Personal announcement

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So sorry to hear your news. Keeping you in my thoughts. Many thanks for all the advice and helpful posts on here.

 

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God be with you 'til we meet again;
By his counsels guide, uphold you,
With his sheep securely fold you:
God be with you 'til we meet again.

God be with you 'til we meet again;
Daily manna still provide you,
'Neath his wings protecting hide you:
God be with you 'til we meet again.

-- Anna J. Morse, 1941

 

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Hi people! Please excuse typos or half thoughts. Im not doing very well and cant think well right now. I have been very proud to be a member here for i think 3 or a bit more years now. I have been helped mentally by many and even financially once by a couple of absolute angels. I was homeless and recovering from surgeries and injuries and they provided the ability for deposit and electric. They pretty much literally saved my life.
On November 11, 2020, i went to my hospital for chest pain. I do have heart issues. I simply needed an emergency nitro refill. The doc wasnt convinced it was only my heart. I have a huge history of digestive issues and surgeries from my mouth to my butt. Lol
He did a ct and admitted me and did a upper scope. The found a massive ulcer covering the lower stomach that traveled through to the duodenum and small intestine. A standard biopsy was done. A few days later i was called to see my doc. He was not alone. He had a counselor with him. I knew why they called me in now. The ulcer was not an ulcer. It was cancer. I left after the appointment and have ignored all calls and emails from them.i didnt want to deal with it. Last week i had a visitor. My doctor came to my house. We talked and even went shooting after. It was awesome. I own over 150 guns. Many relics. Lots of family owned ones too. He convinced me to go get another ct scan and upper egd. (Scope). More blood work and a mri, then a fun pet scan then a bone marrow biopsy. (That sucked total ass) So friday i saw my doc again. I have cancer in my limph nodes, pancreas and liver along with the primary stomach cancer and small intestine. I have felt worse daily for several weeks now. So his news wasnt a complete surprise.
So, im saying this now, before i cant. Thank you all of you beautiful people. I have truly valued your words and kindness. You have all been so nice and some of you(you know who you are) have been life savers. To the point of helping me in mire ways and in kinder ways than my own family. Anyone who knows you or will come to know you are and will be truly blessed.
My eyes are already getting yellow. I have stopped eating solid food. I get fluids from mainly an iv. I have an estimated 2 to 3 weeks left but probably less with blood toxic lefels rising from liver failure and no real nutrition intake. As my liver failes and acid levels increase in blood i will get more confused. Like dementia kinda. This will likely kill me first. Lots of liquids though. Holy cow, lots of diaper changes. Yes guys, i have a nurse at home and yes she is cute. And yes i have had help changing. But its all professional and medical. Lol Soon, in the next week or so, i will be closing any online accounts. I dont want any left open. But also, i have been given very strong pain meds but havent taken any yet. But i will when it gets bad and i dont want to post anything while drugged up. I will read everything first but cant promise to respond, at least not to all. I wish the very best for all of you. May the Lord bless you.
With all my love,
Steven1980. 1/18/2021

P.S. 2020 sucked. good luck 2021.

I am praying for you and for your peace and comfort. I am sad to read this beyond what I can describe.

 

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I am so sorry, steven. what a shock. we will continue to support you, all the way to the end... anything you need all you need do is post on here. I wish you all the luck in the world... I don't know what else to say. I just hope that life is kind to you and your time left is filled with happy memories and positive experiences.

 

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Boasammy, very beautifully said and comforting thoughts.

 

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Sorry to hear of this Steven. My hope for you is that you transition as pain free as possible. Sending you love and hope for a peaceful ending for this thing we call life.

 

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Steven: sometimes we turn to poetry, because, in poetry, words carry more freight.
Combine that with: "Forgetfulness heals everything and song is the most beautiful manner of forgetting, for in song man feels only what he loves."
A guy named Rani Arbo set Alfred Lord Tennyson's "Crossing the Bar" poem to music.
I happen to like the Hopeful Gospel Quartet, and the Spooky Men's Chorale (at the Lady Chapel of the Ely Cathedral). Both are on YouTube.
Music has gotten me through some hard times. I hope and pray it can help you, too.

Crossing the Bar
By Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.

Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;

For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar.

God be with you.

 

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Steven... May God keep you in his embrace as you transition to a better life, free of pain and suffering. Someday, we'll all meet - on the other side.

 

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Im very sorry to hear this, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers which for me is kinda the same thing. I hope you dont have to deal with a lot of pain. Im not good at knowing what to say at times like this, I wish I was. I am glad to know you have help with what you are and will be dealing with.

 

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@btmsupnmd I know that song very well. It brought tears to my eyes reading it in this context.

 

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Yes, thank you @Ruhappy. For anyone who may have noticed, I mistakenly attributed the text to Anna J. Morse. It actually is attributable to Jeremiah Eames Rankin, 1882. The text was set to a tune titled "Kemper", written by Mrs. Morse and included in the 1940 Hymnal of the Episcopal Church. It is one of my all-time favorite hymns and, like @Ruhappy, never leaves me dry-eyed.

I'm hoping that I will be successful in attaching this Youtube video of this lovely hymn, in the hopes that it will bring comfort to Steven.

[youtube]

 

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Hi Steven,

thank you for the support you have given me and others in this community. I wish you a journey full of peace and days full of caring, loving words and memories. I'll keep you in my prayers

 

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The hymn is beautiful and comforting to me. I hope that Steven and others of us will also find comfort in it.