National Let's Laugh day... who's got jokes..

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I called for information on some new incontinence products... They asked "Can you hold please?""

You think you have it bad... Imagine being a bed wetting Bat...
 
You think you have it bad... Imagine being a Kangaroo mom and little joey is a bed wetter.... ROFL...
 
I have a rather off-color joke that MayMay and a few others and I might appreciate at the expense of you nice guys. Forgive me if it isn’t appropriate... but at least it’s the right part of the body

Why can’t women judge distance?

Because all our lives, men have been telling us this:

|_____________________________________| is 9 inches.
 
Amateur hour

I was sitting on the toilet at 11:59 p.m. The clock turned to 12:00 and I thought to myself, "Same shit, different day."


:D
 
A little boy asks his teacher to use the restroom.

The teacher being the suspicious type says: "If you tell me your ABCs you can go."

So the little boy begins: "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ"

The teacher says: "Where's the 'P'?"

The little boy says: "Running down my leg..."
 
This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.
 
Oh you guys are really "rising to the occasion!"
That ones for you LeeC but Pete is still wiping the tears from his eyes still laughing from his trip the bar joke and there was a great cry of gratitude from all for a lot of good funnies
 
What a great evening of jokes!! I say let’s keep it up and have a joke of the week contest on every Tuesday!!
 
Found this one online but it is funny...

An elderly couple is going to their doctor for a checkup. The man goes in first. "How're you doing?" asks the doctor. "Pretty good," answers the old man. "I'm eating well, and I'm still in control of my bowels and bladder. In fact, when I get up at night to pee, the good Lord turns the light on for me."

The doctor decides not to comment on that last statement, and goes into the next room to check on the man's wife. "How're you feeling?" he asks. "I'm doing well," answers the old woman. "I still have lots of energy and I'm not feeling any pain." The doctor says, "That's nice. It sounds like you and your husband are both doing well.

One thing though - your husband said that when he gets up to pee at night, the good Lord turns the light on for him. Do you have any idea what he means?" "Oh No," says the woman, "He's peeing in the refrigerator again."
 
Okay one more... Herd this one on facebook by a redneck guy...

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"
 
Maymay941 said:
Flguy, im sure ALL of us want to have what youre drinking!! Or is in the water?
Doctor said decaff coffee for a month after surgery... Never said anything about having a coke... or two... and dark chocolate... lost of dark chocolate.. Who needs sleep anyway.
 
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