ever present issues connected to incontinence need attention right away

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hi everyone. as i’ve said here in the past, my incontinence came about through a lifetime of self harm behavior. for me, each instance of incontinence is like an act of self harm all over again so while i need and appreciate the support for my incontinence problems, i am constantly feeling attacked by something deep inside me that still even now after much therapy and hospitalizations i do not understand. i’ve gone around to a few support sites but i really don’t know if anyone knows how to relate to the stuff that is going on inside me. all i do know that even in areas that don’t seem to be connected to incontinence at all i know that they are not only linked but exactly the same reason. it all is some kind of an attack on me from inside yet at the same time i can’t believe i’m just attacking myself.

i know i’m kind of moving away from incontinence with this post but i don’t really know where i can talk about everything because on other sites i have not been able to be open about the incontinence! i just wish i had people who know this about me could be people i could talk to here. maybe some have related experiences? maybe some way they might understand how other things in me are actually connected and be willing to talk.

i know that being able to be open about it in a forum is an important step in moving forward. being able to talk about it in a forum like this (or any) is pretty much what i need. i can’t hide it forever. but of course, maybe this site is not appropriate. i just feel that my self harm, incontinence and the other things i need to talk about are all the same thing. i have just been keeping things hidden for too long. wondering what to do.

 

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I would say if it is all involved, you can talk about it here. That doesn’t guarantee that there is someone here who can relate, but the good people here will be supportive!

 

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I been dealing with incontinence for most of my life and have to wear diapers 24/7. This group is very open minded and understanding with issues that deal with incontinence. We don't judge here. What ever your problem is you can talk about it here, okay.

 

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@LeeC @MRjw48 thanks. My incontinence is due to psychological/self harm issues. I've mentioned this before. It seems to me to be some kind of self hate kind of thing and I think has to do with sexuality and maybe hating to face certain realities about me. If I can't come to terms with it then it stands to reason that something else deep inside me would attack whatever is in me that prevents me from dealing with this in a better way. But now I'm already incontinent. This is very isolating and I think showing myself how I hate the truth about me that I've run away from. But I feel as if there is as much torment coming from the outside as in. But if I don't face up to it, the self harm is just gunna continue and the truth will still be painfully continue by hiding the reasons.

 

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First of all, this is an open nonjudgmental group. After soaking yourself in front of the pharmacy line, there is no shame left. None of us will look down on You for your struggles. Depression, anxiety, trauma. Those impact many if not most of us. Self harm is just an expression of those incredibly strong painful, intolerable feelings. The journey starts by forgiving yourself, and finding something to like I. Yourself. It’s not easy, not by a long shot. In the meantime we are here, and you can share anything with us, you need.

 

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I understand the struggle you are going through, I to have anxiety and socialize issue to. My problem is I can't tell if my bladder problem is medical or something else. By talking to the group here and my therapist about me wearing diapers that I can't get on with out them.that part of my problem. Try to tell your every day problems to us so we can better understand what you are going through okay. We just want to be there for you and be supportive .

 

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What is this self harm you speak of? Never ever be afraid to live your own life.
Who among us could cast that first stone? Are you dealing with a lot of fear? We will all support you and care about you.

 

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Thanks @MRjw48 and everyone. Self harm is what is going on with me. That is the most important point I need to make. I need to discuss this much more with my therapist. Self harm shows up in physical ways and psychological ways and at present, I am having a very difficult time understanding if my sexuality issues that go against all I thought I believed about myself are my honest real feelings or is this is more self harm? It is bringing on great confusion and chaos in my mind and is a truth that is very difficult to accept.

But what I've already said here is enough for now because there is a very fine line between self help and self harm. I can't help feeling that the new truths I'm telling myself are really lies but I also feel that lies are actually the truth. I wonder, does anyone else experience thoughts you can't determine are truth or lies? Can I really be so deceptive to myself. Thanks for reading...

 

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Yes what is this self harm are you talking about??? You need to talk with someone about this like a thaperist or doctor. If you don't want to talk about it it's okay. Don't forget we are here for you. Don't feel a shame about how you feel ok.

 

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It definitely sounds like you have a lot of confusion you are experiencing right now. I am glad you have a therapist you can share and explore things with. Thoughts are nefarious things, especially when they turn more negative. Make sure you are working with a therapists who knows CBT, so they can focus on helping you figure out those questions. If i would recommend something to start with, find one positive thing about yourself, and let your self see that.
I'll even start for you
1) you'll reaching out for help
2) you want to feel better
3) you aren't alone (you got us).
4) your turn, see if you can find one more.

 

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@MRjw48 @Pmikula the self harm is real hurt done to myself. my incontinence is a result of my self harm. but self harm is also psychological, emotional and sexual. i have difficulty talking about this but i also feel i need to. then at the same time i feel like the talk itself could be self harm. but like i’ve said, i seem to be moving more and more to making the things i am afraid of becoming real. it is like i do not have control over that so if that is happening, i might as well talk anyway. it is probably actually very helpful to talk even if i am not sure about why i’m talking. and even if talk is not helpful, it is not going to stop what i’m afraid of anyway. one way or another i will soon be facing lots of hard to face things. if i’m having difficulty now talking about it, its good to be with supportive people who will help it come out in a safe setting. i do want people to know whats on my mind. so i do want to face what is happening with your’s or anyone’s help. plus i am presently in therapy. and i’m trying to find some additional therapy to complement it. is this making any sense? if i’m not being clear, let me know. thanks...

 

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You keep saying self harm caused your incontinence, but I don't understand what you mean. You don't have to share details if you don't want, but I'm confused as to how once harms himself such that he becomes incontinent. Like did you jam a screwdriver up your urethra trying to become incontinent? I don't follow....not trying to be insensitive but I don't know how to offer any support if I can't understand what you mean.

In any event it sounds like therapy is very necessary so it's a good thing that you're doing that. Stick with it!

 

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@MikeJames oddly i happened to watch a video like what you just described. it was truly frightening and i would not attempt anything as immediately dangerous as that. but there are things that i will not get into that can be done that compromises the integrity of the sphincters and other muscles. this has had an effect on both bowel and urinary in my case. it has happened. that’s it. i will do my best to make therapy work for me. thanks.

 

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I agree with other members here, I don't understand what you mean by self harm. You say that your afraid of what might what happened to you. I get that, I'm afraid of having an accident where I went through my diapers. I deal with that on daily base. I try to face my fear, but it's hard work. If you want to talk to us about your issue. I mean your hole story okay. We just need to know how to be supportive for you. One more thing being incontinent isn't that the end of world, As for me diapers are a big part of my life.

 

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If you are saying self harm is having sex with a man,you are wrong. I am a gay man and my incontinence is not caused by having sex.

 

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@Clay no! i’m not saying that at all. i am a self harmer and i do self harmful things (often referred to as cutting). but my self harm manifests itself in many ways both physical and psychological. but things i have done to myself (alone) resulted in my incontinence. it was not caused by having sex.

 

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For the record, i do not think we need to push etamilbus to elaborate. I think it is enough to know that he has self-harm, which was his choice to share. He does not have to share more then he is comfortable with, and we should not push him to share more. I think it takes a lot of bravery to share what he has. Lets please let him decide what he wants to share. He does not need to be in the spot where he has to justify himself.

 

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@Mightychi thanks for this message Mighty, this is difficult for me, but i do also think i should say i’ve been mentioning this stuff because i do have to get it out. so if i am being vague, it is ok to ask. it may be difficult for the asker too. i’m ok with private if that helps but here is ok too. i do actually want to be able to talk openly about all that is going on with anyone who feels they will be helpful. i’m happy to reciprocate if it ever comes up.

 

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etamilbus_we got that out of the way hope you fell better,the rest can be delt with.

 

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@MikeJames oddly i happened to watch a video like what you just described. it was truly frightening and i would not attempt anything as immediately dangerous as that. but there are things that i will not get into that can be done that compromises the integrity of the sphincters and other muscles. this has had an effect on both bowel and urinary in my case. it has happened. that’s it. i will do my best to make therapy work for me. thanks.

and, @Mightychi
Thx...reason i was asking, not to pry, was that I'm curious if you've seen a surgeon who may be able to fix what you've damaged...I know there are artificial sphincters for urinary IC that can be implanted. Aside from therapy to heal on the mental front, surgery may be something to look into.