I think she knows!

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So, alright you guys. Im going to give you a little insider knowledge on a personal situation.

The other day i talked about the trauma and abuse i went through at my babysitters house. Well, shes an older long since retired woman. But i could spot that braude from a mile away.

She was just so mean to me in general - and stood herself up by her clout of the local community because of her retired husband and kids involvement in school politics, etc. But due to a personal situation i cannot discuss parties its being persued legally - i believe someone may have tipped her as i went to rehab in 2020 when my bladder issues worsened when my memories started coming back and the medicine was making it difficult to fully process everything and i was trying to find support for my feelings, memories and emotions that i didnt quite fully understand.

Well anyway, the situation is a double standard in a way - because the humiliation and the abuse i went endured made myself feel different on the inside. It was a feeling in my stomach that i just couldnt explain. As a child, i didnt understand it. And i know others who suffered from enuresis episode humiliation and are like myself may know that i am not alone.

My feelings are definitely warranted and valid.

So here we go. Here on the NAFC on a day i posted about a little over a month ago that i was at work and that i would get back to someone about the Interstim System - i could have sworn she came to my restaurant and ate lunch. My local chief of police came through the drive thru as well (who was made aware of my NAFC account because of the personal situation involving out of state entities).

But also, today - i told my church friends fhat i was going to do my laundry an hour prior to doing it; and i could have sworn i saw her there too. But you cant miss her. Her white hair i could have spot a mile away.

But even if it wasnt her (who knows to be honest) i was hype! Like i was ready to defend myself if she engaged me. Like it made me realize i can stand up for myself if i was put in a situation where i am going to have to confront the woman. Like honestly, i dont care. Im ready. I will chew her out for all of the things she did to me in the past, and how she made myself feel, and how her "old school" values are considered emotional and mentally traumatic and in many cases considered neglect.

And to be honest, the only reason why i feel these trials are coming towards myself - is to basically try to stop a train that has already left the station.

If honestly this turns out to be the truth if whe does know about my account here - i have spoken my peace and am standing in the truth.

Bladder Issues be damned!

Does anybody in your social circle know about your involvement in social circles and support communities? What would you recommended someone to do if they were going to be forced to confront someone who abused/tequmatized them?

Blessings,
Honeeecombs

 

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Hey guys;

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for ranting this week. It's been emotional. My PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder and having to fill out these forms and documents and relive the past two years is killing me on the inside.

I had a good time with my church tonight helping them with the service for our two elderly brother and sister.

I opened up to a brother about my Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD. I think they've been concerned about myself because I have been building up my wall this Holiday season because of interpersonal issues affecting my family and not being invited to the Holidays. The brother who invited myself out tonight I think was relieved to hear about what I'm going through and that it kind of made sense about how I'm not trusting of others because of how my family treats me.

I'm sorry if I scared anybody; this is a wound that is far deeper than anybody else knows and having to relive these memories in my head and knowing that I've been through so much hurt and pain the past year and people treating me differently because of things I have no control over - I apologize if I get too far in my head because what I feel is my insecurities of being used.

Like I said in the past; I feel used on a day to day basis by my own flesh and blood, why should I feel different to people I'm not related to?

I'm thankful for my faith. I'm thankful for my church. And I'm thankful that they extended the olive branch to make sure I'm never leaving them. Tonight they said "You're stuck with us".

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Amen.

HC

 

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Honeeeecombs -- I can relate to the trauma & abuse you went thru at your babysitter's house. Your PTSD & Borderline Personality Disorder. I have those too. In my case, it was at the house of the neighborhood pedophile, "Grandpa." All the parents trusted him with their children for so long! Finally, he became overconfident & got caught. He went on trial & went to prison. I had no memory of what had happened to me until years later, after he was long dead. So, I will never be able to confront him. I was leaving the office of my therapist when I thought I saw him in the hallway! I was so frightened! I heard a voice saying "I never did those things to you!" It really shook me up!! Don't know where that vision and voice came from. Thankfully, it was never repeated. Never thought about the fact that my OAB/i
INCONTINENCE/FI might be related. Do you think it could be?

 

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Honeecombs your last question is a very hard to question to answer and I am not sure there is a proper actual answer.

This is in response to your question what would someone recommended to you for you to do if you were to be forced to confront someone who abused and traumatized yourself.

First off my initial response I would say to avoid at all costs unless something good can come out if it.

I wouldn’t touch it without it being done in response to an investigation and or criminal/civil trial. And even in those instances I wouldn’t trust the entire process lol which isn’t good to say honestly. I just have seen money can really change things in favour if he/she pays the most.

But honestly if you step back for a moment do you really need to confront them? What do you expect to gain from it? And do you honestly believe you will gain something by confronting the said individual.

If it’s in a court room that is a different scenario however I wouldn’t say you are confronting them directly. It would be directly guided by lawyers questioning you and I would hope they will prepare with you prior to the actual event. Somehow I have to much familiarity with being sued unfortunately and I am always prepped prior to any discoveries etc by the lawyer representing my side in the case. Just the nature of the company I founded which is landscaping maintenance and snow clearing! And all the lawsuits have been in the snow clearing side lol with people (for the most part) trying to make an extra buck unfortunately) and I play hard ball so I am not loved by the other sides. Lol yet my lawyers love me so I can’t complain lol. I am just very good and answering the question that is asked of me specifically and directly as it is asked, lol so one better ask the right question as otherwise you aren’t going to get the information you are seeking and I don’t talk to fill the air. I don’t care and I can be silent so in an essence I imagine I can be very frustrating however that is a habit I learned through my upbringing. And I guess it’s tied to one of my therapists said in summary ‘Jason just from your upbringing you would be an amazing profiler as you had to do it everyday growing up when you got home to figure out what situation I am walking into’. And I would have to say unfortunately the therapist was very correct.

In your situation I would be leery from your prospective as people will use your borderline personality disorder as a way of attempting to discredit you. Just want to be upfront about that for your own sake.

And piecing together your story I am assuming some legal action is being taken against your former babysitter who caused you all this trauma. I am not familiar with how small of a town you live in but judging by some comments I believe from your own words is it is very small and everyone knows everyone and all their private business. Which if that is the case makes your entire situation much worse and there is no real way for you avoiding interactions with individuals connected to the case which poses another issue onto itself.

I am not surprised people are trying to gain information to use against you however I am slightly shocked if someone like your police chief is running is mouth about you around the town as it is a fine line to where it gets construed as slander. I am not sure if I have even answered your question lol. I guess my take would be very careful who you confide in. As unfortunately you CANNOT trust most people

And Pegasi99 100% if you have been exposed to similar traumas as Honneecombs it forsure could be attributed to your incontinence and oab issues in some manner or form. As if you were traumatized when growing up it forsure may have lasting affects on your mental state and executive functioning as a adult.

 

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Sorry hit wrong button. Lol

Pegasi99 hopefully you are able to get therapy from trained professionals as I would imagine you have enough traumas mentally you will need professional guidance to overcome and get through positively as opposed to negatively. As you don’t deserve anymore negative interacts with instances that are true trauma for you in your upbringing.

Both of you don’t need further traumas in your life as you both in essence have to piece together your lives now as a result of all of the traumas you have had to endure. Not fair and definitely not cool. Honestly both of you need to experience true honest Love somehow.

Said with True Honest Love.

Cheers

Jason

 

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Hey Jason;

Thanks for the response man. I really appreciate how in depth you went. In regards to my trauma and everything. The last thing I would ever want to do is confront the individual. I think with PTSD during COVID I immediately sense its a person because of outside and environmental triggers but in reality I have no clue if the person is still alive or not. Were talking decades ago. I just have the feelings and with PTSD and triggers it makes everything so mentally frustrating because I do have people I am working against which only worsens my triggers.

You are right in the fact I have to be careful to the people I confide in; it's so hard to trust people nowadays.

To keep the past in the past; is probably the best option in regards to the individuals who damaged me as a youth. It's not worth it my man. Unfortunately, everything ive shared thus far with the NAFC over the past year is unfortunately true, real, and not false.

I only wish I could say there false - but there true. In regards to everything else in a personal matter.

I gotta be frank with you Jason - because I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder - I sometimes have tendencies to percieve distrust because I have an emotional wall built up all around me. I find it hard to let anybody in because of how many times I have been hurt in my life.

That's just the unfortunate effects of Trauma growing up in environments surrounding in humiliation.

But enough of that stuff. I'm focusing more on the future; and seeing the good from today. I had a wonderful time with my church and that's what matters most.

I accomplished things yesterday and we'll see how everything pans out. But today; I fell down the rabbit hole. My significant other is very good about keeping me in check of my triggers - and the past two months I have had to be a column for them due to there struggles - and because of that - they are back to helping me through my own trials.

You are right though - my significant other told me just recently that I do not know how to experience true love with others.

That is very much true; It's something I'm working on.

Blessings Jason, thank you.

HC

 

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@Honeeecombs I would talk to your therapist about if it could be beneficial for you to contact and confront your abuser directly. My dad has been verbally and emotionally withholding and abusive my entire life - just to me, not to my mom or brother - and I’ve confronted him about it countless times, every weekend nowadays, basically - but I primarily avoid him at all costs. He never apologizes nor changes, in fact he gets worse with age, but at least I know I tried. At least I told him how he made and makes me feel, and I gave him many chances at changing and apologizing. I did what I could.

There are a lot of scenes in movies and television shows where therapists suggest that a traumatized individual confront the person who hurt them directly, and then they benefit from it somehow, because at least they get out what they need to say. But that could just be cinema, so that’s why you should check that with your therapist.

I wouldn’t bother with anything in court - ever, with any situation. Long, dragged-out waste of time, money, and energy. Court inevitably hurts everyone involved as both sides always get raked over the coals.

My brother (eight years younger than me) was sexually abused by a male teenage babysitter. I saw the damage it did and continues to do to him and my parents. It affected me because the creep ended up dating my best girlfriend. She didn’t believe me when I told her, which was the end of our seven-year friendship back in high school. The creep lived next-door. Before the abuse, I hung out with him, as he was only one of to non-Mormons (like me) on my street.

Speaking of church, I am glad you have something in that way that helps you. That’s a good thing. A supportive community is important.

Anyway, my parents went to court over his parents who insisted that the abuse didn’t happen. My brother had all kinds of gory details that a seven-year-old would never have to say if he hadn’t been abused in those ways. My parents won. It wasn’t a money thing, the abuser just had to undergo some sex therapy. He didn’t do any time in juvenile detention, even though he had anally raped my brother at least 20 times. The stink my parents made and the rift it caused in our neighborhood continues to this day. I wish they had just let it go; what they did didn’t accomplish much other than to make us the least favorite neighbors on the entire street - I don’t think anybody sided with us that my brother was telling the truth. I think the court process made it a much bigger deal in my brother’s brain than it needed to be. I totally believe my brother because of the details he had and because that babysitter used to steal my underwear. I’m OCD so my stuff is super organized and well taken care of, and every time he came over, all of my slips, panties, PJs, and bras were left in a disarray. I babysat 92 children and I never ever looked at anybody’s underwear. The guy was a pervert. I wish he’d never moved into our neighborhood.

My brother actually had another male teenage babysitter who only came over a couple of times, who had a sister/best friend the same age as my brother, who made my brother and the girl do some sex play, but at least that was slightly more normal of an experience than being anally raped repeatedly.

I took tons of extracurriculars in junior high and high school so that’s why I wasn’t available to babysit my brother myself some of the time. Don’t think that didn’t cause me guilt once we found out my brother had been abused by his babysitters.

 

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@Honeeecombs I have told some friends and my immediate family about NAFC and all I have gained from the forum. They have been supportive. As far as I know, nobody I know who I don’t want to know, knows I’m here. I never thought about it before, actually.

I guess I think that anyone who would be that snoopy or care can just go to hell!

I don’t snoop on others online, that phenomenon just baffles me. Nobody gains anything from that situation. I know millennials are totally addicted to it, but not me. I don’t even look somebody up when I’m dating them!