapers. We've got your back on that! For what it's worth, I and everyone else here, are glad you've come to us and have confided in us. Trust me, we'll do everything we can to help!
And Emily91, You are so right about all of this stigmatizing that people seem to love to do. That's sucky in and of itself! It compartmentalizes us. We are not a stigma but we are individuals who are empowered to make our mark in the world. We just need a bit of extra help to do it but what of it? Incontinence? Well so what? Every one of us here in this community is so above that stigma! We will prevail!

I apologize Bill - its just things going through my mind is all. I guess adjusting to things and coping with them takes more time than others - I gotta really push through the negatives though.

 

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I get where you are coming from and "incontinent" is the first thing I think about when I wake up, get dressed, go outdoors, work, shower, get changed and go to bed. You just gotta love yourself a little bit and don't let life's hurdles get you down. Get up and dust yourself off and have a good day xxx

 

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@Honeeecombs

Man I can totally relate and feel where you are coming form. I've grown use to using the word bedwetting or bedwetter applying it to myself but it wasn't always like that. As @Danman asked are more scientific words, like enuresis or enuretic better or do they hold the same negative cloud for you? I would suspect it is less the actual word that you struggle with and more so accepting that this condition is part of your life and you really wish it wasn't. [ Forgive me if I am off base in this thought, just an observation ]

For me when my enuresis first started I was in denial. It was happening so infrequent that I just put it aside in my mind as something that wasn't me. When I would wet I'd say Oh I'm not one of them (aka bedwetter) This was just a one time thing. Course those one time things were happened more than one time. It was probably when I was in college that I finally came to terms with being an enuretic and yes for years I could not use the word bedwetter in describing me. I felt more comfortable using enuretic and that I had enuresis. To my mind, at the time, those words sounded more sophisticated and well grown up to me. Bedwetter or bedwetting was, to me, a little kids problem and defiantly not what was happening to me.

It's a journey for sure and you need to take it at a speed that you feel comfortable with. From reading your posts and messages I have in my mind that you are a really cool, down to earth, mature, guy. A guy trying to sort out some concerns, come to an understanding with some stuff that is happened and willing to put in the work to achieve your goals.

Your enuresis, to me and I suspect others here and others in your real life that know about it, does not define who you are to me or them. We like you for you.

You keep staying you bro, you keep staying strong.

JT

 

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@Honeeecombs I feel the same way you do. Before I became a bed wetter, I never noticed how frequently the media/entertainment industry mocks incontinence and its associated products, particularly hooligans like Will Ferrell and Seth Rogen. I’m not comfortable when I hear incontinence terms spoken aloud, except in this group. I refer to them with a couple of family members and friends. Otherwise, mum’s the word.

I think that’s the special glue in this group: we’re bound by what we share, which is so shunned by the rest of our culture; verboten.

And yes, I absolutely feel “less than,” like damaged goods. I try hard to rise above that thought pattern. Some days it works better than others. My confidence has decreased dramatically since I became incontinent.

 

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@Danman Wow, that link was shocking. I’d never heard that before.

 

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@snow

Total understand what you are saying. Thankfully here we can be open, get nonjudgemental support and advise from others.

 

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I do feel better about the term “enuresis.” “Bedwetting“ absolutely reminds me of young children.

It’s deep in our human nature as one of the most social species on the planet, to shun poor health. Think back to the way we lived just 15,000 years ago, as nomads. They didn’t wait around for the sick or the injured to recuperate because that would mean starvation for the rest of the tribe. Dilapidated health consumes a lot of resources: financial, temporal, and energy. Sick people are a drag! But those of us who’ve experienced serious health conditions realize that being sick can, and will, happen to anyone. Nobody is immune. There is no such thing.

What I’m getting at is that like all animals, our fundamental drive comes from our survival instinct. And sick people aren’t the best at surviving. So we get shunned. It’s rather natural, actually. It happens in almost every other social species.

I’ve learned to look at it this way to help prevent me from being furious with the naive, nonchalant people who surround us and frown upon our condition(s) with negative judgment. When I understand that they can’t really help it, I can then forgive them for their idiocy and lack of compassion and get on with being as nice to myself and everyone else as I can.

 

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This is going to be a long response as there is so much to say and what I'm reading from everyone is all good and true! Trev, there is nothing you need to apologize for. You have feelings and here you can vent them and no one will look down on that. One can't prevent feelings and for that, no apology is needed. I don't look at you and think,"bedwetter." No, that is not your name! That is not your description! That is a label, an unfortunate one, that people who have no compassion or insight pin on us. Let that roll of our backs! They think it is funny but how can they think that if they have never been there themselves. Or maybe they were there but have conveniently forgotten about it. And if they are so smug, then wait until they get older and chances are they will be incontinent themselves. So who's going to have the last laugh! And it's good you're recognizing and pushing through all of those negative feelings and thoughts. We'll replace them with positive thoughts.
Snow, once again you've hit the nail on the head! Our special glue here is what we share together. It is, as you say, "verboten" to talk of incontinence on the outside. But it is reality for us. We can cope or help someone cope with it. And it sounds like we know something they don't! But as people grow older and live longer there will be more who have the same circumstance that we share and are doing something about. Your explanation about sick people and survival and that whole dynamic was brilliant! I like your reasoning to forgive those who look down on us their lack of understanding and compassion and just, as you say, get on with being as nice to myself and everyone" as I can. That's what we all can do.
And Jaytee, what can I say, you have it figured out to a "t." I agree that using "enuretic" instead of bedwetting puts a more scientific bent on it. As I see it, when you say someone is "enuretic," that other person who isn't in the know, is going say, "what the hell does that mean!" :O:O That person is going to be totally and truly flummoxed! And let's see if they can figure it out for themselves!
Well I do have a label here for everyone I've met on this forum. Don't worry, it has nothing to do with incontinence or wearing protective undergarments or anything like that. How about this for a label for all of you: Brilliant and totally worth knowing!

 

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Honeeecombs... I think part of being bothered by the term "Bedwetter" depends on your age. The photo you have next to your name shows a relatively young person. If that accurately represents your age, then I can see how you would be bothered by "Bedwetter".
I was a bedwetter until my mid teens, then I was dry thru my 20's and most of my 30's. In my late 30's, I started experiencing random bedwetting, like once a year or so. As a teen, the term "Bedwetter" caused all kinds of stress and negative feelings. It always made me feel of less worth than my peers. Even in my 20's and 30's, when someone would joke about someone else being a bedwetter, it always made me cringe a little.
However, as I got older, it just didn't bother me as much. Now in my 60's, my bedwetting has returned to several times a month, along with random urge incontinence in the daytime. So why doesn't the term "Bedwetter" bother me now? I think as you get older, your perspective changes a lot. I've watched so many friends, family and co-workers either die or become disabled BEFORE reaching my age, that I consider myself lucky to "only be a bedwetter".
There are always points in life that something happens, and you adapt, and just "Keep on Rolling..."
At one point, I thought it must be a hassle to have to wear eye glasses. Now I've been wearing glasses for 30 years. Then I thought I'd always have a nice head of hair. (That's gone...) Then things changed again, and I'm dealing with diapers at night, and sometimes in the daytime. I guess if I'm lucky enough to live into my 80's or 90's, I might be using a cane or walker too.

I guess my point is this.. In the great scheme of things, yes, bedwetting IS a hassle. But everyone, if they live long enough, will have some ailment pop up, most much worst than what we deal with in this forum. So please don't let bedwetting stop you from living life to it's fullest. And if someone ever gives you grief about bedwetting, just chuckle to yourself and think "Just wait, buddy..." because life will deal them something too.

 

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Yesireeee! @MikeD9876, very good post, especially the last paragraph! Sure, bedwetting may suck rocks but there are plenty of lot worse things that can happen. Mike, you are indeed lucky to be just a bedwetter considering how those folks you've mentioned have all gone on before. You are still hanging on and you're right, there are other changes that may take place as you go into the sunset years. But for now you are good to go.
And I like your thoughts on someone making fun of bedwetting. That person is going to get his come-uppance one day and it ain't gonna be pretty!:O Karma has a way of rearing its ugly head!

 

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I don't know about you but over the past couple years I've had a hard time coping with the term bedwetter. Idk. Maybe its something that has been on the back of my mind because its constantly on the forefront of my mind every morning and every night before i go to sleep.

Idk, i feel less than as a person, and I know I shouldn't but whenever bedwetting is spoken about in media or the news, its discriminated against like the person is half of its worth. I don't want people to view me as im somehow trapped in diapers, and i hate discussing it with my family and people who i have opened up to about it.

Fml.

Growing up it was a label that stuck as I was a chronic nightly bedwetter.I got so used to it eventually it just didn't bother me at all. I remember saying to my self as my bedwetting came back and started being more regular"Oh well it's nothing new. I'll just have to get used to being a bedwetter once more". Now I think of my self as a bedwetter but it doesn't bother me.

 

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I grew up with some bed wetting last at 13 then clear till returned at 50 and yes all the [old] sayings hit.The feeling finally went away.

 

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I don't know about you but over the past couple years I've had a hard time coping with the term bedwetter. Idk. Maybe its something that has been on the back of my mind because its constantly on the forefront of my mind every morning and every night before i go to sleep.

Idk, i feel less than as a person, and I know I shouldn't but whenever bedwetting is spoken about in media or the news, its discriminated against like the person is half of its worth. I don't want people to view me as im somehow trapped in diapers, and i hate discussing it with my family and people who i have opened up to about it.

Fml.

I some how missed this post so here goes...


This year...in this very month marks what was very likely the start of me earning the title of Bed wetter...some 20 years ago. Yep if have been a bed wetter over half of my life. Now with everything else going on with me I have a truly different outlook on it.

First. You and I are not the only ones. Like the weather there is nothing we can do about it. When it rains I put on a rain coat and so when I sleep I put on a diaper (Now I wear all the time but...) Truth is once I got over the week of self pitty I realized that I had to get back up and try to figure out what my new normal was going to be.


Here is the thing for me that hit home a lot right now. I hid the fact that I was bed wetting from my parents for almost a full two year. It was only after losing a job working for a church friend and my then girl friend ( I was buying Good-nights at the time from a store near her house so then had no reason to drive all the way out there so had to come clean ) Plus, I had the converted bedroom in our laundry room to myself but the week I told my parents it rained really hard and flooded my room which needed repairs to the drywall so I had no choice but to tell them.

That started a hole lot of test and I ended up with a doctor that treated me like I was crazy.

The last 18 months I have told people (Doctors, Nurses, and work staff) Things that I never though that I would have to or be able to.

Big thing to remember overall is that it is not your fault. For years I blamed myself, but not anymore. There is to much other stuff going on in life to worry about what you wear to bed or during the day. Yea sometimes it sucks. Sometimes people will notice but truth is that you have to do what I best for you and let the rest of the chips fall were they will.

 

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@ThatFLGuy Good response man.

When my bedwetting started in my teens I too kept it from my parents by making improved mattress protection. I was lucky in that they both worked and left the house by or right at 6 in the morning. So on the mornings I woke wet I'd stay pretend sleeping until they left and then get my shower and wash my wet sheets and shorts/boxers. I'd put the wash in the dryer before leaving for school and when I got home remake my bed with the fresh sheets all before they got home around 6 at night.

During those times I too would try and deny that I was a bedwetter and try not to use that word to describe myself. I'd say things like bedwetters pee their bed just about every night, I don't do that so I must not be one. And other total nonsense non logical thoughts to justify in my mind that I was definitely not a bedwetter. Took awhile to come to terms with the term but I finally did.

I have not opened up to very many about it except on here. IRL only my mom, wife, and three close friends know about my bedwetting. I only just got a primary care doctor this year. And I've not told him yet. I figured it wasn't on the medical questionnaire then I didn't not have to tell him. Again hat poor logic kicking in. All my lab work (blood and urine) came back perfect so I figure I'm good. Maybe I'll tell during next year's annual physical.

Thinking about it since I have not opened up about it with too many people there probably is some hesitation still there and embarrassment. Oh well, always something to work on.

JT

 

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@Jaytee Labwork definitely doesn’t reveal everything. You can have cancer and it won’t show up on labwork. I suggest you see a urologist to get a proper assessment.