World mental health day.. how you doing
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I struggle with mental health issues but between the medication I'm on and the therapy I was receiving and visits and contact with mental health nurse and Dr I'm feeling better than I have in a few months.
Basically I've self harm issues which I've only hurt myself 2ce in six weeks compared to everyday and anxiety depression psychosis issues.
So I'm coming on leaps and bounds in my journey with mental health issues.
Basically I've self harm issues which I've only hurt myself 2ce in six weeks compared to everyday and anxiety depression psychosis issues.
So I'm coming on leaps and bounds in my journey with mental health issues.
Archives1
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@Dino Congratulations!
I’m okay this week, alive but pretty sad because I had a falling out with a group of friends who decided that because I’m not religious, I no longer get to be a part of their social circle. So I’m dealing with some rejection, grief, and loss. I’d conscientiously invested quite a bit of time and energy with them over the past three months - outside, masked, and distanced, of course. I’ve had so many hurtful experiences socializing in UT that I’m starting to feel it’s best to be a hermit - but I’m an extrovert!
My new dream job is giving me insane anxiety attacks because the two owners insist on in-person meetings, and despite local laws, they refuse to wear masks. COVID cases here have skyrocketed since kids went back to school in-person. These two guys each have two kids in high school, and it’s proven that kids that age are the least responsible mask wearers and therefore, are superspreaders. So these guys are at high risk of being infected. I’m going to have to risk losing my job by telling them I can’t meet with them in-person any more. I can’t expose myself because I have multiple preexisting conditions, as do my elderly parents whom I care for. I’m really disappointed in these owners because of their lax attitude about COVID. I’d rather keep my life than keep my job. I wish I didn’t have to make that choice. So now I’m sad about this, too.
Every year since 2012, I’ve enthusiastically volunteered at the voting polls. It’s one of my favorite experiences in life to see democracy at work, right before my eyes. I love love love to help. But now that the number of COVID cases have skyrocketed so steeply in the past 2-3 weeks here, I don’t think I can handle exposing myself to umpteen strangers for the longgggggg shift from 5:30 a.m. - 10:30 p.m. I wish we could put the voting machines outside (if it’s not raining or snowing) but they won’t let us do that because it’s not as secure of an environment; someone could run up and steal a machine and it’s voting record, or something. If it’s inside it’s easy to have one cop at the door to keep the machines and people safe. So now I’m thinking I have to cancel that “job,” too, which makes me really sad, because this is the most important election in my life to date.
And then there are the two dental extraction/implants I need. I’m so terrified by the idea of having massive screws drilled into my skull that I’m trying to ignore the reality but in reality doing so just keeps me trapped in the anxiety. Having to pay $6,800 up front is a fresh hell. Having these rotten teeth feels like a big blow to my self-esteem because I’ve taken excellent care of my teeth since I was a teenager. The medication Ditropan did this to my teeth and I don’t deserve this rotten mess. People who smoke drugs and don’t brush and floss deserve rotten teeth; not me.
So I’ve had a long week of disappointments. I did do some retail therapy on Thursday, and got 2.5 new work/event outfits on clearance at Dillard’s for $110, a *great* deal for fine clothing. Hardly anyone was in the store, so I felt safe, COVID-wise.
I’m excited for tonight because a swift storm will move through, at last breaking the record heat wave we’ve been trapped under for several months. Hopefully it will blow out the ugly and suffocating smoke from the CA and NV wildfires that gets trapped in the valleys here - trapped because we’re surrounded by massive mountains. The smoke has been so thick that it’s hard to even see a profile of the mountains right now, which is very creepy indeed - I live actually on the bottom of the mountain (that I haven’t been able to see). Unfortunately this storm will do nothing to alleviate the severe drought conditions, because it’s only bringing a trace of rain. We’ve had no significant precipitation since June 15th. Usually we have thunderstorms throughout the summer; but not so this summer. By now we’ve usually had the first snowstorm! It’s so dry here this wretchedly hot year that the typically bright autumn leaves are just brown and parched instead, singed by the record-breaking heat. The ground is no longer dirt; it’s dust. I’m so sick of the overwhelming heat so I look forward to tomorrow morning’s refreshing cool air. The temperature drop between today’s high and tomorrow’s high will be 30’F - FINALLY!
I’m changing antidepressants/ADHD meds right now, switching from Cymbalta back to Strattera. Doing so is a tenuous process that will take 2-3 months when I wish it could happen overnight. Cymbalta caused weight gain and anxiety, which is so disappointing because it worked wonders on my back pain. I’m not sure I can function without that back pain relief. I’ve been taking Cymbalta for 5.8 years. It’s a great antidepressant but the accompanying anxiety actually made my depression worse, overall - I think. I won’t know until I’m all the way off the Cymbalta. It will be 4-6 weeks before I really notice any change. I took Strattera for nine years in L.A. and I was at my happiest (I think that was mostly just L.A.!) so I’m trying it again in case it’s better than Cymbalta. Hopefully my spirits don’t plummet in this process. Cymbalta is an SNRI while Strattera is only an NRI, so I am losing a component of the antidepressant cocktail there. I may add some Wellbutrin in Dec/Jan, depending on how the Strattera pans out.
That’s “The News From Lake [Salty City].”
I’m okay this week, alive but pretty sad because I had a falling out with a group of friends who decided that because I’m not religious, I no longer get to be a part of their social circle. So I’m dealing with some rejection, grief, and loss. I’d conscientiously invested quite a bit of time and energy with them over the past three months - outside, masked, and distanced, of course. I’ve had so many hurtful experiences socializing in UT that I’m starting to feel it’s best to be a hermit - but I’m an extrovert!
My new dream job is giving me insane anxiety attacks because the two owners insist on in-person meetings, and despite local laws, they refuse to wear masks. COVID cases here have skyrocketed since kids went back to school in-person. These two guys each have two kids in high school, and it’s proven that kids that age are the least responsible mask wearers and therefore, are superspreaders. So these guys are at high risk of being infected. I’m going to have to risk losing my job by telling them I can’t meet with them in-person any more. I can’t expose myself because I have multiple preexisting conditions, as do my elderly parents whom I care for. I’m really disappointed in these owners because of their lax attitude about COVID. I’d rather keep my life than keep my job. I wish I didn’t have to make that choice. So now I’m sad about this, too.
Every year since 2012, I’ve enthusiastically volunteered at the voting polls. It’s one of my favorite experiences in life to see democracy at work, right before my eyes. I love love love to help. But now that the number of COVID cases have skyrocketed so steeply in the past 2-3 weeks here, I don’t think I can handle exposing myself to umpteen strangers for the longgggggg shift from 5:30 a.m. - 10:30 p.m. I wish we could put the voting machines outside (if it’s not raining or snowing) but they won’t let us do that because it’s not as secure of an environment; someone could run up and steal a machine and it’s voting record, or something. If it’s inside it’s easy to have one cop at the door to keep the machines and people safe. So now I’m thinking I have to cancel that “job,” too, which makes me really sad, because this is the most important election in my life to date.
And then there are the two dental extraction/implants I need. I’m so terrified by the idea of having massive screws drilled into my skull that I’m trying to ignore the reality but in reality doing so just keeps me trapped in the anxiety. Having to pay $6,800 up front is a fresh hell. Having these rotten teeth feels like a big blow to my self-esteem because I’ve taken excellent care of my teeth since I was a teenager. The medication Ditropan did this to my teeth and I don’t deserve this rotten mess. People who smoke drugs and don’t brush and floss deserve rotten teeth; not me.
So I’ve had a long week of disappointments. I did do some retail therapy on Thursday, and got 2.5 new work/event outfits on clearance at Dillard’s for $110, a *great* deal for fine clothing. Hardly anyone was in the store, so I felt safe, COVID-wise.
I’m excited for tonight because a swift storm will move through, at last breaking the record heat wave we’ve been trapped under for several months. Hopefully it will blow out the ugly and suffocating smoke from the CA and NV wildfires that gets trapped in the valleys here - trapped because we’re surrounded by massive mountains. The smoke has been so thick that it’s hard to even see a profile of the mountains right now, which is very creepy indeed - I live actually on the bottom of the mountain (that I haven’t been able to see). Unfortunately this storm will do nothing to alleviate the severe drought conditions, because it’s only bringing a trace of rain. We’ve had no significant precipitation since June 15th. Usually we have thunderstorms throughout the summer; but not so this summer. By now we’ve usually had the first snowstorm! It’s so dry here this wretchedly hot year that the typically bright autumn leaves are just brown and parched instead, singed by the record-breaking heat. The ground is no longer dirt; it’s dust. I’m so sick of the overwhelming heat so I look forward to tomorrow morning’s refreshing cool air. The temperature drop between today’s high and tomorrow’s high will be 30’F - FINALLY!
I’m changing antidepressants/ADHD meds right now, switching from Cymbalta back to Strattera. Doing so is a tenuous process that will take 2-3 months when I wish it could happen overnight. Cymbalta caused weight gain and anxiety, which is so disappointing because it worked wonders on my back pain. I’m not sure I can function without that back pain relief. I’ve been taking Cymbalta for 5.8 years. It’s a great antidepressant but the accompanying anxiety actually made my depression worse, overall - I think. I won’t know until I’m all the way off the Cymbalta. It will be 4-6 weeks before I really notice any change. I took Strattera for nine years in L.A. and I was at my happiest (I think that was mostly just L.A.!) so I’m trying it again in case it’s better than Cymbalta. Hopefully my spirits don’t plummet in this process. Cymbalta is an SNRI while Strattera is only an NRI, so I am losing a component of the antidepressant cocktail there. I may add some Wellbutrin in Dec/Jan, depending on how the Strattera pans out.
That’s “The News From Lake [Salty City].”
Archives1
Staff member
Hi @snow, I'm sorry all of this is happening to you but in reading through I think for now the most important thing to do is to take care of your self and avoid situations in which you feel you would be unsafe and/or uncomfortable. Sad to say, it's a choice many of us are forced to make during these wretched times. It impacts everybody.
As for those two guys at your job, if they continue to refuse to wear masks and are not distancing or taking this seriously, then you have a hard decision to make. I understand that completely. But you need to do what's best for you. I would feel the same way. And frankly we'd rather have you keep your life intact than risk it just because some people refuse to take precautions on their own. It's sucky but hey, you've got to come first! And we here support you.
It's a shame about that group of "friends" you were connected with. Please remember. you are not the problem, They are! I, too, am not particularly religious so I know what you mean. It's sad that some people are so close-minded that they completely overlook what other people have to offer them especially if those people don't fit into their neat little narrow-minded mold. Can you find a place to volunteer that doesn't involve being tied to a religious group? You will meet new people and some of them can be real friends since you share a common interest. Sounds like you need new affiliations. So ask around with people you do know.
I understand your feelings about working the polls, too. If you feel it's too risky, then trust your intuition and instincts and let them guide you. From knowing you all of these months I think you have excellent intuition and I've always said people need to go with their intuition. You know, this will be the most important election of my lifetime as well as yours! But if you decide to bow out of that "job" I think they would understand and once again your health is of paramount importance. I know it's tough to have to do it but it may be worth it to stay safe. We want you around so you can continue to talk to us and give advice and views! You're sort of a cornerstone on this forum! And we want you to do what is best for you.
I hope you enjoy that change of weather that sounds like is coming your way! It sounds refreshing! Now if only you can send some of that our way down in Florida!
If you need more help deciding what to do re: job, etc., you know we're here and want you to do what's best for you!
As for those two guys at your job, if they continue to refuse to wear masks and are not distancing or taking this seriously, then you have a hard decision to make. I understand that completely. But you need to do what's best for you. I would feel the same way. And frankly we'd rather have you keep your life intact than risk it just because some people refuse to take precautions on their own. It's sucky but hey, you've got to come first! And we here support you.
It's a shame about that group of "friends" you were connected with. Please remember. you are not the problem, They are! I, too, am not particularly religious so I know what you mean. It's sad that some people are so close-minded that they completely overlook what other people have to offer them especially if those people don't fit into their neat little narrow-minded mold. Can you find a place to volunteer that doesn't involve being tied to a religious group? You will meet new people and some of them can be real friends since you share a common interest. Sounds like you need new affiliations. So ask around with people you do know.
I understand your feelings about working the polls, too. If you feel it's too risky, then trust your intuition and instincts and let them guide you. From knowing you all of these months I think you have excellent intuition and I've always said people need to go with their intuition. You know, this will be the most important election of my lifetime as well as yours! But if you decide to bow out of that "job" I think they would understand and once again your health is of paramount importance. I know it's tough to have to do it but it may be worth it to stay safe. We want you around so you can continue to talk to us and give advice and views! You're sort of a cornerstone on this forum! And we want you to do what is best for you.
I hope you enjoy that change of weather that sounds like is coming your way! It sounds refreshing! Now if only you can send some of that our way down in Florida!
If you need more help deciding what to do re: job, etc., you know we're here and want you to do what's best for you!
Archives1
Staff member
snow -- What a great newsy letter. I am so sorry that you're having all these problems. It takes a toll on your life in every way. Your telling of the group of friends who rejected you because you are not religious certainly resonated with me. I have to say though that after having a circle of friends through the church, for over 30 years my group has not forsaken me. There are a few who think that me being an atheist after all these years, might be contagious somehow and even though I've tried to initiate a lunch date it hasn't worked out. When I told an older woman friend I was no longer a believer she told me, "Oh! Rita! You're going to hell!" I couldn't help but laugh. A few others are always polite and tell me that they're praying for me and waiting for me to "come back to the Lord." Having been in the same mind set as them for so many years I understand where they're coming from and it's okay.
More of the rejection than my not believing, came, when my youngest grandchild (who I'm raising) came out as transgender and I was accepting. You'd have thought I had sinned against god. Talk about rejection. The elders wouldn't even hear us out. That was what set me off on a search for truth through history, psychology of the mind, evolution, geology and several other subjects. I wanted to know what others believed and why. One of my good friends and I regularly talk about this subject and she is trying hard to see where I'm coming from while not giving up what she believes. That's okay with me. I'm just happy that we can still be friends. It's been a big deal for me, changing so much of my life after more than 75 years. Like learning to use a cell phone in the last four years. Big deal!
My youngest son has lived with me for the last 20 years and he is virtually a hermit. He has friends on Facebook and old friends from his youth who talk to each other via phone but he has always been mostly a loner, although he has had some relationships: one that provided two children which I helped him raise for 15 years. He also is very extroverted, but just likes to be alone. I gather from your writing that you have an IT job? What makes it a dream job?
I worked at the polls, special set-up registration sites, calling people on Election Day to remind them to vote and being a poll watcher on and off for 25 years and loved helping the people. Keep on keeping on Snow. You'll never regret it.
More of the rejection than my not believing, came, when my youngest grandchild (who I'm raising) came out as transgender and I was accepting. You'd have thought I had sinned against god. Talk about rejection. The elders wouldn't even hear us out. That was what set me off on a search for truth through history, psychology of the mind, evolution, geology and several other subjects. I wanted to know what others believed and why. One of my good friends and I regularly talk about this subject and she is trying hard to see where I'm coming from while not giving up what she believes. That's okay with me. I'm just happy that we can still be friends. It's been a big deal for me, changing so much of my life after more than 75 years. Like learning to use a cell phone in the last four years. Big deal!
My youngest son has lived with me for the last 20 years and he is virtually a hermit. He has friends on Facebook and old friends from his youth who talk to each other via phone but he has always been mostly a loner, although he has had some relationships: one that provided two children which I helped him raise for 15 years. He also is very extroverted, but just likes to be alone. I gather from your writing that you have an IT job? What makes it a dream job?
I worked at the polls, special set-up registration sites, calling people on Election Day to remind them to vote and being a poll watcher on and off for 25 years and loved helping the people. Keep on keeping on Snow. You'll never regret it.
Archives1
Staff member
Hi @ritanofsinger, it's amazing how narrow-minded some people can be, isn't it? You know you are comfortable with your own beliefs and that's what counts! So just because you have a different mindset and beliefs from the next person, there is no way you are going to hell!
Although I don't know much about the whys and wherefores, being transgendered is not sinning against God. And you are so right to set our searching for the truth through all of those disciplines you mentioned. Keep it up, you're on the right track!
Although I don't know much about the whys and wherefores, being transgendered is not sinning against God. And you are so right to set our searching for the truth through all of those disciplines you mentioned. Keep it up, you're on the right track!
Archives1
Staff member
Really not doing brilliantly MH wise.
My health issues have really got me down. When I was still able to run and live an active life my incon. issues didn't bother me all that much. Sure, I was embarrassed about wearing adult nappies but I carried on with life and not smelling and having to do tons of laundry was an advantage. I also had the ego-boost of being athletic so in my mind even if I had leakage issues the fact I was able to run well and do other things well sort of cancelled out any major embarrassment. Since my chronic fatigue/muscle weakness has entered the picture big time I'm finding it's getting me down a lot more as it feels like my whole body is failing me. I'm having more urge accidents during the day and most mornings I can't even get out of bed in time to make the toilet in time. It is something that's always been an issue but before all my current health woes I was able to make it in time. Wearing mainly for after-dribble, IBS flare ups and protection against any urge accidents was one thing but when urge accidents are the norm I find it harder to deal with. The only upside is that the osteopathy seems to have really helped with the bowel/IBS stuff.
Feeling awful all the time because of the ME/Chronic Fatigue stuff has also meant that work is much more stressful. I'm really not happy at the school I work at and never thought I'd hate teaching but six weeks in I just want out and it really wouldn't bother me if I never teach again. The issue is that I'm committed to renting an apartment until next July so can't practically leave. There's nothing around for miles either and not being able to drive means that finding alternative work isn't an option and due to Covid there aren't many jobs around. So between a mixture of health and work life is pretty unbearable most of the time. I thought I'd landed the dream job but the place really isn't for me. I struggle to think of a time I've been more stressed and depressed.
On the upside, I do have a urology appointment in January so hopefully there will be some light at the end of the tunnel in that regard.
My health issues have really got me down. When I was still able to run and live an active life my incon. issues didn't bother me all that much. Sure, I was embarrassed about wearing adult nappies but I carried on with life and not smelling and having to do tons of laundry was an advantage. I also had the ego-boost of being athletic so in my mind even if I had leakage issues the fact I was able to run well and do other things well sort of cancelled out any major embarrassment. Since my chronic fatigue/muscle weakness has entered the picture big time I'm finding it's getting me down a lot more as it feels like my whole body is failing me. I'm having more urge accidents during the day and most mornings I can't even get out of bed in time to make the toilet in time. It is something that's always been an issue but before all my current health woes I was able to make it in time. Wearing mainly for after-dribble, IBS flare ups and protection against any urge accidents was one thing but when urge accidents are the norm I find it harder to deal with. The only upside is that the osteopathy seems to have really helped with the bowel/IBS stuff.
Feeling awful all the time because of the ME/Chronic Fatigue stuff has also meant that work is much more stressful. I'm really not happy at the school I work at and never thought I'd hate teaching but six weeks in I just want out and it really wouldn't bother me if I never teach again. The issue is that I'm committed to renting an apartment until next July so can't practically leave. There's nothing around for miles either and not being able to drive means that finding alternative work isn't an option and due to Covid there aren't many jobs around. So between a mixture of health and work life is pretty unbearable most of the time. I thought I'd landed the dream job but the place really isn't for me. I struggle to think of a time I've been more stressed and depressed.
On the upside, I do have a urology appointment in January so hopefully there will be some light at the end of the tunnel in that regard.
Archives1
Staff member
Seems like lots of us are struggling. I've been fighting a pretty bad bout of depression lately. Mostly it's manifested as a lack of drive, difficulty starting things, difficulty finishing things, and stress about the future. I'm struggling at work to complete tasks, I can't seem to find the motivation to clean the house (and it's in desperate need right now) and I can't seem to find the energy to start exercising again, even though I know all of these things would help lift my depression.
I'm dreading my Interstim trial that starts today, and the surgery that goes with getting it implanted if the trial is successful. I'm dreading the trip to California I have to take for work in a couple of weeks. I'm dreading the holidays and all the stress that comes with that. I'm dreading my son's college tuition that I need to pay in January. I'm dreading the election and the almost inevitable unrest that'll follow, regardless of the outcome. I hate stressing about the future, but I can't seem to get myself to stop.
Snow, I'm sad to hear about your group of friends deciding to cut you off. I don't understand that behavior at all, but I guess some of us value our friendship more than others do. Your a wonderful, delightful person, and I can't imagine a worthwhile group of friends who wouldn't want you in their circle.
I'm dreading my Interstim trial that starts today, and the surgery that goes with getting it implanted if the trial is successful. I'm dreading the trip to California I have to take for work in a couple of weeks. I'm dreading the holidays and all the stress that comes with that. I'm dreading my son's college tuition that I need to pay in January. I'm dreading the election and the almost inevitable unrest that'll follow, regardless of the outcome. I hate stressing about the future, but I can't seem to get myself to stop.
Snow, I'm sad to hear about your group of friends deciding to cut you off. I don't understand that behavior at all, but I guess some of us value our friendship more than others do. Your a wonderful, delightful person, and I can't imagine a worthwhile group of friends who wouldn't want you in their circle.
Archives1
Staff member
Dear friends, thank you for your sympathy. I also sympathize/empathize with you. My heart goes out to you. I really appreciate this topic and your openness and sharing. I feel less alone in my struggles knowing that you’re also trudging through struggles. We will get through this together. Let’s commit to keeping this topic active, shall we? While we typically talk mostly about our incontinence struggles, it’s helpful to gain insight into the big picture of life for others. Hugs!!!!!
Archives1
Staff member
Hi Snow, that was a wonderful post from you! I do agree that it is imperative we keep this topic active and I'm glad you are feeling less alone in your struggles. We get a lot of our strength from all of the insights and wisdom you share with us. And when we strengthen each other our circumstances don't seem nearly so bad because of all of the strong people you and I share this with. I know I don't feel quite so alone now knowing the quality of the people here. Being open with each other is the key to making this work and allows us to "reach out in the darkness" for each other.
We are strong because we are united and much of that is due to your commitment to us, Snow. Please know that we will always have your back.
We are strong because we are united and much of that is due to your commitment to us, Snow. Please know that we will always have your back.
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