It’s Not All Rain Clouds and Grey Skies

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I’m here today to try and lighten the mood!

Incontinence is not something we sign up for, but it doesn’t hurt to to have a post here and there about how it is not the end of the world either. If this is not what you want to hear right now, I get it. Sometimes we need to be down. Scroll on by, and know we hope you feel better.

But for those who are looking to celebrate the good, this is your chance!

I’ll go first: the longer I wear diapers, the less I care. And the reason for this is… I realize more and more that no one else cares if I do either! I love finding myself in an embarrassing situation, only to be told/shown by those around me that they couldn’t care less.

For example, the other day I had a leak when I was hanging out with my wife and three daughters (0, 4 and 8 years). I tried not to make a show of it, and I was going to slip out of the room. My wife, attempting (but failing) to be subtle started to quietly sing “Tinkle, tinkle on your pants…”

I heard, and tried to signal to her that I knew, and just ignore it for a second. I also failed. So my wife just said plainly, “honey, your diaper leaked all over your pants.” I acted annoyed and said I was trying to play it off. She just said, “Oh, sorry. I just didn’t think you knew, but no one here cares.”

My eldest daughter (8) chimed in, “Dad, we don’t care, it happens to everyone.” I rolled my eyes and went to change.

A few minutes later I had come back, all ready to have a conversation about it, but everyone had moved on. They literally didn’t think twice about it.

I have tons of stories similar to this one. I am usually the only one that worries. So I just try not to!

 

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I think close friends and family give all the support they can by indicating they don’t care. They do of course, but they care in a different way and they feel for us.
I started to write stories from the day I found out that I’ve got prostate cancer and it was with the sole intention of making a bit of light hearted fun out of what was obviously a serious condition.
Thankfully for most of us, it is not a death sentence and should be treated as an inconvenience on our journey through life. For others we can only have great empathy with what they’re going through.

One story I told which had my friends in tears happened whilst I was on my way back to the UK to see my 93 year old mum. I was 10 weeks after the operation I really shouldn’t have been flying but with my mum‘s frailty and age I wanted to get back to see her, especially as she had no inkling of what happened.

I was on a flight from Bangkok to London wearing shoes, socks and jeans and of course it was time for a change. I was flying Scoot and was horrified to find that they were without doubt the smallest toilets I’ve ever seen.

To put this into perspective I’m 68 years old, 92 kg and have the flexibility of Titanium.

As I sat down and started to undress, the pilot announced “ladies and gentlemen please return to your seats as we are about to encounter severe turbulence“.

So my Levi’s are hanging on the hook on the door on my shoes and socks are on the floor area that is so small I have to stand on them and I’m trying to take one set off before putting on the new pair.

Doing this sitting down was impossible so I stood up and that’s when The first turbulence hit and I was thrown against the door.

The belt buckle of my jeans was banging against the door and it sounded like me tapping for help and one of the air crew knocked on the door and asked if I was ok?

What could I say? I’m standing there half naked, in turbulence, trying to thread my left leg through my diaper while stopping my jeans buckled banging against the door.

The 2nd knock on the door was very loud and said “Sir please return to your seat”.

I replied that if I was to do that now I would probably be arrested for exposure.

She then asked what I was doing in there, to which I replied can I explain this later just as the turbulence threw me violently against the door again.

She said quietly “we are going to open the door and give you assistance” to which I screamed “NO”.

So she said if I’m not out in two minutes they were going to unlock the door. So in a frantic hurry I ended up putting on the diapers the wrong way round, managed to get back into my jeans and walked out of the toilet holding my shoes and socks in my hand. The look on the cabin crew’s faces was one of absolute bewilderment.

They burst into laughter when I said “the showers on this plane are crap”.


She looked at me and somehow acknowledged that I’d had a bit of a trauma and made sure I got back to my seat and brought me a small complimentary bottle of wine…. After the turbulence had subsided.

I managed to explain the problem and we had a bit of a laugh about it and I did explain that I was going to have to do it one more time.

She looked at me and said “do you think jeans, shoes and socks are the right thing to wear when you’re flying long haul with such a health challenge”.

“Health challenge?”. She should’ve worked for the diplomatic corps.

I’ll leave the reader to work out the answer.

I intend to write a book of my adventure of prostate cancer and removal and if anyone would like to hear more stories, just let me know and please pass this on to those that are struggling with the concept of diapers be it short term long term, or for life.

If we can endure this and make those around us smile and laugh then we’re doing a great job.

But for ourselves tackling this adversity is a maybe a way of finding one of the many roads to recovery.

 

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Great story!

 

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Great stories and great attitudes!

Thanks for sharing guys,

 

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57 here. Had RP and radiation 9 years ago. I learned I don't care as long as I can pee fine. When you can't go it is totally miserable. That's what I experienced before RP. So as long as I can pee I'm happy

 

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I’m here today to try and lighten the mood!

Incontinence is not something we sign up for, but it doesn’t hurt to to have a post here and there about how it is not the end of the world either. If this is not what you want to hear right now, I get it. Sometimes we need to be down. Scroll on by, and know we hope you feel better.

But for those who are looking to celebrate the good, this is your chance!

I’ll go first: the longer I wear diapers, the less I care. And the reason for this is… I realize more and more that no one else cares if I do either! I love finding myself in an embarrassing situation, only to be told/shown by those around me that they couldn’t care less.

For example, the other day I had a leak when I was hanging out with my wife and three daughters (0, 4 and 8 years). I tried not to make a show of it, and I was going to slip out of the room. My wife, attempting (but failing) to be subtle started to quietly sing “Tinkle, tinkle on your pants…”

I heard, and tried to signal to her that I knew, and just ignore it for a second. I also failed. So my wife just said plainly, “honey, your diaper leaked all over your pants.” I acted annoyed and said I was trying to play it off. She just said, “Oh, sorry. I just didn’t think you knew, but no one here cares.”

My eldest daughter (8) chimed in, “Dad, we don’t care, it happens to everyone.” I rolled my eyes and went to change.

A few minutes later I had come back, all ready to have a conversation about it, but everyone had moved on. They literally didn’t think twice about it.

I have tons of stories similar to this one. I am usually the only one that worries. So I just try not to!

I love the story, and it is something that I came back to as a reflection piece after almost breaking down into tears in the middle of the night. Why was I sad? The TV commercial for “Pull-Ups” kept playing in my mind for some reason, and the jingle “I’m a big kid now!” just stuck with me because it became a reversal of the intended message; the point was the child became bigger because it was a graduation from standard diapers to a form of “underwear”, while I am a grown man (big) thinking he just turned into a kid again by wearing a pull-up diaper.

But, the reality is that it’s not a bad thing… I am able to have dignity and freedom because of a pull-up. People don’t know unless you tell them or they see you, but it’s just a fact of our lives. We have little to no control over if and when we leak. I guess your first post in this thread allowed me to come to acceptance. Thank you, JustAGuy!

 

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@MAM totally agree! Finding a solution (I.e. pull-ups) to a challenge so you can get on with life is a sign of maturity and strength; not childishness. Knowing enough not to let it get you down shows even more maturity.

 

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This “incontinence thing” hit me out of nowhere at 27 years old. Prior to waking up in the hospital I had never even heard the word, and I was our 4th grade regional Spelling Bee Champion WTH???
To keep this short the only option at the time was very bulky cloth diapers with plastic pants, impossible to be discreet in San Diego, the land of shorts & sandals! So when I look back, almost everything available today is discreet by comparison!
While laying in that hospital bed while they attempted to put Humpty-Dumpty back together again, I made a number of commitments to myself. If I could just walk out of there I’d do X, if I could just regain bowel control I could do anything!
For over 30 years I have been lucky enough to live an extremely fulfilling life, shared with my amazing Wife! (who I happened to meet while we were both volunteering after 9/11) Every time I considered backing out of something I really wanted to do. I’ve come to understand but those commitments I made to myself back at that dark time, have continued to propel me forward and filled my life with love, light & adventure!
Diapers? Who cares! When was the last time you asked anybody what underwear they were wearing?
I don’t want to come across as some pompous jerk, this is a life changing condition and I realize it can be traumatizing and causes
many much suffering. Very simply put, challenge yourself to live your best life regardless of what underwear you are wearing.

 

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Thank you all for these encouraging messages. I am just recovering from radical prostatectomy and the incontinence is not improving as much as I would like, four months post op. Like others have said I decided to be positive and get out and about. I'm just having a little three day break with my wife and next weekend we are planning a family holiday break with my two sons and two daughters and my grandson. I am having to wear a sheath system, my preference over endless pads. As I look around me I see that many people have to manage the challenges life throws up. I have made the decision to try to be thankful for the good things in life. "This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.'

 

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The fact is you’re alive, so make the most of it as much as you can. When you’re feeling crap, look in the mirror and remember these two lines from Rudyard Kipling’s great poem “IF”.

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same.

Treat the imposter because he’s the one attacking your thoughts and the only person who is in control of your thoughts if you.

 

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Yes following radical prostectomy at 54 was very traumatic on the ego. But now almost a year out. The occasional leak or dribble is more then tolerable. It also allows me the freedom to pee anywhere and anytime I want in my backyard without ridicule from my wife anymore. That by itself is a victory.