Anyone else feel anger toward the ABDL community?

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@Sarah060486 I am saddened and angered for what you and your siblings was put through as children by adults. I didnt have anything like that in my childhood but I think I can understand why it would bother you to stunble on those threads. To answer the question I am not angered by the abdl stuff. I havent read much of that because Its not my cup of tea. When I stumble on a thread or something on any topic I dont like or im not comfortable with I stop reading and exit out of it and move on to something else. I do wish you and your siblings well.

 

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I fail to see the correlation to your childhood issues and the ABDL community. Most everybody has a weird interest of one sort or another. They didn’t seek out to offend you, so there’s no reason to take offense. They’re doing them, and we’re doing us. They’re just trying to enjoy their weird interests and we all do in a community that appreciates, or at least accepts those interests.

 

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@Sarah060486 Sorry to hear about your past trauma, it sounds truly horrific.

My two cents' worth on the whole ABDL debate is that my main objection stems from them using what are, in essence disability aids for fun. It may sound a bit OTT but there's really nothing great about having to wear nappies as an adult and if you're reliant on them 24/7 there's a whole host of issues that comes with that both physical and mental. To me it would be like someone using a blind cane or wheelchair for fun and not because they need to. I just feel that they need to understand that their fantasy regarding nappies and the reality are very different. Being incontinent means panicking about leaks, panicking about people seeing, embarrassing medical trips if you need to be examined/treated in your underwear, horrible rashes and other skin care issues, not being able to pack lightly and that's just some that immediately come to mind. If people with genuine issues use that stuff as a way to deal with their condition then I think that's their prerogative but I do have issues with people appropriating a disability aid.

That being said, I'm a live and let live kind of guy and feel anyone can do what they want in the comfort of their own home so long as it's above the law. I can't also deny that it's the printed products which tend to be far superior to the 'regular' ones. However, even then I'm not sure about that argument because surely we incontinent folks must do the real bulk buying as we're reliant on them day in, day out and it's not something we can 'opt in' to. I feel that one of the biggest issues with suffering from incontinence (and being physically disabled in general) is that it often feels hard to feel like a proper adult for various reasons and so I wish more brands would do designs that are more 'young adult' and stylish as it were. To be fair, the Rearz Rebels and Tykables Cammies could fit that bill but that's only two.

 

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I fail to see the correlation to your childhood issues and the ABDL community. Most everybody has a weird interest of one sort or another. They didn’t seek out to offend you, so there’s no reason to take offense. They’re doing them, and we’re doing us. They’re just trying to enjoy their weird interests and we all do in a community that appreciates, or at least accepts those interests.

I can say that in my case my disdain for the fetish community is that members have aggressively misrepresented themselves to gain trust because they wanted to use my disability for their pleasure and that is highly offensive. And I know that this same thing has happened to many others. So while likely the vast majority of the community is likely not harmful, there is a reason that some of us do not wish to interact with them. So they can "do them" somewhere far away from legitimate incontinence groups as far as I'm concerned. If someone is incontinent and also has fetish desires then I have no issue with that as long as they keep the fetish aspect to themselves.

 

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Dear Sarah, I am glad that you have found support in this community, and that you are in a loving marriage and raising your children with love.

 

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@NorthShoreAdam I think you're overestimating the need component of the ABDL community. From what I've seen there is a substantial, but very much minority, percentage that are actually in some way incontinent. This is evidenced in part by the fraction that deliberately go 24/7, or those that are trying to learn bedwetting. To the vast majority, whether or not they find it sexual, diaper wearing and use is a sort of volition.

For that majority, the use of heavier diapers is a luxury. They can choose when they want to wear, and for how long. They get to make a game of it, and for many there seems to be a strong urge that thicker is better. This doesn't have anything to do with what they need, but rather what they want. They don't necessarily have the same concerns about discreteness or about cost per unit, because the whole endeavor is elective.

I'm not saying your viewpoint is entirely wrong. I just think it's missing a huge part of the picture, and it's an important one to understand when looking at the way the incontinent and ABDL communities interact and overlap.

 

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It tore at my heart to hear what you endured. I can only say how strong you are to come this far. I'm so happy your marriage is so healthy. You are so very brave. I'm glad you are here and sharing with all of us. Hug..

Obviously I hit a nerve, and never my intent, I will delete if possible.

 

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I get that some ABDLs are also incontinent. My anger is more with the small percentage who are manipulative, abusive, or dishonest about who or what they are.

Many years ago I had a very traumatic experience with my incontinence, and I posted to a (now defunct) online forum about it because I wanted to process it and come to terms with what had happened. I don't want to go into details, but it was a deeply humiliating experience for me, so I reached out to a support group for, well, support. I did get a lot of support, and some good suggestions for how to move past it and avoid something like that happening again. But I also got a bunch of people posting how cool it was that I'd had that happen and how jealous they were of me that I had such a wonderful excuse to wear diapers. I got a couple of direct messages as well - one person wanted to be my "online daddy," and one person wanted my advice on he could become incontinent. The original experience was plenty traumatic, and I didn't appreciate people talking about it like it was some kind of gift, pumping me for details, or trying to hit on me.

Another thing that happened to me, again many years ago, was that I called a company that advertised plastic pants. I had questions about the sizing and wanted to talk to a real person about it. A woman answered the phone, and I told her that I had questions about their plastic pants, and I heard her move the phone away from her mouth and tell her coworker, "I've got another weirdo on the line," before taking up the phone again. I was extremely upset and hung up, but ended up calling back a couple of minutes later and telling her (it was the same woman who answered the phone) that I wasn't some weirdo, that I was a just a man trying to manage a medical condition. She was extremely apologetic (and made it clear that she hadn't intended for me to hear her comment), and told me that they got many calls from people asking them inappropriate questions and wanting to tell them embarrassing things - she said that there was one guy who called a couple of times a week, talking about the small size of his anatomy.

I have no problem with ABDLs in general - as far as I'm concerned, what happens in their private life doesn't affect me. It's when it does affect me, and it ceases to be their private life, that I start having a problem with some of the individuals. I've watched forums (including the one I'd posted my experience to) get overrun with people's ABDL fantasies and cease to be useful for incontinent people who need support. I've seen many people reaching out for support for an embarrassing medical problem get pushed away by people with no real clue what it's really like to be incontinent day in and day out.

So maybe I underestimate the role that ABDLs have had in the development of premium medical diapers, but it's hard for me not to harbor a lot of resentment toward at least the parts of that community that has further stigmatized what's already a stigmatizing, isolating medical problem.

My two cents worth, anyhow. Undoubtedly worth at least two cents less than you paid for it.

 

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@ltapilot So sorry to hear that you suffered this, it is like building insult to injury to be treated in this way when you are already suffering from a medical condition you can't control.
To everyone: perhaps I should have chosen a different title to my post, maybe 'Childhood trauma awakened by disturbing posts on the ABDL forum.' But for the many of you who seem to be able to relate on one or more of my points, thank you for sharing. Also thank you to those who didn't see any correlation and voiced your opinion respectfully... I just want to be free from the trauma I endured and with this incontinence issue I am facing now, it just brought all the memories fresh in my mind, and the sexualized posts from the ABDL people I saw just seemed to heighten my upset. I figured many of you who have struggled a long time with incontinence might have feelings one way or another about this assuming you had also come across this type of forum in the past in your own search for a place to find support, so I just thought I'd reach out to ask. Happy Easter everyone!

 

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@Sarah060486, you seem to have gotten to a good place overall, in spite of the harm that was done to you as a child. This speaks to a tremendous steely of character and great resilience, and I admire you for those qualities. I hope your journey continues to be one of healing, acceptance, and peace.

Reading back through my post, I just want to clarify that I don't hate the ABDL community, nor do I feel anger toward most members of that community. As I had said in my first post in this thread, they didn't choose to be ABDLs any more than I choose to be incontinent; whether they became ABDLs because of childhood events or as a response to incontinence, it was a path that was chosen for them. I understand that it's in many ways even more stigmatizing than incontinence, and it is not my intention to deepen the stigma by my words. My anger really stems from the feeling that the stigma of my condition is being deepened, and I do not wish to do that to others.

 

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@sarah060486

To start off I didn’t read every post here, but read through some. It seems like some responses were deflective and taken in offense and not considering what you actually stated in the opening post.

You were traumatized beyond belief. Atrocious parenting from your parents and I wish them very ill-will. Because your personal/ current state of mind doesn’t associate with others they counter acted and defended the AB/DL community based on their own personal circumstances.

In one of your other threads you mentioned how while changing your own child’s diaper caused you to remember to check your own, and you have a deep fear of your children finding out. I personally can relate to these feelings of embarrassment, disgust, self loathing, and whole array of other emotions surrounding the association of you as the adult needing to wear a diaper.

Your dismay towards AB/DLs is 100% justified, the same way as someone else’s feelings of openness is justified. The difference here is this is your thread you started, so some responses though not disparaging in anyway weren’t really seeing the point of your original post and went into defense mode when there wasn’t anything to defend.

My point being, 2 opposite view points can be right at the same time and for different reasons. For some, myself included it’s tough to deal with something like the embarrassment of wetting and wearing diapers. It really doesn’t help when you seek resources and it’s flooded by people who wished they have your condition and they do infantilize you.

The stereotypes become magnified by communities like these.

@northshoreadam
I fully respect your point of view on this, and it’s good perspective that not every one takes things to the extreme as well as the point that many in the fetish community use this fetish to cope. I truly understand that, and I’m a live and let live type person. Whatever floats their boats. But, at the same time I hope you see that even though there are good apples in that bunch, it’s demoralizing for people who are already self conscious about their own incontinence that seeing baby printer adult diapers only makes someone spiral more. Sarah is a mother of 4 dealing with incontinence and also a very rough past. Maybe not the best thread to defend a fetish is all I mean.

Either way I hope everyone is doing well today, and conquering their bodies or adapting to their imperfections. Happy Spring.

 

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This is an interesting thread. Be good someone that has need to wear protection at time throughout my life, I have come into contact with different ones in the abdl community. I am not part of this community but as a teen it was nice to find some that were supportive of my issues. That said there s a dark side to that community and there are many that are a bit predator like lurking around that made me uncomfortable. I did has a real life negative experience that some seem to fantasize about. It was not a positive thing but an experience that haunts me even to this day. So I definitely see the conflict, even though many I. That community are harmless and well meaning.

 

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Hi Marka1979, you raise some very good point(s). I would say unfortunately in society nowadays predators exist in all realms and groups etc. they distract from any good that may come from said groups. ABDL would be a great example of such which I think is further exemplified by the stigma around diapers.

Jason

 

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I have an odd feeling that this board is filled with AB/DLs because the talk seems to always be about diapers.

That’s hard for someone looking for incontinence support. Sure diapers are a part of it, but ab/DLs give a constant reminder if the infantilizing feeling of incontinence. That’s where my dislike for that community comes from. It leans into stereotypes.

Again, if they like it than so be it. You do you, but when they creep into communities like this it’s very hard when you are actually dealing with a medical condition.

 

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There is a lot of talk of diapers here, yes, because the ones who have had every test and medical assist under the sun are often at the end of the day, using protective underwear no matter what they've been subjected to for a cure.
I prefer to use less degrading terms like "protection" for that reason.
Being part of the forum hasbeen very helpful to come to terms with involuntary incontinence but there are other places for folks who want to enjoy a disability.

 

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I stumbled on the ABDL community much the same way you did. I am not qualified to diagnose but my observation was that many of them share a history of childhood abuse or trauma. It is a way of dealing with their issues that doesn't really hurt anyone.
I didn't appreciate that some would lie about having medical conditions or in some way try to pull me into their community. I guess having someone join you makes you feel more accepted and none of us would be here if that wasn't something we all wanted.
They are probably just dealing with life the best way they know how. While I wish I had the option to be incontinent like they have I do not envy the trauma that made them choose that option.

 

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I suppose this thread could fall over one phrase.

"Strange-Shaming".

I think that we are all different in many ways. It's not surprising that there is a link between infantalism and bladder control problems in youth and it may be considered an emotional scar I suppose from childhood trauma and humiliation and shame.

Regardless of the fact, I believe that Strange-Shaming should not be tolerated in any degree in any community. As long as we foster an enviornment of acceptance and do not allow others to prey on individuals for our disabilities/conditions - then by all means; we should understand that there are going to be individuals out there that you can safely say - suffer from the condition.

Infantalism under the medical scope can be referred to as an emotional condition as well as something that is part of one's sexual identity as well. The two do not have to be intertwined and individuals who have the condition do not necessarily have to be espousing there sexual proclivities when engaging in topics that are equally shared.

Thus, the Strange-Shaming narrative. I think we should be accepting of all people - as people are weird in there own unique way. Take for instance my controlling step mothers. A long time ago; I had a step grandmother and grandfather whom denied any non blood relative of there own and on one occasion of my childhood - I had an aunt who stood up for every one of us (Flasshhh Oohhhhh. Savior of the Universe..)


Anyway....jokes aside. My step grandparents didn't take to kind of supporting non blood relatives and cut that entire branch of the family away for gosh; what felt like months to half a year. I remember my dad telling me they saw my step cousins and family at Walmart one time and they looked across the parking lot and said:

"Who are those children. I don't recognize those children. Do you know those children?".

Looking back it was sad. But nonetheless very real and true.

I will leave a quote from Albert Einstein; to those who feel suppressed because of who they are.

If you suffer from Bladder & Bowel Continence issues on this forum. No matter who you are.

You belong.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs

 

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Very nicely put.

 

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I don’t identify as AB/DL, I do think they have helped develop great especially overnight diapers.

I can understand how many mentally can fall into the Incontinent AB crowd. I have not ever been fully continent during day almost age 9 and never dry overnight. My Grandmother who was a wonderful woman whom, I Loved dearly! She insisted on diapering me anytime I was staying with them, she made all my diapers cloth as well as Plastic pants. I hated it at the beginning as at home for the most part I was able to diaper myself at night around age 10 disposables. As my Grandmother insisted on cloth, I have never mastered using cloth until Snappis. I have to say after hating that she would not let me use disposables at her home and myself never able to do it myself. The time she spent with me doing my diapering was not a negative thing in her eyes, was just embarrassing to
Deal with after age 13, yet it was something I got from my grandmother attention. When she was doing that was just her and I and we would be discussing all types of topics, not related to what she was performing to me. We would talk about school, girls I had as a gf or which ones I liked, she would tell me that I needed to get this under control as no GF would want to deal with having to to do what she was doing. When my daytime control went my sophomore year in college she would even try and change me, LOL I would obviously not let her at age 20, but as I said earlier she did teach me which I never got down with pins, I would have to use them at her house. She still made them herself and gave me them to use of which I still have some of them. The alone time I got with her was a loving and special time I got with her and no other cousins had that time. She definitely showed favoritism towards myself. Up until age 10-12 she would kind of baby me and I cannot say I hated it.