Young and Restless

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Okay this is probably going to be a stupid topic. I mean its not stupid; because its my feelings. But this falls under incontinence support.

As you know, my nocturnal enuresis started in my mid 20s, a couple of year's ago then progressively worsend back during the beginning/shy of the pandemic.

Im 28 now, which i suppose you could still consider myself a young buck - but why do i still want support from a supporting figure in real life? I have a signifcant other who is understanding of my medical issues; and they are supportive enough to understand the differences in my life - but incontinence to younger folk Is something that's not talked about and we just joke about it.

But at the end of the day, there not the person that is going to take me under there wing and make me feel validated for my problems.

As you know my history of abuse and neglect by my Dad and Stepmother; maybe this has to do with not having a Dad that would step up and help me with this. Which is why im thankful for people in this community who have stepped up.

I have a step dad that I cherish and I talk to him about almost anything. But, like my real life mom - there not in the picture often because there often ill and they never reach out to myself and always keep to themselves. It's sad to say that I have issues on both sides.

I once was "duped" into thinking i had support during a time i needed it in an orher situation - so i guess thats why i always keep my gaurd up. I once had an older woman in another support community infer to myself that healing from the past and continence issues is a journey that has to be walked alone.

It was the most ignorant thing ive heard in my life.

Anyway, i cant help but feel like a failure when i realize that im not going to wake up in a dry bed like in college. I beat myself up when on bad days i suffer from enuresis episodes because its those feelings of not being in control during daytime wettings and the constant pain - i wish somebody would step in in my family and be like "its okay".

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Does anybody else have them for people who dont have the support in real life? Also, if you do - how has it helped you on your Journey to accepting your Incontinence?

 

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since I've been on this forum I've read a lot of topics and it makes me feel good because a lot of people are enuretic
I started wetting the bed at the age of 62 and it disturbed my life a lot.
Before my spine surgery I never wet my bed
I have a small bladder and cravings to the point of wetting my panties
since then I sleep with a diaper and in the morning when it is wet I tell myself that I had a good restorative night thanks to this forum because I do not see many people, men or women, who recover from it despite everyone's recommendations
you have to live with it and it doesn't matter the age

 

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You're right, it's difficult to talk about it sometimes. I believe that some folks perceive it as embarrassing for us and they don't want to discuss it. I've tried talking to a few family members that know about my own bladder issues and the conversations were very superficial at best. This is even with a relative who has their own continence issues.

The most supportive person who helped me gain a lot of confidence has been my wife. She affirms her support, and that it doesn't bother her but we don't discuss it a lot or in depth. It's more of a case by case basis.

Online support (besides my wife) has been the best. Reading and commenting on other forums has really made me realize that many people suffer from incontinence. It would be great to find someone that I could confide in in real life, but I get the change to speak to many folks in many walks of life and realize that many people deal with it. I couldn't do that with my normal, in person channels.

 

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Hi @Honeeecombs, I hope you didn't listen to that older woman on that other forum who said that your continence issues and healing from the past is a journey you have to walk alone!! That is total and utter nonsense!!! There are times when we all need support and the help of others and I want you to know that everyone on this forum is here for you and you are not going to be relegated to taking this journey alone!
No one here is going to make you do that!!! Not now and not ever!!
You have really come a long way in the time you've been here and you have had constant support from everyone and you can continue to count on having that support until ....well, whenever!!!
And you know deep down you are not a failure. I don't see you in that light and no one else here does either!
With all that you have done to help yourself you are far from being classified as a failure so please don't think that you are!!!
You have had a lot of difficult times but you have emerged from those times and opened up to us. And that is a really good start on the journey that you want to take!!
And a big part of this is getting in touch with your feelings which you have done. And as you are seeing with us, that makes a huge difference!!
So keep going the way you're going and keep up the good work!!!

 

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@phillipe: it's Good to hear from you my friend. You are right, these feelings are there for all ages. Thank you for opening up. Regardless of any age - sometimes we need a hand to hold. I'm thankful for this community in that sense it has been the hand I've needed.

@lorumipsum: Thank you!! Even people who have experienced bladder control problems or even whom have experience; it's s stigmatized problem that needs to be addressed. I'm glad to hear your wife has been with you through all of this, and of course, we are here for you man.

@Billliveshere: Bill, God Bless you for being there. Bless this entire community. In regards to others who have been superficial or have shown false love - I pray for them. Thank you for validating my feelings; I think you all have in this community.

I just have to keep reminding myself "I am not alone". It's wonderful to hear from people all over the world who share the same thoughts, and experiences.

Blessings,
HC

 

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Having support is helpful especially if it's from a spouse. I've been married over twenty years and met my wife at the Dr's office (she worked there) and even though the journey was extremely difficult I can't imagine how I would've made it without her.
Be honest when you meet someone and when you find the right person they wont care or see you differently because you have incontinence issues.

 

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While I have no advice. I have been thinking about you today. I hope you are able to find a semblance of comfort in all things in your life, both the good and bad.

 

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P.S. Here is a similar piece of lyric, though this is a poem written in 1927, “Desiderata.” They are very similar. I keep a copy of this in my nightstand. It also alludes to you needing to care for yourself.

Desiderata - Words for Life by Max Ehrmann

Comments & analysis: Go placidly amid the noise and haste, / and remember what peace there may be in silence. /

allpoetry.com

I have shared these stories from my life with the hope that you may learn from them.

 

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P.S.S. I have yet to be comfortable talking about incontinence with someone I’ve dated (I’m hetero), so unfortunately I can’t help you there. It’s so exhausting, in fact, that it has completely turn me against dating. People, though only ever men, on this forum say to just talk about it and you’ll be accepted. But I think that is what their experience is when talking about it with female partners, who are the more accepting and less judgmental sex. I don’t think most men are capable of accepting something like that, let alone being turned on by an incontinent woman. Other women here have said the same thing - elders, no less