Depression

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I am a 51-year-old male and a first notice signs of urinary drippings in January of this year

I leak very very small amounts, but it’s so frequent at least once every five minutes and it literally drives me crazy

I’ve been through all sorts of mood swings where I’ve broken things around my apartment, and literally cried my eyes out for 3 to 4 times a day… I’ve been in therapy and no matter what I do. I can’t get used to this problem, but either fixing it or accepting it.

How do you accept this problems? What are some best practices?

 

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Have you seen an urologist to determine a physical cause? I know I went through so many mood swings until I finally went to an urologist that didn’t simply try and prescribe medications to take but did a through study that discovered my neurogenic bladder which simply meant my bladder signals didn’t coordinate with my brain properly and that it isn’t a curable problem. Probably since birth. Very uncommon but totally explained my nightly bedwetting problem and daytime leaking issues. He suggested surgery which “sometimes” helps. I passed on that suggestion and just wear appropriate protection to control the issue. Hopefully whatever your cause is can be addressed fairly easily medically.

 

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I have been dealing with the frequency and urgency issues for over 5 years. Mine seems to be genetic as my father had these issues, too. Did you deal with this in his life?

Once I realized millions of people have these urinary issues I started researching. I expect what you have is treatable. As @donny4 asked, have you seen a urologist? If not, that should be your next step. Again, millions of men and even more women have urinary malfunctions. Hang in there an get this checked out.

 

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I can only echo what others have said. Sometimes feeling depressed locks us into an inactive mode. Do your best to get into problem solving. Seeing a Urologist is a sensible first step. Prayers sent.

 

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I echo donny4: consult a urologist. Don’t be embarrassed, MDs have seen and heard everything. Best practices for treatment vary because no two people are exactly alike: I took Myrbetriq for a while, but it raised my blood pressure, so I stopped taking it. I opted out of the other medications because of side effects and just use protective underwear and pads. Stay in touch with the folks here. Look at the “adult care” section of your drugstore if you begin to feel that you are alone with your problem. This is a bodily malfunction that people don’t talk about, so it bears a certain social stigma, which can make self-acceptance difficult. I think of the protective undergarments that I wear the same way that I think of my eyeglasses and my hearing aid. I used to pretend that I was buying Deprnds for my aged mother until I realized that nobody cared. Now I just buy them. I’m glad that you found us. You are no less valuable-or valued-because part of your body doesn’t work quite the way it should.

 

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Mustangmike1971, first of all it's great that you got the courage to write in this forum. Be sure, you are absolutely not alone with your troubles, and if you see the big number of posts in here, you'll find a lot of experiences in all directions of incontinence.
But, as others stated already, first of all and most important: got to a doctor / urologist and try to figure out what's wrong with your system. Many causes of incontinence can be cured, others cannot be, but whatever comes out it's important to exclude any serious damages which might happen.
On the other hand, if your condition cannot be cured (or if you feel the side effect of a cure is worse than the illness itself) it's still not the end of the world. I'm near to 63, urinary incontinent since about one year, and I can ensure you like others here that a very normal, fully active and social life is still possible with nearly no limitations simply by wearing proper protection, which is very comfortable, invisible for others, and not embarrassing to wear and use. Millions of men and women do so! And also concerning that you'll get tons of tips and suggestions from many people here!

 

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Getting a medical diagnosis should be done as soon as a problem is recognized. Many bladder issues can be managed by medication and/or surgery.
Acceptance in my case became easier knowing I'd tried all medical options and most importantly having a very supportive wife.

 

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The two best gifts I’ve received from this community are simple:

1. The camaraderie of the folks here and sharing so many mental health issues with them as we all struggle with incontinence.

2. The concept that a diaper is your best friend. It will liberate you. Your worry about leaking will largely vanish. It’s such a huge relief to finally just accept what you need to do, which is to wear diapers. Diapers aren’t anything to be ashamed of. They’re a tool like eyeglasses, or a cane, or a walker. Wearing adult diapers doesn’t mean that you’re a baby child or that you’re breaking the fetish rules of society. The sooner you can accept that fate and stop judging it, the sooner you can feel better.

I hope this helps. Stew on it and digest it and maybe you can come through with a slightly more positive appreciation for diapers eventually.

 

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Hi Mustangmike,

First off don’t let depression consume you as I know for many people in a strange way it’s comforting to wallow in self pity however staying with that mood will not help oneself. Once you can accept you have a problem; then assess the next appropriate step. Urologist would be a great step to deal with the root cause of your physical issues however if depression is still quite palpable see your family doctor and start on an antidepressant. The antidepressant isn’t going to make you happy but rather allow oneself to address the root issues causing said depression.

If you feel like you are the only one that leaks news flash you are not along and I am 10 years junior to you and thanks to my neurogenic bladder thx to my MS I wear full diapers 24/7. Not exactly what I wanted to admit at 36 years old but that was the case and instead of wet jeans I have a wet diaper. And sorry there is such a stigma around this. People just do not talk about it. But rather than becoming a miserable hermit, maybe give yourself a break and just look and see what perhaps you can do so that you are able to get back to your regular life. You are just hitting a small speed bump lol. Regroup and get back to your old self.

If you want to talk more message on here or feel free to message me. You are not alone unfortunately there are many people with the same issues.

Cheers

Jason

 

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Thank You Everyone. I've been to a few urologists while there are some conflicting diagnosis (e.g. OAB vs. Urinary Retention). After thorough tests - I do have urinary retention. And although I am constantly dripping - the amounts are so small (Like a lite rain drop) that I'm not all that wet - thankfully.

However, the chronic amount of dripping is quite the "trigger" for feeling depressed. Fortunately I am seeing some improvement at times with both my mood and the frequency of dripping. And I think my best bet will be to continue to do Kegels, avoid bladder irritants and last but not least - Listen and Share with this WONDERFUL COMMUNITY. Thank you everyone for helping me. I wish you all the blessings life can bring.

 

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I agree with "Snow". I'm 88 and had a prostatectomy 14 years ago. It saved my life...but left me with a signature like Jacob who wrestled with the angel in the Bible...he limped ever after.

Padded pull-ups with a padded liner are the best deal for light leakers. For heavier leakers, you may want to consider using an external catheter with a drain tube, and a 19oz leg bag by BARD or BOSCH. The drain valve at the bottom of the bag will be either a Flip-Flo or a twist valve with fine threads.

I'm a heavy leaker, so I think in terms of an external catheter and leg bag. Avoid latex rubber tubing if you are allergic to latex.
With most of us leakers, the #1 problem is keeping the skin on our bodies, mainly the crotch area, but to the knees. The next problem is the comfort problem. Wet is uncomfortable and cold wet is very-uncomfortable. Wet and cold wet can overwhelm you and bring on depression (and a need for Zoloff)

A major component of "leaking" is our struggle with odor. I have never had a bag leak but a bag will smell after about 5 days.

In the mix is a 5-gallon bucket with a lid for soiled washcloths and wet cloths in general. Contents of the bucket go to the clothes washer.)Yes, the bag is troublesome but easier on the skin. The biggest trouble with the external catheter is keeping the catheter on the penis for 24 hours. Use SKIN PREP to seal the pores of the skin and for providing a base for the glue inside the ext. catheter.

But, when you get on top of it, your mind can be at ease and you can think about other things.

When I get tired of the bag, I switch to pads and pull-ups for a day or two and they remind me why I use a bag most of the time.

This is incomplete, but it gives the gist of two lanes that will get you there with peace of mind. I prefer this over the surgical implant of a sling. It may or may not be the best choice for you.

 

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I completely agree with @Jwh51 about potentially seeing a psychiatrist for medication that you can take temporarily until you’re able to move out of the rut and get some tasks accomplished.

 

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For me it was time. I had a similar experience. I sought out 3 different medical opinions. No one agreed to the cause or how to impact it. I’m more accepting of the issue now. I found and find it very difficult to manage and it has changed a lot of what I do. I wish you the best and hope you may find some resolution.

 

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At the peak of COVID when the toll was heavy in New York, the head of N.Y. mental health appeared on TV with a brief statement on mental health. "The most effective thing you can do to help your mental health is exercise. WALK! I latched onto that one statement and my wife and I try to walk every day. I'm 88. She's 86. IT WORKS! IF YOU ARE ABLE: WALK!

I have a Pilot's Ring beside my easy chair. It's handy and effective. I can do it while sitting. Arms, shoulders, legs, hips. It kicks in increased breathing. In bad weather, we can increase our in-house walking. The walking cane requires you to push down. I have a long handle for a paint roller, which requires me to pull up. Side steps are good for balance training. Standing on one foot while touching a chair is good.

My doctor had me walk down the hall. I touched the wall to balance myself. He said: "I see you're walking the furniture." If we need a gadget to exercise, Google and Amazon can help. No need to spend a wad of money. A lot of people have to do their exercises in a chair. Get the heart beat and breathing up. IT'S A MOOD CHANGER!!!

 

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@DanCarr Do you mean a pilate’s ring? I googled pilot’s ring and only found rings that pilots wear.

I agree gat exercise has endless benefits.

 

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@Snow PILATE'S RING it is! And I never found out why it is called Pilate's Ring. Would like to know. Maybe a doctor's name?

 

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@DanCarr Pilates is a form of exercise, similar to yoga but using props such as the Pilates Ring

 

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@mustangmike1971 hi hope you are coming to grips with your condition if it is still part of your life. It's not a small pill to swallow for sure but can be managed emotionally. This is a great community and you are part of it. Talk to those who you feel comfortable sharing with, close family, a true close friend just in case they need to make you aware you are having an issue. This group has helped me understand I am not an island for sure. There are so many others which means I have a shoulder to lean on and sometimes if needed to cry on. It is different and a very social condition. But if you learn what works for you no one will know you need protection or are having an issue unless you tell them. I wish I knew about this group a year ago. I still become anxious at times if out in public but I can't ignore it and have to do what's gonna get me through the day. I think someone already mentioned though conditions like diabetes, hypertension, even MS or cerebral palsy are a little more accepting in society,people don't consider that incontinence is a medical condition and not something you wished upon yourself. It's also a social thing just like dealing with a malodor or excessive sweating condition. If you need to weep go ahead and weep but only for a moment, know that you have people who care about you and go through some of more of the challenges everyday. We don't have to personally know each other to care. Do research listen to your healthcare providers and people with experience like the ones on this forum. Hopefully things will continue to get better for you but if this is gonna be a thing you have to deal with you are not alone and this community will help you wipe your tears, even shed a tear with you if needed. Read up on kegels/pelvic exercising even inquire of your physician if medications are the right fit for you at this time. You may have an easier fix than others. But keep in mind to maintain hygiene and staying dry(whatever that means for you) to avoid infection is so important. Many blessings to you from above == these things won't always be. I believe that for a fact.