Relationships with guys

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Hey everybody,

Need your help please. I just started dating a new guy and he doesn't know about my incontinence. We're going out tonight. I was thinking I need to tell him because he'll find out sooner or later anyways but I'm not sure what exactly to say. There's also another big issue but I don't really want to talk about it here. I did have a friend I was talking to here but I can't seem to contact her now. I'm kind of freaking out today because we're getting together tonight. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,
Maddy

 

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Hello Mary, it is such an uncomfortable position to be in that all we want to do is run away but that doesn't solve anything!! When my wife and I started dating(5 years ago) I was mostly incontinent at night and before I told her and we spent the night together I would stay up most hours f the night afraid I would wet the bed!! I look back in that today and say how silly that was!! I finally told her and she only said I'm sorry and that's horrible for you. She LOVES me and doesn't care about those superficial things!! I was afraid of my own thoughts and that's what it really comes down to, if he really likes you and wants to be with you it won't matter and you will have a great relationship. If he can't handle it he's the unlucky one and doesn't deserve you!! We are who we are and we can't control all things in life even our bladder at times so just control your thoughts and live love and laugh!! I hope this helps and I'm sure you will find the person you are meant to be with!!

 

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Sorry my phone auto corrected your name Maddy.

 

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I agree with Petec just take it slow and see that you connect on all levels.

 

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Wait until the point in your relationship that you'd normally reveal your underwear. Before then it's not necessary. If it progresses that far, and he's a mature adult, it won't matter.

 

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I'd add that it also depends on the severity and how you handle your incontinence. If you just wear pads and it's not heavy it should be easier to remain discreet than if you wear a full diaper.

 

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I would recommend being up front. i mean you dont have to be detailed by lightly mention that you have a few bladder related issues.

 

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how did things go last night

 

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I agree with Torontostarboy- be upfront about it. I wouldn't say anything on your first date or two - I assume you aren't planning to jump in bed with this guy immediately - but it's only fair that he has the chance and the time to mull it over, and fair that you not become too attached to him before you know how he will react. He may be a keeper- a real gem, but you won't know that if you only have his reaction to a poorly-timed surprise to go by.

 

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Thanks for all your responses and a couple of private messages. They really did help me feel a lot better. The date went well!! He still doesn't know about my bladder issues but that's okay. I like to believe I am much more than my incontinence and refuse to let it define me as a person.

Maddy

 

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You've got a great attitude Maddy and I'm sure it will go well with this guy or another lucky guy who knows a real woman when he sees her!!

 

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Maddy!!!
Hey! I would hold back on telling him tbh. He'll find out soon enough, but not point in rushing it until you know its real. Message me!! I've sent you a couple messages so far

 

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It is certainly advisable to take your time with any relationship.Especially when it comes to a sexual one. Even more important with incontinence. Big part depends on the severity of your incon. Hopefully it is just urine which in my mind would be easier to deal with. If both good luck. There is always the possibility of finding someone with similar issues or that is attracted to the same. Different strokes for different folks.