Support for my partner

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Hi! Not sure if this is the right page for me or not. My boyfriend is an alcoholic. I decided a while back I could deal with it. Though it is a problem, and I do wish he would quit, I can accept it so that we can have a relationship. The ONLY thing I cannot accept is his bed wetting.
Im suspicious that there is something more to his bed wetting other than just alcohol because he doesn’t have to be drunk to wet the bed though he does always have drinks in him.
He refuses to see a Dr.
Only once would he agree to wear absorbent underwear due to me completely loosing it.
I feel like he won’t acknowledge the impact it has on me. He only responds with superficial responses like “I don’t do it on purpose” or “it’s embarrassing for me.”

I realize it is humiliating. I try my best to support him. But I’m the end, I can’t make him take initiative.
Im due to have our child in a few weeks and I’m incredibly painful and high risk. I have tried to explain to him I already can’t sleep. When I sleep with him, I constantly wake up with anxiety that he peed the bed. I constantly wake him up and usher him to the bathroom. He still pees and my bed and sometimes I am soaked.
I’ve tried setting boundaries by not helping him clean it up. I come to bed when he is done. I still can’t sleep then because of the anxiety that it’s soaking through the sheets and often times, it does.
Now I have set the boundary of sleeping on the couch. If I suspect he will pee or if he does pee, I tried sleeping on the couch rather than being mad. That seems to really bother him yet he still has made no changes.
Last night I couldn’t do it. I was to uncomfortable. So I came to bed. The urine soaked through the sheets. I can smell it.
What else can I do?
What am I doing wrong?
I desperately want him to get help…
 
This is a very vulnerable time for you.
What resource people do you have in your life?

We will gladly empathize with you.
Can't help him unless he chooses to help himself.
I can suggest pouring a bottle of nature's miracle (a urine deodorizer found at grocery stores and Walmart in the dog aisle on lower shelf)on the mattress and putting towels and a waterproof mattress protector on it. This will dilute the smell for now.
I can suggest getting a single bed for another room in the house for you maybe in the baby's room if you have a separate room for the baby.

I can suggest getting the friends relatives or paid help to carry it in and set it up.

As far as the person who you live with, that's not a partner behavior, he is not being responsible in your time of daily need.
So you focus on what is best for you and the baby day by day. between alcohol use and night urination he is not taking care of his end of things. Everything is right now about getting you through the pregnancy and baby s first year.
It's all on him what his behavior and choice do.
 
Amtanner97,
I am very sorry to hear you are choosing to live with this, addiction is no joke. If you set aside the bedwetting, choosing to stay with an alcoholic is a very risky proposition. You also need to think of the world you are bringing your innocent baby into.
I only say this because I grew up in an alcoholic home and had to move out at 16 and fend for myself because that world is so warped. I did well for myself, while some of my siblings did not, they too opted for drugs & alcohol because it was what they knew.
I even married one when I was 21 because I thought I could “SAVE” her. What an arrogant ass I was! People with that disease spread it like an infection, yet have an excuse for every action. The drunk driver that ran over and killed my sister while walking her dog screamed his innocence all the way to prison, even though his car was covered in her innocent blood!
My ex-wife died of cirrhosis 22 years ago at 32, she looked 100.
I’m sorry if I’m out of line here, but without acknowledgment of this terrible disease and his cure, wet beds will become the least of your worries.
Wishing you the best….
 
I honestly feel for you. His alcoholism probably plays a big part of bedwetting because he's a man who can no longer handle his most private matters in front of a wife he surely loves. Remember the better or worse deal. Well this is the worse for both of you. Get a family member you trust or good friend to reach out to him. Remember the man is sick twice over. And probably a younger man at that. Get him to get help, you may need to be the one to get him help, and if all that fails then it's time for the ultimatum. Get people a little closer involved with your situation than strangers on here. We can talk big and brave and warn you of everything, but in reality right now you need close friends who care about BOTH of you to help out a bit.
I wish you well. Remember this, a man peeing in his own bed is probably the lowest of lows for him as it would be for you. Get help from someplace other than here.
Good Luck to you and him both.
 
1reginald57

I usually think you give good counsel.
But nowhere does she say she took vows for better or worse and maybe has no close family or friends who would be willing to step up for her or for him. So groups of strangers who share a common issue step up. Hopefully with benign kind intent.
Alcoholics anonymous could provide him with that support network. His call.
However she is heavily pregnant in great discomfort and even if she wasn't NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO LIE IN ANOTHER PERSONS URINE.

So amtanner97, I hope you can continue to set boundaries for your comfort and well being and let us know if we can be a supportive ear as you work out the situation.
 
This is awful for you and totally unfair. Yes he needs to be responsible for his bodily functions. The drinking is, in my opinion, the larger problem. In the meantime however you just have to insist he wear the most absorbent diaper necessary to contain his bedwetting. You should not have to deal with stress about being soaked in your own bed. Initially I can understand a guy not wanting to be diapered BUT once he does it consistently he will find it is much better than waking up in a large puddle of pee. I hope you have a mattress protector under the sheets. They make these that feel like cloth, not plastic, and is a must to save the bed.
 
I feel so sorry for you.

I think that utltimately his condition will not get better until he admits he has a problem and wants to take corrective action. I fear there is far worse still to come for you.

What kind of life is it for you sleeping on the couch??

Is this going to become the norm for you??

What about the dear child you are carrying? What will he or she make of the family situation, if your relationship survives? What will your man feel about a new member to your family?

How are you going to cope financially. Are you going to be able to afford to feed the dear child?

So may things to think about and to fear about.

My thoughts are that you need to convince him, one way or another, to get help. You need to convince him that he has a problem and because of his problem, you also have a problem. Look into what help is available in your area.

If he will not agree to seeking help, then you certainly need to.

I have watched a dear daughter drink excessively for 22 years until she finally agreed to attend a rehab unit for a month. That was really good, although costly. She came out a million times better but to my dismay, the first thing she wanted to do and insisted on doing when she had finished the rehab was to drink in moderation. That moderation soon increased to the amount she drunk before rehab. I have learnt that it is a real illness that will readily destroy lives and the only cure is to stop.

I do feel for you and wish you the best.
 
This is what I posted on a similar post about their partners nocturnal enuresis due to alcohol:

"Address the alcohol issue so you can address the leaking issue. You need to sleep in a different room and when he sobers up let him clean everything up.
I'll share something the VA once told us Veterans, that is if our loved ones showed us video of how we acted while drunk we'd be to ashamed to drink again."
 
I think it is the lack of respect or concerns for the pregnant writer of the post that bothers me given how it is an option for him to drink whether or not it's a health concern to him and yet not wear protection.

So many men here are considerate of their bed partners and man up to at least TRY to not make their partner miserable.
 
Maymay941 said:
I think it is the lack of respect or concerns for the pregnant writer of the post that bothers me given how it is an option for him to drink whether or not it's a health concern to him and yet not wear protection.

So many men here are considerate of their bed partners and man up to at least TRY to not make their partner miserable.

100% agree, good point!! My wife is worlds lightest sleeper, I tried so many different briefs before finding one that doesn't make noise in bed and is absorbent enough so I can sleep the entire night without issues.
 
CES97
Men REAL men treat their partners with respect and that is why so many here have working relationships regardless of their incontinence.
 
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