You are a person worth knowing.

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Hey guys and gals. Honeeecombs here -

I guess what's on my mind tonight is the usual spasm ache, pressure and pain. Anyway, what's on my mind tonight may be different for more mature people than it is for the younger generation; I don't know if you can relate - but I think you can. Scratch that, I know you can.

When it comes to continence issues - it is something you "Don't" talk about. You are made to feel inferior; embarrassed and ashamed for something you want to be accepted for. It's hard to explain; because others are so quick to judge when they cannot relate - but I suppose my biggest issues deep down come from the family unit in itself.

As you already may be aware - I have issues involving my family primarily on my Dads side. However, recently since moving - I've found myself isolated even farther from my mother's side with whom is bipolar in a way. Some days they are very positive, and the others it is as if I am an inconvenience or not part of the family unit.

But I know others on this support forum may be able to relate to how to connect with others in terms of continence related issues. How do you find that hand to hold, how do you share your pain to someone who is willing to talk with you without making you feel like you are different than other people.

It's a very isolating feeling when you suffer from bladder problems; especially when it comes to daily discomfort and pain management. I don't know how Ive managed to endure it for this long. All I want is for the pain to go away.

It's a double edged sword. I've found during my worst days of pain and spasms; the only relief I get causes more leakage issues - thus isolating myself at home more when I want to be out enjoying what life has to offer. But I guess I have to look at the grand picture. I am fortunate that I do not have a more severe condition, illness or disease.

Anyway, how does your loved ones/family help you on your journey dealing with this condition? My significant other is there and has always accepted myself - but is not the supporting figure I guess deep down I need. It's not talked about; if anything it's joked about. But again, that's the issue with stigma.

Deep down I keep telling myself "You are a person worth knowing" - hoping, praying, that God or something, someone, will take my bladder pain away.

Random thoughts for tonight.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs

 

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Honeeecombs -- Yes, I have explained my OAB/FI 2 my husband & my caregiver. My husband takes diuretics cuz he has Congestive Heart Failure (CHF). So, he knows what it is to have to run 4 the toilet! But he just doesn't understand what's going on with me. I have Lymphedema of the feet & legs, genitalia & abdomen. He doesn't understand that. What happens is that the more liquids I consume the more I feel the sensation of wet feet, legs, genitalia & abdomen. My feet bother me the most. They feel wetter & wetter as the day goes on. The more I drink & pee, the wetter my Lymphedema areas get. At night they really are wet! I sleep barefoot because the sensation of socks on my feet is so awful. It's like the socks hold in the wetness & parts of my feet hurt! But I think I'm going 2 have 2 wear a knee-high "Night Garment" on my left foot/calf because the Lymphedema there is getting out of hand. My caregiver has OAB, but only has to wear a medium pad. She says I just have to get used to my symptoms.

 

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Honeycombs,
I realize you are suffering with this whole issue of urinary incontinence and seeking support. I hate to tell you this but especially with the times we live in today, people are simply wrung out, especially healthcare providers.
In my bigger picture, and I learned it hard and fast at 27 years old, urinary incontinence is barely a slap on the wrist. Imagine being in an MMA type kick boxing ring then working late into the night to balance the books of 4 of my businesses on Saturday, surfing and volleyball on Sunday. Then WHAM! Coma on Tuesday…..
Once I did wake up I had so many broken bones they are still operating on me today after 30+ years to undo the damage from getting run over by an 80,000 pound truck.
Learning how to do everything that an adult does all over again at 27/28 years old with ZERO family support? And I consider myself lucky! Yes I’m incontinent, BIG DEAL! I’ve lived every moment since to the fullest possible, and I fight to accomplish the things I want every single day, currently with 4 blown discs in my back, 2 blown out knees that need replacement and a all the ligaments to my right arm & shoulder are shredded. Pain is relative, I’m pretty sure many of us suffer from it, you have to figure out how to deal with it…
You refer to us as mature people, and something many that have made it this far have learned is at the end of the day you can’t count on anyone other than yourself for your happiness, to put that kind of pressure on friends and loved ones is terribly unfair! Eventually they will let you down, mainly because they are not mind readers and more importantly they might be struggling with their own circumstances that you are completely unaware of.
Nobody ever told me life would be easy, only you just get one so you best make the best of it..
I wish you luck with your suffering, but the more you lay it on others to support you, the farther you drive them away.
Best of luck!

 

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Sprung87 -- Yeah, u said some really true things there! Urinary incontinence is barely a slap on the wrist? Wait until it has been a # of years that you have had it!! Then tell me it's a slap on the wrist!!! Since getting Overactive Bladder & Urinary Incontinence, I have also contracted Lymphedema in the lower extremities, genitalia & abdomen. My feet are actually wet at the end of the day, so the lymph nodes in my feet are actually leaking! Yeah, you are having a hard time of it 4 sure! Is it your choice to do MMA-type kick boxing, surfing & volleyball? The 4 businesses r how you earn a living, I assume. You were run over by a 80,000 lb. truck? Goodness! How did you survive that? How did you figure out how 2 deal with your pain? It's true that you can't count on others for your happiness. Yes, we are not mind readers -- any of us. My husband is struggling with his back. My caregiver is struggling with her c-spine. So why should they have to deal with my physical or mental maladies? Yeah, my husband and caregiver say I dwell too much on illness & meds. And I was. So trying very hard to change my tune! My husband had a Facebook romance 4 2 months because I was focusing so much on my OAB & FI. I stopped paying attention 2 him 4 2 years!! So he had an online relationship. Eventually he told me about it. We went into couples counseling. I started paying attention to him again. He had paid her telephone bill with CashApp. Somehow, she figured out how to hack into our bank account. We're out $1,800.00!

 

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pegasi99,
I truly apologize if I upset you, that was never my intention. Yet again it reminds me after being both bowel & bladder incontinent for a few years, not to mention the wheelchairs, 40+ surgeries & counting etc.etc.that yes, I am lucky! I don’t have to deal with the Lymphedema you do, but I watch my brother deal with it daily after his battle with cancer. This I’ve dealt with this since 3 months out of Grad School in 1987, so it’s been a while.
But I get up every morning and walk to my shower, I get cleaned up, put on my choice of clothes and I hit my list of things I need to accomplish in order to live the life that I choose within my own limits.
My point is I can throw on some protection, and get on with it. In your case that choice has been taken from you, and I am sincerely sorry to hear that.
As I’ve said in other posts, if I ever start getting close to feeling sorry for myself, I go volunteer somewhere for people who are not “Lucky” as me, and it puts me in my right place.
Believe me when I tell you I woke up a lot of mornings, and walked out of a lot of doctors offices not feeling so lucky. But being lucky really has nothing to do with luck at all….

 

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Hello All,

I think the overall expressions of emotions I have to deal with is issues with abandonment mixed with bladder issues/continence issues.

Some people on these boards have struggled with bladder issues for many a years, other are in the begining stages of it. Myself, being a man in his late 20s; still struggle with the physical and emotional stress that comes on with the condition. It's a hard situation to handle when you feel alone - even in the mind due to past traumas and experiences.

Some of us on here like myself, have struggled with bladder issues in there childhood and upbringing so into adulthood it can be a Post Traumatic trigger. I think as a culture we tend to focus on the reaction to things rather than the things that cause the trigger themselves.

That's the boat I am unfortunately in.

We had a member by the name of Bill - @Billliveshere; who was very active on the NAFC. I wish he was still around as he understood the mental and cognitive difficulties that I struggled with emotionally and physically.

PTSD is just one of those things that can be an emotional stresser and regresser for our prior traumas and wounds.

Just trying to explain to anyone reading this thread. One thing I didn't get to mention in my first post that I said to myself "You are a person worth knowing"

This thread is mainly geared to everyone who feels the way I do - because YOU are all people worth knowing.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs

 

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There is no doubt health issues bring stress and emotional turmoil. I recognize the need to talk to others and I am like that. I found however I was off loading too much on my wife and making her miserable. She has her health issues too with high blood pressure and has a vaginal prolapse. I have tried to look at the positive things I can do and look to how I can support my family. I now have a grand child and another one on the way. I don't allow myself to be embarrassed or ashamed of my incontinence, in fact, I talk quite openly to my friends about it. I have also found it helpful to adopt an attitude of thankfulness and sometimes I journal my thoughts and record the things I have to be thankful for. I have found Norman Vincent Peale's books on Positive Thinking helpful. Of course we have to recognise that " in this world you will have trouble" and everyone at some point will have a problem to cope with. At present my next door neighbour's 12 year old son is battling with leukemia. The side effects are horrendous. Another friend has just been diagnosed with myasthenia which affects his eyes,mouth muscles and he is in steroids which affect his sleep. Life has its challenges. We have to try hard to be if good cheer, although we're all human and it's isn't always easy

 

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I have never cared what others may think, nor do I worry about support from friends or family. I do like the support I have received from this forum because everyone here can relate to my issues. But to ask others who are not incontinent to support me or understand my issues is a fools game.
But to be clear everyone I know is aware if my incontinence, but they are told in the same breath by me to not even think about it because it is something I will overcome someday hopefully sooner than later.