Intimacy

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Blissfullyunaware

A few questions that have probably entered your thoughts already:

How do you want to move forward?

Has anything really changed from your initial questions to the forum? Except you now have an answer about her fling or infidelity or whichever term you prefer?

Do you want to move forward with her as things are or do you still want things to improve?

And the biggest one, can you get over the “fling” or do you want to?

My best to you and I do not intend to be judgmental. I fear I am facing a situation very similar so the questions came easy for me.

 

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Blissfullyunaware

A few questions that have probably entered your thoughts already:

How do you want to move forward?

Has anything really changed from your initial questions to the forum? Except you now have an answer about her fling or infidelity or whichever term you prefer?

Do you want to move forward with her as things are or do you still want things to improve?

And the biggest one, can you get over the “fling” or do you want to?

My best to you and I do not intend to be judgmental. I fear I am facing a situation very similar so the questions came easy for me.

Yes they have been on my mind and I realise that the situation is we are more like companions and I am am ok with that.
I am not feeling any form of jealousy as I am excepting of her needs which I cannot supply so yes I can get over it.
I am happy if she stays with me and I believe she will.

This forum has really been beneficial and I can only say what a great bunch of people there are on here.

 

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Update
I have been helping in the local community with letter picking and some gardening and I have really enjoyed it.
I do two days a week a Tuesday and a Friday.

My wife and I have been getting on much better although we do our own things and it works.

A week yesterday I was getting ready to go to work and my wife was unusually already up and gone! I then checked my phone and I had forgotten she was going to spend the day and possibly the night with a friend who suffers with all kinds of issues.
All good.

I am struggling more physically especially my knees! Age so I have more breaks.
I am sitting on a bench in a nature reserve and it is lovely when I notice my wife walking and holding hands with a guy! She doesn't see me.
I feel very solitary and a removed feeling! Very odd.

I do nothing but carry on and then go home.

I send her a message asking after a friend. She replies that not great.

The next afternoon she returns.

I say nothing!

Yesterday she went to see the same friend and not returned yet.

This may sound dumb but it is not the affair that botthers me it is the lies!

 

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@Blissfullyunaware I feel for you. To see your wife with someone else must have been devastating. I can only imagine the hollow emptiness of that feeling. It is something that I dread, along with most other men who find themselves unable to recover intimacy following prostate cancer (or any other reason).

I hope that this can work out for you. Hold onto the thought that you have been here before and your wife made it clear that she valued what you have together and wanted to stay with you. This may be less serious than it must feel right now.

 

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Talk to an attorney, prepare yourself.

 

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@Blissfullyunaware I feel for you. To see your wife with someone else must have been devastating. I can only imagine the hollow emptiness of that feeling. It is something that I dread, along with most other men who find themselves unable to recover intimacy following prostate cancer (or any other reason).

I hope that this can work out for you. Hold onto the thought that you have been here before and your wife made it clear that she valued what you have together and wanted to stay with you. This may be less serious than it must feel right now.

 

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Thank you.

I didn't say a word until yesterday evening.
I was in the garden after a shower and just had on jogger bottoms and I stupidly hadn't put on anything and wet myself!
As I walked in my wife said For gods sake why are you so dumb!
It really shook me and I said because I didn't think I had anything in me. She said it gets her down and I snapped back not as much as it does seeing you with your lover!
She denies it was her!!

Today I got up late and she was gone to work.
I couldn't find any waterproof pants?
I texted her and asked?
She said no idea but the three pairs I have no longer exist!

God we are so petty

 

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I am so sorry it has come to this. Taking away your protection is beyond petty. It is as low as you can go. Like wrestling someone's wheelchair off them for the pleasure of seeing them crawl.
I'm sorry to say this, but your wife is a bully and she is abusing you. I know you want your relationship to work, but you deserve better than this.

 

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I am so sorry it has come to this. Taking away your protection is beyond petty. It is as low as you can go. Like wrestling someone's wheelchair off them for the pleasure of seeing them crawl.
I'm sorry to say this, but your wife is a bully and she is abusing you. I know you want your relationship to work, but you deserve better than this.

It really is now very strange!

She is happier which makes me happier or the atmosphere is now more comfortable.

I bought new waterproofs by the way!

 

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Glad to hear you've replaced your waterproofs - and that the atmosphere is more comfortable.
Do you think there may be a pattern here? Earlier you talked about her behaviour growing worse, followed by a fling, then a return to her being happier around you - what has just happened sounds very similar.
This is not good, and it must be very hard for you to live with. But it may be a cycle that will repeat over time.

 

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Yes all protected now.
The behaviour I felt was guilt but I also think it is she knows I just except it!
I had a good chat with a friend who said do you want to live alone?
No
Financially it would be terrible.
He also said her behaviour is about a bit of fun but she is happy to leave it at the door and return home if it does involve sex. I know it does because of odours.

We are just existing and it is ok!!