How to talk to your spouse?

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Hi! I'm new here. My husband has been wetting the bed but, he thinks that I don't know. I really want him to see a doctor about it because I'm worried. I'm a little obsessive over things and he's one of those guys that will have a leg hanging off and still trying to walk around. He's going to think that I'm going to start obsessing over this if I bring it up and I also understand that it's an embarrassing topic to tackle but, I kind of feel like it's important. I just don't want him to shut down and stop talking altogether. I'm sure it stresses him out but, I'm stressed out about it too. I'm starting to acquire strange behaviors to prevent accidents at night and also to continue to let him think that I don't know when they do occur. We're in our very early 30s. Both overweight but, not obese(is that possible?) We're not super active and not super stressed out. No heavy drinking or smoking or drugs are involved. Diet could use improvement. I'm sure I'm rambling and I apologize for that. I just want to help my husband and I don't have anywhere to turn. I don't want him to feel like I'm looking down on him either. Because I don't. Mostly, I don't want him to feel like he's alone in this.

 

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@AndroGenius welcome and don't worry about sharing your worries here. If you have a look through the various posts you will see that your husband isn't alone. He is lucky to have someone watch out for him. How about suggesting that you both have a check up with a doctor and see if anything comes up? Phil

 

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That's a great idea! I'm going to try that.

 

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Hello and welcome. A few things. Being out of shape and overweight greatly affect continence. Those two things also could be a possible sign of diabetes. Now, for talking to him. Get a time when you both are free. Don’t corner him. To approach him you may want to stay with “you know I love you and that will never change. I’ve noticed something that you might think is embarrassing, but I assure you that it isn’t. You don’t need to tell me or talk to me now, but I’ve noticed the wet bed. It’s ok but I need you to talk to me about it. It’s doesnt need to be now but only when you’re ready. I don’t want you to feel ashamed because I don’t think less of you. We can work together and maybe this will bring us even more closer than ever. If you need time take it but do talk to me.”

 

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How often is he wetting the bed? You might consider something called a bladder diary. Fill it out for a couple of days before you go visit the doctor or urologist. This may save you a little time, they are probably going to ask you to do it anyway. Like someone mentioned above, better safe than sorry, go visit a doctor even though it's embarrassing.

 

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Hello and welcome!! Your spouse needs to look at this as a medical situation that could be a sign of a deeper issue and getting to a dr is crucial to be able to diagnose it and find the cause. Yes it’s embarrassing but the long term stress is so much worse for both of you!! Once the topic is started it will be easier to continue, the initial talk isn’t fun or easy but very very necessary.

 

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@AndroGenius Good for you for wanting to help and being understanding. I would recommend just being up front and honest with him. Show him you care and don't want to shame him.

"Honey, I put the wet sheets in the laundry."

"Here's a pad you can try on the bed."

"Lot's of people have issues, don't sweat it."

For a few examples. You'll find your own style. It's a horribly embarrassing and shaming thing, but having support helps immensely.

 

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I also vote for a visit to the doctorr for both of you. They should fo a routine urinalosis and blood test work up which can tell if there is a simple cause like diabetes afoot or if overweight is an issue they will say so but its not shaming its to tell the truth and leave him to make choices. They might not have an answer also.
Glad to hear you are a loving spouse and addressing the issue as lovingly as you know how. This forum is very open and supportive to people with every degree of incontinence and cause annd effect there of.

 

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I went to a very busy urology clinic for men and sat in a waiting room with a TON of patients. Other then me every guy had his wife with his so... My advice is most men suck at seeing a doctor because after they get old enough to not have mom take them they just don't go.

You know how to best approach him to do things he doesn't want to do but I agree 100% with you that this is something a doctor needs to work on.

If asking or being subtle doesn't work I think one thing you could do is just buy a rubber sheet. He will probably turn beet red but I think this "hint" will clue him in that his secret is not very secret.