Didn't want to give up

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When I was twenty and lost bladder control from a wound and the va doctors told me I would never get my control back I refused to accept that. After discharge I went to a few urologists and when they read my medical records from the VA they wouldn't even do any tests because they said there was no way I was ever going to get my control back. After having been turned away like that several times I finally accepted it and got on with life. That's just the breaks sometimes I guess
 
I certainly don’t want to give up however holding on to hope at some point feels more destructive than accepting reality. I hate to get too vested into something improving my symptoms just to see them get worse.
 
Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before.

Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening.

Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, a new level is about to be revealed.

Author: Alice Walker

Artwork: Susan Farrell Art
 
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