Intimacy

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My wife and I sleep apart as when I first began to leak this caused restless nights! She was a school teacher at the time and had very early starts so it made complete sense. To be frank my leaking irritated her!
Of course now everything is under control thanks to diapers but we still sleep separately!
I miss the intimacy and now we are both retired we have grown apart.

This might not be related to incontinence but I fear it was the start of it.

 

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Id say reach out to a counselor/therapist. Your doc should be able to refer you to someone or if you are religious, your church may have marriage counseling programs or info on one that conforms to your faith.

 

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That’s sad. Have you had a talk with your wife to let her know that you miss the intimacy?

 

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I feel ya pain. I seem to be in the same boat,but we share the same bed.my wife had a stroke in 2010 you would never know but it has changed her and in 2018 I had my prostate removed ended up with a infection and never been the same, had a sling surgery to correct incontinence but didn't work. I am still going thru it changing 3 times a day wearing a pad and pull-up at night ...The intimacy is def not there anymore and it just got worse because of my situation..all I can say is keep ya head up it's def not a easy journey .good lk

 

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Incontinence and intimacy problems do indeed often go hand in hand. I am not just commenting but also speaking from experience. It is difficult.

 

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My gf encourages me to be Diapered up when we are together - no big deal now - saved a lot of unnecessary washing - it’s just part of the norm now to be diapered around her. She understands and deals with it - so lucky to have someone that understands I need to wear diapers for protection.

 

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All relationships change over time. The causes vary. Speaking for myself, I would be so happy if my partner told me he missed the intimacy in the relationship. Your wife could feel the same. I agree with the idea that counseling could help you talk about it with each other.

 

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@Blissfullyunaware your experience completely resonates with mine.
I had a radical prostatectomy just over five years ago. When I got home from the hospital the spare bed was already set up with waterproof sheets ready for any accidents, and I made the spare room my own “just until my incontinence cleared up”.
Now, 5 years on, I still wet the bed every night and what was the spare room is now my room. It makes perfect sense. Even wearing diapers and plastic pants every night I still leak through to soak my bed pad depressingly often.
I also have complete ED, and in the years since the operation I’ve steadily lost all traces of a libido.
My wife is loving and supportive, and a genuine treasure. But the intimacy is gone from our relationship. I miss it dreadfully.

 

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What we go thru is awful and depressing ...but 1thig that is most important is that we are alive.They are grateful that we are for sure but it does take a toll...Have you ever considered having a sling put in or a artificial sphincter...all it takes is for your urologist to perform a urodynamics test to see exactly how much you leak to determine what is best for you .

 

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@Tylersway818: in my case I had a lot of intra-abdominal bleeding during surgery, followed by a life-threatening pulmonary embolism, followed by post-PE syndrome (ongoing shotness of breath, exercise intolerance and chronic fatigue). I've taken the decision not to risk any further surgery. Like you say - at least we're alive.

 

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That’s sad. Have you had a talk with your wife to let her know that you miss the intimacy?

Yes and she just says she loves me and and it is a shame but she no longer feels sexy!

I never meant sex just hugs and the odd kiss as my sex drive is long gone!

 

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My gf encourages me to be Diapered up when we are together - no big deal now - saved a lot of unnecessary washing - it’s just part of the norm now to be diapered around her. She understands and deals with it - so lucky to have someone that understands I need to wear diapers for protection.

It was my wife who suggested I wear diapers and a protective bed sheet but in the spare room.
Does your gf get irritated with you sometimes when you wet?

 

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All relationships change over time. The causes vary. Speaking for myself, I would be so happy if my partner told me he missed the intimacy in the relationship. Your wife could feel the same. I agree with the idea that counseling could help you talk about it with each other.

If I am brutally honest she is still sexual as I can hear certain sounds through the wall but my sex drive went long ago.
My absolute fear is that she is younger than me and is still very fit and attractive.
She does her own thing more and I do worry.

 

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@Blissfullyunaware your experience completely resonates with mine.
I had a radical prostatectomy just over five years ago. When I got home from the hospital the spare bed was already set up with waterproof sheets ready for any accidents, and I made the spare room my own “just until my incontinence cleared up”.
Now, 5 years on, I still wet the bed every night and what was the spare room is now my room. It makes perfect sense. Even wearing diapers and plastic pants every night I still leak through to soak my bed pad depressingly often.
I also have complete ED, and in the years since the operation I’ve steadily lost all traces of a libido.
My wife is loving and supportive, and a genuine treasure. But the intimacy is gone from our relationship. I miss it dreadfully.

Very similar then and yes I felt a little rejected but it made perfect sense only I rarely leak now thanks to the amazing diapers and overpants but she says she now thinks it is for the best!
My birthday is coming up and last year when we celebrated it when I went to kiss her she turned so kissed her cheek! That was the last bit of intimacy!

 

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What we go thru is awful and depressing ...but 1thig that is most important is that we are alive.They are grateful that we are for sure but it does take a toll...Have you ever considered having a sling put in or a artificial sphincter...all it takes is for your urologist to perform a urodynamics test to see exactly how much you leak to determine what is best for you .

Very good answer and no I have not thought of what you suggest but I doubt it would make any difference now for us.

 

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@Tylersway818: in my case I had a lot of intra-abdominal bleeding during surgery, followed by a life-threatening pulmonary embolism, followed by post-PE syndrome (ongoing shotness of breath, exercise intolerance and chronic fatigue). I've taken the decision not to risk any further surgery. Like you say - at least we're alive.

You have been through the mill and how right you are

 

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Its been my experience that it’s difficult for someone to regain the attraction to someone once its lost and this happens all the time to couples for all sorts of reasons. I had a wife loose her attraction for me and several girfriends since, and I have lost attraction to others as well. Im sure the attraction can be rekindled in some cases and maybe it can in your case, I hope so if thats what your wanting. If not you may find the intamacy you are missing in someone else in the future.

 

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We are alive and that is the main thing ...with her still being sexually and younger maybe when you hear the noises coming from her room try joining in and just do her maybe that will help ...I wish you the best and hope for a good outcome ...who knows

 

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Its been my experience that it’s difficult for someone to regain the attraction to someone once its lost and this happens all the time to couples for all sorts of reasons. I had a wife loose her attraction for me and several girfriends since, and I have lost attraction to others as well. Im sure the attraction can be rekindled in some cases and maybe it can in your case, I hope so if thats what your wanting. If not you may find the intamacy you are missing in someone else in the future.

We had drifted prior to the incontinence if I am honest.
She is younger and looks great and I do wonder if she might even be 'interested' in someone but that could be paranoia.

 

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We are alive and that is the main thing ...with her still being sexually and younger maybe when you hear the noises coming from her room try joining in and just do her maybe that will help ...I wish you the best and hope for a good outcome ...who knows

Not sure how I can 'join in'?