Family issues

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Hey Guy's,

Just wanted to reach out and say hello agwin. I know i said i was no longer going to be on NAFC but you guys have been such a help to my life situations and mental health.

Over the past year ive been dealing with alot of family issues and personal issues. My dad and step mom really arent in the picture all the time, and i want to spend more time with my younger brother; and a couple weeks ago - ive been spending time at the library sorting out another personal situation - and i figured i could write a letter to my younger brother who is 17 - just to let him know i love him and that not being able to spend time with him on holidays is something that hurts myself but its not my choice.

Well - wouldnt you know it, my dad threw it away because he didnt want my step mother finding out im trying to stick up for myself more.

Ive never been accepted since i was a little kid; and it makes me feel like there only giving my little brother half the story.

So dealing with family issue's, with another personal situation - im trying really hard to keep my head up.

But you guys are there for me, and im thankful for that.

Take care,
HC

 

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Im sorry, HC. Toxic family is so difficult.

 

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Honeeecombs,

Because you share a common blood line doesn't make you family, it only makes you related. You can and probably should continue to make overtures towards your father, step mother and brother but if those overtures are rejected then it is on them not you.

Let me suggest that you rethink the meaning of "family" and base your idea of family on people you know who respect you and share similar values that you do. If you were in a car wreck and the EMT asks who they should notify inform them of your situation. Who would that one person be? That person is family as they will be there when you need someone most.

I've yet to meet the blood line family that doesn't have internal turmoil. Open your heart and open your feelings to those you trust, who respect you and share your values. Those are family.

Best of luck,

Greensleeves

 

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@Honeeecombs Is that you playing guitar in your photo?

 

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@Honeeecombs

Re-send the letter certified mail. Your dad throwing it away is actually a crime.Send it certified mail then you'll know that he received it. And in the case that that happens again then you'll have proof of destruction of mail.

 

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I think his dad has the right, at least legally, to throw the letter away because the letter is addressed to a minor, and he is the parent so he can decide what will happen to the letter. I don’t think it’s right to do ethically; I think it’s cruel.

@Honeeecombs I think you should try to visit with your brother on his way to or from school. You clearly need to be able to reach him without the consent of your father. I sure hope you kept a copy of that letter so that you can give it again. Or late at night, just knock on your brothers window and give it to him that way.

 

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Hi @Honeeecombs, Please don't give up!!! Keep on trying! It's important that your brother knows how you feel about him and that he knows that the bond between you and him is something that is not going to be broken, come Hell or high water!!! I think you are determined to make it happen and it's important to keep that bond as intact as possible.
You are an adult and you have every right to see your brother and to keep in touch with him. If one route to contacting your brother is blocked then it's time to figure out another way. I like Snow's suggestion up above that you can consider seeing him on his way to or from school, or if needed and it's feasible, you can knock on his window and give the latter that way. But you do know his habits and where he goes and what his business is and something may make itself clear as to how to keep in touch.
It's been a struggle to rise above adversity and you have it in you to do so!
But continue to be the best you can be and that way you should be able to show your family your true mettle!!
Good luck with this (and that is sincerely meant) and please keep in touch with us.

 

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@snow

Nope, does not matter if it is a minor. Had that issue years ago with a family member and the postmaster said it is still a crime.

The only time that mail can not be given is in jail.

 

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Sorry for the two posts. Hit send to soon.


So what happened years ago is that my mom sent Birthday, Christmas cards to my cousins. They never got them because my aunt hates my mom and she throw them out.

Well, my mom found out because we all go to the same family reunion.

So mom asked the post office. My aunt could have written a return to sender on them and been okay. but You cannot destroy mail meant for someone else.

 

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@Greensleeves351: Thank you for your kind words. You are right in the fact that family doesn't have to be by blood and that it just means your related.

I'm very thankful for my step dad and how supportive he is in my life. And my real dad of course. I love them all. Just might have to set boundaries one day.

Anyway,

There has been some really good people that I have met on the NAFC that if it wasn't for them; I wouldn't be here today. And I truly mean that. Bladder issues on top of real life struggles - don't mix well. At 28 years old and with my childhood memories of being made to feel belittled - the mind can't handle it all.

@snow: Hey! Guy with guitar is not me lol. Actually it's one of the lead singers is a band that I enjoy. "Empire of the Sun". It's an Austrailian band - that have a unique style of music that I can't even describe. Modern, but unique. Definetly recommend "We are the people" and "High and Low".

Yeah, I'm hoping once my little brother gets a little older, he will have a better understanding on my upbringing and how my dad and step mom treated myself. I definetly believe deep down we will be able to spend time together more as we get older.

@ThatFLGuy: Right! You would think that my dad getting rid of the letter would be a crime, My dad had a tendency to keep things that I made so maybe he hid it, but my brother didn't see it. I remember when I was younger I would leave notes to go to a friend's house and he would save them. He knows how much I love my brother and want to be apart of the family - but he let's my step mom control him since day one - so I can't really do much about that.

@Bill: Bill, your words of kindness over the past year - even not in family situations, just overall in coping with Loss of Bladder Control and dealing with the mental effects of that and depression - have meant alot to myself.

I'm not cooping myself up in my apartment anymore like I used to - I'm not struggling with toxic environments since I've distanced myself and started to advocate for myself more. I'm working part time which gets me out of the house - and I can keep up on bills - and I feel social again.

And I really owe alot of it to you guys - "Never give up" is what keeps me going.

God bless you all,
HC

 

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@Honeeecombs

Crazy Idea that could work. Send the letter to him at his school, work ect.

 

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Hi @Honeeecombs, You are definitely taking the steps you need to change the situation that you have found yourself in for so long. It's great you're recognizing and avoiding things that can make a "toxic environment" and that you are not staying cooped up in your apartment.
And working part time is a most positive step as well and you will get to the point where you'll feel sociable again.
But that said, it is not something that will happen overnight. Bit by bit is how the overall improvements come.
But it will happen! You're a smart guy and you are learning from experience how to proceed. I have every confidence that you will get to the point you want to reach!!! Continue to reach for the stars! Ad astra per astra or To the stars, through the stars!!!