Really worried about teenage son - Advice / Thoughts

[Medazzland]

Hi all

First post so not sure what to expect - I looked on the first post forum but saw that not many got any replies, so thought i'd start here

Put simply my 18 year old son is night time incontinent, Its been going on for ( i think) at least 8 months or so.

Initially it was an odour in his room that he claimed was through / after a night out when he'd had too many drinks. My wife and I sorted the room slowly and thought it was a one off.

He's a private lad and my wife and I dont want to make an issue of it BUT its been going on ( and off i think) since then. In the last week or so while decorating his room we found a pack of night time pants and since wet ones that he must be disposing of periodically. I know of a couple of times hes put them in the outside bin when clearing his room discreetly.

He doesnt know that we are aware of this, as we haven't mentioned and we obviously understand the sensitivity / embarrassment he's likely to be feeling.

My wife did speak to him a few months ago but he denied it was an issue when we suggested seeing a Dr for a check up. He's otherwise fit and healthy and plays sports etc / eats ok / seemingly drinks enough.


Truthfully I'm both upset for him and welcome advice on how to approach it again without upsetting him and making it worse.

I guess I'm also looking for some hope that this might be solvable in the longer term as Im upset with it and not sure how to approach.

Ive done some reading about teenage incontinence but welcome thoughts

His older brother has T1 diabetes which happened as a teen - Can this be linked?

 

[Stonehouse]

Hi all

First post so not sure what to expect - I looked on the first post forum but saw that not many got any replies, so thought i'd start here

Put simply my 18 year old son is night time incontinent, Its been going on for ( i think) at least 8 months or so.

Initially it was an odour in his room that he claimed was through / after a night out when he'd had too many drinks. My wife and I sorted the room slowly and thought it was a one off.

He's a private lad and my wife and I dont want to make an issue of it BUT its been going on ( and off i think) since then. In the last week or so while decorating his room we found a pack of night time pants and since wet ones that he must be disposing of periodically. I know of a couple of times hes put them in the outside bin when clearing his room discreetly.

He doesnt know that we are aware of this, as we haven't mentioned and we obviously understand the sensitivity / embarrassment he's likely to be feeling.

My wife did speak to him a few months ago but he denied it was an issue when we suggested seeing a Dr for a check up. He's otherwise fit and healthy and plays sports etc / eats ok / seemingly drinks enough.


Truthfully I'm both upset for him and welcome advice on how to approach it again without upsetting him and making it worse.

I guess I'm also looking for some hope that this might be solvable in the longer term as Im upset with it and not sure how to approach.

Ive done some reading about teenage incontinence but welcome thoughts

His older brother has T1 diabetes which happened as a teen - Can this be linked?

I became incontinent as a 13 year old teenage boy over 36 years ago not a great age with so much going on. In my case it was an instant thing one day not next day woke up from a life saving operation (mis diagnosis) to find out that I would be diaper dependent for the rest of my life.

My suggestion is to find a way to have a private one way download with his Dr to inform a future visit with your son. Fortunately you can use his older brother as cover to initiate a full range of tests. You could say that learning the lessons from your older brother the Dr wants to run a series of tests to see if you have inherited the same conditions and as part of Dr questions could dress in the night time issues.

In my case it was hard to accept but I had a great group of people around me from the local pharmacist to the girls at school they were awesome as I played lots of sports with them for some reason probably the teachers thought back then incontinence and periods went well together.

Incontinence is not a death sentence it is completely manageable and diapers allowed me to have as close as possible normal teenage life the big win at school was being able to use the staff changing facilities.

I have incontinence but it does not have me.

Sending best wishes

 

[joey]

Hi all

First post so not sure what to expect - I looked on the first post forum but saw that not many got any replies, so thought i'd start here

Put simply my 18 year old son is night time incontinent, Its been going on for ( i think) at least 8 months or so.

Initially it was an odour in his room that he claimed was through / after a night out when he'd had too many drinks. My wife and I sorted the room slowly and thought it was a one off.

He's a private lad and my wife and I dont want to make an issue of it BUT its been going on ( and off i think) since then. In the last week or so while decorating his room we found a pack of night time pants and since wet ones that he must be disposing of periodically. I know of a couple of times hes put them in the outside bin when clearing his room discreetly.

He doesnt know that we are aware of this, as we haven't mentioned and we obviously understand the sensitivity / embarrassment he's likely to be feeling.

My wife did speak to him a few months ago but he denied it was an issue when we suggested seeing a Dr for a check up. He's otherwise fit and healthy and plays sports etc / eats ok / seemingly drinks enough.


Truthfully I'm both upset for him and welcome advice on how to approach it again without upsetting him and making it worse.

I guess I'm also looking for some hope that this might be solvable in the longer term as Im upset with it and not sure how to approach.

Ive done some reading about teenage incontinence but welcome thoughts

His older brother has T1 diabetes which happened as a teen - Can this be linked?

The best thing is to continue to try to have an open conversation periodically. Don’t continually bring the subject up just allow it to be an open conversation you can have when he’s ready you cannot force it. It is a good idea that he does follow up with the family doctor to ensure there’s nothing serious physically going on. But again you cannot force him Into seeing a doctor until he is ready. Do not create stress and anxiety or any kind of negativity regarding this issue that only make matters worse. Added stress and anxiety will only increase his bedwetting and affect his own self-esteem. It is his right to keep this a private personal matter to himself Until he’s ready to talk to you about it and he will. This is only been eight months so it’s all relatively new. There’s no right or wrong and he’s not alone. Bed wetting is not an uncommon thing as people would think. Keep all communications honest and open. If you are openly showing concern and stress over this issue, he can pick up on that and that again is creating negativity. He is young in bed. Wetting is a result of various things from physical, mental and emotional it can also go away as simply as it started. Showing love and support is about all you can really do until he’s ready to open up about this.

 

[Stonehouse]

The best thing is to continue to try to have an open conversation periodically. Don’t continually bring the subject up just allow it to be an open conversation you can have when he’s ready you cannot force it. It is a good idea that he does follow up with the family doctor to ensure there’s nothing serious physically going on. But again you cannot force him Into seeing a doctor until he is ready. Do not create stress and anxiety or any kind of negativity regarding this issue that only make matters worse. Added stress and anxiety will only increase his bedwetting and affect his own self-esteem. It is his right to keep this a private personal matter to himself Until he’s ready to talk to you about it and he will. This is only been eight months so it’s all relatively new. There’s no right or wrong and he’s not alone. Bed wetting is not an uncommon thing as people would think. Keep all communications honest and open. If you are openly showing concern and stress over this issue, he can pick up on that and that again is creating negativity. He is young in bed. Wetting is a result of various things from physical, mental and emotional it can also go away as simply as it started. Showing love and support is about all you can really do until he’s ready to open up about this.

Joey spot on creating a supportive safe space is so important with incontinence and keeping those lines of communication open with family will help so much when he ready to share.

Anybody going through this journey you have my love and hugs.

 

[joey]

Joey spot on creating a supportive safe space is so important with incontinence and keeping those lines of communication open with family will help so much when he ready to share.

Anybody going through this journey you have my love and hugs.

Thanks, I have worn diapers since childhood. Bedwetting has always been with me for I have never woken up dry. It is something that is managed and I move forward in my life. I don’t allow it to be an excuse to stop me from doing things I want or being social. I am very blessed that I have a supportive and loving family. They help me build the positive self-esteem and outlook regarding I need to be in diapers. My dad is also a bed wetter so I am not alone in it. This has challenges and they can be met ahead on. Thanks again. I appreciate your support of my posting.

 

[ADFW61]

I wet the bed until I was six and was then dry for 5 years. Aged 11 I started to wet the bed again. I was the eldest of four siblings all of whom were dry at night. Our family nanny knew it had started again as she had to deal with wet sheets and pyjamas. She was very understanding, told me I would grow out of it and not to get upset and suggested I go back to wearing nappies at night which I agreed to. Back then it was terry nappies and plastic pants and she would make sure I had a nappy on before bed. It is good that your son has decided for himself to wear protection -it sounds like he is wearing pull ups at night and I hope they are absorbent enough to cope with his bed wetting. If not he might need to consider a taped adult nappy/diaper. I know that sounds awful but in fact if it means a dry bed and a decent nights sleep it is worth it, believe me. Maybe have a conversation with him and say you know he is having this problem and that he mustn’t feel embarrassed as he is not alone, it happens to lots of teenagers/young adults. But if he is worried would he like to speak to his doctor about it in case there is anything else going on. Could it be stress of work or College? Perhaps put a bin in his room so he can dispose of them in there and then take it out to the rubbish. I.e try not to make a big thing of it. Just help and support him to cope with it. I was still wetting the bed and wearing nappies at night aged 14. Even back at boarding school. I appreciate I was younger than your son but my bed wetting returned again in my mid 20s following a spinal injury so I do understand how it can feel as a young adult. I tried to deal with it on my own but in the end sought help and was referred to a specialist nurse continence adviser. I tried various meds but they did not work for me and so she suggested I go back to wearing adult nappies. Which I did. Thankfully they were now disposable nappies and easy to put on. Not like before when our nanny would have to change me. It did have an isolating effect on my life until I realised I was not alone and found a forum - much like this one - in the UK where I could share my thoughts about it. It did stop me from staying away from home and also made relationships difficult but in the end I just decided to be more open about it and when appropriate share the fact that I had to wear nappies at night.
Your son is only 18 and I’m sure it will stop as quickly as it started. In the meantime give him the support he needs. The less stressful he finds it the more likely it will stop if its own accord. I wish you all well.