Male OAB Products

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I've been managing overactive bladder associated urge/frequency with "lifestyle adjustments" and medication for most of my life. Instances of incontinence have been rare and attributable to missing facilities. However, as of three months ago, accidents have become a regular thing. It doesn't matter how close I am to a toilet when the OAB-urge hits I leak. Sometimes it's only a few ounces and sometimes it's more; luckily though complete voids only happen when I'm asleep.

My doctor suggested a swap to Myrbetriq but I've seen zero improvement in the two months since. It seems I'll continue to need some form of protection for the foreseeable future.

I tried Depend RealFit when the accidents first started; they were great during the day but leaked at night. I went onto try Depend Night Defense but they leaked as bad or worse (I can't believe the product is called "Night Defense" ). I reluctantly tried traditional diapers at night and found one that doesn't leak (Confidry) but it's thick and not the least bit discrete. I'd still really prefer something less obvious; ideally a pull-up. Any recommendations?

Depend RealFit mets my needs during the day but I'd really like to get by with male guards. The ease of changing without taking my clothes off is really appealing but I've found most of them leak. The best one I've found thus far has been the Northshore DoubleStop. It doesn't seem to leak when I put it on perfectly. The only problem is, I'm not sure what that perfect placement is. The instructions say to wear with briefs but they don't say how high or low the guard should be within the brief... Can anyone make placement recommendations. Or even recommend a brand of underwear better suited for guards?

I understand discrete products offer less "insurance" but I'm willing to make the trade off. I'm not hiding my situation from anyone per se but I am embarrassed to be dealing with this at 33. My wife is supportive but frankly I'd like to shrink the elephant in the room...

Any suggestions or tips would be sincerely appreciated.

 

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For use with the guards I used the cheep spandex underwear that keeps things from moving to much but the tape on the guards always seemed to not hold on any underwear I still had leak's so I went to McKesson ultra pull-ups for the day the they seem to hold 1 to 1 1/2 voids seems to keep my skin pretty dry for a pull-up but if I'm away from my house for a few hours I use abena l4 plastic back diapers.
They are fairly good at being hidden.

 

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With guards, I've found that boxer-briefs tend to be the best and it seems that the pads are made with that style of underwear in mind. I found that going on the small side worked best as well. Ultimately though that's why I gave up with them - in comfortable fitting underwear I'd still get wet patches as unless I was dribbling on the exact spot the pad was in, my underwear and trousers would still get damp. The smaller size helped with that (but still didn't eliminate the problem) but was too uncomfortable.


I'll echo the comments about the Depend underwear - found them pretty useless. The pull-ups I use regularly for work are Tena Active Fit Mens (don't know if you can get them in the States) as the pad at the front is really absorbent.

I can relate to finding it embarrassing to deal with (I'm in my 20s and don't feel great about using protection) - my only advice is that it gets better. Outside of work I just use taped nappies now as I find they fit the best and offer the most protection. Whilst at first I was really self-conscious about wearing them, I don't think anything of it now. The only thing which isn't discreet about them is the fact that the plastic can rise above trousers but baggy t-shirts and hoodies can help with that. In terms of bulk and noise, I've found wearing regular underwear over the top really helps.

I'll also say that how absorbencies are advertised can be misleading - I use Maxi products and I have a really mild issue in the grand scheme of things (post micturition dribble) but they need a change after a working day. Definitely scale up in terms of absorbency, I've found the pad on less bulky products also tends to deteriorate.

 

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Have you tried the Depend Refastenables? They go on like a pull-up, but you van also tear the sides when changing and then use the Velcro tabs to put them on.

 

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Why does being discrete matter when you're in bed?

I wear Better Dry and Crinklz to bed which are comparably thick to ConfiDry and it's made my life so much better. I never leak and sleep well.

When my OAB started I also tried to wear Depend pullups to bed and it became apparent on night 1 that they're the same as wearing nothing.

Guards are really meant for people with dribbling problems from things like prostate issues or stress incontinence. You may get by with them for your OAB/urge incon, but I'd be worried about them holding up for a leak of more than a few ounces.

Doesn't sound like you need a full tape on diaper during the day, but they are the easiest version to change since you don't have to take shoes off.

There are other "pad" options too. Abena makes plastic backed pads that you wear in special mesh pants...but they're also kind of bulky.

Finding the right product can be hard. You need to strike the right balance between absorbency, convenience, and discretion which can be really hard.

I actually felt relieved when my IC got bad enough for me to just switch to 24/7 tape on diapers because I could stop worrying about finding that balance and could finally just get on with life. Still hate that I need them, but it's easier to have one product for 24/7 wear.

 

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The better dry ones (aka crinklz if you like prints) have been excellent for me lately. I like the megamax too but have been happy with the better dry fit and comfort.

 

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Doesn't sound like you need a full tape on diaper during the day, but they are the easiest version to change since you don't have to take shoes off.

There are other "pad" options too. Abena makes plastic backed pads that you wear in special mesh pants...but they're also kind of bulky.

Finding the right product can be hard. You need to strike the right balance between absorbency, convenience, and discretion which can be really hard.

I actually felt relieved when my IC got bad enough for me to just switch to 24/7 tape on diapers because I could stop worrying about finding that balance and could finally just get on with life. Still hate that I need them, but it's easier to have one product for 24/7 wear.

I think there's the rub and that's also what I've found - in terms of ease of changing, fit, price, and protection traditional diapers are still the best.

I think the discretion side of things is often psychological - the first time I went out in anything other than a guard I thought everyone knew what I was wearing but found that over time the anxiety lessened and as I had no anxiety about pad degradation or missing the quite small area it covered that I was a lot more confident.

 

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I've been managing overactive bladder associated urge/frequency with "lifestyle adjustments" and medication for most of my life. Instances of incontinence have been rare and attributable to missing facilities. However, as of three months ago, accidents have become a regular thing. It doesn't matter how close I am to a toilet when the OAB-urge hits I leak. Sometimes it's only a few ounces and sometimes it's more; luckily though complete voids only happen when I'm asleep.

My doctor suggested a swap to Myrbetriq but I've seen zero improvement in the two months since. It seems I'll continue to need some form of protection for the foreseeable future.

I tried Depend RealFit when the accidents first started; they were great during the day but leaked at night. I went onto try Depend Night Defense but they leaked as bad or worse (I can't believe the product is called "Night Defense" ). I reluctantly tried traditional diapers at night and found one that doesn't leak (Confidry) but it's thick and not the least bit discrete. I'd still really prefer something less obvious; ideally a pull-up. Any recommendations?

Depend RealFit mets my needs during the day but I'd really like to get by with male guards. The ease of changing without taking my clothes off is really appealing but I've found most of them leak. The best one I've found thus far has been the Northshore DoubleStop. It doesn't seem to leak when I put it on perfectly. The only problem is, I'm not sure what that perfect placement is. The instructions say to wear with briefs but they don't say how high or low the guard should be within the brief... Can anyone make placement recommendations. Or even recommend a brand of underwear better suited for guards?

I understand discrete products offer less "insurance" but I'm willing to make the trade off. I'm not hiding my situation from anyone per se but I am embarrassed to be dealing with this at 33. My wife is supportive but frankly I'd like to shrink the elephant in the room...

Any suggestions or tips would be sincerely appreciated.

Hey Muddy2mar, Guards were not big enough for me and I found I leaked at the back of my legs. I tried taped pads but they made me sore between my legs. What works for me is an external catheter and leg bag. I can void in it gently if I have to and it collects all the drips. Coloplast active bags can be modified whereby I rip the leg strap off and I put the small 350ml bag inside my pants. The pants I wear are called Separatec and are excellent at keeping everything in place and dry down there. Hope that helps.

 

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I think there's the rub and that's also what I've found - in terms of ease of changing, fit, price, and protection traditional diapers are still the best.

I think the discretion side of things is often psychological - the first time I went out in anything other than a guard I thought everyone knew what I was wearing but found that over time the anxiety lessened and as I had no anxiety about pad degradation or missing the quite small area it covered that I was a lot more confident.

Totally agree. When I first wore one it was for night time only and despite embarassment and shame I quickly came to peace with it. But when I had to wear one during the day it was a very difficult adjustment. I felt like EVERYONE could tell...Everyone must know. The reality is 5 years into this I don't think anyone outside my doctor and wife know. A thick diaper is more discreet than wet pants and if you dress appropriately for it, no one can tell. It just takes time to get used to and stop constantly thinking about it. And that's the thing, it's because you're so hyper aware of what you're wearing that you tend to assume it's this obvious thing everyone is aware of....but really they're not.

 

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So true. You nailed it, thank you.
Jim

 

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Totally agree. When I first wore one it was for night time only and despite embarassment and shame I quickly came to peace with it. But when I had to wear one during the day it was a very difficult adjustment. I felt like EVERYONE could tell...Everyone must know. The reality is 5 years into this I don't think anyone outside my doctor and wife know. A thick diaper is more discreet than wet pants and if you dress appropriately for it, no one can tell. It just takes time to get used to and stop constantly thinking about it. And that's the thing, it's because you're so hyper aware of what you're wearing that you tend to assume it's this obvious thing everyone is aware of....but really they're not.

Indeed! Even though I had worn diapers a few times for big IBS flare ups, I put off regularly wearing protection for my after-dribble issue for ages because of feeling too self-conscious. I figured I only really needed to wear something when I was wearing a dry-clean only suit because I couldn't just wash the trousers every night. I then figured that it would be nice to not have to worry about smells and visible wet spots even when I'm wearing jeans. Then I started wearing around the house because I much preferred feeling dry all the time. It's sort of like how I started wearing glasses all the time - whilst I only truly 'needed' them for watching movies, concerts etc. it was nice to see properly all the time. I will say though that pull ups and diapers did take some getting used to and it definitely took me a while to get used to walking normally in them.

I think part of my fairly relaxed attitude about it though is that, having finally plucked up the courage to see a urologist, I see my urination issues as a hopefully temporary thing and hopefully I'll be out of pull ups and diapers before too long. Whilst I'll probably always need them for big IBS flare ups, those aren't a constant issue.

 

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I’m still struggling with the embarrassment but I’m encouraged to hear so many of you pushed through it. The products I’ve used thus far almost feel like as big of an intrusion as incontinence itself. Especially upon my sex life... I think she may embarrassed to engage and I’m horrified she might attempt to do so while I’m wet; spontaneity is dead. Its a real elephant in the room. It seems thinner, more discrete products would help us forget about my complications. Maybe it’s a mind set we/I have to push through. Maybe diapers aren’t the big road block they feel like... I’m really struggling but, again, your comments are encouraging. Thanks

 

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I have been wearing diapers off and on for quite a few years. Since my prostatectomy combined with the removal of a large diverticula, I am wearing a diaper pretty much 24/7. I have tried conventional underwear when at home, but that doesn't usually end up well. Yes, I still get anxious when out in public thinking everyone will know that I'm wearing a diaper, but if they can tell no one has mentioned it ever. I seem to get more anxious when being seen by health specialists. I have my three year post prostatectomy coming up on June 1st. I also have a cardiologist appointment on the same day. All these doctors know of my situation, but it still creates a lot of anxiety. I know my urologist will try to encourage some kind of procedure, possibly an AUS, but I'm done with having mechanical equipment stuck in me when other options are available...like diapers. I have had three shoulder surgeries that resulted in a number of screws to hold things in place. I am wearing a loop recorder for my heart at this time which may be changed to a pacemaker. I'm sorry if it sounds as if I'm complaining, but enough is enough. The need to wear diapers seems fairly insignificant considering other health issues, and mine are fairly minimal compared to others. Hopefully, with our aging population ( I'm nearly 73) the stigma associated with adult diapers will diminish some. Personal anxiety however, I'm not so sure.

 

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Hi Damp,
You certainly have allot on your plate. Makes perfect sense for your choices considering. There is just a point where most folks say okay I’m done until something better and affordable comes along.

Diapers and pull ups are at least something that fits into allot of budgets rather than wiping out savings accounts like most copays. If you have slacks, shorts or jeans on and underwear to hold everything in place most folks will never hear any noise and you can always leave a polo shirt, etc. untucked if you think someone may notice anything.

Have a nice day and thanks for posting!
Jim

 

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When I used to wear guards, I used Depends Guards for men. I found that wearing them with regular snug fitting briefs worked best. The adhesive stuck good to the briefs, so the guard did not move around. I thought they were comfortable and good for light use.

 

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For the romance, make cleanliness part of the routine, take a bath or shower together and go through there. Also it may not be as big of a turn off as you think. My wife had spontaneously approached me, rubbed my front diaper area, and the inside diaper area, even though I was wet. It is worth a conversation. Love conquers most barriers.