Hooking Up

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Archives1

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Hi everyone I hope this topic isn’t too TMI but I don’t know who to ask for advice on this so Im hoping you all can help. I suffer from inconsistent and have to wear pull ups throughout the day. Im planning to meet a guy from tinder and hook up so obviously he will see my pull up. Should I tell him ahead of time or should I let him find out in the moment?

Thanks in advance
 
Either way, he’ll be disgusted and turned off; he’ll only want to see you in a thong - you know how men are. I’d warn him in advance.
 
Maybe he's incontinent too? I agree with Snow, warn him in advance so you don't waste either of your time if he's not interested.
 
I agree with Snow et al. However, I would be more concerned about your safety than pull-up, as a father of a 25 ur old daughter.

As an aside, funny autocorrect because incontinence can be very inconsistent! At least mine is.
 
Why wouldn't you tell him in advance? Would you want to be on the other end of that deal? Everyone has the right to their own reaction to this sort of thing- if he knows in advance, he has the time to turn it over in his head, or even do research on the issue if it matters to him- but I think that most guys would be turned off by being surprised by it. You would essentially be putting him in the position of having to reject you at the very last possible moment- which we all know, some people will be extremely uncomfortable doing- and I suspect it may bring out personality traits that even he won't like. Frankly, it's no different than lying about your appearance and would likely be seen as deceptive.
 
Hello, I am a fella and I have told ladies in advance once I was pretty sure pants was coming off. I have also not mentioned it at all. Either way it didnt keep things from getting sexual. A few weeks ago I was able to hide my pullup in the sleeve of my jacket while I was taking off my clothes and I was showered up and clean so it all worked out fine and she didnt notice like several others havent. I dated a lady once who occasionally had leaks and she was self conscious about it and didnt meantion it until she knew about my issue. She was able to use pads so hers wasnt that bad or that often. It was never an issue because she took care of things and kept clean/showered. I have also suspected a few others might have had a bit of issue of leakage but it was manageable without me having to be told.
 
I have always been upfront when meeting people about the fact that I’m incontinent. Most people understand it and are ok with it. I usually tell them I’m incontinent and wear diapers to control it most people are understanding and supportive.
 
@ Snow ""he’ll be disgusted and turned off; he’ll only want to see you in a thong - you know how men are."" I think those words are a little harsh. I am not in that situation as I am married but made me think. I personally would be more interested in the person rather than what was underneath their clothes. I would also want to ensure the lady felt comfortable and safe with me, understood that she could end the meet at any time if she so wished and also that I was making all necessary allowances and provisions for anything she needed. In my single days, which I suppose was in a different age, but my thoughts were to get to know the lady in the hope that it was to end up being a special relationship. It was not to see what model of panties she was wearing and what she looked like in them. Perhaps I am out of touch but I would say be up front, don't try to deceive or hide something which you consider to be important.
 
Speaking from the male view, I am up front with potential dates I meet online before we meet. When we are texting or talking on the phone I will simply say “I have overactive bladder and medications havnt worked so I wear adult diapers”. To date no woman has rejected me over this, in fact one even shared that she has a similar issue.

I am seeking long term committed relationships and not hookups so the dynamics may be differant but if a hookup were to present itself I would tell her before we got to a bedroom.
 
@snow I understand you have had many disappointments with males, but don’t stigmatize - and think that all males are the same and reduce us to “animal” like individuals. I fully agree with @static - I would try to create a relaxed atmosphere and not be too pushy. I think wearing a pad, pull-up or whatever - is not the important, and maybe the guy is not the stereotypic alpha male with equipped with a 12” tool - it is probably as common that the guy is as unsecure and maybe the tension in the situation is too much for him to get erect at all? I have been in that situation, I was ready as hell, but nervous and struggled. Luckily the female was SO nice, she comforted me, took away the anxiety - and as we both felt confidence and understanding - nature was all up at its best… This goes both ways.
I fully agree - @emma1234 tell him upfront. If he cancel - he is not worth having. And I guess - when you go on a date, you fresh up, you don’t have to show up in a soaked diaper. Tell him you want to fresh up a bit… and enjoy the evening :-)
 
Hi Emma
So I've given some thoughts on what you are proposing.
Meeting a stranger for a few hours of sex.

My question is what is in it for YOU
What do you hope to gain by this encounter?
A few minutes of a possible rush of pleasure or possibly being used as a sex toy by a person you just met?
Do you harbor hopes secretly that this will affirm your to worth and lead to a longer relationship getting to know and accept each other?
Incontinence to need a day and night pull up is a very sobering part of who you are so if you are thinking to pull off a surprise in the bedroom Oh! I'm wearing a disposable diaper! You are denying a part of your physical and emotional reality.
If you are willing to take these risks for five minutes of possible pleasure I think the man will simply chalk you up to an "I got lucky" moment.

If you want to accept your self and be accepted as a full person)and we all (including the men) have body issues we are learning to live with I suggest you slow down and examine
What's in this for ME?
What have I got to lose by taking a n honest review of what I want and need?

In short be honest up front about the incontinence.
 
You should be upfront in your profile, along with all the positive attributes you can share with someone. The men who it will be a problem for, won’t contact you. The men who do, will be compassionate and caring. There are plenty out there and looking for someone who is the same. Good luck!
 
Klew11 said:
You should be upfront in your profile, along with all the positive attributes you can share with someone. The men who it will be a problem for, won’t contact you. The men who do, will be compassionate and caring. There are plenty out there and looking for someone who is the same. Good luck!
Click to expand...

I would not put anything about private medical issues in a profile. There’s all kinds of creeps crawling those sites and a lot of fake accounts, scammers etc. you don’t want them having that bit of info to try and influence you. Not to mention whatever companies scrape and data mine those profiles.
 
I appreciate this forum for the honesty and positivity that the members display. This along with sound advice by many.

However, based on the initial message, I’d have to update my BS filters and raise a flag or three.

I can see where @snow is coming from. Perhaps fending off some sort of nefarious solicitation by the OP to get a reaction. I kinda see it as the same.

If you’re truly “inconsistent”, then you’d have likely played this scenario out in your head and how to deal with it LONG before asking the internet for advice.
 
@Newbie2this

Good point. I was assuming there is some anonymity to dating sites. I don’t think I would post my phone number and address. Like on here. Maybe there is an opportunity for some APP developer to create a specialized tinder to solve the problem.
 
@Notdrydude
It's not often I go to bed chuckling out loud at least on a NAFC post
But I kept coming up with responses for the idea of a fraud in the midst of all our earnest advice And came up with these responses to the idea someone is "yanking our chain':

I'm clutching my pearls!

I don't care do you? ) thanks to a certain lady's coat)

And my favorite;
Play it like it lays!
 
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