How not to conduct a Constructive Discussion

[Archives1]

I have a neighbour who calls in to see me 3 or 4 times a week. Some would find his style of conversation annoying; I find him quite amusing. He has enabled me to compile a list of 'rules' of how not to carry out a discussion:

1) The more you know, the more you realise you don't know and its converse: the less you know, the less you realise you don't know. This is close in meaning to the expressions 'empty vessels make the most noise' and 'ignorance is bliss'.

2) Don't be afraid to say 'I don't know'
Don't pretend to have an answer to everything.

3) Consider the possibility that the person you are about to address knows more about the subject than you do.

4) No shin-kicking. Don't try to belittle your conversation partner(s) or score points against him (her). Go for subject, not your conversation partner.

5) Be careful if you play Devil's advocate. Make sure you really are exploring a valid opposite view rather than just being argumentative. Avoid playing Devil's advocate to increase your prowess: it often has the opposite effect.

6) A good discussion needs good listeners as well as speakers. Don't cut off your partner before he/she has finished; it sends a message that you are not interested in what your partner is trying to say.

7) Take only your share of the conversation.
Interviewers should take less than half the conversation: they are there to guide the interviewee, not to sound off their own views.

8) Keep to the subject. Don't hi-jack a conversation to make a point you want to talk about that is not relevant to the conversation.

 

[Archives1]

If I should ever meet you.... I shall be very careful talking with you.
All kidding aside...I agree with your rules if conversation. (Wait...what...did I just break one...hmmm)

 

[Archives1]

Thanks @BarrySimpson94 - great post, and an excellent set of rules.

If you ever get a word into the conversation with your neighbour - and if you can keep him on point - you could mention them to him.

Better still, print the rules and stick them on your fridge. If he asks where they came from, don't be afraid to say 'I don't know'.

And if all else fails you could try kicking his shins, and explaining that you were playing devil's advocate!

 

[Archives1]

Excellent points and a reason that person comes to visit. Probably alot of other people won't tolerate the one sided conversation with a know it all.
But they get lonely too....

 

[Archives1]

A general rule for arguments or discussion I try to impress upon people, particularly couples for marriage counseling, is “you can be right, or you can be married.”

It’s amazing how quickly we will destroy a relationship just to “score the point” and “win” the argument. We have to ask what is the goal of the conversation. To be heard and vent? To get the person to understand your point of view? To relay information?

So many times we just want to hear ourselves talk that we aren’t listening or caring about the other side.

These rules are excellent and if used correctly would stimulate great and balanced talks

 

[Archives1]

@BarrySimpson94, very well put!

Over my lifetime I have had several people that suddenly adopted me as their "sounding board". They would start calling me several times a week. They were usually people I had used to work with or had met at other venues. Curiously, they were usually younger than me.

I would mostly just listen. But if they asked, I would offer suggestions or ask questions to help them sort out what was on their mind. It felt like a father-and-son relationship. This would go on for months or years. Then, they just evaporated.

 

[Archives1]

Is that great or is that great!
At the risk of violating #8, we have a "family crisis prayer" that tried to say what you did so well. Maybe yours is better.
Starting Prayer: “Lord, be with us, help us understand and forgive each other, help us support each other, and above all, help us love each other. Amen."
Ending prayer: "Lord, we promise to think about everything said and not said, we promise not to act or think in anger or haste, we promise to love, we thank you for that love. Amen’.”
Its never been prettied up. It is voluntary. It works only if we want it top work.
I like the idea of posting on the reefer, Phil6003.
I'm filing your list, BarrySympson94, in my philosophy folder. I can't think of a better folder unless I invent a new one. I need reminding, one in awhile.
Thank you.

 

[Archives1]

Is that great or is that great!
At the risk of violating #8, we have a "family crisis prayer" that tried to say what you did so well. Maybe yours is better.
Starting Prayer: “Lord, be with us, help us understand and forgive each other, help us support each other, and above all, help us love each other. Amen."
Ending prayer: "Lord, we promise to think about everything said and not said, we promise not to act or think in anger or haste, we promise to love, we thank you for that love. Amen’.”
Its never been prettied up. It is voluntary. It works only if we want it top work.
I like the idea of posting on the reefer, Phil6003.
I'm filing your list, BarrySympson94, in my philosophy folder. I can't think of a better folder unless I invent a new one. I need reminding, one in awhile.
Thank you.

Philosophy was one of my favorite subjects in college. I thoroughly enjoyed my time spent in the class - it made me question our existence here on earth; the meaning of life; and to question societal normalcies.

I think it's awesome you keep a philosophy folder; I find it easier to retain things by writing them down and jotting notes here and there. I think I may start scribing a journal. A private one; that way I do not forget the people and experiences I come in contact with. So many good people I've met over the years. Even in the most darkest of times.

This community has been a light in that since; a candle that flickers no matter how dark it is - helping me through my journey of bladder and mental health issues.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs