Why do people lurk?
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Archives1
Staff member
I, Too, read posts on this site often, but post seldom. As many have mentioned, I look for posts that have simstionilar situations that I have, and learn from them. Since I have your attention I do have a question or two. My incontinence is quite random. I can go nights, and days being relatively dry. Nights seem to be dryer than days. So then, I think maybe I can try getting back to traditional underwear. However, I can't get up enough nerve to do so for fear of a wetting accident. Has anyone else experienced this, and have decided to hell with trying and give in to diapers? Question number 2 has to do with the proper sized diaper. Should the tapes come close to the center of the diaper, or more at the sides? Should the length come up past my navel? I constantly struggle with what is the proper fit according to my measurements. Maybe questions for a different section on this site, but now I'm not "lurking".
Archives1
Staff member
@Damp, I'm going through the process of trying to figure out when to switch from diapers to underwear. My issue is urge incontinence, and it's generally not every day that I leak, but when I do leak is a lot. I just got an Interstim, which has cut down on my episodes of urgency, but I'm still having some. I haven't had a leak in almost two weeks, but I've had enough episodes where I thought I might leak that I'm not very confident about trying to go without a diaper. One might think that I could switch to a smaller pad or pull-up, but in the past those have been inadequate when I do have an accident because of the volume and the fact that it's all at once. I feel a bit stuck. If I'm leaking once every two weeks, do I need to wear diapers full time? How about once a month? Once every two months? Three months? How often is too often to wet myself when I'm not wearing a diaper?
I totally get your dilemma. When I figure out what the right answer is for me, I'll let everyone here know - maybe that helps you in some way.
I totally get your dilemma. When I figure out what the right answer is for me, I'll let everyone here know - maybe that helps you in some way.
Archives1
Staff member
I don't comment super often in here because often I don't have anything to add to a lot of conversations, a lot of men's incontinence related stuff on here has more to do with prostate problems that isn't something I've dealt with. Also, I sometimes do feel a little self conscious which limits that.
@Damp I had similar issues where I could be dry for a few days and then have days where I was really struggling. For me, my biggest issue is I have an OAB with urge IC. Before I went to using diapers most of the time, when I would get extreme urges to go I would have to do all in my power to keep from going and for me on bad days those urges can happen as frequently as every half hour. Trying to hold it was extremely uncomfortable and also it wasn't great when I was in a meeting or a class and was wiggling like crazy in my chair to prevent me from wetting myself. It has really reduced my stress especially as my OAB has seemed to continue to worsen. I look at it like a seatbelt when I'm driving. Do I plan in getting an accident and needing the seatbelt? No. Do I wear the seatbelt in case I am in an accident? Yes. It is a similar thing with incontinence protection. I might not always need it but I would rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it.
@Damp I had similar issues where I could be dry for a few days and then have days where I was really struggling. For me, my biggest issue is I have an OAB with urge IC. Before I went to using diapers most of the time, when I would get extreme urges to go I would have to do all in my power to keep from going and for me on bad days those urges can happen as frequently as every half hour. Trying to hold it was extremely uncomfortable and also it wasn't great when I was in a meeting or a class and was wiggling like crazy in my chair to prevent me from wetting myself. It has really reduced my stress especially as my OAB has seemed to continue to worsen. I look at it like a seatbelt when I'm driving. Do I plan in getting an accident and needing the seatbelt? No. Do I wear the seatbelt in case I am in an accident? Yes. It is a similar thing with incontinence protection. I might not always need it but I would rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it.
Archives1
Staff member
A point of a forum is to reach out and participate.
If this forum was a forum about ones hobbies I would not care.
By participating here one says, I hear you, I see you, one grows past the isolation and pain.
So many have shared the most difficult pieces of themselves the most vulnerable pieces.
To me, the occasional thank you for sharing of your self is at least apropriate but by honestly taking part in the group has given me a rope ladder to climb out of the well of shame and depression. Living like this is not easy, the safe place to talk about things I won't even say to my closest friend is this forum.
So by acknowledging you are here and listening is why its a forum.
If this forum was a forum about ones hobbies I would not care.
By participating here one says, I hear you, I see you, one grows past the isolation and pain.
So many have shared the most difficult pieces of themselves the most vulnerable pieces.
To me, the occasional thank you for sharing of your self is at least apropriate but by honestly taking part in the group has given me a rope ladder to climb out of the well of shame and depression. Living like this is not easy, the safe place to talk about things I won't even say to my closest friend is this forum.
So by acknowledging you are here and listening is why its a forum.
Archives1
Staff member
@Maymay941. Thank you so much for this post. Although, I don't post much, I do appreciate hearing from others, and how they manage their variety of issues. As you, I talk about my problems on this site that I don't feel comfortable doing so with friends and family. Many of these friends and family members know of my incontinence issues, the reasons for them, my need to wear diapers, but find no reason to bring them up in conversation. I am now dealing with heart failure to add to my complications. Isn't it funny that those health concerns are much easier to talk about in public? I'm 73 years old, one would think by now I would have developed a tougher skin! Thanks again for your words.
Dennis
Dennis
Archives1
Staff member
This thread has gone in an unexpected direction. I sense that others feel shamed in giving up their privacy.
30-40 years ago, I would not have posted myself. I was shy person for much of my life, and growing up in diapers in a dysfunctional home loaded me with enough baggage to sink an ocean liner. But it also gave me determination to improve my lot in life. I wasn’t equipped to make all the right decisions, but I made enough good choices to gain confidence and own who I am.
I’ve lived with urine control issues all my life and wearing a diaper is natural to me. I like who I am. I don’t want to be any other way. I own it and I’m not bashful or ashamed of who I am. I’m comfortable, secure, and happy wearing a diaper and over the years I’ve met several other gentlemen who’ve lived with the same urine control issues and made the choice to live with no shame. Viewing their freedom and embracing their selves was an epiphany to me.
I’ve been offered surgical options and I’ve turned them all down. I’d rather wear a diaper. I like wearing a diaper. I don’t think anything is wrong with me.
I also understand that others may choose a different path. You live your way. I’ll live my way. Let’s be friends.
30-40 years ago, I would not have posted myself. I was shy person for much of my life, and growing up in diapers in a dysfunctional home loaded me with enough baggage to sink an ocean liner. But it also gave me determination to improve my lot in life. I wasn’t equipped to make all the right decisions, but I made enough good choices to gain confidence and own who I am.
I’ve lived with urine control issues all my life and wearing a diaper is natural to me. I like who I am. I don’t want to be any other way. I own it and I’m not bashful or ashamed of who I am. I’m comfortable, secure, and happy wearing a diaper and over the years I’ve met several other gentlemen who’ve lived with the same urine control issues and made the choice to live with no shame. Viewing their freedom and embracing their selves was an epiphany to me.
I’ve been offered surgical options and I’ve turned them all down. I’d rather wear a diaper. I like wearing a diaper. I don’t think anything is wrong with me.
I also understand that others may choose a different path. You live your way. I’ll live my way. Let’s be friends.
Archives1
Staff member
@Jason, I think if one's entire life has been as your has, it may be easier to accept your decision. Being continent most of your life, and then suddenly not can be dramatic, and hard for some to deal with. I have not been incontinent my entire life, but have had poor control for many years. I applaud your confidence in who you are. I'm getting better at it.
I was going to vote up your post, but don't know how to do it. How does one vote on a particular post?
I was going to vote up your post, but don't know how to do it. How does one vote on a particular post?
Archives1
Staff member
I also don't think we can discount people's journey's either. We are all on a different spot in this adventure we call incontinence. Reading about someone's else experience is one thing. It is much harder to talk and share about your own. Am I going to be judged, shamed, are they going to think I am just crazy or lazy. Am i ready to acknowledge that i truly have a problem. I think that "lurkers," (i prefer visitors, because it sounds less negative), are just in an early stage of their journey, and when they are ready to talk, they will talk.
I believe that there is also a fear of the AB community out there, and if I had to make a guess that is where some of the anxiety of Lurkers come from. I don't think that we can really stop or prevent that. At the same time we are not here for them. they will have to settle with their own conscious about their actions here and in other places. We are here to support each other. I think that means being patient with everyone and waiting for them to be ready to speak. Even if that makes room for the AB community to be here.
One side note. I also have to have some empathy for the AB community. By a long shot their actions on this forum are not appropriate and they should not been here. For them to regress to such a state, and for them to take the steps they have, I can only imagine that most of them have probably had a hard life. I'm assuming they have experienced severe traumas. I think they need support too, just not here. We can't forget that they are people.
I believe that there is also a fear of the AB community out there, and if I had to make a guess that is where some of the anxiety of Lurkers come from. I don't think that we can really stop or prevent that. At the same time we are not here for them. they will have to settle with their own conscious about their actions here and in other places. We are here to support each other. I think that means being patient with everyone and waiting for them to be ready to speak. Even if that makes room for the AB community to be here.
One side note. I also have to have some empathy for the AB community. By a long shot their actions on this forum are not appropriate and they should not been here. For them to regress to such a state, and for them to take the steps they have, I can only imagine that most of them have probably had a hard life. I'm assuming they have experienced severe traumas. I think they need support too, just not here. We can't forget that they are people.
Archives1
Staff member
I appreciate everyone’s posts here, I have learned of new products that I actually use everyday in life. Different suggestions to try and different foods that are less of a bladder irritant.
Thank you all for your friendship, your advice and wisdom.
This site got me out of my shell when I thought I was the only one for so long.
May each of you be Blessed this Holiday Season and continue to be a Blessing to others.
Thank you,
Jim
Thank you all for your friendship, your advice and wisdom.
This site got me out of my shell when I thought I was the only one for so long.
May each of you be Blessed this Holiday Season and continue to be a Blessing to others.
Thank you,
Jim
Archives1
Staff member
Well @Jason, that was a most brilliant post you had! It's great you've accepted who you are and are at peace living with yourself! That is really admirable! And no, there is nothing wrong with you, nothing at all! You are doing what makes you most comfortable and what works for you. As a result, I am most comfortable with who I am and that is thanks to people like you and the others here. I haven't had my issues all of my life like you, (well some issues when I was a kid) but as issues came back when I got older, it was something I had to accept and am thankful things I could wear had been invented and made easily available.
I'm also not one to jump at the opportunity to take more and more medicine. Like you, I choose not to go that route. I understand that some bladder control medicines may have side effects and may cause increased eye pressure. Other than a little macular pucker in my right eye, I see just fine, thank you very much, and I want to keep it that way! And also like you I'm not interested in anything surgical. It's enough of a trauma for me to prep and go in just for a colonoscopy, so I'd like to stay away from the operating room, too! Wearing protective underwear (or diapers or nappies, or whatever) works for me and it really doesn't bother me! And you are so right, Jason, there is a sense of freedom connected with all of this!
I'm also not one to jump at the opportunity to take more and more medicine. Like you, I choose not to go that route. I understand that some bladder control medicines may have side effects and may cause increased eye pressure. Other than a little macular pucker in my right eye, I see just fine, thank you very much, and I want to keep it that way! And also like you I'm not interested in anything surgical. It's enough of a trauma for me to prep and go in just for a colonoscopy, so I'd like to stay away from the operating room, too! Wearing protective underwear (or diapers or nappies, or whatever) works for me and it really doesn't bother me! And you are so right, Jason, there is a sense of freedom connected with all of this!
Archives1
Staff member
Dennis/Damp, I tried to post that cardio and opthmology are to very successful areas of medicine in our lifetime, take courage that many people now have been successfully helped to live well with heart issues including congestive heart issue i am not fond of people saying i know someone who knew someone with that who is now cross country skiing, sky diving or playing golf but i can tell you I've known people for decades who are indeed living well with congestive heart issues of a high degree so here's my missing post. Be well my friend. BE WELL.
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