Incontinence, marraige, sex and self confidence.

[Archives1]

Hello to all.
This will be my first post on any sort of forum so may i just say "Thank you" in advance to all who viewv my post and have commented, offered advice or reached out.
I am a 49 year old male. I am married with four grown children all of adult age. My wife and i have been together for for 30 years and married 20 years.
We have both faced and overcome many of lifes challenges, we have both been tested and suffered ups and downs but have always looked toward our love for one another to come through them.
The reason behind my post today is that of the subject on "Severe" Incontinence and the affect it is having or has had on our marraige. We have as a couple something of an ability to discuss certain subjects and concerns that might "Disrupt" or become something of an "Obstacle" on our continuing path of marrige. At times we can be very open, trusting, and supportive in discussion but for the one subject it seems we have the same fearful approach when discussion arises on my severe incontinence and the affects it has had on our daily lives. I have suffered mild night time incontinence from a very young age but sadly let's just say i didnt have very understanding parents. I would wet the bed occasionslly at night. There were 5 brothers and sisters and until up to the age of 5 or 6 would have to sleep in the one bed in the one room. It was cold and we had nothing. I grew up in a home that many would describe as "Squalour" My parents had no money and family living in general was from as long as i can remember very bleak. My bedwetting incidents did not go unpunished. I was made to sleep on the bare floorboards as we had no carpet in the room.
I remember the expriences and it wasnt until i grew older i began to realise that in fact for all those occasions I had been treated no better than a dog.( This my give you a littlr clarity regarding my parentage through childhood ) My Bedwetting continued through the years and early into our relationship when we had starting living together as a couple. Even back then my wife was understanding and caring with my explanation..
My intentions of this post is for that being both myself and my wife are hoping to find understanding and learn to live happily and free with something that has ultimately been an unwanted addition to our married life. I will be discussing the subject by sharing with you past experiences and emotions in which at times may be very graphic and for some, may make "uncomfortable reading".
Once again may i thank you all for your acceptance to this forum.
Until my next post.. Best Wishes. ❤

 

[Archives1]

Welcome SRS from a fellow Brit.

 

[Archives1]

SRS, I am similar. 48 and married 23 years. She deals with it as if it is no big deal but I still hate getting dressed while she is in the room. I will put my stuff in the bathroom and get dressed there. My childhood was not nearly that bad though. My few and far accidents were just treated as misses. It was not until my 20s that the incontinence made a real return to my life. Now I wear diapers 24/7 and it definitely makes for frustration with marital affairs and a regular life. You are not alone by a stretch though. I look forward to hearing more about how you live a full life with this additional item to address.

 

[Archives1]

laalaauk and wetdad Thank you both kindly for the warm welcome and for sharing your situation with me. I can certainly relate.
Thank you. ❤

 

[Archives1]

Hello Again.
Continuing from my introductory post, I'd like to begin by saying thank you to those who have taken the time to read and comment. I an extremely grateful of your sharing experiences.
Moving forward I would like to share with you my experiences from the previous 12 months. It has been quite eventful and life changing for me. If there is one thing positive to be gained from them then may be it be above all else.. "Acceptance"..
During the past few years up until around three years ago my incontinence issues at night had become a regular, almost nightly occurrence. In order for "Damage limitation" my wife had suggested I wear protection at night to reduce any further embarrassment, wet bedding and mattress replacement.
This would for anyone else in the same situation be the most reasonable and practical solution but for both myself andy wife it was and has become something of a deep rooted, psychological, embarrassing, dark and confusing issue for the two of us.. If it had not been for numerous medical examinations, hospital care, and confirmation from the urologist and specialist advisors it would have been so easy for my wife and others to have concluded it as nothing more than a "Sexual Fantasy" or "Fetish" that I was indulging in. Disbelief would dominate her thoughts and rightly so. Today I confirm my belief that from childhood I had developed an urge and want of being cared for like a baby and this had become a stronger desire as I grew older. My only defence being the abuse, disregard, neglect and mistreatment recieved by my parents had absolutely contributed to the abnormal desires.
Deep rooted from childhood. As children we had each suffered all but "Sexual" abuse and individually suffered in our own way. I would see my younger brothers and sisters as babies and began to feel that i wanted to be receiving the same care. A nappy/diaper change as I too was suffering, I ashamedly admit getting great comfort from the thoughts but my mother didn't care, she preferred to stay ignorant to my medical needs. A few years into our relationship I had confided in my wife about the desires I kept having. It wasn't easy and though understanding she was far than welcoming with my thoughts. She has remained forthcoming when she stresses how uncomfortable with it and an unwilling participant in any practical act of fulfillment. she has always been uneasy about the whole "Fantasy" thing but even to this day will use it as a method of arousal for me during masterbation to aid ejaculation.
This now has become something of a massive psychological battle for me as I now believe it has emphasised the term "Be careful what you wish for".As absurd or as genuine as it sounds, To have such conflict with my thoughts as a genuine incontinece sufferer has made me feel perverse, twisted and abnormal about myself. It was four years ago i had my first daytime episode and it proved to be one of the most humiliating things I had ever endured. The worst part being that of having no urge or feeling, just that of losing all control of a certain bodily function. Travelling and overnight stays were proving to be awkward and difficult so again my wife suggested I start wearing nappies 24/7 until I had been seen by a incontinence specialist..

Thank you all for your patience with my ongoing post. I will be continuing shortly..
Best Wishes.

 

[Archives1]

Hello SRS;

I can relate to this story in the sense that it has been hard for myself adapt with severe bladder issues and live a life that I truly enjoy living.

I just unpacked my things and clocked out of work - but today has been exhausting to say the least. I've always on the first day of a new job; worn protection - just so that I know the nature of the beast; and with my last job I was thankfully able to be in a stones throw away from a bathroom.

But I will still go every half hour to 45 minutes. unfortunately any longer; I will leak. On a good day I've been able to experience hold times of up to 2 hours max; on a very bad day; every 7-15 minutes.

Today; I was unexpectedly taken on the road to stay overnight for road construction on my first day of work. I will admit - I suffered from leaks today. But I am thankful that I can do my job and still be able to perform without letting that get in the way now.

I think the hardest part of dealing with this for myself - is the post traumatic stress that deals with childhood trauma relating to bladder episodes which you have shared.

I can relate to that; as being now in an overly masculine group - I'm now part of "the crew" which are Pit Viper wearing Republican leaning Ryan Upchurch listening men.

But I wouldn't trade them in for anything in the world. Because I feel that I belong. And they are GOOD people. I feel like I did many years ago; when i was accepted In a group of men like in college and days working in the summertime with my Dad.

But I had to put my foot down to better my life. And I did so - and sometimes that is coming to accept that I needed protection. It was not something I had the fortunate opportunity to learn to accept from loved ones in person; but had to come from within me (as well as kind hearted people on this forum).

"Regardless of who you are, your childhood experiences were, are, and will always be valid."

I say that myself - whenever I am triggered. Because I know the truth in my heart, and the memories that exist within me that make bladder problems an everyday battle - but with the NAFC and community I have found here - it has made today possible. I couldn't say that a year ago; or even two years ago.

Greetings from across the Atlantic. Maybe the "Bell Atlantic" .

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs

 

[Archives1]

SRS -- Hello & Welcome to the Forum. Glad to have you. Due to the way you were treated by your parents as a child, you could very well have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I recommend you see a psychotherapist who uses Cognitive Behaviorioral Therapy as a tool. I also recommend you see a psychiatrist. You may have some deep-seated issues to contend with. I am so sorry you had to have the kind of childhood that you did. It must have been very difficult to deal with. Help is available though.

 

[Archives1]

Thank you Pegasi99 and Honeeecombs for your advice and shared experiences. It has certainly opened my eyes to the affect my childhood has had on my adult life.
Continuing from my last post I would like to be a little more expressive to a few subjects including the impact of being told by my urologist that my incontinence was permanent. That I would have to wear protection constantly for the rest of my life.
My wife had on several occasions stressed that in her opinion i urgently needed to seek proffesional medical help and advice regarding my bladder control though it wasn't until a few months later when I woke one morning in terrible pain. I got up to change in the bathroom and found my nappy was saturated ( in which I first assumed was urine ) to find it was blood. I was Heammoraging and couldn't not control it. I immediately went straight to my wife and explained. I remember standing in front of her with hidden fear as blood was pumping heavily from my penis. It was one of the most frightening situations I have experienced over the years. I immediately took myseif to hospital. Moving forward, after the initial hospital care and treatment I was sent for a session of scans, physical tests and alot of prodding and poking the main concern for the specialists was the Possibilty of The Big "C". The following weeks until I recieved the results of my scans and tests were an absolute nightmare. I has said to my wife that I would be prepared to confront anything that I was to be diagnosed with other than Cancer. Thankfully all results were clear, bringing both myself and my wife a massive relief..
What was in store for me on my next bladder and bowel appointment I wasn't ready for. After several previous appointments I was being told I was being discharged from care as It was concluded that my incontinence was permanent. I was advised that I should continue to wear protection at all times in order to make things as comfortable as possible when managing my condition. I was then referred by my urologist to an organisation called "Bladder and Bowel Srvices". An organisation that will depending on your level of needs will supply adult nappies and other products at no cost. This is purely because of the financial cost of these products and how many or often personal supplies are needed. After the initial process of further tests and questions I was notified that I had qualified for support and i would be prescribed a supply of disposable nappies for both day and night wear every four months on a permanent basis..

For my next post I would like to share with you the affect it has so far had and is having on my marriage and intimacy.
Best Wjshes to All. ❤

 

[Archives1]

I have also been to the urology department of my hospital more times than I can remember. Like you I was referred to the continence service and still get products delivered. For me, something called sacral nerve stimulation has helped me cut my use of tena maxi to about a quarter of what it was before. Don't worry about going back to urologist evwry now and again as new techniques do come along,

 

[Archives1]

Hi, i am a 47 year old male and i see some similarities in your story and mine. I have had bedwetting issues all my life, but knew well how to hide it. Stuffed towels in my pants and learned to wash them at a young age. I was not neglected as a child other than my condition was not taken seriously. As an adult it took quite some time to find a partner but as i met my now wife i was so afraid my condition would scare her off i just continued with hiding.
In my mid 30's things got worse and beside nighttime wetting it also occurred more and more often during the day. At first I secretly bought incontinence pads and went to the doctor without her knowing. But often I ended up with wet pants that could not be overlooked and disgusted my wife. I have seen several doctors and had multiple diagnoses and now it is clear it is a neurological condition. I am completely bladder incontinent. Urine just flows out without any warning. More and more often I also suffer from bowel incontinence.
Looking back I would say from the moment my daytime wetting started also my impotence started. But not knowing what was going on, it was a very stressful period. At moments things were normal and at moments nothing happened or failed after a short time.
Now things don't work anymore at all and we are never intimate. I very seldom masturbate. I can not relate to your longing to be diaper cared but I do understand a bit. I long for intimacy, at least touching and getting close. But my wife is so much disgusted by urine, diapers and what comes along with it, the odor, skin issues, constantly dripping, she doesn't touch me anymore. I wish she would recognise my condition and therefore my diaper is part of who i am.

 

[Archives1]

I am very lucky my incontinence has never phased my wife at all. She just took it in her stride. She was the one that suggested I wear nappies 24/7 and just get on with my life.
My nightly bedwetting never bothers her and she is happy to sleep with me as long as her side of the bed doesn't get wet.
We still have intimate times my incontinence hasn't stopped this.

 

[Archives1]

I am very lucky my incontinence has never phased my wife at all. She just took it in her stride. She was the one that suggested I wear nappies 24/7 and just get on with my life.
My nightly bedwetting never bothers her and she is happy to sleep with me as long as her side of the bed doesn't get wet.
We still have intimate times my incontinence hasn't stopped this.

 

[Archives1]

There is neurological condition called normal pressure hydrocephalus. Although it usually has three symptoms which are being wobbly of gait and and wacky of mind and wet of incontinence it could be That the man who is constantly wet might have just one of those symptoms. The wetness. You might check with a neurologist and ask her/him about NPH.