Acceptance

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Hi a new member here. Could I just ask you how long it took you to accept the fact that you are incontinent.
Some two two years ago now I had a severe injury to my back. This left me Urinary Incontinent , I have no bladder function at all. I rely 24/7 on Tena diapers. Whilst these are very absorbent, and pretty much concealed under my clothing , the problem is that I STILL KNOW I AM WEARING A DIAPER.
This still gets me down an awful lot especially when I need to change a wet diaper. Does anyone else get like this or is it me being too sensitive ? For what it's worth I have spoken numerous times to my Continence Advisor and they suggest " Get on with things "
I know incontinence isn't the worst medical problem in the world but sometimes it just drags me down . Thank you for reading my tale of woe

 

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Been 6(7?) Years here and still have days that it gets me down, and still don't like changing in a public toilet.

 

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I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before - my issues are mostly during the nighttime. My approach maybe different - I am actually glad that I wore a diaper to bed especially if I wake up with a soaked diaper - it didn’t take me long to accept that I need to wear a thick diaper to sleep in. Before I started wearing there were plenty of loads of laundry from wet bedding. Also learned that pull ups or cheap diapers didn’t work either. I actually now feel comfortable wearing a diaper to bed and realize in the mornings the only thing I need to worry about is turning off my alarm during the work week

Chad

 

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Acceptance is a bumpy road. Some days being incontinent is a bigger deal to me than others. The most important thing has been to remember that wearing protection allows me to continue on in life with very few restrictions. I can't do certain types of work, can't swim in pools or go into hot tubs, and I feel it necessary to inform anyone who invites me to stay in their guest room that I have this problem. However, I CAN swim in lakes, rivers, or the ocean; I'm not qualified or interested in those jobs, and to date, I've not been un-invited to visit friends and family who live out of town. In short, a diaper is actually a solution to a problem, and not a problem in and of itself. Yes, there is the stigma, but just about every grocery store and virtually every drug store carries these products, so the few of us on this forum are not alone. A LOT of people deal with this issue. If you stop to think about it, you probably don't know of a single person in your circle who also deals with incontinence. That only means that the products are discreet to wear, and generally speaking, people don't advertise their need for them.
You will find yourself thinking less about it as time goes on, but don't beat yourself up if it takes a while- that's normal. I suspect that others on this forum would concur.

 

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I for one have never accepted it. I go on everyday working out, doing kagels, and so on. I guess if there is an answer you're looking for then it would be managing it. I am in my 7th month and feel like I am doing a pretty good job managing it after 5 months. But I will nrver give up hope of getting rid of it all together. It may take a year or two or three, but I will beat this rediculous little thing they call incontinence. But I can only do it with the help of people on this forum and friends at home.
Stay strong and fight....every single day if thats what it takes...fight!

 

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Hi The blues and welcome. It has taken me years to get used to the smell and fact I have to wear daily protection. I damaged my back in 2010 and still have up and down days with incontinence. Just try to focus on positives and try to find something that makes you smile, such as a memory of you having a good time doing something with friends or family. I will say it gets easier as the years pass. Hope that helps you.

 

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I hear that. I can definitely relate to the feeling of being constantly aware that I am wearing protection. That lasted around one year for me. Now, I will forget that I am protected and panic when I start to have an accident until I realise that my protection is absorbing it. It’s only when I actively concentrate on my groin area that I remember that I am padded. I think that a well fitted product, plastic pants to reduce odour, a onesie to reduce nappy sag and waistband peeking, and sizing up in pants to accommodate the bulk and swelling when wet made a big difference for me with that issue of awareness because a big part of that was tied to my fear that people around me would find out.

 

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Hi thanks for all the positive feedback . I know on the grand scheme of things it's by no means a big deal.
I do my upmost and keep my home clean , tidy and especially free from all urine odours if at all possible.
It's just having to deal with problems when I'm out for any length of time , stuff like always having a spare brief with me finding a discreet place to dispose of a soiled diaper. If possible I don't like to spend too long away from home. Changing in a public restroom is something I would rather not do.
Keeping away from looking at myself wearing a diaper is always a good idea
Anyway I just hope to be able to navigate this sometimes scarey world of Urinary Incontinence sooner than later. I can't understand why this relatively small problem gives me so many problems.

 

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I was a long time for me to deal with the fact that I wear diapers. The last year I have been ok with wearing diapers. I still know I’m wearing one every day all day but I can cope with it.

 

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@Theblues16,
It is a life changing modification, as it’s something that most of us always had control of and most often never gave it a second thought. I also suffered a severe injury to my back, but also my legs, knees, shoulder, neck, hip & pelvis when hit by a truck.
So I was a bit distracted initially with being in & out of surgery every few days initially, then it switched to Physical Therapy to try to repair all the damage. With so many decisions to make or have them made for me, it wasn’t until I was getting ready to go home from the hospital after a few weeks that the extent of my both bowel & bladder incontinence hit home.
It upended my life for a while, but once you come to grips with it, it eventually becomes routine. It just is what it is and if it can’t be fixed then as you said it’s time to move on. Much easier said than done initially, but in this case what choice do you have?
It’s been 30 years now, and I can tell you I haven’t missed out on much, if anything and in some cases went even further than I might have otherwise as I reconciled with myself I wasn’t going to allow it to rob me of my life!
I hope it gets easier for you, my best advice would be to make your life so full you just don’t have the time or energy to deal with it!
Best of Luck!

 

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Just a final note on this topic, and I promise I’ll shut up!
I know it sounds frightening especially if your new to all this. After time goes by people will catch a glimpse of your protection, STUFF HAPPENS! An unexpected stop by the hospital while your asleep, my crutches catching my T-Shirt, bending over to reach a bolt just out of reach on the car, things that just “happen” that broadcast your underwear.
The reactions vary usually based on in hospital or out, but without exception it’s always been a version of “OMG are you ok?”, is your back acting up again? to “When did this happen?” “Why didn’t you tell me”. My response varies somewhat, but when I tell them it’s been 5,10,20+ years there’s usually initial shock….
(We must keep in mind I’VE / WE’VE rarely if ever met another incontinent person, an adult wearing diapers socially that WERE AWARE OF! Outside the healthcare arena).
I never knew? I usually ask when was the last time I asked you if you’re wearing boxers? briefs, a THONG??? This usually lightens it up, and all I have to do is show them my back if they're really curious. I assure you it looks like Zorro used my back as a practice board from the accident and all the surgeries…
I always allow myself a mental pat on the back because from my perspective I’ve accomplished my goal, and am living MY best life. In my friends and peers eyes I still play basketball like it’s hockey,(I’m TERRIBLE!) I’m a crappy golfer these days etc. If there is anything stopping me from doing something I enjoy these days it’s my back, or neck, knees whatever? Never my incontinence….

 

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I've been in diapers for over 30yrs and still get down.

 

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Seven years in and there are still times where my incontinence drags me down.

Similar to you a sudden injury took away all bladder control and some bowel control at age 45. From a practical standpoint, I realized very quickly I would require a diaper to manage my level of incontinence. Emotional acceptance took much longer (over a year). I was always aware of my diaper and afraid everyone else was aware too. It took time, but I did eventually realize almost no one could tell. In time, managing life in a diaper became second nature. Yes, I know it’s there, but it’s presence stopped dominating my thoughts.
I have never advertised my incontinence, but if the subject comes up now, I am able to talk about it with almost no embarrassment though public bowel accidents can still be uncomfortable…

Hang in there, it will get easier.

 

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I would say that within 6 months I had completely accepted it and become so used to wearing a nappy it wasn't a problem. Without the support of my wife things would have been different.She encouraged me to just wear a nappy and get on with my life.

 

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I’ve had daytime urge IC issues for almost two years and that’s been a tough adjustment even though I’ve always had PNE and OAB for as long as I can remember. Acceptance has been a matter of just getting on with life and keeping busy with the daily activities I’ve always participated in. Through trial and error I know what to expect from my protection and don’t push the limits. I’ve come to realize that really the only difference between myself and others is that I change my protection instead of going in a toilet. Takes me about the same amount of time in the restroom and it only becomes difficult to accept and accomplish in the public settings when out and about. Careful planning usually overcomes the obstacles.

The hard part to accept is the financial side of IC. Supplies aren’t cheap, but there are ways to keep it livable.

Almost 2 years into the daily urge IC issues and I’m glad to be living in a time when solutions exist that allow me to live an otherwise normal life. Perspective makes this way more acceptable in my humble opinion.

 

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I’ve had daytime urge IC issues for almost two years and that’s been a tough adjustment even though I’ve always had PNE and OAB for as long as I can remember. Acceptance has been a matter of just getting on with life and keeping busy with the daily activities I’ve always participated in. Through trial and error I know what to expect from my protection and don’t push the limits. I’ve come to realize that really the only difference between myself and others is that I change my protection instead of going in a toilet. Takes me about the same amount of time in the restroom and it only becomes difficult to accept and accomplish in the public settings when out and about. Careful planning usually overcomes the obstacles.

The hard part to accept is the financial side of IC. Supplies aren’t cheap, but there are ways to keep it livable.

Almost 2 years into the daily urge IC issues and I’m glad to be living in a time when solutions exist that allow me to live an otherwise normal life. Perspective makes this way more acceptable in my humble opinion.

Your post gives me hope that one day I will have the happiness and confidence you have. Happiness as I've learned is in the eyes of the beholder; so I have been getting my happiness back.

Confidence on another hand; has been tough as even recently I've encountered scenarios where I have felt different and lower than a human being for my bladder condition.

Everything you said Jetskier has spoken volume; and you shared all of my feelings and then some. God bless you.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs