Teenage Boys bedwetting Help

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When I went to college I commuted, no dorm, stayed at home. I private dorm room would probably help him hide issues. As far as interaction with others, there will be plenty of people in hi dorm building to talk and hang out with. Chances are, there will be other bedwetters in the same building, also trying to hide it. I took a tour of a college dorm many years ago, and myself being a bedwetter, could smell the odors of wet sheets, etc.

 

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TiredMom.

There is a lot I can say about the whole "He will grow out of it thing"

First, I started bedwetting right around the same time I hit puberty and had a major concussion within that same year. I hid the fact that I was bedwetting for over a year (I had my own room with a futon and it also just so happened to be our laundry room. I worked for my parents every summer so I had money to buy my own protection so I hid it until I got caught due to my room flooding during a storm and had to share a room again during repairs.)

Once I came clean, the testing started. Blood work, Urologist, nothing was ever found. I was on medication for a bit but it affected my mind so much that some of it only lasted a week before I was back to the doctor. What ended all that was my choice after I found out the drug that I was on when I lost my mind and put my fist through a window over something stupid with my brother and then my sister decided not to let me leave as mad as I was. The drug was not for bedwetting or incontinence at all. It was an anti-depression medication that had huge side effects including suicide risk. I quit everything as I was 18 and decided that wearing a diaper to bed was better than Jail or dead.

I am 36 so I have a long history of dealing with this. The first thing is that wearing something to bed is not that big of a deal, except for the emotional side of it. I was buying my own supplies for a year before I had to tell my parents. I grew up in a small town in Florida so I would drive our closest Wal-Mart and buy what I needed. Yea it was embarrassing but I was well over the wet bed.

I did the college thing for a year as a residential student. I was the oldest on-campus student and shared a dorm with 68 other guys. I had two roommates each semester I was there. All of my dorm mates knew I had issues and nothing was ever said (Granted I did go to a big Christian College but still) Colleges had huge ADA laws that they have to follow. My RA, RD, Housing, and our center for disabled students were involved. The only time there was an issue was when we had to evacuate the dorm due to a fire alarm at 3 am.. Yea it was very cold.

Don't rest on the idea that there will ever be a medical answer to bedwetting. Yea, I put a stop to the testing and medications but really with everything I have going on now, bedwetting is the least of my worries.

Tell your boy to keep his head up. Anyone who gives him trouble goes to the school's offices and asked to speak to a disabled student advisor about an ADA violation.

 

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@TiredMom i understand completely. I wet at night up to about 16/17. Wearing diapers every night sucked, and in high school the doctors eventually tried multiple different meds. What they eventually came to was that my body just wasn't slowing the production of urine by the kidneys at night like it was supposed to. They eventually gave me a med to supplement that hormone and after a month or two my body actually started to produce it on its own as it was supposed to. Dunno if this may or may not be what is going on with him. I was fully day and night dry by age 6, but started wetting again when I hit puberty around 11.

 

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For some people there may not be an answer or solution. I really hear two concerns being presented here. One the bedwetting. Two the mental health side of the bedwetting. For the second part, ultimately you want to help him reach acceptance, (Not giving in), but accepting that it is part of him for now, and releasing any fear or shame he may have related to it. Part of that, may include putting himself out there, so he can have the life he wants, versus staying in hiding. If he confidently puts it out to people, many will accept and provide support. College is much better then high school. This is coming from someone who was bullied non stop between seventh and twelfth grade. Some people will probably make fun of him. The will soon grow bored, and let it go. My experience with bullying in college is that the supportive kids spoke up a lot to shut the jerks down. This will also help him to identify the good people to be with, and those not to. Ultimately, he needs to discover that he is valuable and worthwhile despite his problem, and all it is, is a medical problem like acne. Once he is okay with that, he can live his life. A good therapist can help with this. I have also heard of and seen many cases, where once the shame and anxiety of having an accident disappear, the problem resolves itself. Help with acceptance first, and in the meantime, keep looking for options to help. I also do not know his history, but trauma, especially sexual trauma can be a cause for bedwetting as well. If that applies to him in any way, treatment for that will be essential as well.

 

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It's quite possible he will not have to share a dorm room because of the pandemic. It will be easier to hide this issue. Like I said before, he probably isn't the only bedwetter in the dorm building.

 

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My bladder control issues are the result of a series of medical mishaps when I was 14 years old, as a result of which I have not been reliably dry at night since then. Every university that I applied to asked about medical issues as background information during the admission process; and I told them all about my issues. The university that I ended up attending used my health information to pair me with a roommate who also had an embarrassing health problem (although he was not a bedwetter). He and I got on fine and became good friends. We lived in a dormitory suite with 14 other guys, all of whom eventually found out about my bedwetting. I endured some mostly good-natured kidding, but it was not an overwhelming problem. I just lived with it, and other people accepted me, warts and all. The biggest problem with adult bedwetting is fear of that other people will find out and that that will somehow ruin your life. However, like ThatFLguy, I discovered that it wasn’t nearly as bad as I feared (or my mother feared)to would be. Other people have their own embarrassing problems, some of which are much worse than bedwetting. For the overwhelming majority of people, bedwetting as a problem that they are glad they do not have but about which they are reasonably compassionate.

 

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@TiredMom has he tried contacting University housing or disability services about it? It's entirely possible he could get paired with another bedwetter and it would be a non-issue.

He could get a single. A different with a suite style bathroom instead of the big communal bathroom. There are a lot of possibilities.

Using no protection is much more conspicuous in the long run. The reality is that as sick as you are as of hearing that you needed to give him time and he'll grow out of it, 1.5% of people NEVER grow out of it. It's just not talked about. They just get on with their lives. He might still grow out, but he might not.

 

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Hello everyone, sorry for my absence. I am also a caregiver to my aging parents and that has taken me away for a few days. I should be known as TiredMom&Daughter. Anyway, I have read your comments as they have come in but have not been able to reply. Please forgive the mass reply message but didn't want everyone to get a ton of email notices either. Thanks again everyone.

@artiejr - To reply to your first message, you had mentioned that your issue just stopped when you were 18. So to answer my initial question, that would indicate this was more of a mental issue over a physical one for you. Others, as @Draconic have indicated had a physical issue. So I am thinking the answer to my initial question is either nobody knows for sure or both answers can be true.
@ThatFLGuy - I was actually wondering at one point if this was the culprit for my son. He had several concussions during this timeframe but hadn't had a baseline test yet since he was still so young. Docs said there was no correlation.
@Fynlee - I was very interested in your device that you have come up with. I will send you a PM. My son is a Freshman in Engineering so I know he would be interested in something like this as well.
@Draconic - I will send you a PM if you wouldn't mind sending me more specific information to share with the doctors. I would assume these same tests have been given/tested but would like to confirm that and rule out this same issue if nothing else.
@Mightychi - You are absolutely correct on the dual issues of emotional issues and the bedwetting itself being at the heart of my post. My son has really not let this control his life though and has put himself out there. He did choose a shared dorm room even though he could have chosen a single room. He wants the social aspects and chooses to deal with the fallout, if any. However, he has lost friends in the past and the possibility of everything that could come from others finding out weighs heavy on all of us. With social media posts spreading fast and kids not being very nice these days, this is a huge issue.

@Inconinmiss & @msuspartan - He did not and will not disclose this to the University. While it is a huge University, there are several layers of student workers before getting to a fulltime worker in each and every department. He does not feel comfortable with that. Next year he will have his own room and a washer/dryer in his apartment. He just has to get through the rest of this year.

I appreciate everyone saying to embrace this and just make bedwetting a part of your life, but I guess he/we are just not there yet. He is still wanting to find an answer and so I want to help him. I just didn't know whether to keep going down the doctor path or the therapist path. He doesn't agree/believe in the therapy piece and if he doesn't think he has anxiety or needs any help, then I don't think that will help anyway. Although I keep trying to encourage it as an option! Overall it sounds like everyone may be different on whether this is a physical or mental health issue for them. So keep going down both paths until, and if, an answer presents itself?

Again, I can't thank you all enough:heart:

 

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I am not sure if my issues were mental or physical. All I know is I went to a pediatrician when I was younger, up until about 15. Tried meds available at that time, nothing worked. Around 18 and a senior in high school, my parents to me to a different doctor to schedule more testing. In between those times, my bedwetting ceased, but only for a short time. It was very sporadic for a few years, only to start up again. More tests again, only to find no reasonable causes. Was left up to handle my way. Meds were suggested, but side effects for me were intolerable. So I choose diapers and plastic pants to manage issues.

 

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@TiredMom I can understand completely just wanting to find an answer, and get it to stop. Unfortunately I dunno how much help I can be on info for the tests they ran. I remember they did a blood draw, and they gave me medicine, but other than that not much. It has been about 14 years ago now since then. Unfortunately my current issues are caused by head trauma and nerve damage.

 

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I can also sympathize with his situation. When I was in HS I participated in a program that had us taking college classes. During the summer we actually went and stayed at Austin peay University during the weekdays for 6 weeks. We slept in the dorm rooms Monday thru Thursday night, and during those weeks we shared a room with another person. I will say I am glad I was wearing protection at night during this time. There is no way I could have hid the bedding in that situation. For me I would just go into the bathroom (each room had a private bathroom), and I would take it off put it in a plastic bag, and come out with it wrapped in a towel. I would then throw it away in a garbage bin on the way to the cafeteria. I can understand his not wanting to take the chance on being ousted. I was a huge ball of anxiety the entirety of that summer. Not only would I have been ousted at a college, I would have had to go back to regular high school afterwards with everyone knowing as well.