Intimacy

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I meant that if she was in the other room and you can hear some noises of self pleasure I believe that was what you were trying to say maybe you can interrupt her and ask her to join in on the fun and just please her is what I meant

 

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I like Tylersway818 idea, but you mentioned your sex drive is long gone. I wouldnt just dismiss what your suspecting as paranoia, I know that gut feeling and ignored it and found out later that my suspicions was correct. Also, I once dated someone that was not into sex. I told her that we was basically just friends without sex and intamacy and that I intended to enjoy it with someone who might enjoy it as well. I didnt say it hatefull or anything but it still didnt go over well. But we wasnt married or living together either so thats not the same situation you have. Its posible she has a strong belief in the vows of marriage and not doing anything with someone else. Or you could be simply being used for the resources that you may be providing
. Either way, try not to act out of anger or frustration if it can be avoided.

 

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I meant that if she was in the other room and you can hear some noises of self pleasure I believe that was what you were trying to say maybe you can interrupt her and ask her to join in on the fun and just please her is what I meant

but that would be way too intimate for her! I really would love to be involved but we are too far apart now.

 

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I like Tylersway818 idea, but you mentioned your sex drive is long gone. I wouldnt just dismiss what your suspecting as paranoia, I know that gut feeling and ignored it and found out later that my suspicions was correct. Also, I once dated someone that was not into sex. I told her that we was basically just friends without sex and intamacy and that I intended to enjoy it with someone who might enjoy it as well. I didnt say it hatefull or anything but it still didnt go over well. But we wasnt married or living together either so thats not the same situation you have. Its posible she has a strong belief in the vows of marriage and not doing anything with someone else. Or you could be simply being used for the resources that you may be providing
. Either way, try not to act out of anger or frustration if it can be avoided.

interesting and although I used the word paranoia she has been using a gym for sometime and since the pandemic more frequently and everytime she visits she is has makeup and her hair is perfect!
This may sound weird but I wouldn't mind if there was something going on but I don't wish to lose her

 

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I can only speak from experience but incontinence shouldn't interfere with itimacy. Sure, if you take certain medications (Oxybutynin for example) it can cause issues with ED but intimacy is much more then sex. I suspect if it does there's a much bigger problem.
If your wife is a light sleeper (mine is) then wearing a diaper that doesn't make any noise and allows a full night sleep is what should be worn.
Love conquers almost everything and when that's gone even small things seem to be big things!

 

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I pray incontinence never affects my husband's and my intimacy, this has been a fear of mine!

 

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@Sarah060486 if the love you have for your husband and your mutual desire to be intimate stays fresh then you will find a way to remain close whatever happens.

 

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@Blissfullyunaware relationships come in all shapes and forms, and how we express our love can change over time. To compare oneself to some idealistic hollywood narrative, or some other couple can/is harmful to yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

Having a conversation in a calm environment about each other’s emotional and physical wishes can help open communication. A third party can help, marriage counseling.

I strongly do not agree with joining in when you hear something. Everyone should be allowed to express self love or self pleasure. This would be a big personal space violation, imho.

 

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@Blissfullyunaware relationships come in all shapes and forms, and how we express our love can change over time. To compare oneself to some idealistic hollywood narrative, or some other couple can/is harmful to yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

Having a conversation in a calm environment about each other’s emotional and physical wishes can help open communication. A third party can help, marriage counseling.

I strongly do not agree with joining in when you hear something. Everyone should be allowed to express self love or self pleasure. This would be a big personal space violation, imho.

I think it is a good idea to discuss the situation with a third party.
This past week we have barely talked as she is out a lot and when she comes in she says she is not in the mood to be sociable.

 

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@Blissfullyunaware does she contribute to the household financially? She seems to have transportation, does she pay for her own expenses for that and other things like the cell phone im sure she has?

 

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@Blissfullyunaware does she contribute to the household financially? She seems to have transportation, does she pay for her own expenses for that and other things like the cell phone im sure she has?

Yes she does. Her father left her a large 'investment'.
As to her phone it was never a private thing but now it is in her hand all the time and often she will be looking at it turned away from me! If the thing rings she goes into the garden to answer it!!!

 

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@Blissfullyunaware You may want to talk to an attorney if you havent already so that you can prepare yourself if necessary, you can do this privately. It doesnt sound like she is even being a good friend to you at this point from what Im reading. It seems that she has not only lost attraction for you but also respect.

 

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@Blissfullyunaware You may want to talk to an attorney if you havent already so that you can prepare yourself if necessary, you can do this privately. It doesnt sound like she is even being a good friend to you at this point from what Im reading. It seems that she has not only lost attraction for you but also respect.

she came home just after midnight and was drunk!
I took her in a cup of tea this morning and asked her what had she got up too the day and night before and she said having fun! I said but what about me and she said please leave her alone!
I am going to ask her straight later today

 

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@Blissfullyunaware - so sorry you are going through this. I know the pain of trying to hold together a relationship that is broken. I only hope you can work through what is going on and find yourself in a better place - whatever that place may be.

 

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@Blissfullyunaware - so sorry you are going through this. I know the pain of trying to hold together a relationship that is broken. I only hope you can work through what is going on and find yourself in a better place - whatever that place may be.

The stress is so bad and I am hardly sleeping.
She has had a shower and ate some toast! I am so nervous around her that I am just making it more difficult to talk to! I mumbled that I love her very much and I understand she is after some fun and I am happy for her but she just said I have changed and I am not old but behave like an old man and she finds me restricting! I said we need to talk this through and she said it is fine as it is and as long as she has her freedom all is good!
She then left without saying anything!

 

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Good luck to you ...Seems to be a difficult situation...Def try to talk more and see where she stands with the relationship.You also need to know .

 

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It sounds like she wants whatever you provide and not you. She is not reciprocating any loving feelings toward you and sounds unpleasant to me. If the house is your property then my advise is to begin the process to legally have her removed from your property and your life. If you have no children together it shouldnt be that dificult legally. You are on this forum so you have some health issues that this sort of stress and drama probably wont help with that. I do wish you the best.

 

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It sounds like she wants whatever you provide and not you. She is not reciprocating any loving feelings toward you and sounds unpleasant to me. If the house is your property then my advise is to begin the process to legally have her removed from your property and your life. If you have no children together it shouldnt be that dificult legally. You are on this forum so you have some health issues that this sort of stress and drama probably wont help with that. I do wish you the best.

We co own the property.

She came home and although we have not talked about our issues she has been like her old self and she made my favourite cake and it was great!
That of course does not change anything and I will want to talk about 'us' but today is not the right time.

 

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If it’s not too much to ask, how old is she? You said she is younger than you. Is it possible a crisis of identity to her?

What you’re describing, this breakdown of intimacy (physical and emotional) is not something that happens overnight. People get used to their routines and suddenly you realize there isn’t a connection.

If she doesn’t want to discuss it, it sounds to me like she feels guilty. She knows she’s in the wrong and doesn’t want to confront it. That she made your favorite cake indicates she still ostensibly loves you and doesn’t want a drastic change.

My suggestion would to try to be confident regardless how you feel and overtime show her affection in subtle ways to rekindle your friendship and the finer points of your relationship. This showing of self respect without guilting her might bring her around.

 

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If it’s not too much to ask, how old is she? You said she is younger than you. Is it possible a crisis of identity to her?

What you’re describing, this breakdown of intimacy (physical and emotional) is not something that happens overnight. People get used to their routines and suddenly you realize there isn’t a connection.

If she doesn’t want to discuss it, it sounds to me like she feels guilty. She knows she’s in the wrong and doesn’t want to confront it. That she made your favorite cake indicates she still ostensibly loves you and doesn’t want a drastic change.

My suggestion would to try to be confident regardless how you feel and overtime show her affection in subtle ways to rekindle your friendship and the finer points of your relationship. This showing of self respect without guilting her might bring her around.

She is 47 and I am 66.
We spoke last night and she excepts her bahaviour has not been great but we were never that intimate due to my lack of sex drive. There is some truth in that as I have never been that sexual.
I asked if she wanted us to split up and she said no! She loves me but more as a companion. I think that is what we are really. I did ask if she has a boyfriend and she said she had a fling with someone but it is over.
When I pushed her on this she said it is best I don't know anymore.