Dating being a bedwetter

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Hi folks.

I'm a 27 years old girl. I go to the gym daily and have a very good shape. I take care of myself, I speak 4 languages, I do like arts and science, so I consider myself a pretty good deal. But for the last 3 years since I've started with this problem, my romantic/sexual life has gone to hell, probably because my own insecurities.

How do you manage? I don't know if this is something I should tell every potential partner, or just keep to myself, or date just only other bedwetters... I would love to hear your thoughts and experience about this. I haven't seen anyone since this started.

 

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Hello, I was very insucure myself. I used to think it was necessary to explain and kind of give a warning about my incontinence to someone I was dating. With time I learned how to handle it well enough so it wasn’t an issue for anyone around me. I have a rule that I only tell the person I’m dating things on a need to know basis, and that’s anything not just incontinence. Ive slept with ladies who I don’t think noticed at all. I have had some ask about why I wear that kind of underwear and I just reply “it’s what I prefer” and I don’t go into it. My experience on relationships that last a while is that it’s never mentioned or talked about even tho she is aware of it. If I end up on her bed I either don’t stay the whole night or I know I have and can use what I need to to not wet her bed.

 

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You got a lot going for you. If they can’t handle one small imperfection, then they aren’t worth your time. I’d be open right from the start to help weed out the bad ones.

 

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Really really thanks to all of you, for this replies and PM. Somehow I knew the anser but it+s always nice to know by others words. As Ruhappy said I think I+ll just deal with it like it would be, idk, snorting. Maybe it+s worst to put more relevance to it and if it gopes naturally on a conversation, I+ll talk about it.

Really thanks!

 

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Hi Lammasu,
First, you are gorgeous and it sounds like you take great care of yourself. Just be yourself. If the person likes you enough to be intimate, they probably will be very understanding as long as you wear something or have something under you to keep the bed from being soaked. If a leak does get on the mattress, see if nature’s miracle is at your Walmart if you have one in your area. That spray works great and eliminates any stains or odors. Works great.
Just say to the person hey, I really like you and I want to spend the night. I have to wear a pad, pull-up, diaper, nappy, whatever because sometimes I leak when I sleep. Or at least use an underpad or a few towels just in case.
Hope to hear more. Go get checked out so you at least know nothing serious is causing the condition. It affects millions of folks so you may just find another with the same thing they deal with too.

 

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First, you should only get to the point of telling someone if the relationship is serious enough where it has to be discussed. Then, assuming you are dating a mature adult who cares for you, it shouldn’t be a big deal. It’s pretty amazing how accepting people can be. I developed incontinence some years into my marriage so it’s not quite the same situation, but my husband just took it in stride, and I have both types of incontinence. When I have issues he’s always caring and supportive, and will literally move heaven and earth so I can get myself taken care of.

 

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I've been married 36 years and was a bedwetter when we met. Timing and honesty were the keys for me. Some people need CPAPS, some need mouth guards for teeth grinding, some need snore strips, my friend has to wear extreme leggings for night twitching, and so on..... If there's respect and genuine emotions, protection - to whatever degree is necessary (and I need a lot of protection) - should not be a relationship decider.

 

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I was so scared to date women when I was younger I felt so alone and ashamed that I still wore a nappy at night it really did impact on my life. Eventually I did start to pluck up the courage and start dating I had a couple of long term relationships but I used to hide my nappies and problems from them which was why we split up.

In the end I was very up front about it I didn't want to waist anyones time if my problem got in the way. I met my wife 5 years ago and she has been extremely supportive which is fantastic

Steve

 

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I personally wouldn’t use someone’s medical condition as a reason to not date someone. In the case of bed wetting as long as that person is responsible and hygienic I don’t think people would care. When a girl comes over for me I don’t hide all my incontinence products and I can be still be intimate and do all the normal things in a relationship.

 

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I can tell you first hand it's really not a big deal. Be upfront and joke about it because other people see us as we see ourselves. If you're super embarrassed about it then they will be as well.

If someone sincerely likes you it will not matter, I'm proof.

 

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CES,
Excellent words of wisdom indeed. I used to worry too for a long time only to find out everyone was fine. One of my friends when I told them even offered me some towels to lay down if I needed them in case I sprung a leak, now that’s a good friend indeed!

 

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Hi Lammasu,
Sorry but I think that I should warn you. Bedwetting is associate to a lot of stigmas. Much more than snoring...
Last time I told my gf she couldn't accept and dumped me. She thought I'm crazy and find it to disgusting.
Even though I cleaned and aired my bedroom every time she was supposed to come home.
I never spent an entire night with her. Or without sleeping.
So I suggest you to choose wisely your next bf.

 

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Regarding my previous post and Dr480's comments....
I couldn't agree more, that bedwetting has a host of unique stigmas attached to it and I bet there isn't one that I have not experienced firsthand. That first stage of a relationship can be horrifying versus something like a very common and easily discussed problem like snoring. My intention was to just create a different lens that I have used to discuss my need for a nocturnal 'health aid' to those that immediately apply the obvious stigmas.

 

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@Lammasu Hang in there and when true love shows up you will know what to do.

When I was dating I kept my bedwetting issue to myself not revealing it to the women I was dating. It wasn't a case of not wanting to tell them, it was more just a case of the relationship had not progressed to that stage yet. When I was dating my wife we got to that stage and when I knew that I was going to ask her to marry me I knew I had to tell her before I asked. Apparently I over built up what I was about to tell her because when I did she was like, "Thats it, you wet the bed sometimes? I thought you were going to tell me you were going to die in like 6 month." We both laughed and all was fine. Several months later when I did ask her to marry me I did so with confidence knowing that my bedwetting would not be an issue then or in the future if she said yes. Thankfully she said yes.

So when the time is right to tell someone you will know. It might be later on in a relationship like with me or earlier, your call and feeling will guide that.

 

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@jrpoorman Def good friend indeed.

 

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Similar to Jaytee. I dated but never serious enough that I needed to tell any girlfriends until I met my wife. We started as friends, shouldn't all marriages start that way, and purely accidental. Neither of us were looking for love it just turned out that way. When I knew I was going to ask her to marry me I knew I had to tell her. I sat her down all serious and told her and her reply was "that's it, I thought you were breaking up with me." I bought her a ring a month later. We dated for four years because we were getting a lot of things in order first. We were married 23 years until she passed away.

@Jaytee if someone does not want to be with you because of bedwetting, then they most likely wouldn't stay with you through the really bad things. Be patient, true love will find you when you least expect it. Have you ever noticed when your really looking hard for something you find it easier when you stop looking.


And to quote an old Facebook post. "They say you'll know right away when the right person for you comes along. The mystery is why it takes a year and a half to know they're the wrong one"

Al

 

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Alpit,
Thanks for your post. You’re right if someone can’t deal with something like wetting once and a while then they probably aren’t going to be around for more serious things.
I have read so many insightful and good posts this week here. Thank you guys.

 

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@Alpit So true. I wasn't even looking for a relationship when I met my wife. I hadn't been dating for just under a year after breaking up with a girl who I had been seeing for about two years. The breakup was not bad and we both had no bad feelings, we just were not right for each other for the long term. Then when not looking at all, my wife comes into my life and the rest is love since the beginning. Even if she did laugh about my bedwetting when I told her, but that was laughter of relief since she thought I was going to tell her I was dying. So I'm good with that.

 

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JayTee,
We are glad you aren’t dying. Just wanted you to know that. Very glad you found the right person.

 

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my incon started after I was married so I never had to deal with this. Personally, I'd be fine with dating a girl who wet the bed so long as she took steps to keep the bed and me dry. I wear diapers to bed and it's a workable management solution for me. I'm not embarrassed by it anymore as it's been going on 5 years now.

I expect to be happily married forever, but for the sake of argument if I were to ever get divorced and re-enter the dating world there's no way my incontinence would hold me back. I wear 24/7 and don't think even that wouldn't stop me from asking people out. I'd just expect to have an awkward and embarrasing conversation early into each relationship and expect a bit of rejection.

The only way I'd have a problem with a girlfriend/wife bedwetting would be if she refused to manage it responsibly and kept peeing on me and ruining our mattress. A girlfriend or wife having to wear a diaper to bed wouldn't bother me in the slightest.