Therapy

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So, I recently started therapy because my life has deteriorated so much over the last 2 years. Between the onset of IC, losing my job, my wife is always angry with me, and other things I don’t want to get specifically into today it was time to finally start.

I haven’t seen this therapist much yet, but one thing she did say as we were doing a deep dive is how the way the military handled my situation definitely sent me spiraling. The people in my chain of command were always very specific in that “I did not have to disclose medical info”, and that “I have a right to privacy”, and the reality of those statements now in hindsight is to protect themselves. I never “had” to, but it was always stated that they can’t help me if they don’t know.

It got to the point that I was being guided towards losing my job flying because they didn’t want to deal with me or a medical issue. Now that I have been forced out of my full time role there as of June and things are starting to make a little sense in my mind is that I did have violations of privacy and HIPAA stuff.

I’m curious what you all think about if I should report it or not? They were always VERY clear that I did not have to disclose anything personal, but at the same time I truly had no shot of keeping my job without disclosing, and here I am without the job anyway.

Something I’ve come up with with regards to leadership qualities is it’s easy to be a good leader when things are going well, it’s how you respond when they are bad that defines you. They always seemed so great, it was a great job, but I really got shafted when things went sour.

I’m not completely fault free. I messed up in my job a few different times, but none of those mess ups really started until my IC issue started, and this whole thing has really deteriorated my life and my mind. I was so positive, motivated, doing a lot, and now I feel like such a piece of shit and a burden on everyone and everything.

 

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I am retired military and while you don’t disclose whether you were active or reserved my recommendation holds for either scenario. Go see the Inspector General and convey to him/her your concerns of violation of health privacy.

The military has gotten much better at protecting service members dealing with mental health issues and your situation merits the same degree of privacy.

The IG can conduct an investigation and confirm your story. He/she can’t undue what has been done, but can initiate disciplinary action if warranted.

In the mean time I strongly suggest you continue with counseling.

Greensleeves

 

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If I were you I'd work in therapy for your current relationship with your wife and others in your significant life as a priority and development of your current needs to move forward
Of course the military has a nasty game they've played. Unless you think you will get emotional or financial recompense for the game they've played the relevant parts of your life are relationships that sustain and move with you towards the next chapter.
Not to say you can't put a stick in their wheels with contacting the Command but what is important is the now.

 

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Yeah, I mean the reality is as of yesterday it’s cost me $23,000, and every two weeks while the Med board process goes it costs me another pay check.

It’s significant in my life.

 

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No wonder you're angry and your wife is angry they've ripped your life vision apart.

 

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Do you know the reason for sudden on set of incontinence?

 

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It started within two weeks after the Covid vaccine.

So I’m not sure if there was a predisposition to bladder or Neuro issues, or if it caused direct damage.

The cytoscopy showed significant swelling and patches of damage all over my bladder. Like a Dalmatian.

In the beginning when I mentioned the vaccine, it was always immediately hushed by docs. Now if it’s mentioned, there is a lot more acceptance because they’ve seen tons of cases now related to Covid itself and the vaccine.

 

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Stuff is emerging about reaction to the vaccine that is not fully recognized apparently. Slowly they are accumulating data.

I can imagine how after enduring the sudden onset of incontinence and the subsequent poking and prodding it's infuriating and still, like many of us here,a very vague idea of MAYBE this caused it or MAYBE that

And I would guess you were required to get vaccinated by the military?

 

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Recently retired military here, too. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and went through the surgery, radiation therapy, and hormone treatment. As I was near the end of my career, they just let me retire without a medical board, handing me over to the VA. Aside from the IG, I also recommend that you engage your congressman. From your post above, are you awaiting a medical board decision? You will also need to engage the VA. My IC means I have a 100% VA disability.

 

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It’s funny you mention the Congressman part because I went to the legal office today to just start asking questions. I was referred to another bases legal office because they represent the commanders and that base so it would be a conflict of interest.

I was advised that I may need to talk to my congressman.

The medical process is starting to work itself out. I still have a follow up this week but they need my doc to fill out some specific paperwork and then the Med board would be initiated depending on exactly what that paperwork says. Those cogs are already turning which is good.

It’s the admin side that I should of stayed in and they shouldn’t of let me out until this situation was resolved and I was advised that they need to cut me new orders and they need to be back dated to when my other orders ended because that’s how it should of been. And if they don’t backdate that’s when I talk to the congressman and get that going.

It’s a sort of unique situation but at the same time very clear on what needs to happen, now it’s just trying to get people to do their job and do the right thing. I don’t want to get anyone in trouble, that’s not my objective what so ever.

 

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..and yes required to be vaccinated. People not in the military would laugh if they saw the vaccine records of what we get. It’s crazy…

 

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..and yes required to be vaccinated. People not in the military would laugh if they saw the vaccine records of what we get. It’s crazy…

I support our troops and support a Revolutionized America where social programs and the genuine help of not just our troops; but veterans come first.

May our Arms be as solid as a firm hand shake. America First, the World together.

Thank you for your - service.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs

 

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Hang in there. Keep family foremost. The military runs on paperwork. Keep all correspondence and/ or copy everything. Make a time line of events. This will be useful for your congressman and for your therapist. It may also help with a disability retirement. New orders take a few minutes to type and a nanosecond to sign. It's only complicated until a congressman gets involved; then, wheels begin to turn - quickly. Don't give up. It will be a waiting game which you'll win if you persevere. I wish you success. Godspeed.

 

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Regina gave you really good advice.

 

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@ExploringResources I *absolutely* think you should report it! I remember when you first came onto the forum. I really felt for you. It certainly seems that you have deteriorated since you told them. Now they’ve created a whole bunch of emotional trauma in your life as a result, and they should have to pay for that! They deserve to get into all kinds of trouble!

I highly suggest you investigate every other possible cause other than just assuming it was from the vaccine.

I also recommend what Regina and Greensleeves351 have said. Hang in there with therapy; improvement takes a longggggg time, not just three sessions like my friend who is not on the forum frustratingly insists.

 

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@snow Thanks for the kind words. As I learn more about how it should of been handled before, it frustrates and infuriates me now. Especially when the Air Force lawyer from another base says how messed up it is. He used a good analogy, we sign a contract and they will hold us to that, but in this situation it's me holding them to the contract.

Everything is absolutely deteriorating around me at such a fast pace that it's all so hopeless. It seems like my wife is going to leave me, and the crazy thing is I don't even blame her if she does. She deserves so much better than what I've provided, and even making certain changes in my life doesn't seem to matter.

Some people say one day at a time, but one day at a time leaves me trapped in this mindset. I need to see how to fix everything and how to come out better later on at this point.

 

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We can only hope for your wellbeing and certainly do.
One day a a time is because what seems endless and insurmountable now will one day be a memory.

 

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@ExploringResources Perhaps you can remind your wife that every marriage has dramatic ups and downs and that marriage isn’t even necessarily about love, but rather it’s about making the decision, over and over and over again, to stay committed. Marriage is a constant decision. If she doesn’t get that, she needs therapy. Maybe you can try couples’ therapy?

Sorry to hear your situation is aggravating her. It’s *not* your fault, after all.