Jinxed myself

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In another thread I mentioned that with the Abena abriflex I’ve only ever leaked once.

Today while driving it flooded and leaked all over.

I know I just have to accept that this is all part of this incontinence issue, but it really is tough to wrap my mind around it.

From wet pants, to back in diapers, to leaking diapers I never considered this would be my life.

Met with my urologist via telehealth today, and she’s “going to try” different medicines and try to figure out what’s going on, but also said there’s often times that it’s unexplainable which my mind translates as unfixable.

I almost want something to be wrong because then there’s something to fix.

This message board is great knowing there’s others out there with this issue, but it does feel isolating, lonely, depressing and overall pathetic. I just don’t know what to do.

I showered and it’s time to diaper up for the night. That’s my life now. I wish there were people in my life I could talk to about this. But, for obvious reasons it’s one medical issue that you just DONT talk about.

 

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I have never had any luck with any kind of pull-ups

 

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don't know your age and i guess it doesn't matter. I never thought i'd reach the age i am now, and had never heard of this problem for adults. Is there a difference between covid lockdown and incontinence lockdown? mayve having to wear a diaper and a mask, i guess. maybe your urologiat is unique - i don't know if i've ever heard of a urologist admit to unexplainable. This forum might give you coping ideas, both on diaper-quality and mental quality-of-life issues. Not looking forward to my next decade, but learning to cope. we're all inthe same lifeboat, so welcome. there are survival supply's under the first seat.

 

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I agree with AlasSouth; he said it best.

 

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@alassouth I am 31 y/o serving in the military trying to deal with this.

 

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I'm praying for you @ExploringResources.

 

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ExploringResources, I've dealt with bladder incontinence for roughly 10 years, I'm 39, I wouldn't trust a pullup if my life depended on it. I've always found tape on diapers to always be more reliable. I can recommend the Northshore Supreme's and the Northshore megamax,, Betterdry are also really good reliable products. Also, don't be afraid to try some of the other diapers that happen to be marketed to the AB/DL community. I say this because that community has helped in creating a market for more absorbent diapers. No one is going to know what you're wearing underneath your clothes.

I have even gone so far as to use adult cloth diapers for overnight and weekends when I don't have errands to run. It's a reliable way to reduce the financial burden of having to constantly buy disposable adult diapers.

Lastly, it's a huge learning curve to figure out what products work and don't work for your individual needs. You wouldn't feel ashamed about having to wear a cast, likewise you shouldn't shame yourself for having to wear an absorbent product. This is hard to remind yourself of, I'm guilty of being hard on myself for being in diapers too and I've had 10 years to adjust to it.

 

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You are not alone. It helps me so much to feel not alone when I think of all of you good people. Sometimes I feel terrible and really down about this incontinence, like today, but a friend will call or I'll laugh at the silly dogs, or something will happen to help me move to a better place, and then I can deal with the 24/7 pullups, leaking, laundry and the expense of these products, etc. None of us is alone, we are a;; here for each other.

 

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ExploringResources. Wow! Double whammy. Was "barracks lawyer" on two of my ships, to my shame! It was Nam time, and incontinence wasn't one one of the issues on anyone's mind. Gooing to send rest by private message. Any other Service member can private message me, but maybe someone else has better knowledge than I do, and can add to this.
Good luck and God Bless.

 

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ExploringResources --
You're very considerate AlasSouth.I had a young friend who joined the ARMY and was medically discharged after a very few months for bedwetting. This was about 15 years ago. Maybe that's changed now.

 

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Ritanofsinger: Hope to heck he got a medical w/honorable. It can really depend on the service and your individual command. It's nearly always worth a look at the Regs, and a talk with someone trustworthy. Like the Chaplains (in spite of the jokes).

 

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@ExploringResources Quite a few of us got this curse when were single and under age 35. Several are 25 or younger. It’s soooooooo hard to face a lifelong battle with it. I was so depressed I could barely get out of bed for two years, barely showered, isolated myself, big time. It was hell. But now I have the most significant job of my life six years later, so it does get better. I’ve dated men for months but always hid my diapers from them, which really wrecks sleeping together. Maybe one day I’ll meet one who I feel safe enough to tell. In my experience, having ANY medical problem or taking ANY pills is a giant turnoff to med. I hide most of that, too.

 

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Snow you mean it's a giant turnoff to men right? Unfortunately I hear this from other young women. Not just if you wear diapers but if you are in any way not perfect, like many men see the pin-up girls in the media. Reality is sorely missing in today's world. My 37 year old granddaughter is experiencing this with a man she's been dating for a couple years. He objects to her being 30 lbs overweight. She feels like she can't be open with him because of his criticism.

I recently read a book by a clinical psychologist who said that based on his studies and research he thinks that men have outlived their usefulness and that eventually they won't be needed and will evolve -out. That is a sad thought isn't it? I think about the times my husband and I found comfort in cuddling; I look at my sons and grandsons and wonder about that "prophecy." Of course at the rate our world population is going in our scientific discoveries maybe humans in toto will become ancient history.

We're not so far removed from the other living entities on the earth. Look at the nature shows on PBS TV. The male of any species looks for the most perfect female to mate with because both genders are wired to try to make the strongest progeny. Apparently humans are more unique in that they don't conjugate totally to keep the species going. Why did that happen in our evolution? And I learned that most female animals have a clitoris, so if fertilization is done properly a female will experience pleasure and not just be screwed! I find this whole subject quite confounding and complex!

 

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@ritanofsinger I always love and appreciate your writing. And correct, men won’t tolerate anything “wrong” about a woman. Fat is their very least favorite thing to tolerate. So much of it can be blamed on unlimited free online porn. Everything was better before then; I’ve experienced it both ways. Old porn magazines and VHS tapes didn’t change much; it’s just the unlimited access to it online that changed everything. Most of my female friends started giving up on dating 10 years ago because of it.

And actual lovemaking? That has long gone by the wayside to just f**king with the proliferation of porn. It’s gross, not worth bothering any more.

I wish it wasn’t so financially challenging, and actually physically and emotionally dangerous, to live a single life. What I’d like is a friendly single female neighbor next door so we could regularly check up on one another and share some dinners.

 

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I'd like that, too, Snow.

 

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@snow

Believe it or not, Not all guys are like that. It has been 12 years since I even tried to date. (The last girl invited me over only to have her X show up) I always thought that I would have a big family and be married young. That has not happened. My last long-term relationship broke me and I just stopped looking. Truth is that I do not care about looks. I have dated all sorts when I was a kid. The girl I would have married back in 2009 outweighed me by 150 pounds then.

I like personality and lifestyle more than anything.

 

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@ThatFLGuy Well thank for being one of the nicer ones. And good for you for having dated a larger woman!

 

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I think the media portrays certain things about people, and often times it creates that self fulfilled prophecy among some.

Both men and women have bad apples, but the optimist in me is that most people are generally good with their own flaws and inner demons.

With this issue I was so incredibly frightened to tell anyone, but now that I’m going to the doctor and I’ve talked to a therapist and people (though medical) know, the compassion is real.

With the idea that people are generally good is becoming more and more my experience, and honestly the onset of Covid has people reevaluating the important things in life. The mean people are just the ones that are miserable with their own existence, and as long as you can recognize those people you can steer clear.

 

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@snow

Fact is, everything about a woman's aperence will one day change. Age does that too all of us. So, why punish yourself with someone that treats you like dirt, talks badly about you too their family and friends, cheats on you when you can be with someone who the world might not find attractive but treats you like a king and demands to be treated like your queen. That is what I am all about. If I don't connect with someone baised on personality first then I don't care how hot they are I am not pursuing a relationship with them. I would rather be with an overweight queen than I a beauty nightmare.

 

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@ThatFLGuy I agree completely. My ex-husband was the least physically attractive man I’d ever dated, but he was still my favorite.