Dating life

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I’ve seen a few topics on it, but I’m wondering what everyone’s view is on whether you should tell someone you’re dating right off the bat about your incontinence problems or wait.

And if you said wait, how long should you wait to tell them?

Also Is intimacy different for you because of the incontinence, and how our ways you cope with it?

 

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I think it's better to let the one your dating know right off bat then to tell them later. Once they know, and end up sticking around for the next date would make them a keeper. Just remind yourself that there is plenty to choose from. Your love of your life is out there somewhere waiting for you.

 

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Yes, early on certainly,but maybe not at the beginning of your first meeting. You want to play it down, like it’s not a big issue. You didn’t say how bad your incontinence was. If there’s an issue with ED then maybe leave that for later. You don’t want to scare them off.

 

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My general rule is tell them before you’re in a situation where they will notice the diapers. Maybe not the first date but it doesn’t have to get to the bedroom before it’s noticeable.

Be honest and speak in medical terms not slang, let them know you are working with a doctor on it etc just so they understand that you are seeking a solution.

Most of all good luck. Have fun.

 

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@Claytonp

I have quite a few years on you. ( I am 39).

I started bedwetting again at 15 after hitting puberty late and a horrible bicycle accident. A lot of the tests were done back then, meds were given, and nothing helped.

I did not date a lot when I was younger but even when I did my bedwetting was never an issue I had to bring up. That was in big part due to the fact that intimacy beyond kissing was off the table for me. Family rules were that I was never allowed to be alone with a girl. I had a lot of girls cheat or just break up with me over my views on intimacy. I am no saint, been there and done that but intimacy was never the first thing. Starting puberty very late had a huge factor in that. I truly did not care about intimacy until I was in my twenties.

I found girls that I loved their personalities and how much they cared for people, and then intimacy came up. It took a lot to get where I would lay aside my morals just for intimacy. I had to think that I was going to spend the rest of my life with that person to go there.

You are young. You have youth on your side. There are 8 billion people in this world. If someone cares for you, incontinence will not matter. You don't need to get into that until you know someone.



PS, *A personal note*
I grew up very Christian. Always in Church. Did not believe in sex before marriage. I did not live up to that. But I truly knew that I would, could spend the rest of my life with that person if need be before sex became a thing. Sadly none of those relationships worked out. I did not have anything to do with my incontinence issue but more to do with life goals and personalities. Just know that if things get to the level that you have to be a saint to who you are with. I never had one girl I dated go out and tell all the girls at school or around town anything about us. *That whole don't kiss and tell thing* But trust me, people talk if they have a reason to so don't mess up.

 

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I have always told them from the start that I’m incontinent and wear diapers. That way at least everyone knows and it’s not a surprise or a secret the I’m in diapers. Most are very accepting and understanding never really had a problem.

 

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Early, but not immediately. Give yourself a chance to decide if you want to see a woman a 2nd, 3rd or 4th time. Some girls really won't care, others will. Sometimes we learn a lot about a person by observing their reactions, and that alone may rule her out for you. If you see, in the first several dates that she is someone who cares about others- and valid Guages are with children, seniors, people in the service industry and animals- then you will be giving yourself the opportunity to see the real character of the girl and that alone might tell you whether you want her as a life partner, or conversly, not to get involved deeply enough to reveal a secret that some women can't resist spreading around.

 

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Jeff gives some great advice even if you don’t have an issue like incontinence. And it applies both ways to men or women, gay or straight, look at how they treat people who can’t do something for them.she may treat you well because she wants companionship and in the future potential financial support/colaboration, but if she treats others like crap, run. She will do the same to you eventually.