I feel disgusting 😢

Archives1

Archives1

Staff member
Almost exactly one year ago I had a fall which resulted in 3 slipped disks. Since then ive been admitted to hospital twice with suspected Cauda Equina (clear) and have had regular physiotherapy until my nhs allowance ran out. Disks seem to have popped back in. I have had an urgent bladder since an early teenage (caused I believe by long car journeys and parents who wouldnt pull over when I needed 'pit stops'). I peed in the car a few times 😢
Since my fall I regularly pee myself, I feel the need...I turn to go...back spasms and I lose control. Consultant aware. Tonight however I got out of bed to go to the bathroom, walked across the landing, and realised I was physically pee-ing myself where I stood. Didnt realise until I felt it going down my legs. Confided in my husband (been together 16 years) and I felt so disgusting, dirty and embarrassed. Seeing spinal consultant next Thursday who is considering possibility of myelopathy. Please tell me I'm not alone. Im in floods (excuse the pun) of tears here.

Im 48.
 
I can understand the feeling but obviously you aren’t alone. Everyone hear is in a similar boat. That’s the biggest challenge I think is the mental part. I hope you don’t have to let it hurt your self image
 
Also think about kegels exercise, I have been reading about. (The whole physiotherapy thing.) I have not tried physiotherpy yet because as a former nurse I think I can read and do the kegels as directed. For bowel incontienence people, I take cholestyramine packet once a day instead of twice as directed. I am doing a food diary to see what if any triggers exist. I know about the issues, mine include my bowels after radiation post cancer treatment.
I guess I am addressing the emotional part of this. People who do not have this personal issue have no clue. It is a case of "walking a mile in my shoes". My husband had a old work friend tell him a story about standing next to a guy in Walmart who didn't smell fresh. His wife's comment was, "Don't people know how to bathe". Of course they have no idea about people who have to deal with our issues on a daily basis. Having the right (PPE), being former military and medical (Personal Protective Equipent). I have a pretty zipper bag that carries a (diaper and wipees. It's the new normal. I am still trying to figure out how manage everything. Quality of life is the most important. BenFrank also wrote back to me on my first post which has only been within the last week. Keep you head up and read and do the best thing for you. I am passionate about these issues.
 
Instead of feeling disgusting, dirty and embarrassed, remind yourself that you have a medical condition that needs to be managed. The number of different kinds of adult protective products on the drugstore and supermarket shelves right now should tell you that you are far from alone. There are several possible causes and treatments for our condition. It sounds to me as if you have what is called "urge incontinence." So do I. I talked with my GP, and she referred me to a very good woman urologist, who did some tests, taught me how to do Kegel exercises, and prescribed some medication. The med. doesn't work 100%, and it has a minor side effect (dry mouth), but it makes things a lot easier. For the rest, there are protective undergarments as needed, and the awareness that changing such undergarments as soon as possible after they become damp is important because the microbes that cause vaginal and urinary tract infections flourish in a damp environment. The fact that this website exists means that there are other people with the same or similar medical conditions who are willing to help you deal with yours. Take heart.
 
From your description it sounds like it could be something to do with the nerves in your spine. Sorry to hear you are also dealing with this condition. If you have any questions feel free to ask this forum has been a great place for me for finding answers to questions about my issues with incontinence
 
Remember, you are far from alone in this, just not something people openly talk about, but I can bet there are people around you every day in the same leaky boat! :) Keep your chin up!
 
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