Is it all in my head?

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Even after so long I’m struggling to accept and manage my issue. This morning I went for a drive and was wearing no protection. Seemed ok till I got home and while walking thru the parking deck to my apartment totally lost bladder control. No one was around fortunately so I ran into my apartment and took a quick shower and am now sitting here in a diaper and suddenly understanding at a deeper level how much better it is than the alternative. I can’t imagine trying to explain that to a neighbor in the garage but most people aren’t gonna notice a diaper. if they happen to notice the thickness of a diaper under my pants they wouldn’t say anything. And even if they did, so what.

My bladder issue, oab according to 2 diff urologists, seems to come and go. And I can’t help but think it’s all in my head. If i just think harder or focus more I’ll not leak.

 

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Also im 37 and single. This doesn’t help my confidence at all. “Hey babe. I have a great career, am a good conversationalist and piss myself uncontrollably like a 2 year old”. Seems attractive right?

 

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I have the same problem. Used to wet my pants often. Took about three years but finally after medication adjustments and an Intersim implant and a few adjustments to that got control back but still have the rare accident. Hang in there, be patient. Find a urologist you trust and keep working on it. It does get better! I was 44 when my issue started.

 

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Right there with you. I have sudden urges and need a bathroom near immediately after feeling the urge or I will pee myself. I began wearing diapers to alleviate the stress, but cannot help but feel like I just need to pay closer attention and that wearing diapers is the 'lazy' way out.

 

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@Vettesfan86 I totally get the “lazy” thing. Feel that too. But also feel silly and wastful on those days where I have no leaks that I walked around in a relatively expensive but unnessisary disposable diaper all day.

 

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@Newbie2this TBH I just use it when wearing it, instead of trying to make it to the restroom. Easier for my mental health to not try and rush to bathroom and then fumble with the diaper and likely end up with a bigger mess. BMs I do take it off for though but I try and time those between changes.

 

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I feel you.. I often go without protection when I'm home because I feel shame depending on pads or pull-ups and I can usually get to the bathroom on time as I have about a minute notice when the urge comes but also not wearing protection causes anxiety that I will have a noticeable accident. I am about to go out of town though so will be diapered the whole time. I don't know which feeling of shame is worse, the accidents without protection or feeling a wet diaper.

 

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@Sarah060486

I would hope that by communicating with and learning from this group that 'shame' will be set aside for a more reasonable approach -- using protection. I'd still feel shame over an accident that all could see, but I'm assured this never happens by the proper use of the protection I need, 24/7, now for over 25 years. In time, you'll sort this out and arrive at a point where you'll rarely stress over it.

 

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@andy1050 Yes this group is definitely very encouraging and supportive of everyone dealing with this issue, but I think that it just takes time to really internally get over the shame and stigma associated with the condition especially to get to the point where you don't think twice about it. Me being less than a year in, it causes me anxiety all the time but often reading others posts here encourage me that at least I'm not alone.

 

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It’s not totally in your head.

 

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I'm the same way- I wonder if I have... perhaps forgotten to hold my bladder, or maybe some other element of the process of becoming and staying continent... and then I think that the next time I have to go to the bathroom, I'll figure out what I'm not doing, or what I'm doing wrong. Unfortunately, it never happens that way- when I have to urinate, I'm right back to where I don't want to be: discovering that I do NOT, in fact, have control over this element of my body. Strange thing is, I'm still surprised by this. I am one person who would have said that I would NEVER have to deal with this, had you asked, prior to my injury.

 

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Also im 37 and single. This doesn’t help my confidence at all. “Hey babe. I have a great career, am a good conversationalist and piss myself uncontrollably like a 2 year old”. Seems attractive right?

 

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I am single too. And I wonder if we blame incontinence for being single or if that is just an excuse covering some other reason?

Anyway on a previous job, women had to wear black leggings. No way leggings could hide a diaper. I finally convinced my boss to let me wear.a black skirt. End of problem.

 

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@melanie you are correct. It’s not just the bladder issue at least for me. I am working on my weight. That will help too im sure, and may help with bladder control but I know many guys way fatter than me with no bladder issue at all.

I feel sorry for you with the leggings. I wear jeans and cargo shorts. They hide diapers pretty well mostly. I have actually thought about kilts to hide it so you may have a great advantage with skirts or dresses lol.

 

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Hello all. For me, I lost that feeling of shame the night I went running to the bathroom only to trip over an extension cord and land on my poor kitty. Kitty was ok but I knew then, at 60 years old, I refuse to run anymore
And just as side note, before I met my husband and best buddy, I would have gladly, GLADLY dated a man with incontinence. It wouldn't matter in the least. However, it would matter if say...avoiding staying the night and making some other, dishonest excuse. Just me sayin'.

 

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PS...nothin' I like better than a big man. Hubby goes about 250 plus and is 5'11". Struck gold, me did!!

 

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@Boopsie61 thanks!! I appreciate the kind words. My thought on telling a lady would be on a 3rd date assuming we are hitting it off. I would lay it out honestly but I would also say “no hard feelings if you can’t handle that I totally understand”.

I wouldn’t come out with it on a first date but I wouldn’t hide it. Hell if she pats my butt during a hug she would know immediately.