a listening ear? my worsening incontinence

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Lately my incontinence has been getting worse. urinary is bad enough but the fecal is something that seems like pretty severe punishment.

i have to consider that these conditions have come about due to my self-harm mental-illness. but please keep in mind that it does not mean that i like it. some might be tempted to think that self-harm means desired but that is not so. but i don’t know why i’d be deserving of such punishment.

now it seems like all my body-waste related muscles are progressively getting weaker. this means that i have less control now than ever. its just bit by bit, but it is happening. i don’t know what good it is to post this but i feel really helpless if i don’t.

maybe i’m expecting people to say “its not really that bad” or something like that, but i still feel like its one of the worst things that can happen. somehow i can talk about it amongst people in similar physical situations on this site but i just can’t approach it with my family and just barely with my therapist. i am in therapy but i don’t know how to make it helpful for this. i really fear judgmental thinking on everyone’s part. i guess i expect people to feel about this condition the way i felt about it before i ever had it myself. now its kind of like it serves me right.

what i fear is that eventually i will need to be wearing protection 24/7 - probably something much heavier than these pullups. and it is so distressing that my mental illness brought this about. so its hard to avoid self reproachfulness.

i have no idea where this illness comes from. its been a life long problem. i know that even with a loving family, fecal incontinence is significantly unpleasant for them to have live with. i’m still able to keep it fairly hidden but that can’t last for ever. cleanup has been a big problem lately. i dont know how i’m going to deal with it as it worsens.

i think that these days, staying in has been making it worse and i have to prepare myself for what appears to be happening but i don’t know what to do.

i dont know what i’m expecting now. like i said, i’ve just been feeling helpless. thanks for listening.

 

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@etamilbus as you say, this is a good place to raise issues as lots of us are dealing with similar things. Now is a difficult time right round the world and I wouldn't be surprised if all the uncertainty is making things worse for many of us. Feel free to pm me if you want, cheers Phil

 

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I would feel as upset as you describe in your situation. You are a very eloquent speaker on the topic. At leaat at veey least by talking here its a start at being more talkative with your therapist. Maybe with your doctor too.
You are exhibiting a very keen empathy for your family living with the incontinence which is admirable.
Humbley , best regards.

 

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Urinary incontinence is very difficult. Fecal incontinence seems so far beyond that... you have my sympathy.

You don’t speak about talking to your doctor. You likely need a specialist. One of my dearest friends abused laxatives with an eating disorder. Suddenly she was experiencing diarrhea and fecal incontinence. She had to keep demanding help. Eventually, she found a specialist (in Rochester, NY. WE are in Syracuse). The specialist implanted a device similar to the interstim device for urinary incontinence. She has had remarkable relief. I hope this helps you. If you need more info I will ask her about it. Hang in there. We are with you!

 

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Urinary incontinence is very difficult. Fecal incontinence seems so far beyond that... you have my sympathy.

You don’t speak about talking to your doctor. You likely need a specialist. One of my dearest friends abused laxatives with an eating disorder. Suddenly she was experiencing diarrhea and fecal incontinence. She had to keep demanding help. Eventually, she found a specialist (in Rochester, NY. WE are in Syracuse). The specialist implanted a device similar to the interstim device for urinary incontinence. She has had remarkable relief. I hope this helps you. If you need more info I will ask her about it. Hang in there. We are with you!

my doctor (PCP) very likely understands my mental issues and considers dealing with the physical issues secondary to the mental. in other words, my mental issues need to be put under control first or physical treatment may be useless or even dangerous.

 

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Good luck to you. You are obviously working closely with your providers. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

 

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I am so glad you reached out to us during this extremely difficult time in your life. I am so sorry you are having to deal with both incontinence problems. I don't know what makes you feel you deserve this in some way, but I want you to know that I don't believe you deserve this. I pray for your improved mental health, and that your family and friends and health care providers will be kind and understanding. Please take good care and stay safe.

 

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I have just found this forum and I'm glad of it...glad to find a sympathetic shoulder. My doctor is nice but she hasn't really done anything that has made a difference. I went to a pelvio floor therapist and she just wanted me to do keegals which helped a tiny bit but now that I no longer go to her, I'm back to peeing a few times an hour, and sometimes more than that! I do some exercise nearly every day and that feels good for my back but doesn't seem to help the bladder. The perceived wisdom for OAB is drink 8 glasses of water/day, but that just makes me pee even more!!!!! They say don't eat sugar, but I know bread, for example, turns into sugar but if I don't eat some carb like bread, I pee even more!!!! Help!!! I'm ready for some suggestions, please.

 

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I do have a positive note/suggestion: When you need to change your soggy drippy pad protection, they often smell pretty foul. I have rolled mine up and put it into a sandwich size zip lock bag and that into a small trash can with a swinging lid. That gets emptied every week. That combo has almost completely solved the problem!

 

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Hi Sarah, I'm glad you're posting with us. We are not judgmental but this is a good place to get things off your chest in a relatively quick way. Is there someone near you can trust and gain their support? If not in your immediate family then maybe a close cousin, aunt or uncle? How long have you seen this therapist? It takes a while to feel comfortable with them but just keep working at it. To begin with, therapists are kind of quiet. They let you do most of the talking. It's their job, after all! But please know this - your therapist is on your side and s/he wants to help you be the best you can possibly be. If there is something you want to ask the therapist what you can do, then do it. Do it for you! You do matter!

 

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@billliveshere everyone is being so nice to me I'm probably gunna cry soon. I have wanted this all my life really. I just couldn't handle the way society looks at it. Presently I don't have "real life" friends and I dread telling anyone in my family but the obvious choice is my kid sister. We're sisters after all. She's kind and compassionate and she will not desert her newly revealed sister even if she has reservations about what is happening with me. She's the one I'll tell first.

Sarah

 

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Well Sarah, I see it this way: don't worry about the way society looks at your situation. You are doing what is right for you. And that's what counts! You do it to please yourself. And it's the old saying, to thine own self be true. And you are! Your kid sister is your rock through thick and thin. She is there. Do make it a point to tell her everything. Granted, she may have reservations about this at first. But she knows you best and she will come around to your point of view. I have no doubt you ultimately can convince her. Good luck! You are on the right path.

 

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I love that I realized coming out was right because so many people are saying such kind supportive things and that as blasting away all those fears of the societal conventions that crippled me for so much of my life. And there is so much work I want to do to try and change society. I'm feeling like such an empowered and motivated woman now and this is totally not who I was last week. And im surrounded by lots of great helping people. I'm so happy to hear your words of support. Thanks so much

Sarah

 

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You are among friends here, we aren’t hear to judge anyone, just be supportive and care.

 

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Sarah, you have something to offer the world. Don't ever forget that! Everybody here is on your side and ready to help. It's late in the evening and I wish you a good, peaceful night!

 

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thank you @billliveshere i will try to have a peaceful night! i know i’ll be having the sweetest dreams of my new found femininity. i’ll be dreaming of telling the world about how i escaped my captor and took the steps to become Sarah. I so want the world to know me and how I came to be. I’m feeling so empowered and I’m so excited that I may jump out of bed! But its ok. I’m just dreaming up ways to shine my femininity everywhere and with it, try to help change the world and make it a better place for everyone.

Lots of Love

Sarah

 

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Lord only knows the world needs to be a better place for everyone just about now and any way you can help change it for the better, then I'm all for it! I'm really happy that you found this site and discovered that there are a lot of multi-talented people who are here and can offer real, genuine expertise. Some forums are populated with a bunch of smart alecks who have nothing to offer the person who really asks for help. Fortunately that doesn't apply to this one! Any time you have a question or just want to rant, you know we're here. Things will get better as you have come to grips on knowing who you really are. I know you'll come up with a plan on how to proceed with your new life.

 

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@billliveshere i’m simply elated to have recently discovered that the hidden girl Sarah was able to come out. i don’t think i can actually afford a full sex change but i will definitely get as close to it as finances allow. right now i’m in the process of telling everyone about who i am. its so joyous to finally be the girl i was always meant to be. i have been saying this so much lately - i guess making up for lost time. kind of putting that Sarah feminine foot print everywhere in the world and everywhere in my mind. making sure that the person once known as dan understands he will never keep me down. and yes, if in anyway i can make even the slightest change for the better in the world i will do it. it is such a good feeling and surprise to find so much kindness toward a person wanting to change sexes. i actually did not expect such wonderful support. it feels great knowing that so many people already know. gotta keep that good news out there - day by day more and more.

lots of love back to you

Sarah

 

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Just glad you are happy. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with the grumpy people in this world? Maybe they just need to try being the opposite sex for a week. They would surely have a better and more complete outlook on life. who knows, I’m hungry and just wishing I had a pizza right now....lol
Hope everyone is having a nice day

 

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@jrpoorman Yum, Sarah loves pizza! and i’m also so happy you are happy i’m happy.

femininely forever yours,

Sarah