My biggest humiliation! Need Advice

[Archives1]

Has anyone had terrible accidents? Because mine is bad and I have no idea how to even go about this situation. I am in my 20s, in the field of medicine and this is my purpose. I have gone to my PCP, urologists, PT my whole childhood trying to find answers on why I still wet the bed. This is my worst insecurity, and I don't know anyone who understands. I have always dreaded traveling due to my fear of accidents at night. (this is the only time it happens) My boyfriend has experienced my problem firsthand but I have always been super insecure about it with him. He has never made me feel bad about it but you know the feeling of having to live with this... Outside of my family knowing my problem, he is the only one until recently. His family lives out of state and they invited me to road trip (8h) and visit them, how could I say no to meeting my inlaws? We have gone several times to visit now, and luckily taking all the precautions necessary I had not wet the bed until this recent time that we went to visit. I wanted the earth to eat me alive. I wanted the world to stop. I wanted to just die from humiliation. I wet the bed even after wearing a diaper. (I was borrowing his brother's room for the trip, and bf was in another room just for decency of his parents) That was the last day of our visit & that we were supposed to be staying with his family. That morning that it happened we were supposed to jump in the car since everything was already packed for the most part. My mind was going crazy about the severity of my stupid f' problem. Feeling like my world was coming down, having no mind for solutions, and no plan... I left that morning and said nothing. Now they know. I know I might be a terrible person for this, but would anyone want to jump in on advice? My bf has proved to be the love of my life and we even plan on marriage, but now his family probably hates me. I have seen his family again since then and act like nothing ever happened. In the spur of the moment, I thought of leaving cash behind for them to buy a new mattress but I had 0, or saying my biggest apologies, even then knowing their personalities and their insensitive joking at times, I panicked and imagined the worst. At that time - in my mind, I was only thinking: how do I even explain my worst insecurity to him and his parents? What do I even do at this point? Before this, I knew his parents truly loved me and vice versa. It has been months now and his parents have not said anything to him or to me regarding the incident (he clearly doesn't know from my end), we have always been super honest with each other but this is something that has bugged me all my life and I feel terrible for not telling him in the moment. I don't know what to do! I found this group and I almost cried at how many people deal from this same condition! I need advice, and I have no one I trust to talk to this about...

 

[Archives1]

Hi mceballos,

I can 100% relate to your issue. Ive just hit 30 and have dealt with this all my life also and the best thing is to just be honest with your partner. Its not an easy ride telling people as its something the really feels embarrassing. I travel as much as possible and my girlfriend is always supportive as well. Dont let this stop you from doing anything its not easy with the nights but remember it can all be washed and cleaned. I once got told as a kid that most people with nocturnal enuresis become introverts and anti-social! (who tells a 12 yr old this )
I took this as a challenge and made sure I get out and see and do as much as I can in this world .

I felt the same way you do I think , I only found this group a couple of weeks ago and thought id never meet anyone with a similar issue let alone a supportive community!

If you ever wanna chat, more then welcome to just reach out .

 

[Archives1]

Hi Mceballos,

I don't have the same problem as you but empathise in your situation and just want to reach out to say hi and to let you know there are a lot of people on this brilliant site who share the same situation as you do and I hope some will give you some tips.

Because I leak, if I go to stay somewhere, I will take a pvc mattress protector with me to put on their bed, this way, only the sheet might get a bit wet if I leak on it. It might be a good tip for you too. Another idea I have is to invest in some really good quality diapers and plastic pants.

You have taken one massive step to reach out for help and I wish you the best going forwards.

 

[Archives1]

Ugh. Totally relate. I have this issue and it can be awful. One point I want to make about your situation is that your inlaws may have thought it was a "one off" thing.. just because there was a wet bed doesn't mean it's a regular occurrence. I mean those of us who have the problem know better but others wouldn't unless they are told.

That's a tough deal though. Not saying anything is probably the route I would have taken as well but idk, in hindsight maybe telling your significant other what happened might have helped determine the best plan of action in the moment.
With that said, it sounds like everyone it past what happened assuming they even knew. You stayed there before and no incidents since then so that is good. I don't know if you need to revisit the situation with them. It sounds like everyone is over it.
Next time you stay there the real tell tale sign will be is if you sleep over there again and they put the dreaded plastic cover on the bed for your visit. Then it's pretty likely they know or don't think it was a random one time deal. I've come across that before and it's not a pleasant thing. But you may very well be just over anxious about this as me and I'm sure many others end up doing as well. The folks who end up finding out that you have a problem like this tend not to look at it as critically as we do. You also stated it's only an issue when you travel so that is kind of unique vs us who can't get away from it.

It very well could he something that you could take meds for. Maybe check with your doctor about meds that limit urine production and you could just use them for trips. Those work for a lot of people as a short term and maybe some who wet regularly long term fix.

 

[Archives1]

Hi Miceballos I last wet the bed at 13yrs then dry till mid 50's then it came back and had only been remarried a couple yrs that was a blow to my ego but with understanding from my wife didn't die.The best of luck.

 

[Archives1]

How about laalaak's suggestion on the practical end but for yourself emotionally, try to put on some emotional armor.
You have investigated the problem medically since you were a child and as you will know from this forum, childhood bedwetting even of you can NAME it is a fact of a body and having a NAME doesn't FIX the problem.
Every bodies body has quirks and issues.
You could relate it that everyone has body parts that are weak, some are more obvious to the world than others.
So you don't expose yourself to insensitive in laws or other people unnecessarily. Use supplies. A person with allergies takes medicine vand kleenex.You use all the tools laalaauk suggests.
You talk to your bf as needed. it will take practice finding the language that works.
This takes practice so try us out as a sounding board anytime

 

[Archives1]

You may have read this from my previous posts, and why it works for me and my WIFE is not important. (except that I am damn glad it does) I am not sure whether healthy people (in normal respects)can sleep thru a signal from the bladder, but I considered myself healthy. I had to travel a LOT and at times the long hours and loss of sleep would allow me to sleep thru a (bladder) wake up call. which just made things worse for the NEXT night away from home. I used what I could at hand to prevent damage to beds and bedding and got thru it. After radical prostectomy my fears came back with a vengeance, sleeping some of the night or all night post surgery but waking up soaking wet. UNTIL I started taking the Prosta Genix supplement. Found out my wife was taking the pills herself for the same thing. (She didn't like being awakened to go the bathroom at night) So now at 4 months post, I am padless except for a small shield, which is allowing me to focus on the goal (to get complete continence back) Puka said it was helping him, others are talking about it If your Doctor looks at whats in it, and gives you a green light, what have you got to lose! (I got thru every bad time in my life by helping others get thru a probably worse time in theirs!) Keep trying and keep us posted. Set a goal for yourself. The Human mind is both a wonderful, and scary thing. but you can try to control it!

 

[Archives1]

Hi @mceballos, You have come to the rright place to talk to us and although I don't have your specific problem I really empathize with you and can see what your predicament is.
If I were you I would talk to your boyfriend very frankly and tell him what you told us. He needs to know 100 percent that this is a medical thing for you and that as all of us have found out in dealing with our various situations that you have to use the trial and error method to find the best ways of coping. You have done what you could thus far.
Now with that said to your boyfriend, I would ask him about his parents and try to have him explain to them what your situation is. If the parents have any sense or sympathy whatsoever they would be aware that it isn't your fault and that you are trying to find a good solution. You have a medical issue and maybe this is an appropriate time to educate the boyfriend's family on the fact this is a medical issue just as if you had diabetes or heart disease or arthritis or any number of maladies. So it sounds like educating the family on disabilities may be the way to go.
I hope this makes sense and that it helps. Since his parents truly love you and vice versa, I think it's a pretty good bet they will forgive and realize that you are doing the very best you can to help yourself. Please stop by and let us know how things are going for you. You have plenty of company and support here!

 

[Archives1]

M......,
Bill, above, comes closest to describing your solution, I'd suggest. You have a medical problem, like most people you'll see on the street and certainly here with our group. While most of us have experienced the emotions you describe at one time or another, those who came to realize incontinence is just another malady, not unlike bad knees or a sore lower back, finally realized that talking about it when necessary is an uplifting experience...at least the first time; thereafter, it just becomes part of another conversation of how one (that's you) gets through the day or night. Your epiphany will come shortly after you speak freely to the next person about your particular malady and realize that they view it as they would any other less desirable condition. You're the same person they know, except you have that darn incontinence issue...which may be different than their own issue(s). Assuming you were mostly at ease discussing your condition with our group, expand on that with anyone else in your life that has a need to know status. All the while, of course, you should do whatever the situation dictates to have a mostly normal day or night. Trust me, you'll sleep like baby thereafter. Best wishes, Fynlee

 

[Archives1]

I realize I am offering no assistance in my response to the BF/future in law issue.
What I hope I can assist with is the traveling side of "our" "issues"
I travel often for work, friend's cabin, visit family, etc. Basically numerous opportunities to be in a bed that is not my own.
What I have found that works great for me and may help you.
I step up to a more absorbent diaper over what I use every night at home.(I move to northshore megamax) in addition I use a under pad.(bed pad, chux whatever you want to call it) I use north shore Magicsorb disposable underpad. I purchase the 30"x36" size which gives me enough room to move around and stay on top of it. They sent a sample to me of the 36"x52" that was amazing so much body coverage! But that size is a little bit pricier for what I really need. They also make a 36"x70" which I would imagine covers ones whole body without coming off of it. But again cost goes up for that size.
These work very well and I sleep with zero worry about a leak. Thinking of it this way "So what if I leak the pad is there to soak it up". In hotels I wrap it up every morning and put it away (If I didnt "use" it, Obviously it goes in the trash if I used it) Other places it depends on my level of privacy. My one family member I visit I have my own room during my stay.
Maybe give this a try. With experimentation I would encourage you that there is no reason not to travel, it just takes a little more planning/effort.

 

[Archives1]

Lots of good advice, this is part of your life, honesty with the ones you love will go a long way if they truly love you they will understand, Life will be much easier, learn from the mistakes and future planning will get better

 

[Archives1]

Hi @mceballos that is a most stressful situation to be in. My biggest fear when traveling is will I wet the bed, will my protective measures work?

For your situation, if I read correctly, your BF knew of your situation before the trip to his parents. If so then I would leave my trust in him and that he talk with his parents in an appropriate way to explain the situation for you. I would;d not be surprise that their absence of talking about it is out of respect to you and him. I think you are good and that there are no issues.

As a suggestion maybe talk with him about it and ask if he talk with his parents about the situation. You might find out that all is good an no worries for the next vit.

JT

 

[Archives1]

Hi mceballos,

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. I have heard this story so many times over the past 21 years. I am a pelvic floor physical therapist and treat symptoms of the bladder (and bowels and pelvic floor muscles) daily. I notice you saw a PT - did they specialize in the pelvic floor muscles? As in, did they treat only women's health issues or did they also treat typical orthopedic issues like neck pain, knee pain, etc? So many women (and men) slip through the cracks because so many providers (including PTs) are undertrained in pelvic floor issues. Here is a website that lists pelvic floor physical therapists all over the world. Maybe you can find one close to where your live and finally find some relief. I wish you the best!