Raising Children

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Hello, I am a 26yo male. I have dealt with nighttime incontinence all my life. I have sought out treatment with little to no success. It is likely linked to my sleep apnea. I have been married for 5 years and my wife and I are thinking about expanding our family.

To those of you who have children, how have you addressed nighttime incontinence with them? My wife is supportive and we get along just fine. Hiding it from kids within the home isn't an option, as I think you will understand. My concern is that the kids would possibly tell someone outside of the family. Even if they didn't know better due to age, it would really hurt me. I am extremely embarrassed about this, and only immediate family knows about my issue. I realize I am lucky, as is I have been able to keep my problem hidden. I've avoided a lot of bullying, having had this issue all my life. Thanks in advance for reading my post.

 

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Don't give it a second thought. Most people don't even care.
When I was younger, I went shopping with my family to get my disposable diapers and my daughter, who was around 6 at the time, blurted out loud, Dad who are these diapers for? Without thinking, I said they were for Santa Claus. She yelled out, "No dad, their for you." Some people chuckled, others didn't say a word.
So don't sweat it.

 

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Don't give it a second thought. Most people don't even care.
When I was younger, I went shopping with my family to get my disposable diapers and my daughter, who was around 6 at the time, blurted out loud, Dad who are these diapers for? Without thinking, I said they were for Santa Claus. She yelled out, "No dad, their for you." Some people chuckled, others didn't say a word.
So don't sweat it.

HAHA Out of the mouths of Babes

 

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Welcome to the forum
You are ahead of yourself thinking about unborn children !
But I like to think you will be more compassionate and understanding raising children supporting your wife through her transitions into motherhood too.
Being night time incontinent you have options for being modest in your home in five or six or so years when you do have a young child (counting off the year of pregnancy as if it was today lol)

 

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Don't worry about it. I have a 5 and 9 year old. Both of them learned I wore diapers at night when they were toddlers (because you have zero privacy with toddlers, and have to keep them with you at all times to keep them safe), but neither of them really thought anything of it and neither every said anything to anyone.

Subsequently they both have forgotten. Despite the fact I don't go to heroic lengths to keep it a secret, neither currently knows. I keep an oversized trashcan in the bathroom and dispose of diapers there. I get shipments every other month and they don't ask. I keep a drawer full of diapers in my dresser and extra packs in the closet. One day I'm sure one of them will discover something and either we will have a frank discussion ... or not. Remember, kids don't like being embarrassed by their parents, so after a few years it's not information they are going to want to share.

 

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Welcome Guest_05;

I'm not a parent but what I would recommend is using paternal instincts in knowing how to breach this subject. Continence is something that is similar to any other medical issue - and the use of pads for feminine hygiene can be closely related.

I suppose you could say if you treat it as a non issue; it won't matter. I remember growing up; my mother would keep her feminine hygiene products in a small wicker basket in the bathroom near the toilet. Even as a child; I really didn't understand it nor did I honestly care. After all, kids will not judge unless they are taught that. I never went through my parents belongings so anything you have in your bedroom should be safe for keeping private.

Just know there are many others on this board who are dealing with bladder control issues; I am a man in his late twenties like yourself - and that these issues are nothing to be ashamed of. I'm not sure what your diagnosis is - but I suffer from OAB with symptoms of Urgency Incontinence and Painful Bladder Spasms.

You are very blessed to have a support network such as your wife in handling these issues - if you have any questions or just overall would like peer support - were here at the NAFC.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs

 

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Hello, I am a 26yo male. I have dealt with nighttime incontinence all my life. I have sought out treatment with little to no success. It is likely linked to my sleep apnea.

 

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Originally Posted by Guest_05
Hello, I am a 26yo male. I have dealt with nighttime incontinence all my life. I have sought out treatment with little to no success. It is likely linked to my sleep apnea.

I have severe OAB and sleep apnea, and no one has ever told me that the two might be related. Have one of our doctors told you they might be related or is that something you have heard through the grapevine. The reason I am asking is I am thinking of getting an inspire implant which would help with my apnea which might help with my OAB vs getting the Medtronic implant to help with my OAB. I am not sure which way to go.
I would appreciate any info you might be able to share.

 

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Welcome Guest!
If you and your wife would like to start a family, you should not let incontinence get in the way, especially if your wife is fully supportive.
Young children will say things that embarrass you, even if it is not regarding diapers, that is just what they do. It is not malicious, and you always find a way to survive.

 

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I went the other route and I've hidden it from my kids as much as possible. They do not know to my knowledge. I suspect that my two teenagers would have thrown some light hearted ribbing my way if they knew.

This has made it tough, I've made a few mistakes over the years. At one point I left a used diaper in the bathroom. I come home and my two oldest were shouting "We found Nana's diaper!". My MIL lived with us for several years and we commiserated over bladder issues together. She never said it was mine.

I was also camping this last weekend (glamping, private bathrooms). It was going to storm and it threw off the routine right before bed. I got ready earlier and at one point my son smacked me on the butt. I'm not sure how he did not notice, but he's taken to do it randomly so maybe he's trying to make a baseline.

I'm not sure if I wish I had told them when my bladder problems got worse, or not. I have been honest about going back to the urologist lately but we don't discuss accidents.

 

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Lorumipsum. It seems to me that it's time for an open frank discussion with your kids about your incontinence. They need to understand what's going on. It could happen to them sometime in the future and they need to be informed and be understanding. your relationship with your sons could be in danger if you seem to be ashamed of your issue. Remember they are clueless until you bring it into the light.

 

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Raising children and explaining health issues isn't anything to worry about. Kids really don't care and at most ask a few questions but everything goes in one ear and out the other. With our children (now grown) nothing was hidden, when they had questions they asked and we answered them truthfully.

Our kids have never really said much about it except the occasional joke/comment. With children (or anyone) it's extremely important to use humor whenever explaining or talking about anything related to incontinence. Keeping it funny will completely remove any awkwardness and allows the kids to not feel uncomfortable when it's brought up or if they want to address it.

Being a good parent that has a strong relationship with your children makes everything so much easier. Little things like reading to your kids every night and setting aside time to talk about school, their friends and drama will build strong lines of communication and they'll always feel comfortable talking about anything.

 

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My son once blurted out to a group of our friends at a social function "My Dad still wets the bed!" What he failed to mention was that at the time he was seldom dry at night.
He was about 10 at the time and I was going through one of my periodical wet spells that have come and gone all my adult life.
A bit embarrasing but no one seamed to be bothered by it.

 

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I've noticed that children will toss stuff out for various reasons
One because they speak what is going through their head simultaneously

Two they might feel someone is shaming them and is in self protection mode

Three they might be trying to get a rise out of the person they are offending

 

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I've raised four of my own children, six out of seven of my grandchildren and one great-grandchild and I lived with two sisters younger than me; and of course myself. What I've observed is that kids are trying to figure out how the world works. They say things for shock value, they are not cognizant that their honesty of observing situations can hurt someone, they are sincerely hoping for any kind of explanations, they don't understand about other people's feelings, they see injustice in (adult's) actions and comments, a multitude of reasons. That's probably where the axiom, "Children should be seen and not heard" came from.

Example: My nine-year-old daughter invited four girls to her birthday party. One of the girls' mother decided to come too and brought the girl's 5 year old brother. This mother talked non-stop from the time she entered our home until the group left for horseback riding. While we were preparing to leave and the "mother" was still talking, my three-year old daughter, Jan, was standing next to the woman, waiting for a pause. Finally Jan caught the end of a sentence and blurted out, "You sure do talk a lot!" The woman looked at her as though she spoke a different language, then continued her monologue.

 

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@ritanofsinger @CES97 I still can't bring myself to tell my kids about bedwetting and diapers, but I did talk to them after my last doctor's appointment. I have a CT Scan, Cystoscopy and Urodynamics scheduled. I told them that I was having bladder issues and discussed the procedures.

I appreciate the advice. One day I may get the courage to finish spilling the beans.