@iuwogeo Thank you so much for your kind words. Maybe I’m the one - not men in general - who has to feel better about revealing my bedwetting diapers before I get into a serious relationship. I’ve dated eight men in the past six years - briefly - because I don’t want to tell them about my diapers. If we’ve slept together, I just make sure I stay awake all night, which isn’t fun, so I just give up. I should work on that in therapy - learning how to relax enough to tell a man about diapers and disabilities. I have no problem talking with my friends and family about my diapers.
Once I turned 40, my rate of being asked out tanked; I find that biologically fascinating. I also used to get approached far more often in the 18 years I lived in LA than I do in Salt Lake now. Part of that is most people here are married, and most are Mormon, so even if they are divorced or single, they date through their prolific church activities, rather than risk being with a non-Mormon. I don’t blame them for preferring one of their own; that’s fair. I think I’d have better luck if I was in a bigger city with more singles and greater socioeconomic diversity.
Curiously, everyone who has hit on me since my divorce has been quite a bit younger than me, like 5-20 years younger. I have dated some briefly, but I also feel shy because I’m divorced.
When I met my husband, I immediately realized the intensity and profound nature of our attraction. It still amazes me, even though in the end, we couldn’t make it last. Now when I date, I don’t feel anything like that magnetism, so I just want to pass on them until I find a similar spark again. But practice dates until then are a good idea. I miss sophisticated, intelligent men that I found in the big cities I lived in. Also, I’m not sure I’d even be looking for a marriage anyway, though that would certainly be lovely to have again with a better-suited man this time. In short, yes, you’re correct, I should give dating a go again soon. I have so much love to share. I’m a loyal and generous partner.
Even if I don’t necessarily miss sex, I ***absolutely*** miss cuddling, hugging, kissing, and holding hands. I’m a very affectionate, physically warm person. There is an acronym for people who are asexual whether by choice or disability; they’re called ACES. There is at least one dating website just for ACES that I’ve promised myself I’ll try once I finish unpacking the condo I just moved into seven weeks ago. It’s been challenging to unpack solo with my bad knees and back and gobs of mandatory overtime for work, but I’m getting there.
Maybe with the right man, I wouldn’t feel asexual, either, so maybe I’m not necessarily an ACE.
Great idea about doing group things. I volunteer every couple of weeks with Ballet West, producing VIP events. I volunteer every few months with the Olympic venues here, because they still hold World Cup events throughout the year. I also volunteer with The Sierra Club and a couple of other wilderness-protecting groups, intermittently - a few times a year. Until last year, I regularly skied and snowboarded via a season pass at Snowbird, where I also had a locker in the locker room - which is a *scene.* I made a couple of friends there, lots of acquaintances, but by and large I’ve had a really hard time making friends here, too, which is very unlike me. Snowbird was a community I definitely appreciated but is gone from my life thanks to disability.
With my lack of confidence over the past seven years of medical problems, former unemployment, and divorce, I haven’t been my most confident self, either, which reportedly repels new people.
One thing I haven’t tried hard enough at yet is MeetUp. I’ve also been thinking that I ought to expand to some different volunteer groups because I know most of the people where I already volunteer.
It’s pretty likely I’ll return to LA after I get my knees fixed here in SLC, where I’ll have my mom’s assistance. I realllllllllly miss working in Hollywood rather than remotely. I miss my friends, who are really family, there. The only thing I don’t miss about LA is it’s lack of snow and that my mom lives here, not there. But by far, it’s my favorite place on the planet. It’s the global headquarters of my hard-won career.
In summation, me and dating = a work in progress, lots of which is possibly just in my head. I do feel my heart expanding again lately, so hopefully within a year I’ll actively try dating again, via a dating app(s). I used to have good luck with those, though I haven’t used one in 13 years.
I appreciate your concern and vote of confidence. I’m the kind of person who truly values a compliment, so I thank you for a kind gift this time of year.
Merry Christmas to you and may your prayers fill you with warmth and peace. Thanks for thinking of all of us here
Also, Happy Solsticemas today (still 12/21 here)!