Negativism

Archives1

Archives1

Staff member
Hi there,
I wrote earlier about my own experience having incontinence since childhood. I was away for a long time in this group because I had to study for an important exam and also because I was avoiding it... (Writting or reading this forum makes me feel sad all day long and I really needed to stay stable these days)

I have been talking to my therapist about how I feel regarding my incontinence. I still haven't shared my problem with anyone but my boyfriend (once) and I have a really difficult time even writting about it in an anonymous way. I find this group really supportive and I really, really thank all of the people that has shared their own experience. I do not mean to be rude or ungrateful, but I have a very negative view of this problem. I so want to be already on the other side of the river feeling like I have accepted myself and help other people to do the same. I am just not there yet.

I still feel that my incontinence robbed my childhood/happiness away. Sometimes I feel like I will never be a "clean" person, and people will be grossed out if they know my problem. I myself feel grossed out. I even once thought about killing myself for having this problem (not anymore, I did seek profesional help) but I feel stuck here. Somehow hopeless of never being able to overcome this feeling.

Does anyone else share this feeling?
 
Hi Checmec let me start the response shere by reminding people to take unto account you appear to live in Mexico and you are a young university student? With an issue from childhood (both day and night? Or just night?)

Many times we are quick to respond but these are factors that affect what resources are available to you and so recommend ing products or assistance only available in the USA is not going help.
 
Hi @Checmec, I hope you did well on your exam and of course we understand that you had to study for it. That is priority one for you!
Now I am really impressed with the way you are addressing your problem with us. You are being very honest and truthful about your feelings and that is great! Everyone here will love to help you and please feel that you are talking to a bunch of friends with whom you have something in common. And that is a good feeling to know that you don't have to face this alone or with someone unsympathetic. You decided on your own to come here and you made the right choice!
With your being so open with us you can be on the other side of that river as far as accepting yourself and then being able to help others is concerned. We will help you get there! This forum is the bridge or the ferry that gets you to the other side.
First off, you have very much to offer. That has been obvious since the very first time you came here. You have a lot of good to give this world and please don't think otherwise for even a split second! Your best years are still ahead of you and it's going to be spectacular! And guess what? You have the power to make it so.
Incontinence does not override all of the great features that make you a complete person.
I have a wonderful friend who has similar issues to you (to all of us on the forum actually) and this person has the personality and the brains and the empathy and compassion to shine as a complete highly worthy person, a one of a kind person. Compared to all of that the incontinence issue is just so negligible that I don't even see it as anything that needs to overpower you. And someday you'll be a wonderful friend to somebody too! Sure we all have it but we can take care of it and just concentrate on being the best people we can be.
And you know what Checmec, you are a clean person and please don't think otherwise! As for people being grossed out by what you face, do you hear that from any of us here? Of course not! It's nothing to be grossed out about, but merely something to take care of.
And as for overcoming those negative feelings just keep reaching out to us and we will pull you across that river that you want so much to cross! Please remember this! There are great things ahead for you! We'll guide you to them!
 
@maymay941

Yes, sorry I did not specify that. I am a female 26 years old.. I just finished med school here in Mexico. And my issue is only at day time (as a child it was both). Supposely I have mixed incontinence (urgency and effort).. I have seen three different urologists they all told me different things.

Dr #1: Made some analysis and also a urinary flowmetry (I suppose that is the name in english) He told me that surgery was an option for me. I panicked a day before the surgery and canceled.

Dr #2: Saw the previous exams and told me that I was very lucky to not have had the surgery. Because it appeared to be something inflammatory.. He diagnosed me with Interstitial Cystitis. I read a lot about it but I do not even meet the criteria to it since most people with this condition suffer from pelvic pain and not incontinence. If I wanted to know for sure they had to make a biopsy of my bladder and really by that time I was just very tired of procedures/appointments. I was taking tolterodine (Detrusitol) and it was "ok" for some time but I got tired of having dry mouth and I had to ask my parents for money to buy the pills.. so they were a constant reminder that there was something wrong with me. I stopped taking them.

Dr #3: Told me that it was definitively not Interstitial Cystitis, that it was very probable that the studys were not made in the right way and that I had to do everything all over again. ( I sometimes think we was just really seeking money.. but anyway I just did not want to repeat all that torture)

Maybe it is a downside that I am in the medical field, because I have a tendency to over read about what they suggest / diagnose and I end up not trusting them. Also here in Mexico private medical care is relatively expensive.. so I really gave up on the diagnosis. At this point of life I am looking forward to just be ok with it.
 
@billliveshere Thank you so much for your kind words.. I will try to stay more active in the forum. It is a great relief to know that I am not alone with this
 
Checkmec, different circumstances but when I was told my prostate had to come out to get the advancing cancer (and knew from family history how horrible death from that is) I knew I had to face some term of incontinence. My statements to the doctors and nurses, was "I would rather die than have to wear a diaper" Two things happened after that convinced me to go ahead. One was that two people that I knew came forward to tell me that they (both men) (tough guys) had faced this same choice like ten years ago. I am 74. these guys would have been 64 or 65 at the time. My question to them was "if you had it to do over (make a decision about radical prostectomy over an alternative, or just roll the dice on dying of something else first" Both men said they would absolutely have made the decision they did. You and I need to BE HERE. If we are here, and some breakthroughs medically come about, we also can be glad we got past this difficult time. With this Covid thing I can't find a bathroom away from home anyway, so I have my own. Stay tough, see yourself incontinence free, I had no clue those two guys who advised me were wearing depends for ten years, but today I am damn glad they were here to advise me, and I think more of them, not less of them because of it. If you could not walk, or were blinded by something, would you rather have that? Everything is relative. I choose to live and beat this incontince, and cancer. Good luck to you!
 
You surely will benefit from relating your situation on this forum, Billieshere really wrote beautifully about that.
The pressures of medical school certainly don't leave much time for leisure self healing!
You might want to try to look into noninflammitory food and drink to make yourself more comfortable as an irritated bladder is something most of us have experienced.
In the meantime please do stay in touch. Like all people, we are doing the best we can with the hand we are dealt.
 
Welcome to the forum. Please feel welcome and not alone. We are all different but share a common issue. Your strength and focus on school are to be admired.
 
Here is thought.
If you are becoming a doctor you are having to be compassionate to suffering of others as a healer. Please think of your own body with the compassion you would show a young girl. You would not blame her for her suffering and fear you would try to help her be comfortable with her condition even as you try to find a way to heal it. You would comfort her not shame her.
Please try to speak to your body as if it was a child you were comforting and healing.
 
@ Checmec:

We are a caring and sharing community here.

Being active in this forum by writing, as we tend to do in volumes, has been
a very positive benefit to all of us -- writer or reader.

Just consider that your introductory words my motivate other lurkers to 'tell their
presence' for the first time, too. You will quickly learn that even
as a 'newbie', YOU are already supporting and informing others.

Believe me, you've come to the right place.

Andy
 
Snow if we can't use the infirmity to learn compassion for others plight or our own we remain more tomself pity and sham.
Be the kind adult to the child inside.
 
Hi Maymay, my typing isn't anything to write home about either! I have to re-read each post several times before I'm satisfied with it. And even then there are still errors! It seems the keys are always too close together! :D
 
Thanks Billie is was either talking to or trying to call my cousin Tom at the time. ?? I know he was on my mind hahaha!
"Tomself"
 
Thank you a lot for reading, and for yoour advice! I have been working all of this in therapy for a long time, I now believe that I am alive for a reason. I felt alone with this problem for a very long time, and reading this forum has made me realize the opposite. I guess it is just that it is a very personal condition and that makes it hard to share with anyone. I am so glad I joined.. I am aware that I have to work on myself a lot... like you mentioned, I have to learn to be kinder to myself. (It really is a challenge, I will write that in my new years goals).

I also read a very good book called "The Choice". That book was the first thing that changed my perspective. The author talks a lot about how self pitty is easier than making us responsible for how we feel. Anyway, I think that once I reason how I feel, I know that I am somehow overreacting? But emotionally I still feel like the little girl that cannot control anything. Hopefully with time it will all get better.

I admire all of you for having so much courage and a great heart.

@snow do you have any personal experience with botox? how was it?
 
Hi Maymay, I know just how that can be when you've got someone else on your mind and you're thinking ahead of yourself. I think it happens to me all the time! And I understand completely!
 
Hi @checmec, Yes you definitely are alive for a reason, as all of us are. And we are so glad you are! You are so right in this is a very personal condition but that's the beauty of this forum. It has us realize that there are plenty of others with this same personal condition and we don't have to feel alone. Here we learn how to get a handle on this and are free to give and take suggestions since we are all in this together. There are people here who have a lot of talent and compassion and I wish I could meet everyone in person because they have so much to offer, as you do! I think that before long you will feel that way too! And the fact you recognize you need to be kinder to yourself means you are taking steps in the right direction. As I've said before I do see things are going to work out for you and it is going to be spectacular! :D So please keep believing that! And with us here, you have found your way home!
 
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