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Staff member
Hey, its HC here. I hope you are doing well tonight. I just had some night reflections after a long tiring day.
One of the things i saw on here recently talked about in the forums was the stigmatism between feeling infantile and how much on the forums we discuss protection.
Personally speaking, when you have a pack of diapers held over your head growing up and are spoken to in a belittling fashion.
It stays with you. Like a craw in your throat. Sticks to you day by day. Am i lesser of a human being because i have to wear a fitted brief?
I remember in the psychiatric hospital when i was admitted; being so embarassed about my bladder issues. It was something i took care of myself - but having to just even ask for a brief was something i didnt want to do. I suppose it was my brain taking me back to the negative emotions and the trauma from the past.
Anyway, regardless of the fact. A week ago, maybe more. I cant remember what day, a man showed up at my work - being a close relative to the woman who used to humiliate myself for accidents - and its like your brain is on recording mode because you have memories from the past playing in the background that hurt you.
In the evening, this past week ive come home and crawled into bed in pain. From what ive read, the pain seems similar to "Painful Bladder Syndrome" so over the past few months ive been doing research on that - and the causes of OAB and leakage and urgency.
And i dont know, i just want it to go away. I dont have people in my life for support on these kind of things - i guess not someone i could relate to.
These past few months have been lonely. Ive felt sequestered low and behold because of a jilted lover who tried to make passes on me and i disconnected from. I felt used.
Finally, i suppose one of the things ive had a hard time coming to grips with is stigma. Being a masculine male, i dont try to espouse my sexuality on others - but when it comes to sexuality - i suppose my mannerisms are more feminate but yet my asthetic is more masculine. I try to come off masculine due to being raised in a homophobic environment. The thing with that is - is that when you open up to guys who you try to develop friendships with, they sometimes take it the wrong way. Unfortunately, some of my best times in life were with "The Guys" and suffering from bladder ailments and PTSD - maybe i try to seek more masculinity to cover up the diaper i have to wear at night and sometimes during the day.
I guess that's all folks. If you relate, please feel free to share.
Blessings,
HC
One of the things i saw on here recently talked about in the forums was the stigmatism between feeling infantile and how much on the forums we discuss protection.
Personally speaking, when you have a pack of diapers held over your head growing up and are spoken to in a belittling fashion.
It stays with you. Like a craw in your throat. Sticks to you day by day. Am i lesser of a human being because i have to wear a fitted brief?
I remember in the psychiatric hospital when i was admitted; being so embarassed about my bladder issues. It was something i took care of myself - but having to just even ask for a brief was something i didnt want to do. I suppose it was my brain taking me back to the negative emotions and the trauma from the past.
Anyway, regardless of the fact. A week ago, maybe more. I cant remember what day, a man showed up at my work - being a close relative to the woman who used to humiliate myself for accidents - and its like your brain is on recording mode because you have memories from the past playing in the background that hurt you.
In the evening, this past week ive come home and crawled into bed in pain. From what ive read, the pain seems similar to "Painful Bladder Syndrome" so over the past few months ive been doing research on that - and the causes of OAB and leakage and urgency.
And i dont know, i just want it to go away. I dont have people in my life for support on these kind of things - i guess not someone i could relate to.
These past few months have been lonely. Ive felt sequestered low and behold because of a jilted lover who tried to make passes on me and i disconnected from. I felt used.
Finally, i suppose one of the things ive had a hard time coming to grips with is stigma. Being a masculine male, i dont try to espouse my sexuality on others - but when it comes to sexuality - i suppose my mannerisms are more feminate but yet my asthetic is more masculine. I try to come off masculine due to being raised in a homophobic environment. The thing with that is - is that when you open up to guys who you try to develop friendships with, they sometimes take it the wrong way. Unfortunately, some of my best times in life were with "The Guys" and suffering from bladder ailments and PTSD - maybe i try to seek more masculinity to cover up the diaper i have to wear at night and sometimes during the day.
I guess that's all folks. If you relate, please feel free to share.
Blessings,
HC
