Teenage Boys bedwetting Help

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I am looking for any advice on helping my teenage boys to stop wetting the bed. I've tried multiple alarms, seeing a PT, using medication, rewards, taking electronics away, no milk at dinner, limiting drinks at dinner and no drinks after dinner, and waking them to go...anything that I"m missing or other ideas please help me!

 

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First things first talk to a good doctor and maybe ask for a specialist referral. I assume you’ve done that given you mention medication not working.

It’s not their fault. It sounds like they really don’t mean to do it and it’s beyond their control. It may be best to - fit the time being - just manage it. No need to take away fun or restrict fluids (unless a doctor says to) but I’ve fought dehydration along with my bladder issues as I try to not have issues. It’s a losing battle.

I’d recommend letting them drink when they are thirsty whatever time that is and manage it by use of diapers at night. It’s not ideal but if controlling fluids hasn’t worked well it’s probably the best option.

 

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Sorry.
It looks like you have already tried the alarm.
The one we used was inside our sons underwear which he wore to bed. It was loud enough to startle him awake which made him stop so he could then get up and go to the bathroom. He was much younger so not sure that made a difference.
I assume he is not taking any medication ( prescription or otherwise) that would cause that issue?
Good luck and maybe some others have some ideas for you.

 

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Experts say that 99% of children outgrow bed wetting. So, the odds are on your side. But for that remaining 1%, (people like me) I don't know the answer.

I do think that a system of reward and punishment is counterproductive. It will only cause the boys fear and embarrassment, but not help them stop bed wetting. A better approach would be to maintain open communication and be supportive. A consultation with a doctor to rule out a medical condition would be a good idea. In the meantime, it might help their self-confidence to learn how to manage their wetting by wearing pull ups and/or sleeping on a waterproof bed pad, if they don't already.

 

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Q...,
I'll take a wild guess and suggest the boys are not consciously wetting the bed, so chastising them is probably not the best approach...unless of course they are staying out late drinking. Supporting them, while working for a solution just sounds better. First, ask them to acknowledge the (temporary?) reality and wear a liner in the briefs to lessen your laundry demands. Many possibilities of the cause, including stress and urinary tract infection, or flawed dna. Trust me, they have plenty of company.

An alternative that I offer is to reduce the leakage with an external device, again, until the doctors find a suitable remedy. An engineer partner and I have a soft silicone sleeve device patent pending that is not yet for sale, but I would send you a couple to try at no cost. Our large volunteer testing group does not include any teenagers and so your feedback would be compensation enough. The device is relatively loose fitting, with a feature that puts upward pressure on the urethra to impedes the flow. Sorry to say, I wear mine about 20 hours per day, being a moderate to severe leaker. Would be happy to send more info. Best wishes, Fynlee amhelp@comcast.net

 

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First thing is dont punish them for it. Sounds like most likely this is something outside of their control. I wet the bed up until I was 16. We tried everything. Alarms, medications, limiting fluids, and my legal guardians even tried punishments. All the punishment did was make me resent them for blaming me for something out of my control. I was already miserable all the time. Dont blame them for what they can't control. They need encouragement, and reassurance. Maybe for the time being having them use protection at bedtime could be for the best. That is what we did while I was growing up. We started with the goodnight, and them when they no longer handled very well they bought youth diapers from a local medical store.

 

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Thanks to everyone who wrote for being so understanding and helpful. The replies were really sweet, and I would feel encouraged if I were QuadEast.

 

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rewards, taking electronics away,

I kinda cringed when I read this part, since it reminded me of my youth...

I was a bedwetter as a kid until I was almost 15 years old. My folks took me to several doctors, and when they couldn't find a physical cause, my parents just "decided" that I wet the bed because I was just to lazy to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. This led to many, many long, drawn out shouting matches, verbal abuse and humiliation in front of my siblings, punishments, etc...

They actually thought that I woke up at night when I got the urge to pee, and just laid there in bed, and peed, instead of walking 8 FEET down the hallway to the toilet. This was DEFINATELY NOT the case!! The fact is that when I went to sleep, I was out.. Totally out.. Until I woke up, wet, in the morning. I was never woken up by an "urge signal" to pee. It just flowed, without me being aware or awakened. I desperately wanted to stop bedwetting, especially when I hit my teens, and wanted a social life.
I bring this up, because if your sons are like I was, or many other bedwetters are, they probably have no control over waking to go. Thus, rewards or punishments are usually not effective at stopping it.

You mention "teenage boys", as in more than one... So I have to ask, are there other family members who have or had, bedwetting issues?? In my case, it turned out that my biological father and uncles had also been bedwetters. It is known that bedwetting CAN have genetic links. If this is the case in your family, then that's one more fact to consider with their wetting problem.

 

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I need to agree with the others here that rewards and punishment is not the answer. Instead I think going to a urologist, especially a pediatric urologist, may ultimately give you an answer. It is important to rule out any physical causes and if the urologist suggests tests then by all means find out about them and ask questions about what the suspected cause is. Bedwetting is usually caused by something medical and is not so much a behavioral issue so no amount of rewards, and certainly not punishment, will lead to any real solution. From all of the methods that you have described, seeking help from a doctor seems to be the way to go at this point.

 

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Everyone here gave great advice. I was a bedwetter growing up in the 50s and 60s. Not much research on it then, just a couple of meds. back then like imipramine and tofranil. I took both and neither worked. Plastic pants and diapers were hard to find, usually available at a medical supply house, or Sears catalogs. I didn't wear any diapers or plastic pants, so I was always soaked head to toe. Wet nearly every night, except for a rare dry night, usually limited to 5 times a year. Around age 11 or so, I dropped gentle hints that I would seriously consider wearing diapers and plastic pants. Never happened. Around age 18, my bedwetting stopped on it's own, don't know why. Was mostly dry after that, with an occasional return to bedwetting. Was never punished or ridiculed for bedwetting. Bedwetting returned around age 27, for no apparent reason, was off and on again for several years, only to return at age 35. Was given all sorts of exam, tests, etc., to determine cause of my bedwetting, nothing abnormal. Continue to bed wet to this day at age 69. I now wear diapers and plastic pants to bed, not as a punishment, but in consideration of my wife to keep her and my side of the bed dry. Works well.
I would seriously suggest that you have your teenage boys to wear some sort of protective garments not as a punishment,but to protect bed and give them a good night's sleep. I wish I had them when I was growing up. Sorry for the long story.

 

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Some of us just take longer than others to become dry at night. I wasn't completely dry at night until my early 20's and wet most nights until my late teens.

 

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Yes I would suggest a through urodynamic study be done on your boys. I wet every night through my teen years, well my whole life. Anyway I also went to too many doctors and tried meds, alarms, etc. Was the only bedwetter of four and had to wear thick pin on diapers with plastic pants until I entered high school at 14 1/2. I also had a noisy plastic mattress protector on my bed. I could never have anyone in my room because sitting on my bed was a dead giveaway. I also could not spend nights at friends houses because I wasn’t about to wear diapers around a friend. When we visited relatives or parents friends I was always put into a protected bed by myself knowing everyone knew I was a bedwetter. I never wanted to still be in diapers but and this is important I was never more miserable once I was allowed to stop wearing them to bed. Mid night floods were awful and I would usually wet more than once a night so I’d often wake up and either move to the floor or cover the flood with towels only to reflood the bed. I would often get in trouble for wetting the floor next to my bed. I really missed my diapers and put myself back in them after a few months of misery. I was again getting great nights sleep and my bed was warm and dry every morning.
I suggest testing because when I finally had an urologist do through testing on me on my early 30s was it discovered I had a neurogenic bladder which explained why I never could control my wetting. I don’t know about your boys but I also struggled during the daytime as well having to find bathrooms 15+ times a day. Many elementary school wet pant episodes to talk about.that was also awful. I would wear thick training pant underwear with plastic pants but would sometimes leak.
Anyway convincing teen boys to wear diapers to bed may seem like an impossible task but since there are two of them it might be easier to convince them. I can guarantee they will feel much better each morning.

 

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Yes I would suggest a through urodynamic study be done on your boys. I wet every night through my teen years, well my whole life. Anyway I also went to too many doctors and tried meds, alarms, etc. Was the only bedwetter of four and had to wear thick pin on diapers with plastic pants until I entered high school at 14 1/2. I also had a noisy plastic mattress protector on my bed. I could never have anyone in my room because sitting on my bed was a dead giveaway. I also could not spend nights at friends houses because I wasn’t about to wear diapers around a friend. When we visited relatives or parents friends I was always put into a protected bed by myself knowing everyone knew I was a bedwetter. I never wanted to still be in diapers but and this is important I was never more miserable once I was allowed to stop wearing them to bed. Mid night floods were awful and I would usually wet more than once a night so I’d often wake up and either move to the floor or cover the flood with towels only to reflood the bed. I would often get in trouble for wetting the floor next to my bed. I really missed my diapers and put myself back in them after a few months of misery. I was again getting great nights sleep and my bed was warm and dry every morning.
I suggest testing because when I finally had an urologist do through testing on me on my early 30s was it discovered I had a neurogenic bladder which explained why I never could control my wetting. I don’t know about your boys but I also struggled during the daytime as well having to find bathrooms 15+ times a day. Many elementary school wet pant episodes to talk about.that was also awful. I would wear thick training pant underwear with plastic pants but would sometimes leak.
Anyway convincing teen boys to wear diapers to bed may seem like an impossible task but since there are two of them it might be easier to convince them. I can guarantee they will feel much better each morning.

At least eventually you were diagnosed. My childhood and teenage wetting problems were never diagnosed. I was just told I would grow out of it in my own time.

 

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I am looking for any advice on helping my teenage boys to stop wetting the bed. I've tried multiple alarms, seeing a PT, using medication, rewards, taking electronics away, no milk at dinner, limiting drinks at dinner and no drinks after dinner, and waking them to go...anything that I"m missing or other ideas please help me!

I am with you! I have a teen boy as well and it's getting more and more difficult to find a way to help. After years of hearing that it will probably go away by itself...it hasn't! And after reading story after story and article after article - there just doesn't seem to be any solid information. The answers I am finding are both physical and mental; for example diabetes or ADHD. So if there isn't a medical reason that has been found, then does this mean it must be rooted in an ADHD/Neuro type issue? I can't even find that as an answer so I know which way to turn.

And for anyone who has solved this issue in their past, it seems like it does "just go away" but there has to be some reason it suddenly disappears??? My son is facing college, after losing so much of his childhood, and I have no idea how to help him. Going to the doctor (again) and using products are not the answer at this stage. So what are the other options?

A doctor recommended PTNS but I am unable to find anyone in our area who does it, although I am continuing to search. Someone has mentioned a chiropractor in the past but we have never tried this. Anyone have any other ideas? I am out of time and need some help!

 

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Please refer to my answer from a couple of months ago. I wet the bed nightly until I was about 18. It stopped on it's own at that time. Don't know why, it just did, only to start up again. Give it time, it should work out.

 

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TiredMom,
If old guys like me struggle with incontinence, teenagers must live in a panic mode all day long. Fortunately, I was able to do something about my leakage. Pls review my note above one more time before you discount it. Best wishes to you. Fynlee

 

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I appreciate the reply artiejr. My son is now over 18 and it hasn't stopped. He is having a difficult year at college and still is handling this. People have said to 'give it time, it will just go way on its own' for 7 years now. No offense at all - I really do appreciate your kind reply, and I hope you are right, but I need to do something. I can't just keep hoping it will go away. This year has been hard enough and I need to do something. If this information gets into the wrong hands within the next few years/roommates, it could be more than devastating. I just need a direction to try for him and I don't know what that is. We live close to the Mayo and they are the ones that suggested PTNS but even the Mayo didn't have a wealth of information on this subject I feel like we are all alone in the search for real answers - even finding out if it is a physical or mental battle that is being fought.

You do NOT have to answer this, but do you feel like you lost out on a lot of your youth? Did you want your parents to try more? Most importantly, what would have happened if this information got spread around? I'm at a loss and want to not only help but also protect my son. And sitting around patiently after nearly 7 years of doing so is killing me! Help point me in the right direction.

 

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If he's not using any kind of protection, I would highly recommend it. I didn't have any growing up except for a plastic sheet on my bed which always moved. I thought I was the only bedwetter in the world until I found out 2 neighborhood kids,about my age, a brother and sister also were bedwetters. They wore diapers and plastic pants, I never did. Being a bedwetter in college, especially in a dorm setting is tough. I hope he can get a roommate who also bedwets, or one who is sympathetic. I was lucky, I had already pretty much stopped bedwetting at age 18, except for a few times here and there. No, I didn't do any drinking in college. Hang in there, everything is going to work out.

 

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@TiredMom you keep reiterating that you have to do something ... but you also told us your son is over 18. Where is your son on all of this, honestly. I'm sure he doesn't enjoy it, but how much intervention is he looking for from YOU. It's a super embarrassing issue, and he might not be looking for mom to be that involved anymore.

The best sorry you can offer might be too be more hands of and let him figure out how he best wants to handle it. Maybe he does want your help, but maybe he just wants monetary support to buy supplies. Maybe he doesn't want to see the Dr for a while. He might not want any more attention drawn to it.

 

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msuspartan, thanks for your reply.

He's asking for help - that's why I'm here. That's why we contacted the Mayo. I offer and ask what he wants to do from there. I provide guidance and support - we all want this issue to be over for him. We all see the affect it has on him. We provide him with money for his extra laundry and purchased a mattress protector but he does not want any supplies. How could he possibly keep them confidential in a 12x15 dorm room with a roommate and a communal bathroom? We have strategies in place and he does the best he can. I applaud him as we said we'd pay for a private dorm room for him but he'd rather deal with all of this than be on his own. No in person classes during his freshman year in college has been difficult enough but he thought being in a private room would be so much worse. Honestly we don't overcommunicate about it - but just because he's now just turned 18 doesn't mean we won't still be involved in trying to help him find an answer. I'm just tired of hearing that "it will go away on its own" and hearing "there's a physical reason" or "no, it's a mental health issue" and not knowing which way to go from here.