Sex after Radical Prostatectomy

[Archives1]

I decided that I would start a new thread based on
“Sex after a Radical Prostatectomy”.
I have talked to several men who shared their experience regarding sex after an RP.
And just like our journey with incontinence it is varied and unpredictable.
So here is my story and I hope some of you share yours.
I am 4 months post op.
My situation may be different because I had a life time of prostatitis and a Urolyft Procedure that caused damage to the nerve bundles around the prostate. So had a mild case of ED even before the surgery. When I say mild I mean that I could get an erection hard enough for sex at least 80-90% of the time.
So I tried the various medications available but they caused some uncomfortable side effects. Mostly extreme headaches.
The surgeon warned me that because of my past issues the odds were pretty good that I would probably be incontinent and have more pronounced ED issues. And because I lost over 50% of the nerve bundles because of the history and surgery he was right.
So 4 months post I have very low interest in sex and ED 100% of the time. Because of medication side effects I have tried the Pump without success and now trying Penile injections.
So far the injections haven’t worked great because I am still slowly increasing the dosage to find the correct amount. And the first few times it was uncomfortable. Not the injection itself but the feeling of an uncomfortable pressure inside the penis. The uncomfortable sensation has since diminished. The dry Ejaculation was expected but I was more worried about leaking urine. So I wear a condom for that reason only. If and when I become dry I will stop.
The sensation at Ejaculation was nothing like before and very unremarkable. So hard to get excited about sex.
I have tried watching some Porn and I can get partially aroused.
But not enough for penetration.
So for me sex after RP is still experimentation and trial and error.
So far my wife has been great with her understanding and patience.
I have say that I am disappointed in the outcome so far ....but I am also hoping that the nerves that’s remain continue to heal and the feelings improve.
I am open to suggestions.

 

[Archives1]

Tough to hear but thanks for the openness. Wish you speeding recovery and health. I have not traveled that road, but knowing will help if I have to later.

 

[Archives1]

I hear you loud and clear. I'm 10 months after RP and incontinent like most everyone else. Because of the incontinence my wife and I have had no sex because I leak during foreplay (we tried once, but I stopped). The trimix injection worked the one time I used it. I am way too self conscious to put my wife thru that, not to mention I keep worrying that I will leak and not know it's happening. Other than using a condom, which neither of us want to do, I am at a loss to know a solution. I am scheduled for an AUS procedure in Spring, which I am praying solves this particular dilemma along with being dry. If anyone has solved this particular problem, other than with surgery I am sure many of us would love to know how?

 

[Archives1]

Anzivino,
I will consider that procedure as well but wondering why you didn't to the sling procedure vs AUS ?

 

[Archives1]

Speaking from the women's side of the room, i will say women crave intimacy as much or more than sex. Its important if you can use all the other parts of you that do function, your loving arms, your eyes,your loving words your hands your mouth to assure her she is safely loved and so desirable in what ever level of commitment you have whatever the bond or exploration between you is, the act takes two to have a fulfilling experience. Put aside just the function of one part of your body.
I can also suggest you learn about Tantric sex which is available in you tube and books but is not about that ejaculated by your member but about where most of sex happens in your MIND and it is incredibly powerful and satisfying. Yes to a man or a woman.
I learned about this as a way to overcome geographic distance and even time and space, to leapfrog over life trauma and psychological scars to return to the young fully vibrant person that one is that was once a you before age trauma or medical intervention.
Sorry, not soory to sound all new age on you, this is what I know from experience.
I will discuss this private message if need be so as not to offend the forum.

 

[Archives1]

To DWB. In answer to your question, the research I have done indicates that a sling is for fairly modest incontinence and the AUS is for heavier incontinence. My incontinence is 12-20oz a day, so not very modest. This is something you would consult with your surgeon or urologist to determine which is the best procedure for you.

 

[Archives1]

Here you go- holding her and kissing her body and oral sex, think about adult toys, watching my wife have an orgasm pleases me and reassured her of my love for her- I’m 5 weeks post RP surgery- I will be working on myself soon to achieve a dry orgasm- it may not be as intense as when I was young but I will take what I can get, the turn on is visual To see her naked excite me mentally- Life is short. Mind over matter. All the best to all of you

 

[Archives1]

Thank you May & Puka for your insight and suggestions.
This is a whole other side to Prostate surgery and although the physical limitations were expected,I wasn’t expecting the mental side of it.
We have still had one sided intimacy a few times and we were using toys snd pleasuring each other orally before the surgery.
Lelo is a great site for creative toys if you are looking for a new source.
I have not experienced Tantric sex but it was recommended to me before.
Might be time to focus on it.

 

[Archives1]

This is informative stuff, thanks for sharing.
I'm just beginning my journey down a road some of you have already traveled and your insight and real world experiences are so valuable.

I've been advised to get either the urolift or the rezume or something hot steam procedure.
After reading up on it all the urolift stapling seemed to be the least harmful for someone who was sexually active and this is the first I've read of the nerves being affected. With ss staples and fishing line shooting through the prostate it makes sense but I'm wondering for those of you that have had one of those procedures... would you do anything different if you had a do-over?

 

[Archives1]

Since my prostate was completely removed, as well as the nerves, that meant complete ED. I was more than skeptical when they fed me the various ED pills - the nerve is gone, so how can they help? Get real. Sorry about the pun, but I finally got pissed at them.
The pump is very uncomfortable, and you miss the sensation of arousal and coming erect, and they never admit the pain in the ads. Plus, the rings must be taken off within half an hour, and that can be painful.
Bi-mix worked for me, after we got the dose high enough, which is high enough to be unpleasant going in, but worth it. I was very lucky, as the incontinence went to very little after about a year. Then two things blew our world apart - another medical condition shot my incontinence to very bad, (which subsided withing 2 years) and she developed incontinence/UTI bad enough to need diapers 24-7. So much for oral sex.
Puka: you are amazing. Thanks for sharing. MayMay too.
It's the romance, if and when you get over the hurdles. It is sort of like your feelings when in public, except so much more intimate and off-putting, scared the partner will be un-accepting, r completely turned off. Does take more planning.
Does give you the opportunity for more understanding and caring for your partner, and that can be very good thing in many ways.
Finding a safe place to get adult toys (now there is euphemism!), maybe porn. Are we allowed to mention specific businesses? Good Vibrations, and Bright Desire.
Dwb, we have needed this conversation. Good on you. It's made me think.

 

[Archives1]

Here’s a true story- the morning of my surgery ( I was to check in at the hospital at 5:00am) I woke up at 3am, sat on the couch Contemplating what was to come and how my life would be changed forever, Turned on the TV and there’s a infomercial about purchasing sex toys! Here’s this woman Holding a dildo and saying how you can get this in easy payments? What were the odds? so I took it as a sign of things to come

 

[Archives1]

Stay Safe my Friends

 

[Archives1]

WAP was a song that won some big award and did a show on the Grammy last night. (My Google provides a running news commentary of all sorts of stuff)
What does this acronym mean? Wet Ass Pussy.
I think after an initial revulsion to all the overexposure to sex infomercialization my take away is we can open our minds to different ways to view our condition and incorporate the fact that the complex structure below the navel is multi functional and somehow alllow with the messiness of it all to be part of the experience of our wholeness because time marches on and no there is no normal in culture or personal condition anymore. There is nothing to be shocked by anymore.

 

[Archives1]

A couple of things to think about with the urolyft.
It did work well for several years but as you grow older and the prostate continues to enlarge the results do diminish.
But I would probably do it again as I did have side affects from the alternative medication.
Even though the external side of the system does affect the nerve bundles I had other things going on as well so it wasn't all related to the urolyft.
My urologist never mentioned the potential effect it might have if I needed a prostatectomy so it might be worth discussing with your Doc.
Or a urologist surgeon if he isn't one.

 

[Archives1]

Agree with all the comments and especially the value of cuddling, foreplay, vibrators and oral play.

I am 16 months post RP. I still leak a bit, especially when exercising. I have made some progress on my ED mostly by combining kegels with self stimulation. I can now get a reasonable erection twice a week. Placing a silicon ring around both the scotum and penis helps achieve and maintain an erection sufficient for penetration. Note: ring must be removed within 30 minutes. Missionary with woman's legs closed seems to work best but we have also been able to do lazy dog and cowgirl. It's nothing like our sex life before my cancer operation but this is our new normal.

Be patient. Exercise. Communicate with your significant other and own your new sex life. It beats dying from cancer!

 

[Archives1]

Hey so while we’re on the subject, I had a full prostate removal nerves everything surgeon told me never going to get a erection, can Cialis or Viagra at least help you get some kind of internal stimulation possibly leading to a dry orgasm and has anyone out there had a dry orgasm I’m trying to find info on it and is your penis limp while you have a dry orgasm how is that achieved, thanks for your help with this

 

[Archives1]

Well I hope this is not T.M.I for you all? But yesterday on my anniversary day of surgery 7 weeks post RP non nerve sparing operation- I achieve a dry orgasm and it’s was awesome, very unique in the feeling but pleasant. So it is possible- my next step is to get back in the ocean again

 

[Archives1]

Puka: I guess I don't know anyone who got an erection, after the full prostate removal, with any of the pills. The doctors seem determined to have "us" try. I guess some do, maybe? I've never even seen a study, with, say, percentages of how many it worked for. Worth a try. My insurance wouldn't even pay for the "sample", and I had no idea until I got to the pharmacy. I could have refused - the pharmacist made that clear.
There are the shots - Bi-Mix and Tri-mix. Not sure what the Latin name of the drug is, both the Doc & the pharmacist will know what you're talking about. That does work, but I don't know if it works for everyone. It gives an erection, not ejaculate. The nurse teaches you how to give yourself the shot, has you practice giving yourself the shot, once, with sterile water.
An orgasm doesn't depend on ejaculate. It's just a bit different sensation, but the rest is what you have always felt.
A male orgasm is sensation and arousal and touch, enjoying yourself and your partner (if any). Having your partner enjoy herself, getting turned on by her arousal and pleasure. So it isn't really that different for either of you. Now-a-days, I guess your partner might be same sex. Practice alone, try it out.
Good luck.

 

[Archives1]

I have now used Penile injections about 6 times.
They do work and do provide an erection hard enough for penetration.
It doesn’t seem quite as hard as prior to the surgery but I am still
adjusting the dosage.
For me the sensation of an organism is nothing like before.
But then I was warned about that because of the loss of much of my nerve bundle during the surgery.
I was hoping for more and still hoping it might improve over time.
Having sex now is certainly a learning curve.
Wearing a diaper, having a towel on the bed and being careful not to allow my erection from getting outside of the diaper.
Apparently they don’t make diapers designed to allow for an erection.
Might a business opportunity there !
I still like to perform oral sex on my wife but I do miss getting it in return. She wants to but I am not comfortable having her try with the potential for leakage.
We recently tried penetration without a condom and she thinks she may have gotten an infection. I assume that may have been from urine leakage. I guess we are back to condoms. Damn.
Anyone have a similar experience?
And I am still having a hard time even wanting sex at this point.
Maybe because of the frustrations noted above or just getting old.
My Testosterone levels were actually higher than I thought they would be for not using any supplements but I am still having a lack of desire.
Again, anyone else expediting the lack of interest ?

 

[Archives1]

Did a search on "Google Scholar" with the following search term: "incontinence and uti". Not sure how many articles came up, but lots.
Just Google "Google Scholar" to get there. I have it bookmarked.
Yes, we have that issue. Damn.
One thing maybe helps: cleanliness.
Start out with a shower. Playing in the shower is fun, after all. Soapy hands on bare skin can be very arousing. Do the tooth-brush, mouth wash routine, too. Or substitute a restoring mouth wash; ACT makes one my dentist recommended for teeth. Alcohol content 11%. (Don't swallow!)
Did notice that quite a few studies were on elderly women.
The first few did not mention whether sex was involved, unless it was in the full article. Hormones seem involved.
When you go to Google Scholar, you get the "Abstracts". That is often enough to tell if you want the entire article. Sometimes, the abstract tells you enough. Every once in awhile, the whole study comes up (rare).
On the right, there is usually a list of "related articles"; you might have to scroll down.
The site that came up for me was Elseiver (spelling?). It charges a pretty penny for each article. There is often a way around that. On the top left, there may be a listing of other sites/sources. If "Pub Med" comes up, that means it is available free at the government's "Pub Med" website and you just click on that link. Or click on the abstract's link.
I read the abstracts for the first 5. Remember, it was the women having the UTIs that came up in my search, in the first ones up. I didn't scroll down very far. But it doesn't take a genius to realize there is a direct connection to male incontinence.
Different search terms get different results. Keep the search terms as simple/short as you can.
The search term "uti and sex" got a lot of results. More of them were hard to read due to medical language, but some seemed productive for you. Example: the 1st one was: "

[PDF] oup.com
"Transmission of uropathogens between sex partners".

My opinion: i have used Google Scholar a fair amount, not enough to say "extensively". I'm not a Nurse or a Doctor. When you read an abstract, if the medical language is incomprehensible, that's a good sign so is the article. It's a heck of a good resource.
The "Related Articles" are usually "on topic".
Going to the publication: you almost always end up at a medical journal that is devoted to that issue. And WOW, you won't believe the expense of getting one of those issues, or buying a subscription to that journal (makes me wonder how a medical professional can afford them!).
I'm going to start reading more abstracts. Thank you for prodding me to look. Now, why didn't I think of that?
Thank you for your honesty and participating.
Sorry for the length.
Good luck!