Why some struggle and others do not.

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I find it interesting how some struggle with the fact that they have to wear/use protection versus others (myself) that appreciate and adapted.
From the extreme anxiety of constantly voiding (as in the inability to leave your house) protection has been my life-line. Yeah, the initial trial and error of finding what offers the correct amount of protection and is comfortable was challenging especially when dealing with the VA medical system.
I think a lot has to do with how we see our own situation.

 

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I am definitely with you in that I have come to where I dont care that have to wear, and I appreciate that the product is out here since I need it.

I have had hell with the VA and I'm still fighting with them to get better quality, but I dont see it going anywhere until I move out of state next summer. So tired of getting product like depend and attends from them. When I need product more similar to the abena, confidry, betterdry, and megamax diapers. Especially with the work I tend to do I cant change every 1-2 hours, and I cant carry a bag of them with me even if I could.

 

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Yes, this is what I've wondered about for some time now.

The girlfriend of one of my friends completed her RN degree and made the comment one day, "If I ever end up needing to wear diapers, just shoot me".

The same (close) friend told me, after I had had a digital rectal exam (which lasted about two seconds), that he had no intention of giving up his "man card" any time soon.

Obviously, I don't divulge much of my personal details with them.

What is different about me though, compared to others, is that throughout my life, I always took the attitude that if some challenging issue befell me, I would accept it and move on. I couldn't have such a cavalier attitude about terminal cancer of course, but for something that was not going to kill me, I will have none of the "Five Stages of Acceptance". I've always just thought, as long as it's not terminal, "So, I have this. Ok, how will I deal with it?" No denial, anger, etc. No point in fighting something that is inevitable.

Some may say I give up too easily. I say I'm pragmatic and choose my battles wisely. Some battles you can't win, but you can manage.

The concept of how different people accept or continually resist this has long been on my mind.

Good post.

 

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Your post was very insightful. I don’t dwell on the “pull-ups”. I just make sure I have plenty in stock. Things could be a lot worse.

 

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When I started having issues, I did a search and found this group. I knew I needed to learn as much as I could and manage. This group has been very helpful. I was surprised to learn there are many people dealing with issues, and I was not alone.

 

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I am definitely with you in that I have come to where I dont care that have to wear, and I appreciate that the product is out here since I need it.

I have had hell with the VA and I'm still fighting with them to get better quality, but I dont see it going anywhere until I move out of state next summer. So tired of getting product like depend and attends from them. When I need product more similar to the abena, confidry, betterdry, and megamax diapers. Especially with the work I tend to do I cant change every 1-2 hours, and I cant carry a bag of them with me even if I could.

I know exactly what you mean in regards to the VA. You can request a "patient advocate" at any VA hospital (explain in specific/graphic detail) why you need better protection and you can get whatever brand of protection you want.

 

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I guess for the most part I just deal with incontinence as part of life now. There are some days that could be better but overall, it’s manageable so that is a blessing.

 

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@CES97 o think everyone struggles at leas tin the beginning. And probably depends of the severity and thus level of protection needed.

When I first switched to diaper from pullups it was really hard. I didnt even want to leave the house. It took a long time to get used to it and learn to stop obsessing about what i was wearing and constantly being afraid everyone would find out.

5 years in i feel like ive accepted it and also really do appreciate what diapers have done for me...but i still have those days when I get really down about it.

 

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I agree with most of what is said when the problems started the stigma was overwhelming.Then have come to adjust and just go on with life.

 

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My biggest problem seems to be how I think others perceive it. On my own, I accept that I need to wear a diaper. Throw my wife and kids in and then I start having trouble. Of course my wife knows, but it still makes me insecure when she talks about it or notices a diaper... even though a diapered husband is normal for her. My kids are also oblivious but I think it's because I only need them at night. What will they think? Most likely, they will be fine with it. It's that what it's that get me.

 

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I just came upon this post, so I thought I would chime in. My bladder control has not been great for many years. I fought the thought of needing to wear diapers, or take my chances. After a few close calls, I swallowed my pride and starting wearing a diaper when I was out and about. I had a prostatectomy combined with a bladder diverticulectomy nearly 3 years ago (I was 70 yrs old at the time), which has caused my incontinence to be so unpredictable. I continue to manage with diapers. There are days; and there could be several in a row, where I stay dry, but then there will be several more when I'm glad to have been wearing protection. How does one know? And, why do some struggle and others accept their situation? I'm not sure that question will ever be answered. It is what it is I guess.

 

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We've all been through varying degrees of the acceptance process. Even when I finally accepted incontinence/bedwetting personally, I still have trouble talking about it unless I'm in an anonymous forum like here. But even here, I see people state their finally making their peace with it, only to be accused of being ABDL.

After my return to bedwetting over 6 years ago and subsequent bouts with urgency (OAB?) issues in public, I've decided I'm ok with wearing disposables while out and about. In fact I find myself more comfortable in public wearing a diaper than if I am not. There's a lot of peace of mind in having a safeguard before you end up standing in a puddle in a store. To my knowledge, no one has ever noticed.

So, could some people's difficulty in accepting this be in trying to avoid being accused of having some weird fetish? To most though, I think it's about losing control of your body and worrying about just how far the loss of control will go. There are worse things than losing bladder control, but I worry more about bowels. Or neurological issues, which I've been through and they subsided after 7 months. I worry about that coming back and how much farther it will go.

Sorry for the rambling rant. I've had a lot of time to think lately.

 

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I’ve learned people wear protection for allot of reasons. My feeling is better safe than sorry. There is not a chance that I would go out in public without something to protect my clothes and seat. Have an accident in the middle of the grocery store or at the doctors office or worse, at work once. I’m pretty sure you would be wearing a diaper, catheter or pull-up before you went out again. It’s just about being responsible. I’m just happy products are much better now than just a few years ago.
Some other wear diapers as a security blanket from past abuse, or the have an obsession with them. If they are dry and happy then good for them.

 

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It’s interesting to read all this. I’ve worn diapers most of my life, so I’ve had much different issues - mostly dealing with liking myself the way I am, and feeling ashamed for not feeling ashamed. I was born with bladder issues. Diapers until 1st grade - then thick cotton training pants with plastic pants, but my mom put me back in diapers as soon as I got home. When I was 7-8, I was only in a diaper at night, but the daytime training pants continued until middle school. I had to undress for gym, so my mom bought me regular boys briefs for the first time. Finally dry at night when I was 14. But everything came back starting when I was 18 and in my 40s, I lost all bladder control.

So wearing a diaper is normal to me. Bring wet is normal to be. Go figure.

 

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Yeah it could be worse, but I still get sad about it from time to time. I got bullied a lot for wetting and messing myself, and for wearing diapers, so I still struggle with it from time to time.