help for wetting anxiety

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So I've always tried to hold it. Desperate to be normal. Even when I know an accident is unavoidable. Even when I have a pullup on. I just HATE admitting to myself that I'm not going to get to the toilet in time. Well a little earlier somethimg clicked in my mind. I suddenly had to pee. Bad.The normal feelings of panic, embarrassment, discomfort, hoping desperately that I wouldn't have an accident.And then I thought. "You have a pullup on. What's the worst that can happen? Take control." Control?? What an odd concept for soneone who struggles with wetting their pants. So as I hurried down the hall, I got that all too familiar feeling that it was about to be too late. So instead of panicking and struggling to hold it back and then feeling upset and ashamed when I couldn't, i let go, stopped fighting it and just peed. Then I quietly changed my pullup in the far stall and no one was the wiser. No,I'm not advocating being lazy and using your protection when you can get to the toilet, I'm just saying that if its pretty obvious you're not going to make it, you can take that bit of control over a situation that normally gives you feelings of shame and helplessness. Kind of a reverse psychology. Don't fight the inevitable; take charge of it. Strange but I didn't feel quite so bad about my accident when I handled it like that. I took control. Instead of ending up wetting my pants and the floor trying to get my clothes down in time, realizing it was inevitable, I made the best of a bad situation. Maybe a bit strange but it really helped my mindset to take charge where I could. Food for thought.

 

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Hi ShiRae,

Very well put and totally makes sense. We as humans need control and like you said we might as well take the control we can. If we know we are not going to make it it does make a lot of sense to consciously make the decision to use the protection we are wearing.

The only trouble spot there is one has to be fully confident their protection is able to handle it. As back earlier when I was starting down the path of incontinence I had a few incidents where my protection wasn’t sufficient. Lol that was not fun and one learns very quickly to match the protection required for their own needs. I guess as most people will say a lot of experimentation in the beginning. But eventually we find what works for us.

 

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Jwh51, good point about making sure your protection can handle it. I know not all types can. Wouldn't evrn try it with just an old lady poise pad for sure lol. I don't know what you wear but I wear curity youth pants that go on like a pullup and even though they look kinda thin (supposed to resemble regular underwear-except for being quiet they really don't lol) but they are excellent at overnight absorption. Its rare I leak thru at night even when my pullup is literally SOAKED in thr morning. So yeah, definitely check the capacity of your protrction for sure ☺

 

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Exactly. Now I wear all different types of protection just depending on what I am doing. My basic protection would be depends real fit which I would agree are crap compared to the briefs I wear otherwise. It’s just at work or home the bathroom is very close and usually I can make it in time. If I have walk through on sites my company maintains I wear abena m4 or anything else where I am not sure how close a bathroom is. I have just given up worrying about it and will just go in the diaper rather than worry and not make it in the end. Like you said just take control and start going and it’s just wow at how less stressful it was when I embraced it. Use the protection I am wearing as there is an obvious reason I have chosen to wear protection. If I am travelling I wear rearz or confidry just so I do not have to worry about it. Just the extra stress of worrying about an accident is just not worth worrying about.

 

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That is the way it works.I can be doing something and start leaking before I can make it to the toilet,thank goodness for protection.

 

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99% if the time i cannot make it to the bathroom for both bowel and bladder. ive stopped trying because it usually just ends up in a big mess. im an amputee and i cant use my prosthetic for awhile so everything is done by crawling around on my knees. so i hurry the best i can to the bathroom, and if i make it there i try to haul myself on top of the toilet usually going as i do this. resulting in a nasty bathroom floor and toilet. so i have given into just using my diaper. i dont have any anxiety anymore because i know the alternative. i have a paralyzed neurogenic bladder from the accident that ultimately resulted in my amputation and the bowels have given out in the last year since the amputation. not sure what is going on with that but i have good days and bad days.

 

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I always hold it, but I always lose the battle, as well. I don't know if there is any connection, but my urges don't hurt anymore. There shouldn't be any correlation, in my opinion, (and I am not complaining about the lack of pain) but I do wonder if this is going to manifest itself in other ways down the road. As it is, I wear 24/7, and change 2-5 times a day. I try to hold it, though that has been futile for the past 5+ years. I guess hope springs eternal... I think the road to success is in acceptance- and good protection. Sorry for the rant.

 

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@ShiRae Saw your earlier post on your frustration and now this one. So as to taking control, here is my slightly different, but funny (now) story.

As I mentioned in my reply to one of your other posts I peed my pants in 3rd grade. So here is the story where, like you, I took control of the situation. You all can judge if I won or lost.

It was just before lunch and we had recess. I had to pee, but not bad so I skipped the restroom break before recess and headed right to the playground. There I had awesome fun, jungle gym climbing, launching my friend and being launched off of the seesaw and jumping off the swings when sooooooooo high. It was typical playground fun.

Then it was back to class and time for lunch. No pre-lunch bathroom break, 3rd grade me didn't realize that the break before recess was it before after lunch. I had to pee a bit more by now, but wasn't worried ..... too much, okay, just a tiny bit.

Lunch, I brought a lunch in my green lunchbox. We got seated after like for ever and I had to pee soooo much more by now.(you see where this is heading). I raised my hand and asked the lunch monitor if I could go to the bathroom. She asked, "can you hold it 20 minutes?" Shy me said yes. I say this to inform that the lunch monitor totally would have let me go, this was total on me and my bad decisions as a 3rd grader and not a case of a person not letting a student go to the bathroom.

So there I am wondering how am I going to hold it until the after lunch bathroom break. .... and then it happened (day accident people know). Holding on for all my might that my little 3rd grade body could and .... dang if I didn't feel that wet feeling starting in my underwear and spread.

You that have had day accidents know that feeling of relief and remorse/humiliation at the same time.

When I got control back I tried to secretly look down and see the so called 'damage'. It was navy pants but the navy was definitely darker in my zipper and thigh area. I could only imagine how my backside would look having peed my pants sitting.

Now this is where I got really smart. 3rd grade me who was too shy to let the lunch monitor know that NO I CANT HOLD IT redeemed himself. Faced with an embarrassing situation 3rd grade me did the most logical thing he could do... I pretended to spill my thermos of milk from my lunch box on to my lap. Brilliant no doubt. I wet my pants, but with spilled milk not pee. No one would know that it was a double wetting.

Downside to my 3rd grade master plan was that since it was only my so called 'milk spill' as the cause of my wet pants I was not sent to the nurses office to get the dreaded grey sweatpants for kids who had accidents. No, I was allowed to wear my milk spill (to them) pee pants and underwear to me, the rest of the day.

So thats the story of my 3rd grade pants wetting that no one ever found out about. Hopefully it gave you and others a laugh. Having accidents can be so embarrassing, but as you said, how you control the situation is important. You stayed dry (pants and underwear and changed pull ups. You have the control not other.

Stay strong friend.

 

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@ShiRae I have felt much less stressed since I started wearing full protection every day. If I'm having a good day, the tape up brief is too much, but I would rather that than get caught out. I never know when I set off for work if it is going to be a relatively dry day or a very wet one, so I just go prepared for the worst and get on with things. Cheers Phil

 

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honestly, nothing wrong with just using your protection. I do it all the time.

8/10 ten times I'm not going to make it and I know that. I'm going to lose a large volume and there's no stopping it. So I wear premium, max absorbency diapers 24/7. When it's this bad, what's the point of EVER trying to rush to the bathroom? Yeah maybe 2/10 times I'll make it...or almost make it...by the time I get my pants down, and carefully untape the top layer tapes so I will be able to "save" the diaper, I'm likely to lose it anyway....I don't feel "lazy" about just using my diaper 100% of the time. I don't ever even bother getting up from my desk to rush to the bathroom anymore. I don't have any of the stress associated with panicking over it anymore. Only time i enter a restroom now is to go #2 or change my diaper.

 

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Just curious mikejames what brands of protection you wear?

I wear abena m4 if I I know I am not sure when I bathroom break is coming. Travelling I wear rearz or confidry, day to day as long as I am not on a condominium tour I wear depends real fit as a bathroom is 5 seconds away.

 

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Better Dry all day every day.

Sometimes I have northshore supreme Lites on hand and they're pretty amazing but need more frequent changes.